Jeni26

Ooh have fun Dee...so pleased you're getting away for a bit....



Much love to you, and thank you for everything you do to make SR the awesome place it is...xxxxxx

Dee74

thanks guys

D

Saskia

Good morning!

WeHav, since Toots and and Marcher are Methuselah's sisters, therefore I'm Metuselah's big sister - that happened after we had a contest about who was oldest, lol. It sounds like your holiday this year is a great first in terms of not drinking. I'm finding that most people don't ask why I'm not drinking and for the few that do, I find that saying something short and simple like "I've chosen not to drink" or "I don't like alcohol" or "I'm being more careful of my health" are more than enough. We don't "owe" anyone an explanation of what we choose to do or not do, especially when it doesn't hurt them. I think that focusing on the good things we can now do is soooo healthy!

Also, so sorry your dad can't accept your having a partner! That must hurt. (((hugs)))!

Jeni, it's always great to hear from you :-)

And Dee, I'm so happy that you will have a chance for a break! Have a good one!

Saskia

Have a very merry and sober Christmas to all of the Mayans!

Hugs,
Sassy

Jeni26

Merry Christmas to all Mayans, past and present. Thank you all for your love and support to me xxx

wehav2day

Happy birthday sassy!!!!

Merry Christmas to you, jeni. I hope it's wonderful with your h and kids, and drama free with the rest of your family.

Dee74

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day

D

Saskia

Thanks, WeHav - it was a lovely day. I feel very blessed with the friends in my life.

I hope all of you had a lovely Christmas!

wehav2day

Thanks! Mostly did. Made brunch for my family in la, got to watch nephew open presents. It's so cool spending Christmas morning with a kid! Then went down to sd for our traditional very **** Christmas. I skyped me and that didn't go so well. I apparently only have so much kindness and patience in me and when it's "just" the pain of what she's going through, it's usually good. But she skyped me late at night (in England) and she gets really dark late at night even on normal days sometimes. Add to that my own insecurities and I was definitely not good enough yesterday. She started chucking out things like " I've decided I don't like Skype" and some other stuff. I realized we had entered the land of nothing I say will help. So I asked to end the conversation and ended with a merry Christmas and an I love you. I've texted but no response.

Trying not to let it get me down, this is really the only day I have to hang with my brother, niece and both sisters.

Saskia

Sorry things got difficult! I know there are both positives and negatives in your Calif. trip. I gather you were concerned about past triggers. Although what happened was far from ideal, you are showing much sober strength and wisdom. I'm glad you enjoyed spending Christmas morning with a kid :-). For me that's one of the most, if not the most, enjoyable parts of the holiday. I believe you will come through this even stronger. I will be thinking of you!

(((((Hugs))))), grrrrlllll!

Dee74

She's probably feeling as bad about being away from you as you are about being away from her Wehav?

D

wehav2day

I think she's in a really bad headspace. I wish I could fix it, but I can't. Just try to be good. Have my limits too. Have some family stuff that had me a little insecure too. But today at least she texted back. Feel a little better now, thank you.

Dee74

I always want to fix things too so I empathise.

D

Jeni26

Wehav...it's hard when you're a long way from the person you love but you couldn't fix things even if she was sitting right next to you now. The distance adds another layer to this, but essentially the issues she has are beyond your power to solve.

Try not to take this personally...if she goes 'quiet'...it is because she needs some space maybe? If she is sad...it's because she feels upset? You are doing exactly the right thing here by reaching out to her but most importantly by staying sober and ensuring YOU get the support you need to stay that way.

I'm so proud of you girl...but then you know that

Saskia

WeHav, what Dee and Jeni have said is, IMHO, spot on. I think almost all (or perhaps all) of us want so much to fix things. Sometimes people need a little time to feel crummy without everyone trying to fixit. Just being available when practical can sometimes be the best thing we can do. When I'm in a bad spot I sometimes just need to vent and get more frustrated by people trying to fix it - even though I appreciate the efforts.

Take care of yourself first. That's not being selfish. That's probably the most loving single thing you can do.

(((((hugs)))))

wehav2day

Thank you all. J skyped me this morning. She was very sweet, talked with my family, we had a good conversation. We didn't talk about the other day, didn't really need to. I don't expect her or want her to edit her feelings with me. But she did make a point to Skype me earlier there because she knows that she gets morose late at night. It's never a good time for her to think about difficult stuff.

But yeah we had a nice chat. That was good.

Today the family and I are having a good mellow day. Gonna go enjoy my niece.

Saskia

WeHav, that sounds rally good! Happy to hear things are working out :-)

Jeni26

Wehav-there's something about night, especially the early hours of the morning that plays havoc with my emotional state too...I can understand J. I can feel utter despair at that time of the day that can be at total odds with my mood in general.

I've learned how to manage these dark times now...and the saying 'it's always darkest before dawn' springs to mind.

If you're both aware of this as being a particularly difficult time of the day for her, it might help to re-arrange Skype times?

Love to Sassy xxxxxxx

Saskia

And loads of love to you, too, Jeni :-)

Saskia

How are you doing, WeHav? Are you back home or still on your trip?