Driver1

So we have covered the extroverted vs introverted dimension; how about another from the MBTI.

QOTD: Are you more Judging or Perceiving? in very simplest terms, that could be reframed as Organized versus Flexible.

JL2014

I think about that question - I may have become more inflexible, as I age. I wonder if there's a point at which it reverses, and I'm more flexible/perceiving.

Bilr44

QOTD: I'm not sure I can be defined by those parameters, it all depends on the situation. I am definitely not organized but I can be either flexible or inflexible depending on situations.

DoubleDragons

Having taken the MB a couple of times before, I am typically in the middle spectrum on this with a slight lean towards judging.

WhoDey

Sorry for not posting more often, but life gets in the way. Doing fine ... one day at a time!

Days and evenings have been hectic and when the alarm went off this morning I did not want to get up! Tired as I was, I thought about how nice it was to not also have that feeling from having too much alcohol the evening prior. In the past, I would have felt physically worse because of the alcohol and would also have mentally/spiritually beat myself up for drinking. I will never go back to that existence.

JL ... I'm sorry to read that you are struggling. May I suggest that you make a concerted effort to post frequently and tell us more about your struggle? Tell us the good, the bad, and the ugly. I get the feeling that you are trying to do this alone. This group helped me tremendously in getting my feet set on the right path ... and keeping them there.

QOTD: Perceiving. Although if you saw me try to touch my toes the word "flexible" would not come to mind. This attribute definitely puts me at odds with most of my colleagues. I work in the engineering/scientific arena and the great majority of those around me are strong J's.

Driver1

Duh, forgot to answer my own Q: I'd love to think of myself as flexible, but I'm not. Definitely organized; especially as it relates to work and home behavior. Socially, I'm much more flexible.

Driver1

Doc just left. Interesting, my left side is far more ganked up than my right side.

In other news: They are going to try to schedule the fifth and last therapy session (which usually wipes me out for about 6 hours) a bit earlier tomorrow so there is a shot that I can get out tomorrow night Tobers. Can I get a HellYeah!?

trudgingagain

HellYeah, Driver! Bet you are ready! DD...and all... I once read that a parent's unlived life is a prison to their children...good point, and thanks! My younger daughter definitely feels as if I "abandoned" her...even though they both knew that we were moving here for over a year. (She was 23 at the time...) We were very close, so it was a huge transition for her...and she still is trying to get her sh** together. Hubby and I have discussed "getting on with OUR lives" quite a few times. If we were still in CA, how much would we REALLY see the kids, anyway? They are all busy, working, etc. Even with our visit...it is tough for them to have time away from work to see us. The younger one is still not talking to me, so I am sad to say that I may not even get to see her. As for the QOTD. i AM DEFINITELY organized..somewhat of a control freak....although, living here has been good for me. Tranquillo....Well, packing up the laptop now, so I hope to catch up in a couple of days. Take care, all....Pura Vida!

WhoDey

We learned yesterday that someone we knew through a common friend committed suicide. He wasn't a close friend, but someone we would see several times a year. He leaves behind a wife and children. He went into the backyard, texted his wife, who was at work, goodbye, and then shot himself.

I'm sorry for being a "downer", but it is really hitting me hard that we just don't know what "stuff" people around us are going through. Life can be hard. Really hard. Still we walk around pretending that everything is fine and secretly fearing that someone will see through our mask and understand that everything is, indeed, not fine. We lived that existence with our drinking, didn't we?

If you're having a hard time, find someone to talk to. Someone you can be brutally honest with. You don't have to open up to everyone, but you do need to open up to someone.

I'm sure this fellow had problems that seemed insurmountable. I'm also sure that his wife will find the strength to continue. It's thinking about what the kids face that breaks my heart. Really sad.

Again ... sorry for the mood.

Cynderino

WhoDey - no apologies needed. You might have saved a life with your statement. My brother in law is dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts and I know in his mind he believes his wife and three children will be better off without him. Makes me sad and I know my sister does not feel that way. His kids need their dad, she needs her husband.

I was walking around with a mask on terrified someone would see what was really going on. It is such a relief to be free from that prison.

Holy cats! I am way behind!

Driver - dude, glad to hear you are on the mend. Sending more juju your way from KC. We bought season tickets to the Royals this year and cannot wait for opening day (4/4) which also happens to be my little dude's 6th birthday. Heard good things about the team this year but we shall see. My brother in law's dad used to be a scout for the Devil Rays, I believe. Cool gig!

