FishnHippy

Hello all my worldly friends I got home lastnight and my kids were here waiting on me we stayed up late haveing fun the oldest boys girlfriend got up made us breakfast boudin balls and grits and eggs. now we are getting ready to go catch train to watch NFL game Panthers and Rams in Charlotte.. Everyone have great day


Brian

EternalQ

This sentence struck me. I bet others feel this way. I remember feeling this way. I coped in the beginning by being on SR night and day and confiding in a few key people in my life about my intentions. I also promised myself if everything I did wasn't enough I would go to AA before I would ever return to drinking.

If it is any consolation this feeling of not belonging anywhere completely changed. But it happened gradually off and on the first year. Now I feel I belong EVERYWHERE and ANYWHERE I desire! The world is no longer divided between "the drinkers and the non drinkers".... or between "the people who know I'm sober and the people who don't ".

Before sobriety the world was divided between the people who knew the truth about my drinking and the people who didn't. THAT divided life and those secrets and self hate and that weight of feeling judged and lost in shame. ....well sobriety has taken all that from me, and that is the greatest gift it has given me: a non divided life.

Now I just don't drink. No big deal. No drama. Some people don't eat meat. Some avoid gluten. Some avoid lactose. I avoid alcohol. No big deal. Onto the next topic!

People told me that I would be paying much more attention to me not drinking than anyone else was. They were right. In the beginning I went on and on about how I didn't belong, especially with my family and when thinking about dating sober. One day I realized that wasn't it at all: I had ALWAYS felt I didn't belong in my family.And had felt I didn't belong with single people ever since my divorce. LONG before alcohol.

Alcohol had nothing to do with that non belonging feeling. I had only drank after the fact to COPE with these feelings. So when alcohol was taken away, of course these feelings i hadn't dealt with remained. This was a huge revelation for me!!

I'm not saying the same is true for everyone. I'm only saying it is worth not drawing hasty conclusions when you noticed this feeling. It is worth observing...which came first? Is this true or is it a hasty conclusion? And is this feeling a temporary phase of recovery? Etc.

Anyway well done to everyone!!

Uninvited

You have inspired me and I think I'll check out an AA meeting or two today. I love the meetings, just worried I'm going to run into somebody from work, or the meeting will have 100 people and feel like some kind of bad religious ceremony.

Renarde

When I am nervous about being identified on SR, I remind myself that anyone here has the same problems I do and shouldn't judge. Same thing with AA! Tell us how it goes!

workoholic

Hey again, a grey and boring afternoon over here. On days like these I wonder why the sun even bothers to rise at all. Urgh, glad I don't have to do anything useful today.
Btw, Grindilow is coming back

Renarde

Morning everyone!

Boy am I glad to wake up sober today. That never changes.

Husband is traveling again this week and I think I am going to go to a couple of AA meetings and see how they feel.

Welcome Jo!

Would be wonderful if Grindilow came back!

BLKDIESEL

~~~Food for Thought ~ Sunday Edition~~~
~~~ Remember Today...~~~

Remember today that you are alive.
Sometimes we tend to forget.
You have a purpose that is all your own.
No one else is you.
You have dreams and hopes and desires.
Listen to your heart for a while.

Remember today all the blessings you have.
There's beauty in every direction you look.
Enjoy the abundance that is already yours.
The world is a wonderful place and you're here.

Remember today that you get what you give.
Your world is a mirror of your inner self.
Love will be yours when you give it away.

Remember today that life is creation.
As long as you live you can always contribute
your own special voice.
Remember today is a special time.
Make the best of it while you can.

(Been quite busy so the posts have been infrequent this week so wanted to check in and see how everyone has been progressing. Will check back in later on have to get back to my training...Njoy the Sunday)

LillianGish

BLKDiesel, I always love your posts! Thank you for them, I'm grateful.

Just woke up here....I.need.coffee.

Grateful too for another hangover free morning.

phoebe64

Good morning everyone. Slept late! I have been up for awhile, but doing a bit of tidying up.

Renarde, glad to see you open up about all your feelings about this scare. I was worried about you, and still am, but it is good to share. That is why we are all on here, right? To get it all out rather than drink.

Plenny, awesome about the party and finding old friends in AA. Maybe they can be of some lasting support!?

i wish I had some real life support or sober friends. Not that my friends are a bunch of drunks, but going out involves at least a glass of wine. Sigh... I know I should try AA, but fear running itno someone. I know my brother in law, in a different area, used to tell us people he saw at his AA meetings! So, I know people do not keep it anonymous. So, that has worried me. Not because I care of someone knows, as they are there for the same reason, but it is a small community and my kids are young. I would hate for there to be town gossip that hurts them socially. Logically, I know that gossip is just that, and I should not care, but for my children to have a negative social impact would be terrible.

We decided to put off the shopping to today, because my son also wants to come and visit the Lego store at the mall. I think we will all go, and hubby can go off with son, while daughter and I do the clothing thing.

1stepup

Hi all, im up on my dads farm where I always come to recuperate, went to my friends then an aa meeting yesterday, which I hadn't planned on going but my friend took me and I went for a coffee with him and another member after the meeting, as I walked back to their cars a small miracle happened a taxi drove past and shouted out to me 'hey ive got something of yours!' my driving license which id lost on the last mad bender, I would never have thought of contacting taxi firms about it, and am seeing it as some sort of sign that things will turn out ok if I stay sober, staying in tonight but getting back to meetings from tomorrow.

