Class of May 2015 (Part 4)
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
I suggest also reading about the negative side of moderation management. There are plenty of links out there.
Moderation has never worked for me. I've tried over and over and over again. I'm guessing most of you have too. Some of my favorites:
"I'm only going to have ten drinks a week. I can spread them out or save them up and have them all on Friday night. My choice but once I've had ten I'm done for the week. " Then Friday night comes and I decide that a double should only count as one drink or that "one more" won't hurt. And then two more. And then I've already had twelve this week so I might as well keep going and just try moderation again starting next Monday or next month.
"I'm only going to spend fifty dollars a week drinking. Once that fifty is gone, no more alcohol until next week. " But then, damn, Saturday comes and I've already spent forty of my fifty allotted dollars and my good buddy really wants to meet me at our regular bar. If he buys me a shot it'd be rude to not return the favor. Oh well, I'll spend a little too much tonight but next week I'm going to definitely stick to my budget. Oh and of course tipping the bartender shouldn't count against my allotted drinking budget.
Those were just two of the dozens of moderation plans I tried and miserably failed at over the years. Some of them started out ok but they all ended the same way -- with me the same old pathetic alcoholic I've always been. Broke and hungover and my lonely life usually in shambles.
Counting my drinks and white knuckling because some Moderation Management plan says I can only have a certain number of drinks per hour/day/week/month sounds like it'd be more torture than not drinking at all. I'd always be counting everyone else's drinks when I'd reached my "limit" and I'd eventually talk myself into having "just one more." And then the next time it might be "just two more." How long until I'm back to drinking just like I did for years. It's a recipe for disaster. Even assuming my addiction lets me stop at the "prescribed" number of drinks, there's just no way it'd work long-term.
It makes me sad (and honestly a little pissed off, but that's more about me and my state of mind and my frustration at my lack of control over others than it is anything else, I'm sure) to see so many people falling away before giving this go at sobriety a real chance.
But not sad enough to drink. I am looking forward to seeing what life might be like for me three or six months or a year from now with some real active recovery time under my belt. I've given drinking sixteen years to make my life better. It's time to give sobriety a real chance. I hope you all change your mind and join me.
Moderation has never worked for me. I've tried over and over and over again. I'm guessing most of you have too. Some of my favorites:
"I'm only going to have ten drinks a week. I can spread them out or save them up and have them all on Friday night. My choice but once I've had ten I'm done for the week. " Then Friday night comes and I decide that a double should only count as one drink or that "one more" won't hurt. And then two more. And then I've already had twelve this week so I might as well keep going and just try moderation again starting next Monday or next month.
"I'm only going to spend fifty dollars a week drinking. Once that fifty is gone, no more alcohol until next week. " But then, damn, Saturday comes and I've already spent forty of my fifty allotted dollars and my good buddy really wants to meet me at our regular bar. If he buys me a shot it'd be rude to not return the favor. Oh well, I'll spend a little too much tonight but next week I'm going to definitely stick to my budget. Oh and of course tipping the bartender shouldn't count against my allotted drinking budget.
Those were just two of the dozens of moderation plans I tried and miserably failed at over the years. Some of them started out ok but they all ended the same way -- with me the same old pathetic alcoholic I've always been. Broke and hungover and my lonely life usually in shambles.
Counting my drinks and white knuckling because some Moderation Management plan says I can only have a certain number of drinks per hour/day/week/month sounds like it'd be more torture than not drinking at all. I'd always be counting everyone else's drinks when I'd reached my "limit" and I'd eventually talk myself into having "just one more." And then the next time it might be "just two more." How long until I'm back to drinking just like I did for years. It's a recipe for disaster. Even assuming my addiction lets me stop at the "prescribed" number of drinks, there's just no way it'd work long-term.
It makes me sad (and honestly a little pissed off, but that's more about me and my state of mind and my frustration at my lack of control over others than it is anything else, I'm sure) to see so many people falling away before giving this go at sobriety a real chance.
But not sad enough to drink. I am looking forward to seeing what life might be like for me three or six months or a year from now with some real active recovery time under my belt. I've given drinking sixteen years to make my life better. It's time to give sobriety a real chance. I hope you all change your mind and join me.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 94
Thanks for the well wishes.
Let me make it clear that I am not suggesting any particular course of action for anyone.
I'm just passing on information which I find helpful, just as I have been doing all along here on SR.