I loved your post about prisons and about us compensating for our behavior. It makes me happy too, to know I helped provide some insight for you. You all have given me so much!

I agree that it is so nice to be "enough" and to be free of trying to prove that I am a good person. Now I get to live that proof and not worry who witnesses.

So QOTDs...(1) I have broken my wrists three separate times as a kid and my foot twice. Only one of those was a drunken incident but really even that is too many! and (2) - I am more perceiving and flexible.

reflection

Who, you're not being a downer - that is big, heart-wrenching stuff. My thoughts go out to his family and to you and yours. Suicide affects everyone, whether you're best friends or mere acquaintances.

Life is so fragile; it's a fine dance some days to keep it all "together"…and "together" probably means something entirely different for each of us. I think it's a good reminder to be gentle with ourselves and those around us and yes, absolutely, to open up with someone you trust if stuff feels too unbearable.

Bilr44

I had a friend at work who I used to eat lunch with every day commit suicide about a year ago. He left behind a wife and 2 year old son at the time. He was separated from his wife at the time and I guess couldn't deal with it. They say it is the easy way out and leaves the hard part for the family to deal with. Obviously you have to be hurting really bad and have some serious mental health issues to do that.

fishoutawatta

My job puts me too close to too many suicides. We isolate ourselves way too much...on both sides of the tragedy. Hard it is!

QOTD: I'm an off the chart "J". And proud of it! ;-)

Fishy

DoubleDragons

Wow, Whodey, that news does take your breath away. My sister's husband's brother committed suicide a few years ago. It shook them to the core.

I work in a small office with primarily the two owners of the agency who are a married couple. We have agents that come into the office, but for the most part, it is just the three of us who are in the office every morning. I have worked there for almost three years and I have gotten very close to them. It is just in the last week or so, that I have learned that their marriage is a sham and that they are very close to divorce. I am awestruck that I had no idea. You are right, Whodey, it is very hard to understand what is going on with other people. Very complicated lives we all lead these days . . . . . Compassion and love are the answers, I guess and most importantly, faith in the bigger picture.

Oh and Driver, HELL YEAH!!!

DoubleDragons

Trudging, I guess it is a no-win situation either being a parent or having the parents we've got. My girlfriend's parents lead super busy lives. They are very active retirees who are heavily involved with the Shriners and post educational groups. My parents are smothering and make my sister and I feel bad for not spending more time with them. I am so jealous of my friend, but she gets angry at her parents for not making more of her sons' baseball games. I guess a happy medium would be good.

Because I felt so controlled and because of feeling like I had to fulfill my parents' needs as a child, I am probably erring too far the other way encouraging my childrens' independence. I want my children to live their lives zestfully, fully and free of guilt or obligation to me. I am responsible for my own happiness, as they are theirs. I copied an article written about Francoise Gilot (the most famous lover of Picasso, mother of Paloma) years ago in which she said, "I don't think the parent and child should be so intimate that it becomes a jail for the child. I have tried to help my children become themselves." This has become my mothering theme and I hope that at least 2 out of the four think I got it right.

Driver1

Oh man,WhoDey. I hope you are OK.

So sad. In so many ways.

This place has been a humbling reminder that everyone, EVERYONE, has a battle. Some more than others. It makes me cringe to think of the pain and hopelessness your friend must have been experiencing. Oh man.

Yes, love your people, people.

Driver1

Francois Gilot. Got it. Thanks Dolly.

Driver1

Busted out to see babies again today! When I came back they changed the battery in my portable heart monitor (hee-hee)! Fished "old" battery out of the garbage cause I know it works!

My babies be beautiful Tobers. I miss them so much. I missed Pickle's first real interactive smile. No big Tobers, I know I got plenty coming soon.

I've decided to keep my night time treatment instead of going for earlier tomorrow. That will keep me here through Thursday AM. Just better for so many reasons, and I like the idea of getting seen by a doctor one last time.

Hope I'm not boring or capitalizing too much, all. It's pretty much all that is going on in my little world.

Hug people.

Cyn, KC got decent pitching. Definitely a winning season, but you got Cleveland and Detroit in your division. Should be fun.

Cynderino

post on, Driver!

Bilr44

Driver, better safe then sorry, so extending your stay at the Tampa Marriott is probably better. With the twins it's probably better to have both arms functioning at 100%.