EternalQ

I could have written this. I recommend comparing what you thought was true about yourself against the truth of the sober you. Doing that for myself has brought me lots of insights. Not drinking can bring tremendous personal growth. So much to learn about ourselves. It is wonderful.

Sheknits

Elsewhere, that is it exactly. It's more about what I think drinking should be an not what the reality of me drinking was. I too am a very shy person, uncomfortable in social situations. I used alcohol as a crutch.

Eq, I always thought I was funny and quick when I was drinking, but I was actually very offensive, rude, interruptive and loud. I was rude to my husband, I picked fights. I made fun of people. I laughed too loud. I ate too much. Blech! I don't miss that, I don't miss waking up feeling ashamed.

dayover

Elseware I can completely relate to that. So many people who know me from my drinking days and stuff think I am so outgoing, loud, comfortable. I am so shy all the time. Constantly worried about saying the wrong thing.


I'm getting more comfortable with myself now, though, thanks to my recovery but I can definitely relate to what you said.



Hope everyone here is well, just checking in. It's bed time for me and I'm exhausted. Dragged myself to the gym today, got a long day tomorrow! Hope everyone is well.

advbike

Society puts an emphasis on being "social" and many of us drank to fit in. I'm also a loner and have recently learned to admit it and even celebrate it to some extent. Nothing wrong with being unique. However I still enjoy some casual social contact like at a coffee shop or something because I'm basically a friendly person, and I think it helps me to get out of my head. Then I go home and enjoy my solitude

SeanMc

Morning.

kadidee

I was leaving a meeting today and a couple of colleagues were talking about aggressive conversations with students who had been drinking (one works with public safety and the other is a sponsor for a fraternity, so they've had some encounters). 'Bob' said "it's funny how their personalities change so much, and it's the people you'd least expect. I mean, they're nice people and good students, but the alcohol completely changes their personalities. In such and such a situation, I want to say, 'who ARE you?'"

I just nodded sagely, lol. I was thinking about the 'sparkly/dynamic/rude/offensive/loud' discussion here. When drinking, I felt deep and mysterious, alluring, charming, creative, and as if I exuded a fun, laid back vibe. But in reality, after a bottle or more of wine, I was depressed and aggressive. I cannot count the number of angry texts I have sent over the past few years. It's as if I would start off relaxed and then a flip would switch and I'd start to rage. Sober, I hate conflict and avoid it to the point of being too passive sometimes. But drunk, I'd act out over text over all sorts of transgressions I perceived. Anything could set me off. Notably, all of my texts were directed at men.

I've been reading quite a bit in the friends and family section. What an eye-opener!

Today is day 60. I feel pretty good. Obsessive thoughts over ex have dissipated over the past few days. I'm trying to make a conscious effort to change the channel when they come.

Elseware

Hi, everyone. Just a pop in. I had a good day today. Went out for a horse ride and had a great time. It was a beautiful Indian summer day. I don't feel sparkly or dynamic. Just OK in my own skin. Which for me is huge. PAWS doesn't seem so rampant today.

Elseware

I just had a thought. I actually kicked that Vicodin. It just occurred to me that I actually did it. Yes, I have PAWS, but I don't have Vicodin anymore. I am making it! I'm happy and amazed about that. I've spent so much time struggling I haven't stopped to think that I really did taper down, detox and am now drug free. Whew! I have to let that sink in. Thanks in part to SR. This feels good.

EternalQ

Elseware, it is true:
what youve done --what we have all done-- IS extraordinary. ALL of you are extraordinary, imo!!

advbike

Kadi, way to go on 60 days!!! That is so awesome! And also to experiencing and living with your true self. And not sending angry text messages...lol... I am so happy for you. Way to go!

advbike

Elsewhere, congratulations on kicking that vicodin habit! And to enjoying the simple things... it really was a beautiful day here in Oregon, wasn't it? Glad you got out, I wanted to go biking but ended up working around the house, tomorrow it is at the top of the list

merchantsun

Hey everyone! Checking in on day 60 (woohoo!). I'm more of a "lurker" on this site now (I hope that's the correct, non-creepy cyber term!). I really don't have a lot to report, but I still read all of the posts here. It's awesome that we've all come so far, regardless of the ups & downs we've all experienced. Again, I want to thank each and every one of you for your support and stories; it has helped me immensely to know that we can all relate to each other and not feel so alone in this journey.

