Class of October 2014 Part 6
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Originally Posted by Conquest 
It's great to see everyone here, makes me smile.
And thanks for the migraine tips. Don't know why they've started back, but was home today so went straight to a dark room.
JL and Briar, sorry you had stressful situations to deal with today but y'all are right in that it gives us a bit of perspective on our own lives.
Feeling washed out, so gonna call it a day....Good night gang.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 673
Checking in. It's been a busy few days. Tree is up, decorations too, DD back at school, work crazy busy after the long weekend. I have a whole village that is not up yet. Not sure when that will happen, I have craft shows Saturday and Sunday but took Monday off.
I love, love, love Christmas. I always host my family for Christmas Eve. This year it will be alcohol free (a first). This was DD's suggestion. Thanksgiving involved some alcohol related drama with my 26 year old niece. DD said to me "anyone who can't make it through a Holiday without alcohol needs to realize they have a problem." From the mouths of babes, LOL.
I love, love, love Christmas. I always host my family for Christmas Eve. This year it will be alcohol free (a first). This was DD's suggestion. Thanksgiving involved some alcohol related drama with my 26 year old niece. DD said to me "anyone who can't make it through a Holiday without alcohol needs to realize they have a problem." From the mouths of babes, LOL.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
I took it upon myself to start a step one question sheet tonight.
Why on this earth would I still doubt I have a problem?
I read my answers. I have only started this worksheet. 30 minutes was all I could take. I feel sick reading my answers. I am mad at myself for not seeing this sooner. I'm kinda scared too. S*** just got real. And I needed it to.
Jennifer
Why on this earth would I still doubt I have a problem?
I read my answers. I have only started this worksheet. 30 minutes was all I could take. I feel sick reading my answers. I am mad at myself for not seeing this sooner. I'm kinda scared too. S*** just got real. And I needed it to.
Jennifer
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Good job, CG! Sounds like that was a really good thing for you to do. I find it so easy to ignore and minimize and forget things until they're right in front of my face. I don't think you can really put your heart into this unless you acknowledge how much you need it.
So since I can't seem to go to the grocery store for fear I'll buy vodka, and I don't want my family to starve, I did a very weird and uncomfortable thing. I reached out for help. I texted that nice guy from the meetings and asked if he would go to the store with me. I feel super weird and anxious like he's going to think I'm a complete psycho, or some kind of needy stalker. I'm thinking every worst possible thing right now. But he did tell me approximately one thousand times to reach out to him if I need help. It would be cool if he would text me back already! I mean, it's been like 30 whole minutes! The suspense is killing me!
So since I can't seem to go to the grocery store for fear I'll buy vodka, and I don't want my family to starve, I did a very weird and uncomfortable thing. I reached out for help. I texted that nice guy from the meetings and asked if he would go to the store with me. I feel super weird and anxious like he's going to think I'm a complete psycho, or some kind of needy stalker. I'm thinking every worst possible thing right now. But he did tell me approximately one thousand times to reach out to him if I need help. It would be cool if he would text me back already! I mean, it's been like 30 whole minutes! The suspense is killing me!
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
He responded that he will do it! Then I apologized profusely for this madness and promised I am not really this weird and won't do this kind of crap all the time...so actually I probably apologized way too much...in my defense, I have no experience with this reaching out for random favors like this.
OMG embarrassment and self loathing! Okay.
OMG embarrassment and self loathing! Okay.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,520
^^^ Oh Briar....we impatient alcoholics who want everything RIGHT NOW, hey?
I am the same...and I am starting to realise it's all about me....I mean, how rude for somebody else to actually have a life when I need them!!!
I am so glad you did that ~ reached out to that guy. Awesome job girl!!! I had a counsellor talk me through this last week, and I now have some awesome tools for getting in and out of the supermarket without the booze.
