Class of May 2013 Pt 3
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 53
That's tough helen, but you can do it!
I'm so blessed with a husband now that supports me in not drinking and doesn't drink now either (but it's easy for him). In my twenties, my first husband was a heavy drinker. I honestly believed I picked up and reinforced a lot of my bad habits married to him. We couldn't have any fun events without booze, primarily beer. I remember asking him several times when we were going to "grow up" and stop drinking like we did when we were in college. His boozing was one of the reasons I divorced him - but by that point I'd really learned that having fun = getting sloshed. I now realize I have to unlearn a lot of that behavior, because it still defines me.
If I could go back and undo that time in my life now, I sure as heck would. Lots of encouragement to you to stay strong and don't give in when you're feeling the pressure!
I'm so blessed with a husband now that supports me in not drinking and doesn't drink now either (but it's easy for him). In my twenties, my first husband was a heavy drinker. I honestly believed I picked up and reinforced a lot of my bad habits married to him. We couldn't have any fun events without booze, primarily beer. I remember asking him several times when we were going to "grow up" and stop drinking like we did when we were in college. His boozing was one of the reasons I divorced him - but by that point I'd really learned that having fun = getting sloshed. I now realize I have to unlearn a lot of that behavior, because it still defines me.
If I could go back and undo that time in my life now, I sure as heck would. Lots of encouragement to you to stay strong and don't give in when you're feeling the pressure!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
if it makes you feel any better Helen I can't imagine me thinking wistfully of a drink at 30 years.
I love my life, I love who I am and I fully accept the ups and downs my life brings.
I've seen both very good and very bad days since I got sober and I know I can deal with either.
I don't want to give any of it up and I would be...if I entertained thoughts of a drink.
Maybe I'm lucky in a perverse way I drank to a ridiculous level - but there's ABSOLUTELY no wistfulness left for me.
Enjoy your sober weekend gang
D
I love my life, I love who I am and I fully accept the ups and downs my life brings.
I've seen both very good and very bad days since I got sober and I know I can deal with either.
I don't want to give any of it up and I would be...if I entertained thoughts of a drink.
Maybe I'm lucky in a perverse way I drank to a ridiculous level - but there's ABSOLUTELY no wistfulness left for me.
Enjoy your sober weekend gang
D
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 53
I'm with you Dee! I refuse to be a slave to anything, including booze. I refuse. If I have to change everything else in my life to get rid of that, I will. I will NOT be sitting around at 60 pining for a drink. This is my time to make positive change in my life, and I'm taking advantage of every second!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Five weeks, just saying Hi, still feel terrible in the mornings, although I'm sleeping well, eating well, but just so tired of eating alone.
How DO you make these changes in your life that everyone talks about? I've decided not to return to work, I have hobbies, but no-one to do them with, and for me, in this town, as a single woman of 55, sorry, but it's not easy to make friends. One woman about my age, I met her at an art gallery opening, even said to me, when I suggested perhaps we could met for a tea/coffee, "Well, the thing is, I have enough friends in my life at the moment"! It's true, it's not easy at my age.
I think that's one reason I stuck with my second loser bf.
I went out for a second bike lesson, and just sort of broke down, couldn't concentrate, was riding poorly, and I just thought, what's the point, I'll be riding on my own once I have new skills. The cycling club here is a road club, they're ultra-competitive.
I'm starting to think that if I hadn't drunk like I did for 6 years, I wouldn't have made it this far, since hb's death. In a perverse way, booze kept me going, and I don't like what life is like now, it's painful.
You may say I'm on a pity party, yes, I am, but I'm not going to drink, and I'm acutely aware of the state of my life, and I don't like it.
There, said enough, don't want to be a downer, just wanted to post to say that there's no point in me posting until/if I feel something positive. Lots of positive things I'm doing, planting flowers, organizing my home bit by bit, but it all seems so, ah heck, what's the point.
Good luck to everyone.
