MrFixit63

I wore a pair of yoga pants one time and people were running around screaming and trying to poke out their minds eye

Dee74

Glad you're back and doing ok Mr F

Have a good weekend everyone

D

Soberwolf

Class of july your all Awesome

EyesOfAStranger

Hey all

Struggling here as well. Tis the season perhaps?

I have read threads from folks that have relapsed saying they knew it was coming. That's how I've been feeling lately - like I can see it charging right down at me. Trying to derail that train though.

Had my scan, saw my doctor and got kind of strange results. I need to re-read through the reports and try to grasp the information before I post about it, or before I let me mind go off in multiple directions. So more to come on that.

But I'm trying to stay close to SR. Have not given in to anything yet....but as I mentioned it's almost like I can see it coming. Looking forward to the new year, when the "time off" clock at work resets. I wind up using so much of my vacation time for various doctor's appointments that I'm out of time for right now. But I have realized - no more putting it off, I must go speak to someone, a professional. I need the help. I've managed to stay clean on my own, but I haven't grown - and that needs to be my next step.

Thanks to you all for being here - for giving me a safe place to pour my emotions out. Hang in there all, we can do this - together. I just know we can. I think about you all throughout the day. I hope everyone is doing well

HeadLump

(((((Eyes))))) It might be charging right down at you, but you can still get out of the way! And it can only hit you if you let it - there is nothing inevitable about this

Recognising it, though, is a huge step forward. Add a professional into the mix and you'll be truly awesome!

I hope when you re-read the scan report, you'll find good news in there.

Thinking of you, my friend xxx

EyesOfAStranger

Thanks HL

The problem with specialized tests is they tend to find things you may never have known about and are probably nothing. The other thing these scans bring up for me is survivor's guilt. So many people, including ones close to me, have lost their life to cancer. Why did I survive? Why not them? It's definitely one of the things I really need to address with a professional. It really does bother me.

Particularly as I come out of the drug haze I have been in for so long. I'm not sure where I expected to be at this point in my life, but I can promise you it wasn't here! But using made things "ok"...acceptable if you will. Truth is this is a miserable existence I have going on. But there is only one person that can change that - and I'm at the point where I really am ready to put in the work.

That said, I'm still having incredible cravings to use. I want that "feel good", I want some relief from my physical pain. But the truth of the matter is I may get that for a day or two (with my tolerance maybe not even that) but it won't last and I'll be right back where I started from.

I actually have this overwhelming guilt as well - as if I used. I've been thinking about it so much and with such seriousness I actually feel like I cheated. I guess I have mentally in a way. Oh, I'm already wishing the holidays were over! Haha

How is everyone else doing? Lumpy, hanging in there? MrF? petals and Kahlia, haven't heard from you in a bit. Wishing everyone nothing but the light and happiness they deserve. Without a doubt this is the toughest thing there is (and I've been through a lot of stuff!)

Dee74

Eyes relapse is never inevitable...it's sometime hard to remember that but it's true...if you don't want to use, you don't have to

D

HeadLump

I understand the survivor guilt, Eyes. And it's not that you deserve it more than anyone else, but you DO deserve it. You're playing your hand in the best possible way you can and are showing fantastic determination

I've been up and down with the bingeing, but am on day 5 of healthy eating at the moment. Once I get a few days under my belt, I usually start to find it gets a little easier. I've managed to 'surf' a few urges in the last couple of days and that helps too

Petals and kahlia, how you doing? I do hope all is well.

Fixy, how are you, my little friend? I think you should get your butt back here pronto!

petals

It's awfully quiet here on the juliers. Hope its just that everyone is busy being happy and sober.
Thanks hl and dee
My second course of antibiotics are finally starting to work so should hopefully start to feel a bit better soon.
Food is now a very big issue in my life.
Hopefully I will be able to deal with that later. The main thing is that I have not been drinking. ..hubby starting to irratate with his constant referrals to wine... he wants some and I know that I will struggle with that. .... not really practical to leave the room etc.
I wish that they sold half size bottles. ...the mini one is too small for him at 187 ml... but I don't want a full bottle in our house
..... he will drink 3/4 and leave the rest, kick off if I pour it away, or evenay drink whole bottle and then hes not a nice person. ..... I know it's not for me to tell him what he can and can't do in our home..... also feel I owe him due to my former drinking.
Argh!!!! And darned Christmas is looming.....
Anyway thanks for listening. Xx

HeadLump

I hope you're ok, petals. That was the same message that you posted on 1st Dec! I hope things are improving a little?

How you doing, Fix?

All is well here. I wrote and posted all my cards today and bought the final presents for my partner. Feet up now!

MrFixit63

Good morning lumpy how are you I'm fantabulous

petals

Thanks hl.. things are much the same. Wasnt sure of id already posted it.....it was on my tablet ready to go when I turned it on. ..... gotta drive hubby to and from drunken night out on Friday. .... not looking forward to it.
Am fighting against a migraine again. ....I was hoping that they would get better now I'm sober. .....guess alcohol wasn't a trigger after all.
Best get up and face the day. Xxx

Dee74

Hope you have a good day Petals

D

petals

Thanks Dee. Just had a txt....apparently I'm giving his friend a lift too.
I'm fully dosed up with medication for my head..... hopefully sleep will sort it out. But first got to sort out tea and give youngest a lift to and fo ....better social life than me!
XXX

HeadLump

So pleased to hear this, my Fixy. I was worried about you I thought you'd like to know that my partner's bought me some new yoga pants and I'll be putting them through their paces tomorrow

Day 7 of no bingeing for me today

Petals, I hope your migraine improves soon

MrFixit63

You're putting my mind through paces :-) I'm glad that bingeing is working out for you...
I'm doing better I am walking a few times day I have therapy it almost feels like everything's almost a perfect. And that my reading has been very accelerated that's all I have been doing. I read a book about the Berlin wall and its people yesterdy very good read very educating very scary.

Then I just read three musketeers Today that's a big book.

HeadLump

So glad you're getting back to normal, Fixy

Off to yoga now . . . . . . .

MrFixit63

Hello petals ,lumpy and Mr Dee
Glad everyone is doing good.
Getting ready for the holidays hope I don't overeat . I've got all my cycling gear ready try to rideabout five miles today.

Dee74

Have a good sober weekend all

D

MrFixit63

I do not count days but I do know this is the longest I have ever stayed sober since my twenties.
Yay for me