But on Sunday when I was in trouble, I texted my best friend, and he stayed on the phone with me while I shopped....he is not an alcoholic, but he cares about me, and understands. I couldn't have ignored my AV without his help.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's OK if we need help, and I'm proud of us for recognising that the supermarket can be a big trigger for us. As the counsellor said to me, it would be like going to your (my) dealer's house and trying not to buy drugs. The supermarket thing is hard. Every time we do it successfully, it will make us stronger.
Once again I am tired, and probably not being terribly coherent. Sorry.
Love V xx
I am the same...and I am starting to realise it's all about me....I mean, how rude for somebody else to actually have a life when I need them!!!
I am so glad you did that ~ reached out to that guy. Awesome job girl!!! I had a counsellor talk me through this last week, and I now have some awesome tools for getting in and out of the supermarket without the booze.
But on Sunday when I was in trouble, I texted my best friend, and he stayed on the phone with me while I shopped....he is not an alcoholic, but he cares about me, and understands. I couldn't have ignored my AV without his help.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's OK if we need help, and I'm proud of us for recognising that the supermarket can be a big trigger for us. As the counsellor said to me, it would be like going to your (my) dealer's house and trying not to buy drugs. The supermarket thing is hard. Every time we do it successfully, it will make us stronger.
Once again I am tired, and probably not being terribly coherent. Sorry.
Love V xx
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Thank you V, that's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one who has a very hard time with the grocery store. I thought about just calling someone to talk to while I'm there, but I know me, I'll buy it anyway and tell them I didn't. I need someone to stand there and watch me, and I don't know any other person I trust to stop me. It's absolutely embarrassing to be a fully capable grown up and not be able to do a simple thing like this.
I offered to pick him up so he doesn't have to drive there, so I went out to the garage to vacuum all the cheerios and glitter out of my car. As I was crawling around in my car wrestling with the vacuum and the stupid floor mats, I got so mad that I have to do this. This is absolutely humiliating. I mean really? I really seriously have to give up my privacy and dignity like this to be sober? I seriously have to make a damn fool of myself like this and rely on the charity of a guy I barely know? I seriously need a f-ing chaperone to go to the grocery store?! This is so stupid!
I feel like it's not worth it. Is this really better? Really?
I offered to pick him up so he doesn't have to drive there, so I went out to the garage to vacuum all the cheerios and glitter out of my car. As I was crawling around in my car wrestling with the vacuum and the stupid floor mats, I got so mad that I have to do this. This is absolutely humiliating. I mean really? I really seriously have to give up my privacy and dignity like this to be sober? I seriously have to make a damn fool of myself like this and rely on the charity of a guy I barely know? I seriously need a f-ing chaperone to go to the grocery store?! This is so stupid!
I feel like it's not worth it. Is this really better? Really?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,520
Sounds to me like your AV is yelling at you today Briar.
Lose your dignity? Really?
You were brave and smart, and reached out to a fellow recovering alcoholic for help.
That is courage.
And Conquest also mentioned being unable to get to the supermarket...we are doing the very best thing for ourselves by recognising this, and getting the help to get through it successfully.
V xx
Lose your dignity? Really?
You were brave and smart, and reached out to a fellow recovering alcoholic for help.
That is courage.
And Conquest also mentioned being unable to get to the supermarket...we are doing the very best thing for ourselves by recognising this, and getting the help to get through it successfully.
V xx
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
What if this is totally unnecessary? What if I'm just making drama out of nothing? I could go to that damn grocery store by myself, avoid the booze, and be perfectly fine! Maybe I'm just blowing this way out of proportion. I could have managed at the store alone, but here I am making a big crazy episode out of it. If I had just let it go and never sent him that text, I would probably have been fine on my own and wouldn't have made a fool of myself tonight. And I wouldn't have spent two perfectly good hours crying over this. A few moments of painful self discipline in the store beats all this time I'm spending freaking out over this. This could have all been avoided. This feels like a huge mistake. I hate HATE this! And what am I going to do next time? I can't take him to the store with me every week. I have to get used to doing this myself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,520
I repeat....your AV is screaming at you tonight Briar.
