Moms and Mums Club 2013 Part 4
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Ok I promised myself I would check on daily because i was intentionally avoiding the site because for the past month or so I have HATED being sober! The thoughts were consuming me. I've been so distant from the hubs because like a child I'm mad at him because he won't let me. TIME to let it go. DEE said something that struck me I'm living the same way sober as I was when I'm drinking. And that has to change now, what I'm going to change I'm not sure but I have to figure it out!
Today is day 100
DOLLY I soooo feel you on the hubby outing you! I'm so glad it went well and the positive of being able to talk to your mom came out of all of that. But it really does suck to be talked about especially something so private and humiliating. My husband did the same thing to me early on told my mom sister dad his sister his parents everyone!!!!! I could see people looking at me differently in social settings almost watching my discomfort around alcohol! Frankly I'm still angry at him for it! You are an amazing woman to hash that out and resolve it so quickly! Think I need to learn from you
Have a wonderful day sorry for the long post been gone do long!
Today is day 100
DOLLY I soooo feel you on the hubby outing you! I'm so glad it went well and the positive of being able to talk to your mom came out of all of that. But it really does suck to be talked about especially something so private and humiliating. My husband did the same thing to me early on told my mom sister dad his sister his parents everyone!!!!! I could see people looking at me differently in social settings almost watching my discomfort around alcohol! Frankly I'm still angry at him for it! You are an amazing woman to hash that out and resolve it so quickly! Think I need to learn from you
Have a wonderful day sorry for the long post been gone do long!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 196
Originally Posted by joygirl 
Hey, moms!
Today is exactly 4 months clean and sober for me. I don't know how I got here, but I did. There is no way I'm going back to that life. Thanks to you all for being part of my recovery!
Dolly, All I can say is, try to keep calm and listen to what H has to say. Try to listen without being too defensive. I wish you the best. It will all be okay in the end!
Today is exactly 4 months clean and sober for me. I don't know how I got here, but I did. There is no way I'm going back to that life. Thanks to you all for being part of my recovery!
Dolly, All I can say is, try to keep calm and listen to what H has to say. Try to listen without being too defensive. I wish you the best. It will all be okay in the end!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 196
Originally Posted by JustSarah
Oh I meant to ask - does anyone have any tips for tiredness? I sleep like a log at the moment but always seem to wake up shattered - it's the same kind of tiredness I get with a hangover - and advice would be fab xxxx
xxxx
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 699
Hi Sunny5 - no I'm not on any meds - I looked into antidepressants for postnatal when I went to see the dr and decided that sobriety with St. John's wart tablets may help and so far so good - I still struggle some days but not half as bad as before so I guess it's a start . I guess this heat may not help - that plus my social life is picking up now that I feel able to face the world again . I wasn't sure if I was lacking a vitamin or something. I have really developed a sweet tooth since giving up alcohol too - it's all a learning curve I guess xx
. I guess this heat may not help - that plus my social life is picking up now that I feel able to face the world again . I wasn't sure if I was lacking a vitamin or something. I have really developed a sweet tooth since giving up alcohol too - it's all a learning curve I guess xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Good Morning! Wow - this place is busy again - love it
I have to go back and catch up; I've only had time to read a few of the back posts.
Great job to everybody! Sounds like we're all making substantial progress - very encouraging.
Sarah - I saw your post about being so tired - think it is just part of it. I'm on week 8 right now but, between weeks 4-7 I went through a period of time where I was so tired I couldn't hardly move. All I could think about most of the day was how soon I got to get back into bed! That went away and then I had about 1.5 weeks of bad headaches each day (from about noon on).
Good news is - it has lifted and the energy and good feeling is back. Yeah! I tried to not dwell on it as much as possible so that my AV didn't see an opportunity to plant seeds of doubt. Just thought to myself - this too will pass. << Thank goodness it did LOL. >> Hang in there!
