Class of July 2013 Pt 4
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,023
Hello all!
EternalQ, how wonderful to have your experience and wisdom here!
We all seem to coping well, even through challenges.
To Misterritter,
I can't help but comment on this.
,
Perhaps you might look at what you've written, are thinking. What is the point? An occasional binge? Control? I don't think so...
Don't mean to sound heavy-handed, but why put yourself at risk, put yourself through that after 5 weeks?
I do hope you are able to work on ways to deal with the change in returning home. Hang out here more!
Good luck!
Have a good start to the week everyone!
EternalQ, how wonderful to have your experience and wisdom here!
We all seem to coping well, even through challenges.
To Misterritter,
I can't help but comment on this.
Not a return to the way I was but an occasional binge. And that same part of me thinks I will be able to control it.
Perhaps you might look at what you've written, are thinking. What is the point? An occasional binge? Control? I don't think so...
Don't mean to sound heavy-handed, but why put yourself at risk, put yourself through that after 5 weeks?
I do hope you are able to work on ways to deal with the change in returning home. Hang out here more!
Good luck!
Have a good start to the week everyone!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: NYC, NY
Posts: 2
Introduction
Hi everyone! just jumping in here and introducing myself. Today is Day 24 and I am feeling grateful, optimistic and also a bit anxious. I have been out of work for almost a month following a binge the week of July 22. ended up in detox for 3 days and then in an outpatient program in California before returning to NYC this past Saturday. Tomorrow I go back to work and am trying to calm the jitters. I told my boss that I was dealing with alcohol so I have disclosed to him but otherwise will not share what has been going on. I am wondering if anyone else has any experiences to share about returning to work after a period of rehab? I have set outpatient 3 nights a week here in NYC and will continue to attend AA....glad this board exists. I travel a lot for work and thought having an online support group could also be useful. My sobriety date is July 27. I was sober for 5 years before (2004-May 2009) and then took a drink in Italy and BOOM, here I am 4 years later...emerging from a really damaging, dark place....but so thankful I am back in Recovery and looking forward to experiencing life once again from a Sober and Spiritually alive place!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
Good morning everyone.
I can't remember whether today is DAY 26 or 27! Either way, its coming up to 4 weeks of being sober. I'm feeling more energised and positive and able to recognise and deal with my cravings when they come. Great thing is that I am not obsessing about alcohol anymore however, I still have a voice in the back of my head that tries to convince me every now and then that one or two glasses of wine wouldn't hurt!
I've replaced my obsession with alcohol to health and nutrition and I'm actively trying to eat well and exercise as best I can at the moment - not such a bad replacement.
Glad to hear that you are all doing well - we've all come such a long way!!!!!
I can't remember whether today is DAY 26 or 27! Either way, its coming up to 4 weeks of being sober. I'm feeling more energised and positive and able to recognise and deal with my cravings when they come. Great thing is that I am not obsessing about alcohol anymore however, I still have a voice in the back of my head that tries to convince me every now and then that one or two glasses of wine wouldn't hurt!
I've replaced my obsession with alcohol to health and nutrition and I'm actively trying to eat well and exercise as best I can at the moment - not such a bad replacement.
Glad to hear that you are all doing well - we've all come such a long way!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: London (-ish)
Posts: 263
Originally Posted by Leshar 
Perhaps you might look at what you've written, are thinking. What is the point? An occasional binge? Control? I don't think so...
Don't mean to sound heavy-handed, but why put yourself at risk, put yourself through that after 5 weeks?
I do hope you are able to work on ways to deal with the change in returning home. Hang out here more!
Good luck!
Have a good start to the week everyone!
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Misterritter im famous for my delusions of its not that bad I can control it an occasional binge is fine but a wise person once said ill never get anywhere with one leg. Now I walk the path of sobriety with both legs and I aint ever regretted not drinking. Ill get off my soapbox now 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 8
DAY 51!! This is a curious time because AV has started to try and convince me that Ill be ok to go to a friends birthday this weekend and drink, as long as I drink light beers. I don't want to be the only one not drinking, I'll feel like leaving after a couple of hours when I used to be the life of the party all night. The whole thing will just be a big yawn. However I don't want to lose these days, and I can see that I'm becoming complacent (Dangerous). This is the longest I've gone without a binge in 15+ years.
It really is so important to say 'I'm just not drinking TODAY' since thinking weeks or months ahead is so daunting. So, i can say, today, day 51, I will not be drinking!
It really is so important to say 'I'm just not drinking TODAY' since thinking weeks or months ahead is so daunting. So, i can say, today, day 51, I will not be drinking!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Hi everyone. Just ending day 32 here.