Thank you all for not giving up on me my resolve has been wearing thin, but Il keep trying.

Clemence

Welcome Jo. Glad to have you with us. Lots of support here.

Thank you EternalQ and BLKDiesel for your posts, always so insightful

I too worry about running into someone I know at a meeting. I know it shouldn't matter and I should get over myself; worrying about what other people think of me has always been something I worry about way to much.

My teenagers are listening to a song with lyrics that go something like 'I'm covering my ears like a kid, when your words mean nothing I go la la la'. It's on the radio loads and I think of it as me singing to my AV!

phoebe64

To be clear, I would not be concerned about running into a familar face if it only affected me. I do not want gossip to affect my children. So, I guess I could travel further away to meetings, but then, it makes it harder to pop over to one, and harder to make friendships there.

I do not think I have interest in working the steps. I have faith and spirituality that feels like they would be competing. I know people say AA is not technically religion, but it sure seems to be. I guess I never know until I give it a try.

I guess I do not feel like I have a whole lot of emotion or baggage tied up to my drinking. I feel like i like the feeling of having wine, several glasses of it. I have too much and i feel crappy and guilty and my health suffers. I need to stop doing that. I just do not feel like there is much complex about that. What gets me is addiction. I am addicted to it enough that I get a strong pull to want to drink again. yet, I have no illusion that it is solving any problems for me, and it creates a few.

I guess I do use it to escape boredom. When I read the Big Book, I just do not identify with it very much. I want ot go to AA for the comraderie, and I guess I wonder if that is frowned upon. Going without a desire to truly work the program?

Bird615

Welcome to the Septemberites Jo and good morning, everyone. (wow, it's almost lunchtime already)

Feeling like not belonging is more about people I can relate to.

I just found a difference between the people I hung out with that were in recovery - the ones I gravitated toward were interested in improving their lives, worked the program and were more open-minded about spiritual things, and we had lots of discussions about all kinds of stuff like that, and did everything without having to have alcohol involved. Maybe I just never tried hanging out with people not in the program enough, but I did have a few friends that weren't and they were cool.

Maybe it was knowing I had that one big thing in common with people in AA that made it easier for me to have that sense of belonging with other sober alcoholics. I once walked into a meeting in Edmonton where I was visiting and never saw any of those people before in my life but I felt right at home. Maybe I made being an alcoholic in AA a big part of my identity and that was why I feel like I don't belong anywhere since I stopped going.

I've been thinking about that over the years. I started drinking at 14, sobered up the first time at 21 and stayed sober and active in AA until I was 41. I got married to someone in the program, he didn't stay sober and that fell apart. I got involved with a practicing alcoholic for 6 years (trying to save him, even though I knew better). Then I ended up remarrying and moving across town and for the next 10 years when I was no longer going, I felt like I was in no-man's land. I couldn't relate to people not in recovery very well, but then they were usually partiers that we met in the neighbourhood or old friends of my husbands, or else his family.

Most of the people I've met didn't seem to be on the same wavelength, or we just had very little in common. I'm not saying I liked everyone in AA and that they were all instant friends, but I tended to find more people there that I could related to. There was a common ground there to start from.

Just that one speaker meeting I went to about a month ago and I felt at home again.

This is lots for me to think about.

Uninvited

Grindilow is back and posting on the newcomer page.

Uninvited

So I just found a 10:30am AA meeting and went to it. It's like a 20 minute drive but not that far really. And it was great. Just about the right size meeting for me and everybody was so welcoming. It's definitely not a religion, so don't let that concern you. The only thing that is slightly religious is in the last few minutes of the meeting you say the "Our Father" prayer. And there is hand holding at that point!! Feels kind of good though.

You do feel a little like the guest of honor when you get to one of those meetings for the first time and mention a recent sobriety date. They are all stumbling over each other to give you free books, and lists, and phone numbers. Kind of comforting though.

Uninvited

Got my 30 day chip too which is kind of cool.

Bird615

I'm so pleased for you, UI!!

Renarde

Awesome UI!

phoebe64

That sounds really great, UI. Maybe I should try to find a meeting. My town where I grew up is 20 mins away and a very nice community. I maybe could go to a meeting there. Then, if I saw someone I knew, it would be comforting, actually. An old acquaintance. Also, I suppose if I tried the town next to mine, where my church is, I may see people I know from church. That would also be a good thing. I just do not want to run into parents of the kids friends and school mates.

I iwll have to look into it again.

Off to the mall. I swear, if we go once a year to a mall, it is a big deal. We all hate shopping, well, my hubby and I do. It is such a time suck!

phoebe64

Madbird, it sounds like you get a lot out of AA. Maybe you should find time to go since you know you find comfort and help there?

Some months ago, I made a friend here. We had similar feelings about AA, and she actually did go to many meetings, tried different groups, and all were very pushy for her to work the steps. She has stayed sober, but without AA. So, I have sort of been lazy, running off her epxerience. But we did talk a great deal about it.

I still have the RR book I have only started and tucked it away. I have been here too much and not making time for real books! I think the next few days, I will make time to read real books I have on recovery, so do not worry if I am scarce.