Class of March 2013 part 31
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Originally Posted by Saskia 
Made it to my regular grocery store today where I usually bought my wine. Some cravings but I decided I don't want to do that. I think I stuck my tongue out at the AV though I think ignoring it would be best.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Well done Sass, our posts crossed this morning so I was responding to yesterday's, which is obviously redundant now, I am glad you are forging ahead with more meetings to buttress your IOP meetings. And kudos on avoiding the AV at the grocery store.
Life good luck tomorrow/ today, let us know how it goes.
Life good luck tomorrow/ today, let us know how it goes.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Life and Sass, I'm proud of and confident in you both! Avail yourselves of all your new resources (keep going!)--and definitely wear out your keyboards here if need be with your ponderings, temptations, and even rebellions. Post before you drink. Think out loud here or to your new f2f friends.
Don't be afraid of blathering on or boring people! It's important to purge your mid of bad thoughts before they fester and cause consequences you'll regret.
You guys are on the way to health and peace now.
Don't be afraid of blathering on or boring people! It's important to purge your mid of bad thoughts before they fester and cause consequences you'll regret.
You guys are on the way to health and peace now.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Thanks for asking about me, Marcher!
I had an easy time taking on the new, replacement antidepressant (though I am sorry to say I don't seem to be experiencing its chief side effect, loss of appetite!).
Weaning off the old one was easy, getting rid of one pill, then two--but when I got off the last one, it was rough. I was over-emotional and very tense and hair-trigger frustrated. At the lowest point, I went into a screaming, cussing tirade to innocent people in a doctor's office! (Very mortifying to slink back in there and apologize to a room full of people).
The bad stuff (and it wasn't nearly as bad as what some people have experienced) was over in about a week. Now all is well.
When I got sober, I became healthier not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually, too. Gradually I gave up hiding, sulking, and lying. I have given up diet soda and caffeine (except for one decaf coffee in the morning. Yes, I know it's got a small bit of caffeine, but it's a lot less than the entire pot I used to drink). I am trying to eat healthier and more modestly.
So recently I have been trying to be more content in my own skin and demonstrate that to people in my personal life. I do not wish to be militant or unkind, but I am determined to be treated well. I am a human being worthy of respect (actually, I have learned that to a great extent from my exchanges on SR. You people have inspired me!).
So I am in the process of establishing that respect, and it's not going badly. I got over a big hurdle Saturday--I managed to speak up a bit! I also heard the sad, lonely part of the other side. Lots of food for thought. Altogether, I think things are looking up.
I had an easy time taking on the new, replacement antidepressant (though I am sorry to say I don't seem to be experiencing its chief side effect, loss of appetite!).
Weaning off the old one was easy, getting rid of one pill, then two--but when I got off the last one, it was rough. I was over-emotional and very tense and hair-trigger frustrated. At the lowest point, I went into a screaming, cussing tirade to innocent people in a doctor's office! (Very mortifying to slink back in there and apologize to a room full of people).
The bad stuff (and it wasn't nearly as bad as what some people have experienced) was over in about a week. Now all is well.
When I got sober, I became healthier not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually, too. Gradually I gave up hiding, sulking, and lying. I have given up diet soda and caffeine (except for one decaf coffee in the morning. Yes, I know it's got a small bit of caffeine, but it's a lot less than the entire pot I used to drink). I am trying to eat healthier and more modestly.
So recently I have been trying to be more content in my own skin and demonstrate that to people in my personal life. I do not wish to be militant or unkind, but I am determined to be treated well. I am a human being worthy of respect (actually, I have learned that to a great extent from my exchanges on SR. You people have inspired me!).
So I am in the process of establishing that respect, and it's not going badly. I got over a big hurdle Saturday--I managed to speak up a bit! I also heard the sad, lonely part of the other side. Lots of food for thought. Altogether, I think things are looking up.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Gilmer and Sass, along with all our Marchers, I am so glad and proud to call you my friends.
It's been cold here today, I've been running the heaters (we don't have central heating nor do most Australians) all day as our maximum was 13C (55F).
It's been cold here today, I've been running the heaters (we don't have central heating nor do most Australians) all day as our maximum was 13C (55F).
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Marcher, thank you!
That particular temperature has some old memories for me. My father did not believe in spending a penny more than he needed to. During the day in winter, he set the thermostat for precisely 63 degrees F. At night he set it down to 55 degree. F. And if one of us increased it by just 1 degree to keep our teeth from chattering, he would notice without being anywhere near the thermostat. His usual comment: it's getting too warm in here!
