Class of April 2014 Part 20
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
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D- in all seriousness, I have been really in a better place, and without driving myself crazy or making myself upset, I want to apply for some entry level computer networking jobs...my self esteem and self worth was (and still kinda is) so so low, but between my team at the clinic and my wonderland fiancé I have the support I was searching for from my mom....and I wanna get out of the ass busting food industry....it was good while I was still on drugs...but I'm far to intelligent to be mindlessly slaving away at 2 jobs I really don't like very much....nothing rash and quick...but the wheels are turning...I want more from my life then JUST sobriety and relief from my mental illnesses...can't believe it but I feel that way...
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Haha thanks guys! If all else fails that's what I'm gonna do 
gimme eye and head protection and a sledge hammer, some meat on bread and water, I'll go 8 hours a day no problem lol, smoke free too! 8P
gimme eye and head protection and a sledge hammer, some meat on bread and water, I'll go 8 hours a day no problem lol, smoke free too! 8P
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Also, I have to thank you guys....I never really said it, but having some male input on my life has really helped me as well...I have so many women around me it gets a bit stifling at times...my therapist told me I need to seek out males to spend time with, even if that's just talking...she told me my sensitivity and not having a dad has made me kinda stand offish towards men...kinda like I don't want someone to "try and be my dad" and close it all down completely...but I'm starting to realize how badly I do need some men's input on my life...I'm girly kinda but not a girl at all and straight....argh I'm being all emotional still haha
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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Obo, it is a strange tradition that we have, connecting a beautiful new born baby with booze. How in the world has that come about? Thank goodness you skipped that invite, you'll be happy with yourself in the morning rather than harbouring regrets. I'm so glad you were able to think it through.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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Wow, ST, I can't keep up with, you are FAST on the keyboard!
Looking for a new job sounds a great step forward. I can't wait to see where you're heading. The last few weeks have been significant ones, I can see the progress you're making just from reading your posts.
Looking for a new job sounds a great step forward. I can't wait to see where you're heading. The last few weeks have been significant ones, I can see the progress you're making just from reading your posts.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Originally Posted by SolitaryThinker 
Haha thanks guys! If all else fails that's what I'm gonna do gimme eye and head protection and a sledge hammer, some meat on bread and water, I'll go 8 hours a day no problem lol, smoke free too! 8P
gimme eye and head protection and a sledge hammer, some meat on bread and water, I'll go 8 hours a day no problem lol, smoke free too! 8P
gold ST......
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Freen- just to add, we also have the tradition of smoking a cigar! Obviously cigarettes are way worse, but cigars are still poisonous and cancer causing...not that having one is gonna kill u but point being, negative behaviors are connected with points of immense joy...instead of clanking glass bottles of poison we should wheel out a huge plate of carrots and creamy ranch dressing sinfully delish but still can come off as healthy
sinfully delish but still can come off as healthy
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Thanks guys! And I wanna use this computing speed to my advantage, I have 0 doubt I can flourish in an IT position if given the chance, and I really wasn't joking about the union either...that's the one thing I'm really not super picky, I have worked terrible jobs in the past, literally picking up garbage off the beach...I want to work and excel
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
I don't need a new daddy lol, but I need guys in my life...and all the guys I know are drugged out on heroin still or in rehab...only one I know is taking it seriously and I send him money straight up...I'm actually REALLY conscidering al-anon meetings in my local area...the last thing I wanted to do...but I'm giving in to life a bit and not fighting it out of stubbornness...I actually know I'm going to an al-anon meeting it's just a matter of when and fitting it into my schedule
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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Obo, you mentioned about "not wanting to have to live with the desire to drink".
I had an epiphany moment fairly recently. On my partners birthday, his sister gave him a bottle of wine. My brain went from thinking "oh no, this is going to be difficult", to "it's only one bottle, that won't be nearly enough if I start drinking!" to "I really don't want to touch the stuff, it stinks". I could smell it on my partners breath, and it really was a "turn off".
So I'm not sure that "the desire to drink" will always be there. Perhaps the odd fleeting thought, but not something that's going to torment us daily.
A lot of what we're doing is deconditioning our minds, so that the former triggers no longer give that response of desire. Or perhaps it might be better to say that we are "reconditioning" our minds to a more natural and healthy response to former triggers.
What do others think?
I had an epiphany moment fairly recently. On my partners birthday, his sister gave him a bottle of wine. My brain went from thinking "oh no, this is going to be difficult", to "it's only one bottle, that won't be nearly enough if I start drinking!" to "I really don't want to touch the stuff, it stinks". I could smell it on my partners breath, and it really was a "turn off".
So I'm not sure that "the desire to drink" will always be there. Perhaps the odd fleeting thought, but not something that's going to torment us daily.
A lot of what we're doing is deconditioning our minds, so that the former triggers no longer give that response of desire. Or perhaps it might be better to say that we are "reconditioning" our minds to a more natural and healthy response to former triggers.
What do others think?
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