Class of October 2014 Part 15
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,517
We had an absolutely awesome chat meeting today.
One of the things that came up was how empowering and supportive our class threads can be...and I wanted to re-iterate how true this is.
I am so very grateful to all of you every single day.
And so very glad we are doing this together.
Hoping that everyone is doing well today/tonight.
And hugs and wishes for a great weekend back at you Dee!
♥
One of the things that came up was how empowering and supportive our class threads can be...and I wanted to re-iterate how true this is.
I am so very grateful to all of you every single day.
And so very glad we are doing this together.
Hoping that everyone is doing well today/tonight.
And hugs and wishes for a great weekend back at you Dee!
♥
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,517
Briar ~ I have been preoccupied today, and I din't read your post properly. Sorry love.
I am glad to hear you left a message with your therapist. I hope he calls you back today. If the PTSD group is upsetting you, I hope you don't have to continue with it. Yes, every bit of help is important, but we have to protect ourselves here.
And it is really good you have someone you trust to talk this through with.
5 kinds of drinks huh?
I guess our brains will just keep finding ways to talk us into drinking...but it's all lies. It's never going to work. Not for me, anyway.
And typing 400wpm...that would be absofreaking awesome!!!
If I could do that, I could get a new job tomorrow.
Hope you are feeling better now that Friday is done!
♥
I am glad to hear you left a message with your therapist. I hope he calls you back today. If the PTSD group is upsetting you, I hope you don't have to continue with it. Yes, every bit of help is important, but we have to protect ourselves here.
And it is really good you have someone you trust to talk this through with.
5 kinds of drinks huh?
I guess our brains will just keep finding ways to talk us into drinking...but it's all lies. It's never going to work. Not for me, anyway.
And typing 400wpm...that would be absofreaking awesome!!!
If I could do that, I could get a new job tomorrow.
Hope you are feeling better now that Friday is done!
♥
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,517
I make it a point to do the chat meeting if I am home...I always get a great deal from them. And always leave with a smile on my face.
How are you feeling love? How is the swelling? And are you managing to eat at all? I was wondering if you could have porridge. Or do you call it oats? I know if you cook it a little extra it becomes like lovely moosh. Perfect food for a sore mouth.
How are you feeling love? How is the swelling? And are you managing to eat at all? I was wondering if you could have porridge. Or do you call it oats? I know if you cook it a little extra it becomes like lovely moosh. Perfect food for a sore mouth.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Yes, I'm eating. (Can't stop me! Lol) I've got some instant oatmeal, potatoes, and grits (southern version of polenta). And Cowboy and Jr. just brought me some frozen yogurt. I can tilt my head back and dump it in like a baby bird.
And the swelling has gone down so I should get some pain relief with that. The good thing is that I'm sleeping a ton. My follow up appointment is Tuesday and I hope I get the all clear to work and play again soon.
I hope our Arbor baby and his parents are doing well! Thinking about you guys! Big hugs all around
Time for more zzzzzzzz
And the swelling has gone down so I should get some pain relief with that. The good thing is that I'm sleeping a ton. My follow up appointment is Tuesday and I hope I get the all clear to work and play again soon.
I hope our Arbor baby and his parents are doing well! Thinking about you guys! Big hugs all around
Time for more zzzzzzzz
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Good Saturday, Octsobers! I'm enjoying my first cup of coffee in what feels like years. It's glorious.
Since I'm stuck at home, I'm planning to do some chunking/organizing and a lot more movie watching. (My Orange is the New Black marathon has been put on hold because there's usually company here that wouldn't appreciate its unique humor. Lol). There's a bag of frozen butternut squash in my freezer that's begging to be turned into soup too. It's the easiest recipe...2c. Squash, 1 onion, 1 box chicken stock, curry to taste, simmer 20 mins then blend til smooth.
Much love to each of you! I'll be around all day. Thanks for hanging with me.