Kadidee - this sounds exactly like me! To a tee...

[QUOTE=kadidee;4244145]When drinking, I felt deep and mysterious, alluring, charming, creative, and as if I exuded a fun, laid back vibe. But in reality, after a bottle or more of wine, I was depressed and aggressive. I cannot count the number of angry texts I have sent over the past few years. It's as if I would start off relaxed and then a flip would switch and I'd start to rage. Sober, I hate conflict and avoid it to the point of being too passive sometimes. But drunk, I'd act out over text over all sorts of transgressions I perceived. Anything could set me off. Notably, all of my texts were directed at men.QUOTE]

Serenity1972

Hello Everyone,

You guys have been greatly missed! I certainly have a lot of catching up to do. I haven't had a chance to log on in a few weeks. We had a huge conference for our owners at work which required a ton of work hours. The conference was a big test for me in many ways as I normally have drinks with our owners on several occasions while they are in town (it is part of the job). This time I didn't. I skipped the owner's dinner prior to the conference. I told my boss that I already had plans and couldn't make it to the event. But, I told him I would be on my game when the conference took place the next morning and I was! During the evening of the conference we always have cocktails with the owners, which I have always partaked in..not this time. I gave my drink tickets away and just ate and watched everyone else drink around me. The strange thing was I wasn't even phased by it. It could have been the fact that my DOC was not being served. I really don't know how to explain it, but I don't care to question it at this point. I just know I passed all the tests with flying colors.

I don't normally count days, as I was a 24/7 weekend binge drinker so it seems more appropriate for me to count weekends, but I did a quick count today. and I am working on 75 days (today has not ended, but I WON'T drink today) and my 11th sober weekend. The cravings to pick up the first drink these past few Friday’s have been subtle. Thank you Lord! I am feeling very positive about this weekend instead of cringing with anxiety. I just hope it lasts!

A huge congrats to everyone on their sober time. I hope everyone has a peaceful and enjoyable sober weekend. I should be more active on the boards now that the dust has settled at bit.

kadidee

Merchantsun, it sounds like under the influence, we are evil twins! I bet there are lots of happy folks out there to not have us blowing up their phone at night, lol.

Serenity, I've been thinking of you and so glad you're doing well. Way to go on 75 days!

SeanMc

Inspiring to read Serenity's post; I still get fed up some days but not quite enough to jump off the wagon. Best, Sean

EternalQ

Nice to see you all.
Any plans for the weekend?
That way if AV comes knockin, you can say: No thanks, I'm busy and you're not invited!

Elseware

I am heading out to Mexico for a week. Leaving at 5:40 in the morning. I will be away from any computer for a week. I will be gone but not forgotten, I hope! This is going to be an adventure. The last time I went down there I had my pills to worry about. Oh, the relief of it all!

kadidee

Elseware, have a great time! I'll miss you but you'll be here in spirit.

My plans aren't so exciting. Going to a party tomorrow evening and planning to have a non-alcoholic beverage in my hand at all times.

Other than that, lots of grading. Boo.

What about you EQ? I know you just moved, so maybe you'll be beautifying your new place.

EternalQ

Ill work on the home stuff in the morning. Then in the afternoon and evening I will be babysitting my two yr old grandson. He is so much fun!
I'm so glad he'll never know me as a drinking grandmom. I quit drinking when he was about six months old.

w2r

Well, just got home from a very important dinner with good friends of 39 years.
They are not alcoholics, but are super high end oenophiles.
We are both building gorgeous early retirement homes in Arizona.
I consumed a bottle of red wine.

After a month off of alcohol, it had very little effect on me.
I had to drive 10 miles home.
My wife, however had slurred speech, totally wasted; almost fell down the stairs. I was very embarrassed.
My friends very obviously concerned with my drunken wife.

If I was ever to even think of criticizing her.....The world has never seen such fury!!!!!!!!!!

Big night out. Normally my wife likes to isolate herself, and drink all evening while she does Soduku puzzles. She is turning into her evil alcoholic mother.

So I think I'm a failure as a class member for august.

Elsewhere, I'm thrilled you are doing so well. Have a great vacation in wonderful Mexico.
All of you are fantastic. You have built up days alcohol free that I can only dream about.

EternalQ thanks for being my friend. I feel bad I let you down.