SayAnything

Thanks! I will. I'm sorry I'm infrequent here. It's like I save it all up and purge. Plus my life is pretty unexciting. The puppy just peed on my floor, dang it! That's what I get for leaving the kennel open.

gleefan

Hi Say Anything - Glad to hear you're busy and happy - and starting off the summer season sober. My children and I still have a few more weeks left til our school years end.

I related to what you said about how resentful you'd feel caring for your puppy or your kids of you were hungover. I've absolutely felt that way at home and, to be completely honest, at work. (I'm a day care teacher for 4 year olds). I wrote a blog post about how sobriety is changing the way I parent my children. Today, at a conference at my son's school, the social worker referenced a topic we discussed at a precious meeting - and I actually remembered what she was talking about.

Gazza - Congratulations on your 3 month chip. I got one too. The variations on AA meetings boggle the mind; yours sounded strange for sure, but I suppose sometimes it's more about the connections with people afterwards. I'm glad that you are sticking with AA.

Alcoholism cuts deep. I was a blackout drinker. I fell down a flight of stairs when I was blotto drunk. I regained consciousness in a ct scan machine. I went on to drink for 12 more years. That was one jarring incident of many. My incidents and accidents varied in degrees of severity, but the aftermath was often the same. I would stop for a week, tops, then go right back to the drinking life. The incident that got me to stop this time around was relatively tame in comparison to many other ones. I think what was different was that I opened my heart to help and guidance, and I had faith that good things awaited on the other side of the depression, fatigue, and malaise of early sobriety.

The one thing I hope for the Febbies who have been in and out of sobriety, is that they know are always welcome here. We're all just trying to find our own way.

SoberLeigh

I am so glad that you regained consciousness in that ct scan machine. When I think of all the dangers to which we alcoholics expose ourselves (short term, long term, temporary, permanent), I can barely take it in. I think of all the "living" my friend will miss (and all the experiences he and my dear girlfriend will miss as a team), and my heart just breaks.

gleefan

Yeah, my memory really took a hit over the last couple of years. My word retrieval had a slow but steady erosion, and it hasn't fully righted itself.

I dunno. It's sad, you know?

SoberLeigh

Yes, I do know.

tornrealization

I do miss you guys.

I don't even have a good story on why I fell off the wagon - I caught my husband sneaking drinks.

My back issues created a huge problem- can't even enjoy my walks during lunch. I went to a Chiropractor who after two weeks, all I got was a plan that would cost me 2 grand and no help yet.

I got and are very depressed that I keep trusting people for help and I'm not getting it. I think this is my trigger.

I am still not sober, but I have no one to talk to either. What a sad place to be in when things are actually really good.

I'm promising myself to be sober for about 3 weeks, then there is an event. I miss my sobriety. I'm scared of the event too. It's a mess. I don't have a huge drama story to go with it- either.

DI-I'm glad you're still doing well. It sounds like the job move was good, so far.

Glee- Thankyou for your kind words and honesty.

Gazza- Congrats on your three month chip and thankyou for continuing to share throughout the heartbreak you are being given without reason. You are such an inspiration.

I'm having disappointment with strangers and drinking and I strongly appreciate you haven't gone down that path. I'm thinking of going to AA again before my 3 weeks (of promised self sobriety) is up to keep me in check.

SayAnything - We all appreciate a check-in. Even if it's not often, I like to hear from you even if I'm in hiding.

SL-I'm SO deeply sorry you loss of your friend. I want to give you hugs. I hope their lesson helps some of us, and I know it did for you. Their life means much for you and I'm glad you had your time together.

LonelyShadow- I like your drill Sgt. approach, I do need that kick in the ass sometimes.

Dee- I don't know how you do this. The constant watch of people. I worked for local government and we had 911 operators. It took a special person used to bad results, no results, just extreme stuff. Why you do it on a volunteer basis - I hope you know you are probably a catalyst at saving people who aren't even interested in being saved.

FABL- I think we are in the same boat. What's so bad about a weekend? Dangerous AV stuff. Rough stuff- I have no advice, just know you aren't alone.

I'm cancelling Mrs. AA on Monday- I'd rather do my Beginner Yoga. I miss my non-booze skin- I must be allergic. My problem is/has/will be none forever ever. I hope you all can understand that, and I'm mad at myself that I question this goal on this site.

