Croissant

Hi all. Well, I'm still going ok, but I had a bit of a talking to to myself this past week. Been eating way too many chocolates, drinking coffee and caffeine (which I've established now is a danger for me)...and I started to worry I was slipping back to my pre-drinking routine, just without the alcohol.

I'm starting to pick up patterns now, which is good. Also FABL (please don't take this personally x), but when I read you had slipped, I worried that it's so easy to make excuses to drink, and I wanted to toughen back up on myself. I want people to be understanding if I or others slip, but I just kept reading everyone slipping and it was like 'oh well, pick yourself up'.....and I didn't want to slip into that bad mindset and start giving myself reasons to drink, if everyone else was finding it hard.

Sorry if all the above does not make sense, and it's not aimed at anyone, it's more me examining why I've reacted the way I have to peoples slips, that's all.

So, I'm sticking to things I want to do. I've gone for a long walk every day, to start getting fitter and off the chocolate. Even when I just want to lay in bed in the morning, I tell myself not to question it, get up and do it. I've noticed how much negative talk (work wise) and that voice that says, oh, I just want to sleep in.....yeah, I have to ignore those voices, put my shoes on and within 15 mins of walking, I'm fine.

I've felt a lot better mentally for the long walks. Even today, I just wanted to lounge around, and I said just put your shoes on and get out the door. Ended up walking for an hour and a half without realising.

So, I'm just 'doing' stuff now, just like in the beginning I just had to cling to being sober, not think about the voices pushing and pulling me.

Not sure how tempted I'm going to be this Christmas, who knows. But I want to be fit and healthy and that is the goal, so not drinking is part of that.

Again, sorry if my post is a bit of a ramble!

SnoozyQ

It's not a ramble Crois ;-)

I've also noticed how many people have had slips since i first started here . Maybe it was always that way and i just didn't notice , cos i was in early recovery ?

But I have to be honest ..it does scare me a little x

Croissant

Thanks Snoozy, really appreciate it. I was really worried it would come out all wrong.

Dee74

This time of year is always hard for a lot of folks.
As SR gets bigger so do the numbers of people having struggles.

I used to be terrified of relapsing too - until I realised I had to give myself permission to drink again.

If I do all I can to ensure I never raise a glass of booze to my lips again...I'm safe.

Some days were harder than others but I can't overemphasise our greatest weapon - reaching out for help.

The other great thing we have going for us is a willingness to change.
Make recovery your priority.

If this festive season seems to be just temptation after temptation, it's ok to change some arrangements or decline some invites

There'll be other parties etc - when you're stronger.

D

SnoozyQ

Thank you so very much Dee .

I really appreciate that . I got asked to 3 different events , by friends at work today .
I said ok sounds good , we will catch up .( not intending to of course)

Then before i left one of the girls said ok what days do you have free next week ...

I said , sorry cant do next week , she said no probs week after is good ...

Sigh ...and so it goes .

It's exhausting . My New boss said see you at the work function on Saturday , i said " i have work early Sunday morning" he said I'll expect to see you there .. Wtf! Talk about pressure.

I DO NOT WANT TO GO . IM JUST NOT READY ;-(

.

Dee74

It's good you know that Snoozy.
Remember - no is a complete sentence

we're old enough to do what we want now, lol

D

SnoozyQ

Yes ...yes we are

Thanks lol at 51 you would think i would know how to say no ! Geez

Dee74

LOL took me nearly as long Snoozy

D

SnoozyQ

Yep well you certainly got there ok , i believe you were saved so you could save others . I honestly do :-)

.*****I used to be terrified of relapsing too - until I realised I had to give myself permission to drink again.****

I don't quite know how to interpret this Dee :/

Dee74

I used to be scared I'd be ambushed by my addiction and somehow the relapse would be involuntary,

It's not like that at all

The only way I'd ever drink again is if I make a conscious decision to raise the glass to my lips.

I have the power to ensure that never happens

SnoozyQ

I believe i have that power too .

I have learnt 3 incredible things today in SR and 2 were from you .

The most significant being that you cant overemphasise our greatest weapon. * reaching out for help * ....that was empowering .

It's amazing how we can literally gain strength from words . Xxx bless , my friend xxx

Dee74

Thanks Snoozy - have a good night - I'm off for my dinner

D

SnoozyQ

Ciao , me too ...off to unleash the hounds at the park ..night x

forabetterlife

Croissant..I totally understand what you mean. In fact, that is the main reason why I apologized profusely when I admitted my slip on here. Part of me feels and understands that this class or thread is for like-minded people with roughly the same amount of sober time helping each other through. Hearing about a slip and and all the trials and tribulations that follow is really not where many of you are at right now. Reading about slips when I have a decent amount of sober time is dangerous for me as well. You start to read into it and convince yourself of lies like: relapse is part of recovery- it's your turn (yikes!), or that a relapse (slip) isn't that big of a deal. I was hoping and I still hope that my mistakes would be more of an example of what you DON'T want. Nothing feels better than sobriety, not a casual drink, not getting drunk, and certainly not a hangover. It literally ruins and takes away all the good. It can come back, thankfully, but those early days are so difficult. When I read about everyone else's successes and strength and daily growth after a slip, I wanted what you had so badly again, it was a true insipiration to me and helped me quickly turn it around.
Snoozy, you know what is right for you now, and if saying no is what you must to do stay on your path then do it with your head held high, knowing that you will feel so much better for that decision when all is said and done
Happy December! I love a new month and I particularly love December. I am making a firm commitment to myself to stay sober this month..all month...straight through the holidays. I really want to experience every aspect of this Christmas with clarity and focus. My children are getting older but right now they are home with me, and I want to be present and enjoy every moment. Today is my last day of vacation, and things will be busy, busy, busy. I cannot lose sight of what is important and make time for SR and staying connected. Like Dee said...we need to reach out for help. Sometimes I fear that you guys may have given up on me, but in my heart I know that is not true.
Have a wonderful Sunday

LuLu13

We'd never give up on you, FABL!!!

Ladybug2

Hi all,

I second this, FABL. And, I can totally relate to what you said about the first few days after relapsing being very hard. I am hanging in there, but boy did it do a number on my head (and pride ) I truly hope I did not bring people down here and I am grate gyms for all of your support.

Hope everyone sips having a great Sunday. Getting ready to have turkey soup

Ladybug2

Sorry, meant to say I am grateful for all of your support

Ladybug2

And meant to say I hope everyone IS having a great Sunday, lol. Geez. I honestly am stone sober, just can't type

Petecrab

Happy December everyone. Christmas time does seem scary avoiding the drink, I am still looking forward to the family fun though! 10 days off work can't come quick enough.

Now where is the snow!!

Leshar

Hi all,

It's my birthday today. I took myself out for a nice brunch, then went shopping.

Had calls from some of my gfs, and will see two of them next week, looking forward to that. My brother even remembered and called me, missed his call. He very, very seldom remembers, so that was nice.

My ex bf who I dumped in Feb this year after I found out he was cheating, sent me a bizarre email, a doc with numerous pics of me that hed taken, with "funny" captions attached and at the end Happy Birthday, Fabulous!
He'd finally stopped emailing/texting in the summer after I maintained absolutely zero contact, and now this? He's prob looking to get a rise out of me, but just like booze, it's no contact with that bad egg!
I'm starting to feel like I'm respecting myself. I'm worth it!!

Great posts, Croissant and Fabl, everyone here helps me so much!