As an aside - I've had a sweet tooth as well - just finally started to cut it down this week and that is helping me to feel better as well. I didn't push cutting out the sugar but my body seemed to know that it was time. Just felt better not having so much; craving for it is diminishing.
Hope everyone has a good, sober day!! Stay cool if you can
I have to go back and catch up; I've only had time to read a few of the back posts.
Great job to everybody! Sounds like we're all making substantial progress - very encouraging.
Sarah - I saw your post about being so tired - think it is just part of it. I'm on week 8 right now but, between weeks 4-7 I went through a period of time where I was so tired I couldn't hardly move. All I could think about most of the day was how soon I got to get back into bed! That went away and then I had about 1.5 weeks of bad headaches each day (from about noon on).
Good news is - it has lifted and the energy and good feeling is back. Yeah! I tried to not dwell on it as much as possible so that my AV didn't see an opportunity to plant seeds of doubt. Just thought to myself - this too will pass. << Thank goodness it did LOL. >> Hang in there!
As an aside - I've had a sweet tooth as well - just finally started to cut it down this week and that is helping me to feel better as well. I didn't push cutting out the sugar but my body seemed to know that it was time. Just felt better not having so much; craving for it is diminishing.
Hope everyone has a good, sober day!! Stay cool if you can
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Good Morning moms,
I posted in the Newcomers board that I opened up with my mom about my drinking/sobriety. It went great as I knew it would. She passed on her 1 year chip that she received on Valentines Day in 1975 so that I can hold onto it as a means of moral support. It meant so much.
On a sour note, I also found out that the cousin who had been chatting with my hubby about my drinking the last couple months was also chatting with other family members. I a little more angry now than I was before, but I am not going to let it damper my whole day because I am feeling so positive about my talk with mom.
I am so happy I have her to talk to now as a person who really understands. As supportive as hubby tries to be, as you all know...he just doesn't understand our unique struggle.
Well...hope everyone has a great day.
I posted in the Newcomers board that I opened up with my mom about my drinking/sobriety. It went great as I knew it would. She passed on her 1 year chip that she received on Valentines Day in 1975 so that I can hold onto it as a means of moral support. It meant so much.
On a sour note, I also found out that the cousin who had been chatting with my hubby about my drinking the last couple months was also chatting with other family members. I a little more angry now than I was before, but I am not going to let it damper my whole day because I am feeling so positive about my talk with mom.
I am so happy I have her to talk to now as a person who really understands. As supportive as hubby tries to be, as you all know...he just doesn't understand our unique struggle.
Well...hope everyone has a great day.
Marcher
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
Hey, Dolly, I'll bet Mom has some words of wisdom on the big mouth cousin. You are really fortunate to have your mom with you in this now!
Justsarah, I started vitamins with extra B-complex. Also, I've been exercising some. It's helping daytime energy and mood for me. Don't know if it'll help you? And, I still end most days with a warm bath and lavendar candle. After a while, the mornings did improve.
Justsarah, I started vitamins with extra B-complex. Also, I've been exercising some. It's helping daytime energy and mood for me. Don't know if it'll help you? And, I still end most days with a warm bath and lavendar candle. After a while, the mornings did improve.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Hi Moms,
Just checking in on Day 18. So, today I ran into a former AA contact/friend (I tried AA a year ago) who I had really connected with (same age, etc). She just celebrated 3 years of sobriety, but also informed me that in the past year she and her husband divorced (after 17 years together). She said once she got and stayed sober she became a different person and their marriage "no longer worked?" This really frightens and saddens me to hear. I keep thinking that being sober can only improve my marriage, not worsen it, but I guess it can change it in so many ways. My husband and I have only been together for 5 years (married for 4 next month) so I guess a part of me really worries about how getting sober will affect our marriage. I can only hope that everything will change for the better, but I guess we never really know?
Anyway, sorry to be so depressing. I guess I am just wondering if any of you have similar concerns/fears?