That particular temperature has some old memories for me. My father did not believe in spending a penny more than he needed to. During the day in winter, he set the thermostat for precisely 63 degrees F. At night he set it down to 55 degree. F. And if one of us increased it by just 1 degree to keep our teeth from chattering, he would notice without being anywhere near the thermostat. His usual comment: it's getting too warm in here!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
OMG, Marcher and Budd, a belated but just as warm CONGRATULATIONS ON 17 MONTHS!!!.
And Duff, I can't imagine hosting 50 people - that totally boggles my mind! More power to you!
Trachy, thanks for the support! And thanks to all of you. You are making a big difference in my life.
Dee, how are you doing? Life? Babs?
And Duff, I can't imagine hosting 50 people - that totally boggles my mind! More power to you!
Trachy, thanks for the support! And thanks to all of you. You are making a big difference in my life.
Dee, how are you doing? Life? Babs?
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891
Marcher.........at 4pm today, we were at 9 degrees...WTF. I know North and like will laugh but as Marcher say's, we're just not equipped for this kind of weather, no central heating, no double or triple glazing.......sure we're all set up for a 40 degree day with our nice air con........but just not for this weather, our houses aren't strong enough. We don't even have 'normal' shops that sell thermal jackets..........it involves having to go to a specialised ski shop and paying $100 over the odds.......all for the sake of keeping warm. I walked around this afternoon in-between Dr appoint's looking for a warm jacket as the one I have had for the past 3 years, I always believed was always going to be warm enough for me..........no way jóse. I just couldn't find anything warm enough.....that I could afford......granted, I am a very cold blooded person with not a lot of meat on me...........but really......Target without a decent warm winter jacket, ridiculous.
Onto a much more relevant note. I went to see my PDoc today.......I wouldn't say all guns blazing as he's such a nice bloke......but I was confident and prepared as from a record of the pharmacy reporting to him that I hadn't attended as well as me being to pissed to cancel and missed his appoint last Wed......I kinda knew I was in for some challenging questions.
I got in first! Did the old reverse psychology thing. I was the first to say "and how are you doing today"......."I guess given the information you have received over this past week regarding my slips this has challenged you're mind and professionalism in regard to reporting me". without giving him time to answer I further carried on, I explained and was honest about my final drink (Fri), my withdrawals over Sat and half of Sun and my opportune time to receive a phone call to attend an AA meeting.........and exactly what I got out of it........there wasn't a lot of oxygen in the air as I barely stopped.
Interestingly and not surprisingly he was skeptical. After advocating to me for the past two weeks the importance of attending AA.......he was a little taken aback at how positive i'd become from only one particular meeting.........of course, completely understandable. I'm sure he has seen many like me, so so often. He did tell me however that while he actively encourages most of his clients to attend AA, the majority are resistant and don't ever go. He said he honestly didn't believe I would go, encouraged me to stay.........even, just for the social aspect, to be able to once again build up a network of friends who know and accept me for who I am, without ever having to lie about my cover up lies......and boy were there many.
From a week ago threatening to report me to the board, today his focus, which I understand is highly important is that if and when I get my license back.......not to use that as the be all and end all.........the hoorah, i'm employable again....I can work locum until I find a job, then turning down a shif, which becomes another and another cause i'm took drunk.........then suddenly i'm no longer offered shifts and once again i'm in the throws of active alcoholism. He's correct and I value everything he says.
After last nights meeting, I was a bit gutted not to be able to attend one tonight.......but, Mons are tap night. I suppose a bit like AA meetings, even in cold winter nights when I can't be bothered, often dragging myself there.......a whole sixty minutes later, the endorphins have kicked in and i'm loving life.......I just so love my tap. Some times it's too tricky, he tries to advance us too fast and if i'm not in the mood I feel like throwing my toys out of the pram, but these days, that's fairly rarely, I just close my eyes and listen to the beautiful music i can make just from the click of a heel, toe or both. I know, I know, i'm starting to become such a rambler at the moment. I suppose, it's because I really feel in a good place.....I know where I was going with the whole tapping thing. I kinda felt guilty for not being to attend a meeting tonight but if I can attend meetings for the next six days and on my seventh day tap, then these next, thirty, sixty, ninety days are going to come to me.........I know it's going to be very tough. One day by one day..................
Thanks Marchers for listening. I hope to stop talking incoherently and obsessively about me very shortly but for now, thanks for listening and for being there.