If moderation works for me, great. If it doesn't, that's fine, too. I can just come right back here and commit to my plan without wondering if there is another option that would work better for me.
One thing that impressed me about Moderation Management is that they make it very clear that moderation is not a solution for everyone.
They even have a test you can take to estimate your chances of success at moderation. If you score 20 or above, they believe that moderation is not a viable option. If you score 16-19, they believe you will probably need the help of a therapist to make any attempt at moderation viable.
My score was a 7, for what that's worth.
The link to the test is here:
Questionnaire
I recommend you at least take the test before you make any big decisions.
Let me make it clear that I am not suggesting any particular course of action for anyone.
I'm just passing on information which I find helpful, just as I have been doing all along here on SR.
If moderation works for me, great. If it doesn't, that's fine, too. I can just come right back here and commit to my plan without wondering if there is another option that would work better for me.
One thing that impressed me about Moderation Management is that they make it very clear that moderation is not a solution for everyone.
They even have a test you can take to estimate your chances of success at moderation. If you score 20 or above, they believe that moderation is not a viable option. If you score 16-19, they believe you will probably need the help of a therapist to make any attempt at moderation viable.
My score was a 7, for what that's worth.
The link to the test is here:
Questionnaire
I recommend you at least take the test before you make any big decisions.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 94
I just saw Casey's post. I think anyone considering moderation should read it and give everything he says some serious consideration. He makes some very good points, he speaks from experience, and I believe he is offering them with the best interest of each one of you at heart.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: STL
Posts: 388
I agree with you guys. Moderation had never worked for me in the past. Why would it now? It's hard to accept though...and I feel like as time goes by I get more and more uncomfortable instead of less. That bothers me. On the flip side if someone offered me a beer right now, I would be scared to death to drink it. So confusing...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: STL
Posts: 388
Originally Posted by TENtx 
Thanks for the well wishes. Let me make it clear that I am not suggesting any particular course of action for anyone. I'm just passing on information which I find helpful, just as I have been doing all along here on SR. If moderation works for me, great. If it doesn't, that's fine, too. I can just come right back here and commit to my plan without wondering if there is another option that would work better for me. One thing that impressed me about Moderation Management is that they make it very clear that moderation is not a solution for everyone. They even have a test you can take to estimate your chances of success at moderation. If you score 20 or above, they believe that moderation is not a viable option. If you score 16-19, they believe you will probably need the help of a therapist to make any attempt at moderation viable. My score was a 7, for what that's worth. The link to the test is here: Questionnaire I recommend you at least take the test before you make any big decisions.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Jimuk, I'm sorry you decided to drink but glad you're back here. First step for me is to not drink no matter what. No one can make you take that first drink. I know that's easier said than done but it is possible. Might involve finding a new sober circle of people to hang out with though.
AllieK-- you're on the right path. Set yourself small manageable goals for now. Your upcoming first appointment with this new therapist is a good milestone for you to focus on for the moment, I bet.
AllieK-- you're on the right path. Set yourself small manageable goals for now. Your upcoming first appointment with this new therapist is a good milestone for you to focus on for the moment, I bet.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 884
Originally Posted by TENtx
If moderation works for me, great. If it doesn't, that's fine, too. I can just come right back here and commit to my plan without wondering if there is another option that would work better for me.
Now, I am by no means sitting up on some high horse judging anyone for whatever choices they make. I made a **** poor choice and went to a bar the other night. This is just as much a stark reminder for myself as it is to hopefully be of some use to my fellow Mayvens.
I know I was playing with fire the other night. Each time I drink it has gotten harder and harder to get back up. Not to mention, as a drug addict as well, I am notorious for mixing fatal combinations of drugs and alcohol. I've had too many near death experiences and one more time out has the very real possibility of being my last.
I hope ANYONE considering trying the moderation route will revisit why they joined an ABSTINENCE site. I say all this with as much love and concern as I can muster. I just want everyone to have the best life possible.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
You're absolutely right, Copper. I missed that paragraph in TENtx's post originally. There's no guarantee that we'll get another chance at this. Jails, institutions, death are all very distinct possibilities when I start drinking. I deserve something better today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 216
Hi everyone.....Day 25 here. Interesting about the moderation thing. I've tried it before and I always end up not being able to, but Allie, I get what you're saying. For me what works right now is to not look to the future and just focus daily. If I start thinking about things like, "What on earth am I going to do at this event or holiday, " I go bonkers.
