SolitaryThinker

I liked the movie, I didn't like getting that worked up...

SolitaryThinker

But yea my days have been spent at work or on the couch and it's kinda boring and I feel like a waste a little bit not gonna lie, but that headache stinks enough to not bother

Applekat

I haven't seen it, ST.

I need a new movie to watch though. Netflix?

Anyone that watches it - Orange is the New Black season 2 is available today!!!

SolitaryThinker

no, I downloaded it online but it's new, redbox or a library perhaps? I could probably find a link to it streaming off a website but it's not the same as watching on a TV, at least to me

freein14

Hi everyone,

Just back from work, really looking forward to a lay in tomorrow.

Obosob, congratulations on 6 weeks. It's amazing how you can blink and suddenly you have 41 days under your belt.

Stormi, hope your pot sale goes well, I'd definitely be buying if I were closer.

Sounds like several of us need to make some creative plans for the weekend, that's my task this evening. I'm looking forward to getting out in the gardening if the weather holds up. But I need a wet weather contingency plan just in case.

I'm not leaving anything to chance.

Onward and upward day by day.

SolitaryThinker

I wanna drink today, I haven't had a real urge in a while but these past few days have been depressing and frustrating and a woman really ticked me off today. She made me feel like such an idiot when I dropped her food off to her and it was just really busy, it was out of my control, her food was gonna get thrown in the trash, it was 30$ worth of salads really good ones too, I ended up brining them home and I'm eating my Cobb salad almost in tears, I have people causing stress in my life that i purposely removed for that reason and can't avoid them at times, it's all stacked up and I wanna get a 6 pack, lay on my chair outside and enjoy, but 6 beers will be 16 eventually for me, so I can't. But life is just such a bummer for me lately

Applekat

I don't want to be a downer either, but I am so close to texting hubby to demand wine, or else getting it myself. I know I've had two slips but not once in the past 45 days'ish has it stemmed from me fully taking the reigns and demanding or obtaining it on my own. I haven't had this feeling in that long. I've been in tears, and I want nothing more than a bottle of wine or two and curl up in fetal position and watch TV. In solitary. I am not sure how to backpedal out of this. I wanted to post here first; can't believe I did.

ST I feel for you.

ChickChick

ST I am so sorry you are having such a rough time especially today. You know that beer won't help, stay strong. I am the same in that 6 turns into 16 and that is a really bad place to be too. Things are going to start looking up for you, I'm positive.

Please keep posting today especially if you get any closer to going to get those first six.

ChickChick

Oh Kat, it's going to be ok. I'm so glad you posted first. I wish I had posted first before drinking last week. Can you put on a movie for the kids for the rest of the afternoon? Or look forward to passing the kids to your hubby when he gets home and take a nice bath.

Stay strong and keep posting!!

SolitaryThinker

Thanks, I will for sure, I won't drink if you don't chick! I'm feeling strong and weak at the same time

SolitaryThinker

Strong in I'm not gonna drink but weak cause I want to so badly

ChickChick

I'm not going to so looks like you aren't either!

ChickChick

I just told someone yesterday I hate feeling so weak. They reminded me I'm not.

We just feel that way.

overwhelmd

Hi Everyone,

I've missed several days and haven't even had the energy to read all the posts, so sorry if I am not totally up on what's going on with everyone. I did read about your mom Soli, and I am very sorry. I hope you are with your family and friends so you can be comforted.