Since I'm stuck at home, I'm planning to do some chunking/organizing and a lot more movie watching. (My Orange is the New Black marathon has been put on hold because there's usually company here that wouldn't appreciate its unique humor. Lol). There's a bag of frozen butternut squash in my freezer that's begging to be turned into soup too. It's the easiest recipe...2c. Squash, 1 onion, 1 box chicken stock, curry to taste, simmer 20 mins then blend til smooth.
Much love to each of you! I'll be around all day. Thanks for hanging with me.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Hi guys, just checking in. I'm still feeling rough from my class on Thursday, and from talking with my therapist about it yesterday, which didn't really help. I'm real sensitive about my trauma history, and digging into it always launches me into a wall. I can never seem to work past the totally-freaked-out-refuse-to-be-reasonable-push-everyone-away stage. So I'm trying to view it objectively and not let it draw me into all my bad habits, especially since I've been doing so well. It's a struggle, though. There's a whole lifestyle that comes with feeling this way, and that's difficult to change.
I'm off for a walk now. Will stop by again later. I hope you guys are having a good day.
I'm off for a walk now. Will stop by again later. I hope you guys are having a good day.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Hey gang,
No stranger here. Just moving on and making adjustments, one of which is shedding the old user name. October 2014 (1014) has become an important marker for me.
Briar, I'm sorry you carry such a weight from the past. There's a set time in our young life that really are 'formative years' and it has always struck me as a bit unfair that experiences during that relatively brief time can form negative mindsets of self worth etc. that are very difficult to shake.....even if we realize it intellectually. There are hurtful, personal things that I, and probably all of us, have dealt with that contributed to my abuse of alcohol. I doubt that I'll ever get answers to some of my personal struggles. My hope is that I've put myself on a trajectory that will, with time, allow me to move on without feeling haunted. We are all EARLY in this thing, so the tough part is not knowing how long things take to settle out. I suspect a while. There's contrition on my part every day, but I'm hanging my hat on the belief that better days lie ahead.
I'm really sorry about your back phoebe. As a PT, what is your opinion on chiropractic?
The family has arrived home and we're expecting house guests this evening. I went for a run and then worked in the yard so for the benefit of all I hear a hot shower calling my name!
Thinking of the precious moments in the Arbor home.
Mark
No stranger here. Just moving on and making adjustments, one of which is shedding the old user name. October 2014 (1014) has become an important marker for me.
Briar, I'm sorry you carry such a weight from the past. There's a set time in our young life that really are 'formative years' and it has always struck me as a bit unfair that experiences during that relatively brief time can form negative mindsets of self worth etc. that are very difficult to shake.....even if we realize it intellectually. There are hurtful, personal things that I, and probably all of us, have dealt with that contributed to my abuse of alcohol. I doubt that I'll ever get answers to some of my personal struggles. My hope is that I've put myself on a trajectory that will, with time, allow me to move on without feeling haunted. We are all EARLY in this thing, so the tough part is not knowing how long things take to settle out. I suspect a while. There's contrition on my part every day, but I'm hanging my hat on the belief that better days lie ahead.
I'm really sorry about your back phoebe. As a PT, what is your opinion on chiropractic?
The family has arrived home and we're expecting house guests this evening. I went for a run and then worked in the yard so for the benefit of all I hear a hot shower calling my name!
Thinking of the precious moments in the Arbor home.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Hey everyone. Checking in. We aren't quite home yet. Wife is still recovering in the hospital. Everyone's healthy and doing well. Expected to come home tomorrow. We are all pretty happy. Baby boy is so cute. It's really amazing. I'm not stressed at all about it this time. All that anxiety went away the second I saw a healthy baby and momma. My wife too is much more relaxed the second time around. It's completely different. I'm so looking forward to everyone coming home.
That being said I'm taking a break from the hospital and am home. My other son is with my parents. It's odd being here alone. I'm hardly ever here alone. Not gonna lie, but it's odd. Ever since Thursday I've been thinking of having a few. I feel like celebrating. Been having a tough time shaking it since then. It's not real good for me to be here by myself I take it. It comes and goes...These urges...
