Youngaddictionwarrior

Your kind words mean so much to me I don't know where to start as I feel like I'm selfish for asking for support when you are all doing so well!also have your own problems! I've spoken to dad and told him to cut his **** out cause it gives me anxiety & mum has now discovered her birth certificate was forged as grandma had her to a married man. She feels like she has been unwanted all her life & I'm staying over at Russel travelling 2 hrs to work & back. I've written all my thoughts and feelings down for the big discussion on Wednesday which if we do stay together I will be documenting the progress for 3 months each day I'm sober to see if this is what I want in life. I have so many insecurities and he is the only man who has stuck by me through alcohol bulimia and pill abuse so even though it's not my fault this time it still is my fault for not being strong enough to stay sober & yell at him. U can hear the good and the bad in relationships but it's usually the bad we talk about to vent. How do I afford $600 a fortnight when I only earn $1200 a fortnight, where do I live, how do I stay strong at work, how do I hide my grieving process etc life is one hell of a bitch & I'd stay with my dad but he's an alcoholic yet can't stand being around my sick mum due to her making me depressed. Not allowed at my best friends cause her roommates hate the drunken loud mess I am. I have no other friends from being in a relationship for 3.5 years don't wanna separate my dogs the list goes on but one thing I promise is I will not revert back to panadine forte or bulimia cause I need a clear head & I brought antabuse just need to have the strength to take them. I know I'm young & so many more opportunities will come along hence x relationships yet I thought he was my soulmate. I never thought I'd feel this pain again xxx

Dee74

just don't settle for any thing less than best Kahlia. You deserve more than that

all the things like places to live and dogs and friends shouldn't really be a determinant on continuing a relationship.

It might be inconvenient but all that can be sorted out in time, if thats what you want.

D

petals

Hugs to you kahlia. You have to do what is best for you. Take your time and take care of yourself. Xxx

HeadLump

Oh, dear sweet kahlia Please put yourself first in all of this. Don't settle for less than you deserve - and you deserve to be happy and fulfilled and to feel loved and cherished.

I fell in love for the first time at 24. It was all sparkle and vibrancy and fluffy clouds and bursting inside. I felt loved and special and incredibly grateful to this handsome, funny man for making me feel this way. The first few months of our time together was amazing. But the rest wasn't. It was filled with anguish and disappointment and fear of rejection but I kept clinging on to the memory of those early days, praying that the magic would return. He helped me through some very difficult times - the loss of my mum, which hit me far harder than I would ever have imagined - and encouraged me to leave home and embrace independence. My gratitude remained entire, but, looking back, it was while I was with him that I became bulimic.

I always suspected that he was unfaithful and, finally, after 5 years of promises and denials, he admitted it and I somehow found the courage to walk away.

I wished, oh, how I wished that I had left earlier - a lot earlier. I still dream about him now and in my dreams I am still needy and grateful and hanging on for just one sign that he might actually notice me.

Many years later, I finally met the love of my life. The world sparkles again and there's fluffy cotton wool and colours and magic all around and I feel loved and special - and nearly 7 years on, it's still going strong.

If it's not right with Bernie, it's not right, and deep inside you'll know it. Don't settle for something you have to squash out of shape to fit. It could end up costing you more than happiness.

I've loved your posts, kahlia. I love your humour, your warmth, your bubbliness, your irreverence, your vulnerability and your sheer humanity. You deserve everything that life can give xxx

Youngaddictionwarrior

thanks so much lumpy. He is letting me stay there until I find a house so I can save money etc. he brought another dog so its definitely over cause any man who expects me to choose him or my dog does not love me! he is being so nice its giving me the ***** if he was this nice the whole way through **** would be different. im staying strong, on my antabuse not drinking, no pain killers apart from valium which I need regularly lately. im packing more stuff each day. getting a house sorted before things get messy cause he reckons im not getting my car yet ive brought him pool tables and all etc... its all too much to think about he doesn't want a messy break up but theres no point fixing things when we aren't in love anymore

MrFixit63

Good morning everyone from the frosty United States I am freezing my butt just leave it at that. Kahlia stay strong I hope everything works out for the best for you.

Shout out and hugs to lumpy and and petals.
Good morning to you Dee.

Still doing good just trying to stay warm I've been trying to get into the gym a little more I don't know why snacking goes with sobriety. But my shoes are the only thing that still fit.
:-)

Dee74

Thanks Mr F

Hope everyone is doing ok

D

HeadLump

Oh, that made me smile, my little Fixy!

Hope you defrost soon - there's nothing worse than frozen butt in November

Hope you're doing ok, kahlia. Thinking of you so much

Petals and Eyes: thinking of you too, my friends

MrFixit63

Very depressed today. I broke a toe about 3 months ago recently it started swelling and turning black went to the doctors today they put an injection in it and gave me some medication but if my toe doesn't get better by Monday or if it gets worse they're going to take it.

MrFixit63

Everyone please take care of your health don't keep drinking until it's too late don't wait till you have health complications. It's not worth it

HeadLump

(((((Fixy))))) Oh, Fixy, I do hope it will be ok. Sending prayers and all things positive that your toe will be better by Monday

Dee74

I hope your toe turns out better than you fear Mr F - best wishes

D

MrFixit63

I think I am going to go to spend a few days with my kids so I'm not tempted to wreck my sobriety. Seems like everytime I hit a milestone in my sobriety something happens that makes me say the heck with it but I can't let that happen this time.

Dee74

Do whatever you need to for your recovery Mr F...and try not to worry about that toe.
Sending you positive energy

D

petals

Mr f hope you are ok. Will keep my fingers crossed for you. Hugs xxxx
Got a night out to go to tonight , it's a charity event. ... have to say that I'm not really looking forward to going. .. I posted about it the other day and someone suggested not going. ...I'm afraid that isn't an option. I already know that HALT will be a problem. ...must remain strong.
Take care everyone. Xxx

petals

Just realised, and posted on the undies, that I've got 4 months this month! Hopefully this will help me tonight xx

HeadLump

Petals, I know you're going to handle this perfectly, because ..........

Yay!!!! You're a superstar! And this is just one evening - and you've sailed through far more than this!

Dee74

You can do this Petals

D

HeadLump

Hope you're ok today, my Fixy. Thinking of you

MrFixit63

Thank you very much I am in a better frame of mind today. I am actually happy that I can face this with a sober mind