Just scanning some of the posts it sounds like a lot of us are having a tough time of it lately. I've been off the board due to another row with my boss who is a lawyer. On Wednesday, he missed a hearing because he never gave me the file so I didn't get the hearing on the calendar. When I called him (he was out of town meeting with a new client) he accused me of only worrying about covering my own butt. I told him I was mad because his lack of preparation is ruining the firm's reputation. Right after that, I had a therapy appointment. My anger was at such a level that I had to take 20mg of valium to get control. Had a massive panic attack in my therapist's office to the point where I nearly lost consciousness. Bottom line, I've decided I need to start looking for another job. I can't take the pressure anymore. I am so mad that I took the energy and courage to come clean with him and told him about my drinking problem and it's like he totally disregarded our conversation and his pledge to support me and keep the stress levels down. In less than a week, he is back to behaving the exact same way he always has. I swear it's like living with an abusive spouse who keeps apologizing when they hurt you but turn around and beat you up again. I know I am in a very touchy state of mind though, so I am questioning whether it's him or whether I am just overly sensitive. I know it is going to take some time for my brain to re-wire after all the years of drinking and drugging, so I understand that I am not processing stress very well. I've discussed this with my therapist. I am not sure if hormones are part of the problem as well as I am nearing menopause (sorry guys - I'm sure the men folk don't really care to hear about this). I feel like my head is going to explode - one minute I am angry, the next I am crying uncontrollably. The next I am just totally lethargic and diving into depression. With all the stress, now I am physically ill, running a low grade fever and sore throat.

The silver lining is that I do not want to drink. I feel like I fought too hard to get this far to go back now. But I am arguing a lot with the AV over the valium. I am taking all next week off from work and I am going to very specifically focus on getting that over with. I am hoping with the lack of stress I can get down to nearly if not all the way off of them. I am planning on staying home, golfing, working on my yard, kayaking and pretending I am a stay at home mom... cooking, cleaning, the whole nine yards.

Thanks for listening - you all are the only ones I can vent this type of frustration to.

My strategy at the moment (because I have to keep this job) is to detach as much as possible and not let my boss's problems (disorganized and taking on WAY too many cases) affect me. My new motto: Lack of planning on my boss's part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

SolitaryThinker

I'm sorry overwhelmed, although I can relate to the level of work you have resting on your shoulders. I do know the abusive type relationship in the workplace and it's not fair, take that time to yourself! It's deserved and you need it right now. You need to do what's best for you, even more right now you know? Let us know how all those activities are!

SolitaryThinker

im still in chick I need to remind myself too

obosob

Morning fools, cloudy, hot, humid and raining.........

St and Chick and Applekat: I'm not drinking today either....

Like applekat's quote says 'I never regret not drinking'. My lord I came close yesterday though! Phew its a relief this morning.

Day 42, 6 weeks on the wagon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

obosob

on the Bus I should say.........

Lucrezia

Congrats to everyone still not drinking!!

And actually, congrats to those who have drank, but came back for support and to keep on track. That's admirable too - so congrats! We're all stronger than we think.

Me, I'm only on day....16, I believe. But still sober. So that's good.

It's after about a month that I worry - ever since I started drinking a long time ago, I don't know if I've ever gone more than a month sober. So, it's at that time that even if I'm trying to not drink, my body goes WAIT!! Aren't you supposed to be drinking now??? You have to drink now! Drink!
So.... patiently awaiting that time. Just trying to take it one day/moment at a time, most of the time. That seems to work. But I'm a bit scared to hit that mark again. Last time I made it to 33 days.... so. Blah blah ok that's all.

Good luck to all my peoples!

Dee74

Early recovery is a real emotional roller coaster Applekat - if you feel the need to cry, or rant or rave a little, today then do it

I can promise you'll wake up tomorrow incredibly glad you stayed strong tonight

There's support here - you can do this!!!

I'm sorry it wasn't a great day ST but the issue wasn't yours it was the womans - don't let her problem rent space in your head.

I used to feel responsible for EVERYTHING. It was no wonder I drank.
Now I know I'm just responsible for me...the loads a lot lighter.

Drinking at someone or because of someone never works.

Don't let a bad day become a catastrophic one, ST.
You're better than that.

I'm sorry to see so many others here struggling too - Overwhelmd I think you're on the right track

Chick, Mariah, Free, Top - how you guys are doing ok?

congrats on 6 weeks Obosob

D