Going to be hard to call you Mark now. You'll always be FAD to me! You sound real good btw. Happy. I like that.
That being said I'm taking a break from the hospital and am home. My other son is with my parents. It's odd being here alone. I'm hardly ever here alone. Not gonna lie, but it's odd. Ever since Thursday I've been thinking of having a few. I feel like celebrating. Been having a tough time shaking it since then. It's not real good for me to be here by myself I take it. It comes and goes...These urges...
Going to be hard to call you Mark now. You'll always be FAD to me! You sound real good btw. Happy. I like that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Originally Posted by Arbor8 
We are all pretty happy. Baby boy is so cute. It's really amazing. I'm not stressed at all about it this time. All that anxiety went away the second I saw a healthy baby and momma.
This is the good stuff.....makes my day!
So do you ever get in the shower and realize no soap? I hate to get out and search dripping wet.....so luckily I notice some 'lavender and violet' body wash in there that belongs to my little one. Yep, I'm smelling pretty sweet. But at least I don't stink.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Phoebe - I'm sorry you're having trouble with your back. Take care of yourself and hopefully you'll be feeling better soon.
Arbor - great to hear from you. I'm glad everyone is doing well and you're feeling calmer this time. That first time is a killer, was for me. I know the feeling of wanting to drink when some tension lets off and you feel like celebrating, but just think how it would be to start off your son's life like that.
"Mark" - I like it, more positive. I don't know if that's your real name or not, but it fits what you're doing in your life right now - hitting the mark, achieving your goals.
And also thanks for your understanding. The class was on anger and how to mitigate it and make it constructive. The thing is I have a white-hot, raging anger about what happened that I feel exceeds all efforts to minimize it. I got so mad at everyone in the group - the people who were talking about their low-grade, five or below, constructive anger, and the teachers who had the nerve to suggest that this soft and fuzzy crap would work for me. I felt like they obviously had no idea that the intensity behind my thing could burn down the whole building and all the papers inside with these petty "coping strategies" on them. It occurred to me that I don't want to learn to cope with it. I don't want to reduce my anger about it. It would be wrong not to be blindingly furious. It would be unjust to accept it as a part of history and move on. It would be disloyal to my lost loved one, to my family, to justice. I cannot, in good conscience, cease to rage against it.
I know that's extreme, but it's the best way I can articulate how I felt in that class. I do feel better now, but I'm still a little F-ed up, it just threw me off balance, you know? It helps to explain it, though, so thanks for putting up with me.
So there's the hot lava inner core of Briar. I'm pretty sure I'm never setting foot in that class again, but at least I'm not going to drink over it. That I'm sure of.
Arbor - great to hear from you. I'm glad everyone is doing well and you're feeling calmer this time. That first time is a killer, was for me. I know the feeling of wanting to drink when some tension lets off and you feel like celebrating, but just think how it would be to start off your son's life like that.
"Mark" - I like it, more positive. I don't know if that's your real name or not, but it fits what you're doing in your life right now - hitting the mark, achieving your goals.
And also thanks for your understanding. The class was on anger and how to mitigate it and make it constructive. The thing is I have a white-hot, raging anger about what happened that I feel exceeds all efforts to minimize it. I got so mad at everyone in the group - the people who were talking about their low-grade, five or below, constructive anger, and the teachers who had the nerve to suggest that this soft and fuzzy crap would work for me. I felt like they obviously had no idea that the intensity behind my thing could burn down the whole building and all the papers inside with these petty "coping strategies" on them. It occurred to me that I don't want to learn to cope with it. I don't want to reduce my anger about it. It would be wrong not to be blindingly furious. It would be unjust to accept it as a part of history and move on. It would be disloyal to my lost loved one, to my family, to justice. I cannot, in good conscience, cease to rage against it.