Just checking in on Day 18. So, today I ran into a former AA contact/friend (I tried AA a year ago) who I had really connected with (same age, etc). She just celebrated 3 years of sobriety, but also informed me that in the past year she and her husband divorced (after 17 years together). She said once she got and stayed sober she became a different person and their marriage "no longer worked?" This really frightens and saddens me to hear. I keep thinking that being sober can only improve my marriage, not worsen it, but I guess it can change it in so many ways. My husband and I have only been together for 5 years (married for 4 next month) so I guess a part of me really worries about how getting sober will affect our marriage. I can only hope that everything will change for the better, but I guess we never really know?
Anyway, sorry to be so depressing. I guess I am just wondering if any of you have similar concerns/fears?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 699
Thanks Sadsoul - hopefully the tiredness will pass in another 2 1/2 weeks
I'll defo be trying some B vitamins too - thanks Joygirl
Ladybug, I guess we never really know - with work and kids and getting sober I guess it could be easy to lose sight of your hubby and vice versa - all you can do is try and get some quality time together where you can have a laugh away from the kids. That's all I am trying to do in any case - we now have a babysitter and have promised ourselves we will get out at least once a month. We've been together 6 years but married for 1 - so far so good - I wish you all the best
I hope everyone else is doing well
Xxxxxx
I'll defo be trying some B vitamins too - thanks Joygirl
Ladybug, I guess we never really know - with work and kids and getting sober I guess it could be easy to lose sight of your hubby and vice versa - all you can do is try and get some quality time together where you can have a laugh away from the kids. That's all I am trying to do in any case - we now have a babysitter and have promised ourselves we will get out at least once a month
. We've been together 6 years but married for 1 - so far so good - I wish you all the best I hope everyone else is doing well
Xxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 196
Girls I agree I would hope my husband and I stay together even for the sake of the kids...but many people do change... my husband keeps saying I just want the Old you back...well she isnt coming back...she was a doormat... he will be getting a new improved me with confidence and self esteem ...if he doesnt like it he can b....r off!!!! Day 4 for me and I am starting to feel stronger in myself ... I take Vit B it really helps I also have started taking two vitamins/minerals ...have forgotten the name but they are supposed to increase dopamine levels ( helping low mood) I take a herbal sleeping tablet each night but once I get a few weeks sober I am going to try and stop taking it. Hope some of this helps .. will post the names of the vitamins when I get home (at work at moment)! Today I feel quite calm I dont feel I am fighting my AV I know it is lurking perhaps taking a nap but for now I am sober and enjoying it and trying to look at the positives..... every time a nefgative thought comes into my head I disregard it and project to 2 yrs sobriety where I hope my life will be totally different and totally better!!!! Love this forum! Perhaps I am in such a good mood is because I am in work and kids are happy at camp and my cleaners come today so I know house will be tidy!!!!!!
greenturtle
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 208
Dolly - Great to hear about your Mom's support - excellent! As for your cousin, I would have a very long talk with her about her big mouth and tendency to gossip.
Ladybug - My thinking with your AA friend you ran into who got divorced...I think if you have a strong marriage, liking, respect, and love than you have no worries about your marriage falling apart once you get sober. I think it's couples who DO NOT have these qualities that are the ones whose marriages will fall apart once the alocholic spouse gets sober which may have been the case with your friend.
Random thoughts...
*I was reading the NY Times health section recently where the discussion was on alcoholism. The author stated that "relapses of alcoholism are analogous to recurrent flare-ups of chronic physical diseases" even when one has been sober for years. So, 80-90% of us who seek treatment will continue to have relapses throughout our lives. Those are sobering statistics and actually really made me feel like crap. What do you all think of this?
*Sometimes it helps me to remember all the celebrities out there who are living sober lives. I mean they have everything (or at least money, fame (should you want it)) and yet are also facing the same demons as we are. Eminem, Bradley Cooper, Elton John, Ewan McGregor, Gerard Butler, Colin Farrell, Blake Lively, Jennifer Lopez...and the list goes on...