Welcome EternalQ, glad to have your wisdom and experience join us
I am so grateful to be this far along. Cravings are very different now. It's more of a sadness when I embrace the knowledge that I won't drink. It lasts a few hours, mostly during my typical drinking time. It's like I am torn between two opposite feelings: one being elated that I'm making such wonderful changes for myself and that I'm finally sticking with it again. Thrilled to have such wonderful nights' sleep, wake up refreshed, productive, relating to people better, better relationships. I feel and look so much better, even though I STILL haven't lost weight (grrr.) The opposing feeling is an emptiness without alcohol, a sadness that I can't seek that relief and refuge that just makes all right with the world for just that brief moment in time. I am angry because I don't want this second feeling! I want to be free of alcohol and completely, I don't to have conflicting emotions about it anymore. I guess I'm angry that something can feel so good, yet be so destructive and wreck such havoc on our minds and bodies.
You are all doing so amazing and reading your struggles and triumphs just keeps me feeling connected to you and motivated. Thank you all!
Welcome EternalQ, glad to have your wisdom and experience join us
I am so grateful to be this far along. Cravings are very different now. It's more of a sadness when I embrace the knowledge that I won't drink. It lasts a few hours, mostly during my typical drinking time. It's like I am torn between two opposite feelings: one being elated that I'm making such wonderful changes for myself and that I'm finally sticking with it again. Thrilled to have such wonderful nights' sleep, wake up refreshed, productive, relating to people better, better relationships. I feel and look so much better, even though I STILL haven't lost weight (grrr.) The opposing feeling is an emptiness without alcohol, a sadness that I can't seek that relief and refuge that just makes all right with the world for just that brief moment in time. I am angry because I don't want this second feeling! I want to be free of alcohol and completely, I don't to have conflicting emotions about it anymore. I guess I'm angry that something can feel so good, yet be so destructive and wreck such havoc on our minds and bodies.
You are all doing so amazing and reading your struggles and triumphs just keeps me feeling connected to you and motivated. Thank you all!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Fora betterlife: your post reminded me that one of the best parts of sobriety for me has been the feeling of being whole and no longer having this war inside of me.
No longer feeling like two people.
No longer having a double life.
It took awhile to get that peace but it came and it has been beyond worth it. And the daily peace is 1000 x better than any temporary high or buzz I ever had. And it is permanent.
No longer feeling like two people.
No longer having a double life.
It took awhile to get that peace but it came and it has been beyond worth it. And the daily peace is 1000 x better than any temporary high or buzz I ever had. And it is permanent.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 227
Forabetterlife, thanks for the post. The positives you list are also very important to me. Being productive, relating to people better, waking up and feeling good are all great.
But, the part that I really like is the lack of fear. I read a post by Dee somewhere last night about how he was scared in his own house of being seen through a window or something because of the shame. I teared up a little reading that, because I have done that same thing. Running from window to window, hunched down, trying to find out what that sound was. Was there someone at the front door? Could they have seen me through the frosted glass? Did they know I was home, drunk at noon on a weekday and hadn't left the house for anything but food and booze in three days? God, i hate that feeling. That shame and fear was soul crushing, a terrible, hard way to live.
And then, when I finally had to go out and do something like go to work or shop, or see people, that was so hard. To overcome that shame and self loathing was terrible. Luckily, I am a very logical, reasonable person, and was able to convince myself that all of my neighbors weren't actually keeping tabs on my comings and goings and the amount of alcohol I was bringing in to the house. But I definitely thought they may have been. Projecting my judgement onto other people makes it even easier to stay buried and not come out into the light.
Sorry for that little diatribe, but it definitely reminded me of where I was and do not want to go back to.
Livelikegold, please stay on your soapbox, if I hear enough that some thoughts are crazy maybe I'll start to believe that too.
But, the part that I really like is the lack of fear. I read a post by Dee somewhere last night about how he was scared in his own house of being seen through a window or something because of the shame. I teared up a little reading that, because I have done that same thing. Running from window to window, hunched down, trying to find out what that sound was. Was there someone at the front door? Could they have seen me through the frosted glass? Did they know I was home, drunk at noon on a weekday and hadn't left the house for anything but food and booze in three days? God, i hate that feeling. That shame and fear was soul crushing, a terrible, hard way to live.
And then, when I finally had to go out and do something like go to work or shop, or see people, that was so hard. To overcome that shame and self loathing was terrible. Luckily, I am a very logical, reasonable person, and was able to convince myself that all of my neighbors weren't actually keeping tabs on my comings and goings and the amount of alcohol I was bringing in to the house. But I definitely thought they may have been. Projecting my judgement onto other people makes it even easier to stay buried and not come out into the light.