I know that's extreme, but it's the best way I can articulate how I felt in that class. I do feel better now, but I'm still a little F-ed up, it just threw me off balance, you know? It helps to explain it, though, so thanks for putting up with me.
So there's the hot lava inner core of Briar. I'm pretty sure I'm never setting foot in that class again, but at least I'm not going to drink over it. That I'm sure of.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I think a lot of us had that inner rage.
I directed it at many things but really it was mostly me being postal with myself - for wasting so many years, for all the embarrassing stuff...mostly tho - and honestly - my anger was about not being 'able' to be a normal drinker.
with a little recovery and a little time I realised I wanted to be sober anyway - so the rage and I came to a mutually understanding eventually
D
I directed it at many things but really it was mostly me being postal with myself - for wasting so many years, for all the embarrassing stuff...mostly tho - and honestly - my anger was about not being 'able' to be a normal drinker.
with a little recovery and a little time I realised I wanted to be sober anyway - so the rage and I came to a mutually understanding eventually
D
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Arbor, Great to hear from you and to know that everyone is doing well. I'm hoping your cravings disappear after a little rest and everyone gets settled at home. It's been quite an exciting, but I'm sure exhausting, few days for ya. Best wishes
Mark, I love it! Out with the old to let the new shine through.
Phoebe, sorry to hear your back is bugging you. That's the worst. I hope you get some relief soon.
Briar, I originally saw my therapist as a teenager for PTSD. At the time, we talked a lot about the accident/crisis. It helped then. When I went back to him recently, I specifically requested that we didn't spend a lot of time rehashing old news because it only makes me feel insecure again. He agreed and we spend the majority of the time focused on the here and now, my "next steps." I'm wondering if it may help your therapist to know how those group and private sessions irk you and share what you'd like to work on for future growth. For me, it's not about the "why", it's all about the "so what now"... I only share because I know how awesome a good therapy session can be. And I know what a downer a bad one can be. I hope things are feeling better soon. Big hugs
Mark, I love it! Out with the old to let the new shine through.
Phoebe, sorry to hear your back is bugging you. That's the worst. I hope you get some relief soon.
Briar, I originally saw my therapist as a teenager for PTSD. At the time, we talked a lot about the accident/crisis. It helped then. When I went back to him recently, I specifically requested that we didn't spend a lot of time rehashing old news because it only makes me feel insecure again. He agreed and we spend the majority of the time focused on the here and now, my "next steps." I'm wondering if it may help your therapist to know how those group and private sessions irk you and share what you'd like to work on for future growth. For me, it's not about the "why", it's all about the "so what now"... I only share because I know how awesome a good therapy session can be. And I know what a downer a bad one can be. I hope things are feeling better soon. Big hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,517
No time to post this morning other than to say love and good morning. ♥
And thank you.
I still have a huge amount of rage.
Mine is at myself.
It helps to know I'm not alone.
And thank you.
I still have a huge amount of rage.
Mine is at myself.
It helps to know I'm not alone.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Thanks Conquest, you're right, I need to focus on what to do now, but it's hard when now is always about what can I do to keep carrying this torch. And I am very honest with my therapist about how I react to everything. We know each other well and are comfortable with each other. I told him the same thing I said above, just not as articulately and with a little more nasty attitude and stubbornly disagreeing with him thrown in there. We've worked on this issue before, so he knows what a snarly teenager I turn into when we touch on it.
I've just never found a way to make therapy work when it comes to my PTSD, and he really hasn't either. He's come at me a few different ways, but I always get overwhelmed and end up snapping at him and shutting down. I just don't know how to get over that wall, it's too much, and there's the problem of truly believing I shouldn't. I almost feel like it would be immoral.
I've just never found a way to make therapy work when it comes to my PTSD, and he really hasn't either. He's come at me a few different ways, but I always get overwhelmed and end up snapping at him and shutting down. I just don't know how to get over that wall, it's too much, and there's the problem of truly believing I shouldn't. I almost feel like it would be immoral.
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