I'm off to do a practice hour quiet fiddle before bedtime and before the neighbours start complaining............don't worry, i've a silencer......it's a bit like a capo for you guitarists out there.
Later dudes.
Much love to all.
J xx
Onto a much more relevant note. I went to see my PDoc today.......I wouldn't say all guns blazing as he's such a nice bloke......but I was confident and prepared as from a record of the pharmacy reporting to him that I hadn't attended as well as me being to pissed to cancel and missed his appoint last Wed......I kinda knew I was in for some challenging questions.
I got in first! Did the old reverse psychology thing. I was the first to say "and how are you doing today"......."I guess given the information you have received over this past week regarding my slips this has challenged you're mind and professionalism in regard to reporting me". without giving him time to answer I further carried on, I explained and was honest about my final drink (Fri), my withdrawals over Sat and half of Sun and my opportune time to receive a phone call to attend an AA meeting.........and exactly what I got out of it........there wasn't a lot of oxygen in the air as I barely stopped.
Interestingly and not surprisingly he was skeptical. After advocating to me for the past two weeks the importance of attending AA.......he was a little taken aback at how positive i'd become from only one particular meeting.........of course, completely understandable. I'm sure he has seen many like me, so so often. He did tell me however that while he actively encourages most of his clients to attend AA, the majority are resistant and don't ever go. He said he honestly didn't believe I would go, encouraged me to stay.........even, just for the social aspect, to be able to once again build up a network of friends who know and accept me for who I am, without ever having to lie about my cover up lies......and boy were there many.
From a week ago threatening to report me to the board, today his focus, which I understand is highly important is that if and when I get my license back.......not to use that as the be all and end all.........the hoorah, i'm employable again....I can work locum until I find a job, then turning down a shif, which becomes another and another cause i'm took drunk.........then suddenly i'm no longer offered shifts and once again i'm in the throws of active alcoholism. He's correct and I value everything he says.
After last nights meeting, I was a bit gutted not to be able to attend one tonight.......but, Mons are tap night. I suppose a bit like AA meetings, even in cold winter nights when I can't be bothered, often dragging myself there.......a whole sixty minutes later, the endorphins have kicked in and i'm loving life.......I just so love my tap. Some times it's too tricky, he tries to advance us too fast and if i'm not in the mood I feel like throwing my toys out of the pram, but these days, that's fairly rarely, I just close my eyes and listen to the beautiful music i can make just from the click of a heel, toe or both. I know, I know, i'm starting to become such a rambler at the moment. I suppose, it's because I really feel in a good place.....I know where I was going with the whole tapping thing. I kinda felt guilty for not being to attend a meeting tonight but if I can attend meetings for the next six days and on my seventh day tap, then these next, thirty, sixty, ninety days are going to come to me.........I know it's going to be very tough. One day by one day..................
Thanks Marchers for listening. I hope to stop talking incoherently and obsessively about me very shortly but for now, thanks for listening and for being there.
I'm off to do a practice hour quiet fiddle before bedtime and before the neighbours start complaining............don't worry, i've a silencer......it's a bit like a capo for you guitarists out there.
Later dudes.
Much love to all.
J xx
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891
I've just woken up...........a very little quiet marcher pod..........well, it's good morning from me...........too cold for a run, think I may just practice recumbent bike in bed for the next half hour.......covers removed.......don't want any rude virtual imaginations or sie querps thank you v much 
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I'm glad the discussion with the doctor went well, Life. I'm glad you are enjoying meetings so much now. I think it's a good point he made: your sobriety should be an important priority for you, for your own well-being, not just to be employable. I am so glad you have tap and fiddle to keep your life joyful, too.
Sorry Target doesn't have any coats. I didn't mess around--I got a floor-length parka from L.L. Bean. I must vanquish cold at any cost! Here is my coat, dubbed the "sleeping bag" and the "caterpillar":
Sorry Target doesn't have any coats. I didn't mess around--I got a floor-length parka from L.L. Bean. I must vanquish cold at any cost! Here is my coat, dubbed the "sleeping bag" and the "caterpillar":
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
You Marchers who don't like the cold wouldn't like the winters where I live or where I may be going, lol! But then, I probably wouldn't like winters where North lives either. And as for the south? Been there, my friends and I don't like living in a sauna! I can easily add more layers but there's only so much I can take off. 
And now on the serious side ....