What's been really helpful to me lately are Dee's posts about being amazed at what he accomplished sober. I think I've always been scared of life's daily stressers and just drink over it instead of dealing with it, which just makes it worse. There's always going to be a reason to drink, but for me it ends up with me falling into a black hole and I neglect everything and everyone else.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to drink in moderation again, but as for now, I know I cannot. Focus on today, because that's really all we have, right?
Take care guys....I think I'm going to try to make the chat meeting tonight. Never done that before.
Ciao,
Gina
What's been really helpful to me lately are Dee's posts about being amazed at what he accomplished sober. I think I've always been scared of life's daily stressers and just drink over it instead of dealing with it, which just makes it worse. There's always going to be a reason to drink, but for me it ends up with me falling into a black hole and I neglect everything and everyone else.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to drink in moderation again, but as for now, I know I cannot. Focus on today, because that's really all we have, right?
Take care guys....I think I'm going to try to make the chat meeting tonight. Never done that before.
Ciao,
Gina
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,374
I scored 11.
I know what it's like to "make it" 2.5 years. I don't consider the last 6 months of that sobriety as being free cause I really wanted to drink. Six months of wanting to drink. It was like whatever gain I'd gotten from being sober had run its course and I just wasn't seeing the benefit anymore. I would have loved to keep going but it just became unnatural.
Frankly, I've been drinking or smoking weed or cigarettes almost uninterrupted since I was 12. Had about 2 periods of time, each lasting about 2.5 years since then. The rest of the time, I've done one or two or even three of those things at once.
It's part of who I am and what makes me "me." I know. "Pure AV." Sometimes I really get tired of hearing that. Sometimes it's just me talking. Purely me. I enjoy something as a diversion. In the absence of booze, smokes or weed, it's food. I still eat horrible things when I do the other things but my point is, I'm never going to be free from an addiction. If it comes down to only food, I can't go without eating.
I'm tired of trying to be something I don't think I can ever be. I don't even see the value in it, except for the money I could be spending on other things. In fact, the thought has crossed my mind more than once about medical pot. It's available here and I'm disabled for anxiety. I'm sure I would qualify. There it is, just waiting for me. If not booze, if not cigs, then there is always some other temptation.
I applaud any of you who can do this and really feel empowered and free. The longer I last in my sobriety, the more I feel shackled. I know I feel shackled while drinking without control but there has to be a middle ground. There has to be; at least for some of us. If it is possible to go totally without, then it must be possible to find limits.
PURE AV! I don't need to hear anyone say this, so I'll save you the trouble and say it myself.
I brought it up before but I'm thinking of trying vaping. Since I need "something", maybe that will be the crutch I can use to let go of alcohol. I need something and I just can't eat myself into oblivion.
I know what it's like to "make it" 2.5 years. I don't consider the last 6 months of that sobriety as being free cause I really wanted to drink. Six months of wanting to drink. It was like whatever gain I'd gotten from being sober had run its course and I just wasn't seeing the benefit anymore. I would have loved to keep going but it just became unnatural.
Frankly, I've been drinking or smoking weed or cigarettes almost uninterrupted since I was 12. Had about 2 periods of time, each lasting about 2.5 years since then. The rest of the time, I've done one or two or even three of those things at once.
It's part of who I am and what makes me "me." I know. "Pure AV." Sometimes I really get tired of hearing that. Sometimes it's just me talking. Purely me. I enjoy something as a diversion. In the absence of booze, smokes or weed, it's food. I still eat horrible things when I do the other things but my point is, I'm never going to be free from an addiction. If it comes down to only food, I can't go without eating.
I'm tired of trying to be something I don't think I can ever be. I don't even see the value in it, except for the money I could be spending on other things. In fact, the thought has crossed my mind more than once about medical pot. It's available here and I'm disabled for anxiety. I'm sure I would qualify. There it is, just waiting for me. If not booze, if not cigs, then there is always some other temptation.
I applaud any of you who can do this and really feel empowered and free. The longer I last in my sobriety, the more I feel shackled. I know I feel shackled while drinking without control but there has to be a middle ground. There has to be; at least for some of us. If it is possible to go totally without, then it must be possible to find limits.
PURE AV! I don't need to hear anyone say this, so I'll save you the trouble and say it myself.
I brought it up before but I'm thinking of trying vaping. Since I need "something", maybe that will be the crutch I can use to let go of alcohol. I need something and I just can't eat myself into oblivion.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: STL
Posts: 388
Cissy I tried vaping but it burned my throat so much I had to stop. Plus I've been reading that it is really bad for you too so...anyway.