Dee74

Why not continue to post here Torn? You seem to do better when you do?
Same with you SayAnything and anyone else lurking - this thread is for people at all points of the compass, not only those doing well, but those struggling too

Thanks for the kind words too
I still remember what it was like not seeing how the heck I could remain sober in my life.

D

tornrealization

Dee- I'm embarrassed that's why I don't post more. I know what the right thing to do is and I don't do it and I'm an adult.

I'm being honest tomorrow at new back doctor (just like the last) that I'm alcoholic, but I HATE it.

I do dearly miss it and my walks. I really am banking on my back not being in great pain as help into redoing sobriety, and my skin. My husband who is/well was happy I was drinking again likes sober TORN better.

Grrr. Wish it was easier, oh well.

tornrealization

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agrXgrAgQ0U

Big Girls Don't Cry

Dee74

no need to be embarrassed - just speaking for myself, I've been where you are...and worse.

It took me 15 years to pull myself up and stop.
You're light years ahead of me, Torn

D

LonelyShadow

So glad to hear from you Torn, don't feel like a failure we've ALL been there many, many times.

It's not about never falling, but rising every time you fall.

You WILL find the way sooner or later. Just keep going.

Hope your back problems alleviate soon, you're in my thoughts.

Gazza

Great to hear from you TR. Keep posting.

gleefan

Torn - I understand what it feels like to want to quit and want to drink. I agree with Dee, and the others. Keep posting, keep talking to us, whether you're drinking or not. Reach out.

I hope your back pain eases up ASAP.

SayAnything

Good to see you here, Torn. I know back problems are sometimes difficult to treat. I hope this doctor can help you and give you some relief.

SoberLeigh

Torn!!!! Hi!!!! I am so glad you posted. I/we have missed you so much.

Please don't be embarrassed, especially not HERE. Everyone here understands (all too well) where you are and just how hard this is. I had a thousand Day 1s (and one Day 4, if I remember correctly) before it finally stuck and I remember coming perilously close to caving at 4-1/2 months in. In my mind, you are doing so much better than I was at that point because you are WORKING IT; I was simply white knuckling it (although I really didn't have much of a choice; caregiving has a way of eating up all of one's time and then some).

Please don't give up and please don't stop posting. You are simply amazing and so worthy of a beautiful sober life.

bobquin

Torn, there are clearly a lot of people here who care about you and are pulling for you to make it through this relapse. I applaud your bravery and honesty in sharing your struggles here, and honestly hope that you're able to find the strength to fight back. You CAN do this.

Good luck. Keep posting. Don't isolate, and never underestimate yourself.

Gazza

Im all good. Not sure about the relationship issues. Latest communications seem friendly but non romantic that seems good so Im responding in kind, no love yous or xxx. Im a lot less worried about it. A friendly seperation where I keep the house would not be so bad. I can work for that but ultimatly is out of my control like many things in life. Putting it in the hands of my higher power. Going to go to a meeting in a couple of hours then do a lot of house work.

Im amazed how much less emotional I am now compared to a week ago.

Be well all.
G

DiggingIn

Torn- I was thinking about you on the way to work today, praying you'd come around, or were at least reading how badly we all want you to stay a part of us. There really is no need for embarrassment but of course I understand that emotion. Keep at this. We are all so new to this and it is hard.

I was shocked to learn last night that a woman I know, who is a knock-out, who has a good husband and great kids and lives a very comfortable life was recently in rehab and is 60 days sober. We really don't know how many of us are out there. Everyone has a story we don't know.

jenny11785

Hello all!! It has been forever since I have posted/been on here but have thought about you guys often! Things have been going ok. Slipped a few times. About 1/4 of legal stuff done and I won the child support so my ex can not stop payment legally.

I guess I feel like I am in a cloud. I started PTSD individual therapy. I am on edge, cry, want to drink and don't trust/like people. Panic attacks are all the time and I want to drink to get rid of them. I am well scared of life. It sucks. Glad to see this thread is up and going still!

Dee74

Welcome back

Starting any new therapy is always going to be uncomfortable, even confrontational, I think, so I empathise Jenny.

I found alcohol just added to my panic attacks and anxiety, though

Please do all you can to find another way to deal

D