Life, like Gilmer I'm glad you have tap and fiddle for some joy in your life. It also sounds like you have a decent pdoc. The good ones are definitely worth hanging onto. I'm sending lots of sober cyber hugs your way!
And now on the serious side ....
Life, like Gilmer I'm glad you have tap and fiddle for some joy in your life. It also sounds like you have a decent pdoc. The good ones are definitely worth hanging onto. I'm sending lots of sober cyber hugs your way!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Good morning Marchers I had an early appointment so am just dropping by during morning coffee. Such sad news about Robin Williams this morning, he was a brilliant man and apparently very likeable in person too. So so sad that his addiction and/or depression took him far too early.
We are getting some real if very light rain this morning, Mr Marcher is very excited to check the levels in the water tanks when we get home.
Have a good day peeps.
I had an early appointment so am just dropping by during morning coffee. Such sad news about Robin Williams this morning, he was a brilliant man and apparently very likeable in person too. So so sad that his addiction and/or depression took him far too early.We are getting some real if very light rain this morning, Mr Marcher is very excited to check the levels in the water tanks when we get home.
Have a good day peeps.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
I'm glad everyone seems to be hanging in there. Even North...sorry about the germs getting blown in your face. I hate when that happens. Feel better. Hey, do you mind that Kim and Kanye named their baby after you?
Wish I had something exciting to say. Other than I wanted to smoke AND drink today. Jeez. Really? I get a double whammy today? Oh well. They both kind of took turns and didn't gang up on me. Not all day. Just here and there. It was another tough day at work. The head of accounting got fired. Let's see...last week IT walked out. This week accounting got escorted out.
I need a vacation.
And here's a good one for you. MF does not smoke. He did start his non profit job so he's happy again not to be going to the poor house. I need him to work on his faith and trust a little bit. I knew he'd be fine. Thanks for asking Toots.
Anyway, so after 2 and a half years......get ready for this one....he tells me he didn't like kissing me with cigarette breath. I said uh what? You tell me now after 2 and a half years? He says..well you smoked when I met you. If I didn't want a smoker I should of moved on then. You smoked. I put up with it. But no, I didn't like it.
I was going to ask him if there was anything else about me he wasn't crazy about that he has failed to mention but then I changed my mind and decided to quit while I was ahead.
He's a good guy. I would have told him tough sh*t if he mentioned it before anyway so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. One of these days I'll ask him if my wine breath bothered him before. Haha.
Wish I had something exciting to say. Other than I wanted to smoke AND drink today. Jeez. Really? I get a double whammy today? Oh well. They both kind of took turns and didn't gang up on me. Not all day. Just here and there. It was another tough day at work. The head of accounting got fired. Let's see...last week IT walked out. This week accounting got escorted out.
I need a vacation.
And here's a good one for you. MF does not smoke. He did start his non profit job so he's happy again not to be going to the poor house. I need him to work on his faith and trust a little bit. I knew he'd be fine. Thanks for asking Toots.
Anyway, so after 2 and a half years......get ready for this one....he tells me he didn't like kissing me with cigarette breath. I said uh what? You tell me now after 2 and a half years? He says..well you smoked when I met you. If I didn't want a smoker I should of moved on then. You smoked. I put up with it. But no, I didn't like it.
I was going to ask him if there was anything else about me he wasn't crazy about that he has failed to mention but then I changed my mind and decided to quit while I was ahead.
He's a good guy. I would have told him tough sh*t if he mentioned it before anyway so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. One of these days I'll ask him if my wine breath bothered him before. Haha.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Good morning Marchers Ticks on the sunny blue Paradise and we got some rain yesterday so Mr Marcher is delighted. Some men love stocks and shares, some cars, he loves his water tanks.
Shoes I think your MF is a real keeper, he didn't like the smoking but he loves you so he tolerated it, but what a good motivation for you.
Sass did your cleaning people come in and help out? How's the kitty cat going with the changes?
Mr Marcher has an MRI later today (instead of the delayed biopsy) but we won't know anything until Friday.
Have a good day peeps.
Ticks on the sunny blue Paradise and we got some rain yesterday so Mr Marcher is delighted. Some men love stocks and shares, some cars, he loves his water tanks.Shoes I think your MF is a real keeper, he didn't like the smoking but he loves you so he tolerated it, but what a good motivation for you.
Sass did your cleaning people come in and help out? How's the kitty cat going with the changes?
Mr Marcher has an MRI later today (instead of the delayed biopsy) but we won't know anything until Friday.
Have a good day peeps.
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