I know what you mean about feeling shackled. I feel healthier and smarter and overall better but I don't feel free. I feel restrained like a child being told what to do. The funny thing is that I'm telling myself what to do. Nobody else is. Like there are two of me in here and the grown up me is babysitting the kid version. That sounds insane and actually made me laugh but it's really how I feel.
I know what you mean about feeling shackled. I feel healthier and smarter and overall better but I don't feel free. I feel restrained like a child being told what to do. The funny thing is that I'm telling myself what to do. Nobody else is. Like there are two of me in here and the grown up me is babysitting the kid version. That sounds insane and actually made me laugh but it's really how I feel.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 884
I like what you said Allie. Except I feel like a highly immature 13 year old trying to babysit a toddler.
Cissy, I wish I had words to help or comfort you but I got nothing. Other than I care for you and I don't like knowing you are suffering. I understand the notion of a sort of middle ground. Wish I knew what it was.
Cissy, I wish I had words to help or comfort you but I got nothing. Other than I care for you and I don't like knowing you are suffering. I understand the notion of a sort of middle ground. Wish I knew what it was.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Congrats on 25 days, Gina! I also agree that Dee's positivity about sober living has been a big inspiration for me so far. I've done the chat meetings a couple of times and enjoyed them. Let us know what you think!
One thing these past couple of days of only having very limited access on here (my phone only connects to the internet at random moments out here in the middle of nowhere) while seeing so many on here hurting and making decisions I don't like has taught me is that I MUST get some kind of good face-to-face recovery going. While SR has been crucial to my recovery so far and I plan on staying very involved here, I need some up close and personal examples of the results of long-term recovery from alcoholism in my life. I love you all but we are all too new to this and I just can't rely on you in the way I need to continue to move forward.
So I'm going to give AA a real chance starting tomorrow evening when I get back home. I've attended meetings off and on for years but have never had a sponsor or worked a program. But I know for sure there are former drinkers just like me there who are living the life I want to live. I want some of that experience and strength in my life.
I'm sorry some of you are not finding any joy in sobriety. I don't think you'll find it in as bottle of beer or wine or whiskey either. Or at least I know that I never did for more than an hour or three at a time. I want something more long lasting than that today. I know that quitting drinking is not the be-all, end-all answer to all my life's problems, but I'm also sure it's the first step I needed to take.
One thing these past couple of days of only having very limited access on here (my phone only connects to the internet at random moments out here in the middle of nowhere) while seeing so many on here hurting and making decisions I don't like has taught me is that I MUST get some kind of good face-to-face recovery going. While SR has been crucial to my recovery so far and I plan on staying very involved here, I need some up close and personal examples of the results of long-term recovery from alcoholism in my life. I love you all but we are all too new to this and I just can't rely on you in the way I need to continue to move forward.
So I'm going to give AA a real chance starting tomorrow evening when I get back home. I've attended meetings off and on for years but have never had a sponsor or worked a program. But I know for sure there are former drinkers just like me there who are living the life I want to live. I want some of that experience and strength in my life.
I'm sorry some of you are not finding any joy in sobriety. I don't think you'll find it in as bottle of beer or wine or whiskey either. Or at least I know that I never did for more than an hour or three at a time. I want something more long lasting than that today. I know that quitting drinking is not the be-all, end-all answer to all my life's problems, but I'm also sure it's the first step I needed to take.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 534
I'm still here. Waking up to day 7. Moderation has never worked for me and never will. I'm an all or nothing type of girl. Also, I've read some terrible things about the founder of moderation management killing a child and her father drink driving. I'm not drinking today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 884
Originally Posted by Copper442
I like what you said Allie. Except I feel like a highly immature 13 year old trying to babysit a toddler.
Cissy, I wish I had words to help or comfort you but I got nothing. Other than I care for you and I don't like knowing you are suffering. I understand the notion of a sort of middle ground. Wish I knew what it was.
Cissy, I wish I had words to help or comfort you but I got nothing. Other than I care for you and I don't like knowing you are suffering. I understand the notion of a sort of middle ground. Wish I knew what it was.
Anyways, I don't think the middle ground involves substance abuse. Maybe a visit to the doctor could help. There may be underlying conditions along with your anxiety that are causing problems but not presenting in the conventional way.
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