*I've told my husband several times that one of the reasons I drink is because I am unhappy (with our marriage, work). He said that I only drink becuase I am an alcoholic - NOT because I am unhappy. I had an epiphany the other day though which is that I have BECOME an alcoholic because I've been drinking for years to mask my sadness and unhappiness. So ultimately, I am drinking because I am unhappy. He just thinks I should quit and all of a sudden I will be happy with life, our marriage, work. I just don't think it works that way.
Ladybug - My thinking with your AA friend you ran into who got divorced...I think if you have a strong marriage, liking, respect, and love than you have no worries about your marriage falling apart once you get sober. I think it's couples who DO NOT have these qualities that are the ones whose marriages will fall apart once the alocholic spouse gets sober which may have been the case with your friend.
Random thoughts...
*I was reading the NY Times health section recently where the discussion was on alcoholism. The author stated that "relapses of alcoholism are analogous to recurrent flare-ups of chronic physical diseases" even when one has been sober for years. So, 80-90% of us who seek treatment will continue to have relapses throughout our lives. Those are sobering statistics and actually really made me feel like crap. What do you all think of this?
*Sometimes it helps me to remember all the celebrities out there who are living sober lives. I mean they have everything (or at least money, fame (should you want it)) and yet are also facing the same demons as we are. Eminem, Bradley Cooper, Elton John, Ewan McGregor, Gerard Butler, Colin Farrell, Blake Lively, Jennifer Lopez...and the list goes on...
*I've told my husband several times that one of the reasons I drink is because I am unhappy (with our marriage, work). He said that I only drink becuase I am an alcoholic - NOT because I am unhappy. I had an epiphany the other day though which is that I have BECOME an alcoholic because I've been drinking for years to mask my sadness and unhappiness. So ultimately, I am drinking because I am unhappy. He just thinks I should quit and all of a sudden I will be happy with life, our marriage, work. I just don't think it works that way.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 138
Hello ladies. Glad to see so many of you staying sober. My husband also went to my family about my drinking. I was so angry at the time that he shared that with them. Now I realize he was just at his wits end with me. He was looking for support from them as our entire household was in chaos. I'm not mad now as I am pretty open with my family about my alcoholism and recovery. It feels good not to hide anymore. They all knew I had a problem.
To those of you in early recover don't worry about your husband or marriage. Get sober and the rest will fall into place. Remember alcoholism affects the whole family. Your husband needs time to adjust to your recovery and trust you again. I have been sober 2 1/2 years and married almost 18 years. My marriage was not good during my first year of recovery, but with time it has gotten back on track. My husband and I both had to adjust to the new me and the new life that recovery created for us. Remember nothing changes if nothing changes!
To those of you in early recover don't worry about your husband or marriage. Get sober and the rest will fall into place. Remember alcoholism affects the whole family. Your husband needs time to adjust to your recovery and trust you again. I have been sober 2 1/2 years and married almost 18 years. My marriage was not good during my first year of recovery, but with time it has gotten back on track. My husband and I both had to adjust to the new me and the new life that recovery created for us. Remember nothing changes if nothing changes!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Hi there moms,
Good day here. I had given my mom permission to let my 3 siblings in on my newfound sobriety. My sister called me last night crying she was so happy and proud of me! It's nice now to now have that shroud of secrecy hanging over my head like a dirty secret.
I feel like I am entering a new phase of my sobriety and new life. Hope you are all doing well.
Oh...I also lost another 3.9 pounds this week!!! I have been averaging 2 pounds per week, but I think with the added stress of what happened this week, maybe my metabolism picked up? Since I quit and have also been doing weight watchers, the weight is just falling off me. Hope it's not TOO fast though. I still have another 76 pounds to lose though...so I'm glad the scale is consistently moving in the right direction.
Good day here. I had given my mom permission to let my 3 siblings in on my newfound sobriety. My sister called me last night crying she was so happy and proud of me! It's nice now to now have that shroud of secrecy hanging over my head like a dirty secret.
