Dee74

Fair enough.
What are you down to now?

D

sweetenuff

Hi swede you sound a lot like me. Its usually later in the day and not every day. But I binge and the amount is getting more and the frequentcy...
.progressive of course. I have also been at this on and off for around 20 years. And have never felt comfortable in my own skin although I put a 'front on'. I never feel I am good enough and increasingly I have run away from things. When I think of how my life has Been affected it makes me so mad at myself. Every time I have tried to stop have always clung on to the notion that it was so sad and awful I wouldn't be able to drink, in the back of my mind I still wanted to. So every time I went back and of course the same old happened. Keep on doing what you are doing, keep on getting what you are getting. This time I have accepted that I cannot drink again and I am GLAD.

We can do this. There's a saying in Yorkshire ' nair cast a clout til May's out'. .....don't take off your coats and woolies because the weather won't hold! Hurray its june. Let's get our coats off and get in that sun instead of hiding inside with an hangover!

Carlygirl

My 5 year old sons life at weekends involves a lot of 'movie nights'. That is where he is upstairs with a DVD and supper. If he comes downstairs his mum and dad give him a few crisps and ask him to go upstairs again. In the morning, his mum and dad are grumpy, he watches TV and everyone hangs around the house for hours before they get going anywhere. His mum is tired and has long lies.

For a few months earlier this year, he always brushed his teeth properly and got stories every night. Mum always looked so pleased to see him in the morning. She took him swimming.

I am on day 1 again and my husband is joining me.

Dee74

Welcome to the thread Carlygirl

D

sweetenuff

Hi Sean, yes, stress, and other negative feelings, always has me hitting the bottle, I need to reduce it in my life yet gradually stop avoiding things. There are always going to be stresses and people who are difficult. Saying that I agree about the addiction, I have one for sure. Do I drink because of the stress or use stress as an excuse? Probably more of the latter now, I also drink because......well anything if I am so inclined. Celebrations, weekends and on and on.

I am also on a mission to act and think differently, hence losing my job is good. I escape a situation that has made me unhappy and ill. Of course I could and should have left before but fear and low self confidence kept me there and honestly my drinking made that worse and probably didn't help me do my job or deal with difficult people. I need to get another job, it scares me a lot but I have to face this sober. I am trying to see getting less stressful work as a positive but I torment myself that a lower paid job, less responsibility is a failure and people will say that about me. I also have been getting angry about the truly horrible people who seem to always rise to the top as they have no conscience about how they treat people or care if they can do the job. I have to let this go. I have been reading on SR about the depression, anger, anxiety etc alcohol brings. Been at this a long time and i am hoping that getting sober and changing my thinking will reverse some of the damage. Looking into mindfulness. Think about my sobriety first and the good things I have. Trust that those windows will blow some fresh air around and bring something better.

I am probably looking at an unfair dismissal claim following my redundancy and I have my 50th birthday coming up, am already planning how I can tackle these sober.

Glad to hear things are changing for the better for you.

Carlygirl

I know what you mean about images of drinking in the summer being so appealing, but if you are anything like me, that imagined relaxing cold beer resulted in remorse, shame and a sweaty palpitating mess. I stopped from january to April this year. Started drinking again when on holiday 7 weeks ago and have achieved only 3 sober days since. I am glad to be stopping in the summer as there are more opportunities to do alternative things- walking, cycling, going to the park. What do you want to do with your summer and any sunny days we get?

sweetenuff

How true, it seems so great, the idea. In the last few weeks I have 'enjoyed' drinks in the sun with my friends/hubby. Results were huge binges, me a slurring loud idiot at best and terrible hangovers, illness, embarrassment, shame, cringe........

We are sorting out our garden so am looking forward to gardening and sitting out reading with a nice non alcoholic drink. There's lots of historical places to visit this summer too. I know the temptation to drink in the sun will be strong but I am going to remind myself of the reality for me.

Yes how lovely to enjoy the summer with your little one instead of feeling rough and hiding away...lots to look forward to

Dee74

In case you guys hadn't seen it, there's some great cravings tips here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

sweetenuff

Hello all, the class of June is filling up, great to see. Still feeling a bit rough today but know tomorrow will be better so taking it easy. Going to be talking to my union soon, not looking forward to facing the work issues but its just something I need to do. Trying to think, OK deal with the bit you can straightaway then put it to one side until the next bit. Worry equals stress and anxiety which I need to avoid.

Weather rubbish today, but dry. Actually we don't get great weather often here so the idea of drinking away sunny days is another myth, even if I could just enjoy a few....which I can't

Got a man with a little digger here getting all the old pavement and garden up, looks like a building site but its sort of fun, although sure the neighbours wouldn't think so at 8 this morning! No we warned them and they were fine. Excited about the new garden stuff.

I've decided not to count days, the day I stopped is 1st of June 2014. I sometimes do better just getting on with things rather than obsessing about it or over thinking it.

Well I hope everyone is feeling good, positive and determined. Have a great and sober day all. Will check in tonight.

sweetenuff

Talked to my union, they are backing me. If it comes to a claim of unfair dismissal they may pay the tribunal fees depending on the strength of the case, at this point my rep thinks its a sound case. OK need to contact the CEO then try to forget about it, potentially could be meeting him weds. A bit anxious but going to crack on with ironing to distract myself from building up scary scenarios


Sorry seem to be posting a lot, don't mean to be selfish, am thinking of everyone....just helping me at the moment. Thanks

Dee74

Best of luck sweetenuff

D

anewpage

Hi all... I'm still filled with remorse and shame this morning after drinking yesterday. I have an AA meeting tonight so I know I'll get support there. I just feel bad disappointing people when they have so much faith in me.

halfvictory

Good Morning Class! I am on day 2 today so i will be joining you. I was part of the January 2014 class and made it 122 days. And then I had a few one night and it was no big deal. But then another night happened, and another and I was back to where I was before I got sober.

So here I am, continuing the fight.

sweetenuff

Hi. That's a great achievement and shows you can do it. Welcome.

Kiya

Half victory I'm in the same place. Made it to 102 or 103 days starting from the middle of January to the end of April. Had a beer with dinner on vacation. Then the next week two on Friday and I was back up to 6 per night by the end of last month. Just a steady increase working my way back up to where I was.

June 1st will be my date ongoing.

gracette

Hi all,

Technically my first sober day was in May (starting day 4 today!) but I didn't join that class and June 1 was when I really decided to commit myself to sobriety again. The consequences of drinking just keep getting worse and worse and I want my life to be different. For me in a lot of ways the hardest part is believing that I deserve to put myself and my happiness first, rather than give in to the pressure from family etc to drink. Going to try going to a meeting this week I think, because I know from my first failed attempt that I'm going to need lots of support, both here and IRL.

Hope everyone is having a good 2nd day of June!

Hawk07

Hi everyone

I'm in for June's class. Woke up with a god awful cold the 1st of June and still feeling icky. On the plus 0 desire to drink for now.

Anewpage, don't beat yourself up.. I've been where you are plenty of times. The only thing that matters is you get up and dust yourself off. It seems like you're doing just what you need to.

Django

I've stuffed my face today which is never good, but got to learn to not give myself such a hard time.

TellMeWhen

Hello all, I would like to join the June class. I have posted on SR a few times over the last couple of years when down, and I lurk often. I'm filled with anxiety, remorse and worry today, and am just trying to hang on. I have to get away from alcohol and get my mind right again. I just have to for myself, my wife and my kids. I never used to be like this.

sweetenuff

Welcome to you tellmewhen and everyone else who joined today. I think you'll find a lot of people feeling the same and get some good help and support here.