How DO you make these changes in your life that everyone talks about? I've decided not to return to work, I have hobbies, but no-one to do them with, and for me, in this town, as a single woman of 55, sorry, but it's not easy to make friends. One woman about my age, I met her at an art gallery opening, even said to me, when I suggested perhaps we could met for a tea/coffee, "Well, the thing is, I have enough friends in my life at the moment"! It's true, it's not easy at my age.
I think that's one reason I stuck with my second loser bf.
I went out for a second bike lesson, and just sort of broke down, couldn't concentrate, was riding poorly, and I just thought, what's the point, I'll be riding on my own once I have new skills. The cycling club here is a road club, they're ultra-competitive.
I'm starting to think that if I hadn't drunk like I did for 6 years, I wouldn't have made it this far, since hb's death. In a perverse way, booze kept me going, and I don't like what life is like now, it's painful.
You may say I'm on a pity party, yes, I am, but I'm not going to drink, and I'm acutely aware of the state of my life, and I don't like it.
There, said enough, don't want to be a downer, just wanted to post to say that there's no point in me posting until/if I feel something positive. Lots of positive things I'm doing, planting flowers, organizing my home bit by bit, but it all seems so, ah heck, what's the point.
Good luck to everyone.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 53
Leshar, I feel you. Just do what makes you happy and honestly the friends will come. Garden, bike, attend art shows, whatever, just do it for YOU. And for me, I've also volunteered, which is a great way to meet people and make friends, as well as taking classes in something - cooking, painting, whatever. Again though do it for YOU. If you take a class or volunteer and don't make a friend, it's not a loss. It was an experience and it was fun! I've learned that having a "who cares" attitude when it come to all this is a huge help. Because if you don't care, then you can relax and just focus on enjoying the moment.
I don't know how religious you are but some of my GF have made good friends in the church. Also, if you decide to date again, many of my friends in their 50s have met wonderful men online.
But the most important thing is attitude! Don't defeat yourself before you've begun. Just relax and enjoy the ride and take your time. It will come to you, maybe not as quickly as you think, but that's why we say one day at a time, right?
Big hugs.
I don't know how religious you are but some of my GF have made good friends in the church. Also, if you decide to date again, many of my friends in their 50s have met wonderful men online.
But the most important thing is attitude! Don't defeat yourself before you've begun. Just relax and enjoy the ride and take your time. It will come to you, maybe not as quickly as you think, but that's why we say one day at a time, right?
Big hugs.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: rural bush Alaska
Posts: 122
Leshar, I know it's hard. When my mother turned 55, she decided it was time to retire. Only my father, who traveled 300 days a year, did not. Within 2 years, she was an empty nester with some very ungrateful kids (I started down the alcoholic path around this time). She started volunteering everywhere. By 65, she was winning awards all over for her volunteerism. She then joined FB and I was amazed at how many of her FB "friends" were actual friends in real life. Seemed to work great for her.
But you need to do what you need to do.
I've been keeping a log of my vitals since quitting alcohol. Since the withdrawals ended, my BP has only had one high reading (it's dropped 10 mg on average- that's huge!), my pulse has dropped by over 15 to normal levels, and I've lost 5 pounds and gained muscle. I've only stopped drinking 2 weeks ago! I have all my vitals from drinking and withdrawal, so I hope that gives me the encouragement to make it to day 30, and from there 60, and also to NEVER look back at year 30!
Thanks everyone!
But you need to do what you need to do.
I've been keeping a log of my vitals since quitting alcohol. Since the withdrawals ended, my BP has only had one high reading (it's dropped 10 mg on average- that's huge!), my pulse has dropped by over 15 to normal levels, and I've lost 5 pounds and gained muscle. I've only stopped drinking 2 weeks ago! I have all my vitals from drinking and withdrawal, so I hope that gives me the encouragement to make it to day 30, and from there 60, and also to NEVER look back at year 30!
Thanks everyone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Hi all, just checking in on a rainy day here in the Northeast. Been running around all week so feels good to just stay in and relax. Have tons of housework to do, but not feeling very motivated.