I feel like I am entering a new phase of my sobriety and new life. Hope you are all doing well.
Oh...I also lost another 3.9 pounds this week!!! I have been averaging 2 pounds per week, but I think with the added stress of what happened this week, maybe my metabolism picked up? Since I quit and have also been doing weight watchers, the weight is just falling off me. Hope it's not TOO fast though. I still have another 76 pounds to lose though...so I'm glad the scale is consistently moving in the right direction.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Derby, UK
Posts: 203
Hi all
Is it ok for me to crash this thread pls? I'm a 36 year old, single Mum to two little girls aged 6 and 2.
Have been sober for 46 days and get to maybe 2 AA meetings a week. Would love to do more but don't have any babysitting support so makes it a bit difficult.
Anyways that's enough about me for now, hope you're all having a strong sober day today.
Brit xxx
Is it ok for me to crash this thread pls? I'm a 36 year old, single Mum to two little girls aged 6 and 2.
Have been sober for 46 days and get to maybe 2 AA meetings a week. Would love to do more but don't have any babysitting support so makes it a bit difficult.
Anyways that's enough about me for now, hope you're all having a strong sober day today.
Brit xxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Hi Moms,
Hope everyone is doing well and having a great Thursday!
Amy - thank you so much for the advice. You are right, first thing is first - staying sober. As long as we keep the lines of communication open I think we will be fine.
Sunny - so glad to here you are feeling stronger. 4 days is great, keep it up!
Kellyg - that IS discouraging about the statistics of relapsing! All we can do is take each day as they come.
Dolly - glad you are feeling better and losing weight!
Day 19 for me and will need to keep very busy tomorrow. My husband, who usually works from home, has to go visit a client for the day (huge trigger for me). Feeling strong now, but you never know when AV will show up, grrr.
Hope everyone is doing well and having a great Thursday!
Amy - thank you so much for the advice. You are right, first thing is first - staying sober. As long as we keep the lines of communication open I think we will be fine.
Sunny - so glad to here you are feeling stronger. 4 days is great, keep it up!
Kellyg - that IS discouraging about the statistics of relapsing! All we can do is take each day as they come.
Dolly - glad you are feeling better and losing weight!
Day 19 for me and will need to keep very busy tomorrow. My husband, who usually works from home, has to go visit a client for the day (huge trigger for me). Feeling strong now, but you never know when AV will show up, grrr.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 699
Well done Dolly! That's great news on the weightliss - you must be so happy with that
I've also bought some B vitamin tablets today - a mix of them all and extra strength so I'm hoping that perks me up a bit too
It's nearly Friday ladies - woohoo
Xxxxx
I've also bought some B vitamin tablets today - a mix of them all and extra strength so I'm hoping that perks me up a bit too
It's nearly Friday ladies - woohoo
Xxxxx
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
You are very welcome to join us Britgirl!!! Congrats on 46 days....that's great. I am a mom to a 6 year old girl. I had been drinking heavily for over 5 years, but have 78 days sobriety now.
You will find tons of support here....if I may be so bold...we are a great bunch of ladies, and very supportive to each other, so I think you will feel comfortable here with us.
Welcome again!
You will find tons of support here....if I may be so bold...we are a great bunch of ladies, and very supportive to each other, so I think you will feel comfortable here with us.
Welcome again!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Hi britgirl and welcome to our group (think I missed your post before?). I have a 3 year old daughter who is the reason I am here. I realized a few months ago that I was headed down a very dangerous path and decided to do something about it, so here I am This forum and group of Mom's is amazing. Glad to have you here!
This forum and group of Mom's is amazing. Glad to have you here!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,479
Well I guess this is a good sign....I'm (as I like to call it) de-crap-ifying my house. I threw out my drink shaker, wine glasses, martini glasses, electric corkscrew and a pretty pricy rabbit corkscrew! Someone at goodwill is gonna score!
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