Sorry for that little diatribe, but it definitely reminded me of where I was and do not want to go back to.
Livelikegold, please stay on your soapbox, if I hear enough that some thoughts are crazy maybe I'll start to believe that too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Originally Posted by EternalQ
Fora betterlife: your post reminded me that one of the best parts of sobriety for me has been the feeling of being whole and no longer having this war inside of me.
No longer feeling like two people.
No longer having a double life.
It took awhile to get that peace but it came and it has been beyond worth it. And the daily peace is 1000 x better than any temporary high or buzz I ever had. And it is permanent.
No longer feeling like two people.
No longer having a double life.
It took awhile to get that peace but it came and it has been beyond worth it. And the daily peace is 1000 x better than any temporary high or buzz I ever had. And it is permanent.
But, then I tell myself I am lucky that I have a disease I CAN do something about. This isn't a death sentence and there could certainly be worse things to have to deal with. I have to stop and remind myself of this when I start having a pity-party over not being to ever drink again. Anyway, I think I am tired and rambling so will say goodnight! Thanks everyone for being here! Don't know what I would without SR!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 563
Hi all. Ending my day 30 here and I am honestly exhausted. Long weekend and long day today. Have some thoughts about some of the great posts I've read here today, but no energy to put them into words. Had a nice big glass of milk and am crawling into bed. Goodnight Class of July 2013 - tomorrow is another sober day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Ladybug: you are so smart to quickly refocus your thinking when it drifts to the future or past.
The way I think of it is dwelling on past regrets led to depression, which led to me drinking. Dwelling on future insecurity led to anxiety, which also led to me drinking. Staying in the present led to serenity and joy that I was not missing anymore moments of my life... which reinforced sobriety.
Perseverating about past losses and/or future unknowns was pretty much an addiction in and of itself for me...... an addiction I had long before I became addicted to alcohol. I worked on those and began to see them as devious techniques my Addictive Voice used to get me on a slippery slope!
But you can get onto that trick and poof! Goodbye addictive voice!
The way I think of it is dwelling on past regrets led to depression, which led to me drinking. Dwelling on future insecurity led to anxiety, which also led to me drinking. Staying in the present led to serenity and joy that I was not missing anymore moments of my life... which reinforced sobriety.
Perseverating about past losses and/or future unknowns was pretty much an addiction in and of itself for me...... an addiction I had long before I became addicted to alcohol. I worked on those and began to see them as devious techniques my Addictive Voice used to get me on a slippery slope!
But you can get onto that trick and poof! Goodbye addictive voice!
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
OMG just golden words that I needed to hear! Good night all
Originally Posted by EternalQ
Ladybug: you are so smart to quickly refocus your thinking when it drifts to the future or past.
The way I think of it is dwelling on past regrets led to depression, which led to me drinking. Dwelling on future insecurity led to anxiety, which also led to me drinking. Staying in the present led to serenity and joy that I was not missing anymore moments of my life... which reinforced sobriety.
Perseverating about past losses and/or future unknowns was pretty much an addiction in and of itself for me...... an addiction I had long before I became addicted to alcohol. I worked on those and began to see them as devious techniques my Addictive Voice used to get me on a slippery slope!
But you can get onto that trick and poof! Goodbye addictive voice!
The way I think of it is dwelling on past regrets led to depression, which led to me drinking. Dwelling on future insecurity led to anxiety, which also led to me drinking. Staying in the present led to serenity and joy that I was not missing anymore moments of my life... which reinforced sobriety.
Perseverating about past losses and/or future unknowns was pretty much an addiction in and of itself for me...... an addiction I had long before I became addicted to alcohol. I worked on those and began to see them as devious techniques my Addictive Voice used to get me on a slippery slope!
But you can get onto that trick and poof! Goodbye addictive voice!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
OMG - this evening was the closest I have come to buying myself a bottle of wine since I gave it up 27 days ago!!! A VERY stressful afternoon! I felt totally out of my depth and nervous. Once it had passed all I felt like doing was running to the bottle shop and drinking a bottle! I kept telling myself though that I didn't want to have to start all over again and also I'm meeting some people very early tomorrow morning and I don't want to meet them with a hangover.
I've just had an early dinner and a couple of cups of herbal tea and I'm not feeling as desperate to drink as I was, but I'm still anxious. I feel really drained and quite tearful - to think that the urge could be so great after all this time sober. I will now spend the evening reading SR.....so glad I didn't drink.
I've just had an early dinner and a couple of cups of herbal tea and I'm not feeling as desperate to drink as I was, but I'm still anxious. I feel really drained and quite tearful - to think that the urge could be so great after all this time sober. I will now spend the evening reading SR.....so glad I didn't drink.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