You have done the right thing.
I really believe this.
It will get easier...and one day you can share about this in your meeting, and it will help someone else.
I love you....take a deep breath.
V xx
You have done the right thing.
I really believe this.
It will get easier...and one day you can share about this in your meeting, and it will help someone else.
I love you....take a deep breath.
V xx
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hey Briar - I can only echo Venus here.
It's ok - someone offered help and you took it.
You're not giving up your privacy or your dignity or anything else.
It's just a hand with the groceries - nothing more or less
I do get it - as I grew older I needed a hand with the shopping (for other reasons - no booze in our supermarkets) so for a few years (until online shopping hit here) I used the blue nurses to come help get me there, and me and all the goods home again.
I did not like it. at first.
I felt all those things - sad, pathetic, humiliated - but feeling that way didn't make those feelings true or make me any of those things.
You get me?
In the end, to be honest, I quite liked not having to struggle with bags or fear falling over.
You will one day, probably quite soon, be perfectly fine with the shopping...but for now it's perfectly reasonable for you to want some help.
Relax - it's grocery shopping
D
It's ok - someone offered help and you took it.
You're not giving up your privacy or your dignity or anything else.
It's just a hand with the groceries - nothing more or less
I do get it - as I grew older I needed a hand with the shopping (for other reasons - no booze in our supermarkets) so for a few years (until online shopping hit here) I used the blue nurses to come help get me there, and me and all the goods home again.
I did not like it. at first.
I felt all those things - sad, pathetic, humiliated - but feeling that way didn't make those feelings true or make me any of those things.
You get me?
In the end, to be honest, I quite liked not having to struggle with bags or fear falling over.
You will one day, probably quite soon, be perfectly fine with the shopping...but for now it's perfectly reasonable for you to want some help.
Relax - it's grocery shopping
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Briar, I see courage and sober wisdom in your story. What you did was brave and shows the AV that you're much smarter and stronger than it now. I hope you and yours enjoyed a nice evening when you got back home. Big hugs
Oh, and I sometimes wear earbuds in the store. Listening to music or podcasts keeps my mind on other things. Plus, hissing helps. Lol
Oh, and I sometimes wear earbuds in the store. Listening to music or podcasts keeps my mind on other things. Plus, hissing helps. Lol
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Welshman living in Cork, Ireland
Posts: 737
Good morning all. Bright, but chilly here in Ireland.
Arbor8 and Phoebe64, I'm sorry you slipped, but equally very proud you dusted yourselves down and climbed right back in here. I'll echo what everybody else has said about slip-ups (we've all been there). I found it very difficult to "fess-up" and come back here, but I'm so glad I did.
I see you "do" craft shows, Bighterdayz. I've been making "Fairy doors" for the last few days to sell at markets and craft shows. Quite enjoying being creative in my workshop without a muggy, poisoned head.
Hope you all wake up (go to bed) in a great mood.
Talking of bravery, I consider reaching out for help to be very brave Briar and Venus. I think most people look around them and think other people are breezing through life without the need to reach out and ask for help sometimes. This is patently not true and it is not a sign of weakness at all. Merely being human. I am always very happy when someone reaches out to me for help and actually think more of them.
Arbor8 and Phoebe64, I'm sorry you slipped, but equally very proud you dusted yourselves down and climbed right back in here. I'll echo what everybody else has said about slip-ups (we've all been there). I found it very difficult to "fess-up" and come back here, but I'm so glad I did.
I see you "do" craft shows, Bighterdayz. I've been making "Fairy doors" for the last few days to sell at markets and craft shows. Quite enjoying being creative in my workshop without a muggy, poisoned head.
Hope you all wake up (go to bed) in a great mood.
Talking of bravery, I consider reaching out for help to be very brave Briar and Venus. I think most people look around them and think other people are breezing through life without the need to reach out and ask for help sometimes. This is patently not true and it is not a sign of weakness at all. Merely being human. I am always very happy when someone reaches out to me for help and actually think more of them.
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