Leshar, really sorry to hear you are still having a rough time. I know my mom, who is 65, has had a hard time meeting people. My parents got divorced over 20 years ago after my mom found out my dad had been having a serious, long term affair. It almost destroyed her, but it also forced her to go back to work, find new hobbies AND friends, etc. Basically, she had to find a whole new life. Today she doesn't have anyone special in her life and lives alone. While she still works (will probably never be able to retire), she does get lonely. One thing that really helped her was getting a dog. Not sure if you have pets or would be open to the idea, but I really think her little dog keeps her going and gives her a lot of companionship
Hang in there, lots of hugs to you
Leshar, really sorry to hear you are still having a rough time. I know my mom, who is 65, has had a hard time meeting people. My parents got divorced over 20 years ago after my mom found out my dad had been having a serious, long term affair. It almost destroyed her, but it also forced her to go back to work, find new hobbies AND friends, etc. Basically, she had to find a whole new life. Today she doesn't have anyone special in her life and lives alone. While she still works (will probably never be able to retire), she does get lonely. One thing that really helped her was getting a dog. Not sure if you have pets or would be open to the idea, but I really think her little dog keeps her going and gives her a lot of companionship
Hang in there, lots of hugs to you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Hi Ladybug,
Thanks, you're very considerate. I have a bird and although he's an 'ornery little fella, he does provide companionship!
Hey Guys, has anyone noticed that TBML hasn't posted in a little while? I miss his "May-tees" sign off! Hope he's ok.
Thanks, you're very considerate. I have a bird and although he's an 'ornery little fella, he does provide companionship!
Hey Guys, has anyone noticed that TBML hasn't posted in a little while? I miss his "May-tees" sign off! Hope he's ok.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I can't really add to the advice here Leshar - I just followed my hobbies and interests, and started new projects I always wanted to do and met new people that way.
Not sure making friends is any harder than it used to be, but finding good friends is.
Fie on that art gallery woman!
Volunteering was good for that too
D
Not sure making friends is any harder than it used to be, but finding good friends is.
Fie on that art gallery woman!
Volunteering was good for that too
D
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 535
hey all!
i'm late to the party here, but i'm just now rounding out day 12!
today was actually my first somewhat uncomfortable day... i didn't get any urges or compulsions to drink, but the clearing head is beginning to let what i'll call "the waste" get in where i can feel it (finally... for once!)
i've got a long road ahead, but today i'm just grateful that i'm actually starting to FEEL, even though some of these feelings are far from pleasant.
i'm also grateful to have finally found my sobriety class here (and SR in general) to share journeys with.
peace, strength and courage to us all...
i'm late to the party here, but i'm just now rounding out day 12!
today was actually my first somewhat uncomfortable day... i didn't get any urges or compulsions to drink, but the clearing head is beginning to let what i'll call "the waste" get in where i can feel it (finally... for once!)
i've got a long road ahead, but today i'm just grateful that i'm actually starting to FEEL, even though some of these feelings are far from pleasant.
i'm also grateful to have finally found my sobriety class here (and SR in general) to share journeys with.
peace, strength and courage to us all...
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: West Side
Posts: 30
newcomer right here also! couple questions tho. is this thread only for alcohol addictions or all kinds? also, im really new to sobriety (day 13 right now, May 26th was day 1) so i dont know if i should be here or looking for a June 2013 thread?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: rural bush Alaska
Posts: 122
Sober, it's for all addictions. It just so happens that alcohol seems to be the majority crux for people here (it was for me).
Made it through the heavy drinking friends that came over tonight. They were downing the beers left and right, but I stuck to my promise to get everyone home safely. In the past, I did it all the time...just to come home and drink until I blacked out. Today, I came home and got on my elliptical for an hour. Another day down!
Good luck for a sober weekend all!
Made it through the heavy drinking friends that came over tonight. They were downing the beers left and right, but I stuck to my promise to get everyone home safely. In the past, I did it all the time...just to come home and drink until I blacked out. Today, I came home and got on my elliptical for an hour. Another day down!
Good luck for a sober weekend all!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
