Class of May 2013 Pt 3
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Collegevile, PA
Posts: 35
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome. This is only the second time I have tried to get sober and it is so hard this time! I did not drink for 6 years and really had no problem. This time, I think about drinking every night
I picked up again about a month ago. I would drink a glass of wine on my lunch break (by myself, in my car) and then go back to work. That quickly turned into drinking on the way to work, on my lunch break and on the way home. How pathetic and illeagle is that! But I hate to say that I enjoyed it. It took my anxiety away until I finally admitted it to my husband and he freaked! The only thing keeping me sober right now is my two boys. I don't want to lose them, but I keep thinking "no one will know" etc. The urge is just so strong!
I picked up again about a month ago. I would drink a glass of wine on my lunch break (by myself, in my car) and then go back to work. That quickly turned into drinking on the way to work, on my lunch break and on the way home. How pathetic and illeagle is that! But I hate to say that I enjoyed it. It took my anxiety away until I finally admitted it to my husband and he freaked! The only thing keeping me sober right now is my two boys. I don't want to lose them, but I keep thinking "no one will know" etc. The urge is just so strong!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: rural bush Alaska
Posts: 122
Checking in after my third sober weekend. Yay!
Eschetz- it must be very difficult to come back after you had that period of sobriety. Please stick with it. I know there's always a tiny voice saying "I'll get away with it" if you're not just trying to quit for yourself, but for others. When my fiancé urged me to get help and stop drinking in the past, I tried hiding alcohol from him. He always found it- always. And then I'd be embarrassed, depressed...and desperately wanting that drink he found.
So much easier not playing the hiding game, or lying, or trying to get away with anything. Good luck!
Eschetz- it must be very difficult to come back after you had that period of sobriety. Please stick with it. I know there's always a tiny voice saying "I'll get away with it" if you're not just trying to quit for yourself, but for others. When my fiancé urged me to get help and stop drinking in the past, I tried hiding alcohol from him. He always found it- always. And then I'd be embarrassed, depressed...and desperately wanting that drink he found.
So much easier not playing the hiding game, or lying, or trying to get away with anything. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 93
Coming up on the 4 week mark and im really happy and might even be letting myself feel a little pride (gasp!) . There were a lot of posts that resonated with me and I want to respond to them but im on my phone so its too hard to respond directly. Sorry in advance for forgetting who said what.
Welcome newbies! I have this backseat fear that were playing an F-ed up version of Survivor and one day down the road it will only be a few of us left, so im so grateful to see our group growing and all the thoughtful posts. Thanks! As always they're really helpful to me. I definitely feel the lack of passion thing. Im putting together a writing portfolio for MFA applications and in the past alcohol was always as necessary as a keyboard for me to write. It is definitely a new sensation and much harder to maintain my momentum, but I look forward to learning discipline when it comes to writing. I feel like ill be able to take credit for my work instead of the booze. Also, to the anxiety and anti social tendencies, that definitely describes me. My anxiety is actually at an all time low, but I just don't want to be around people. I don't think this is necessarily bad though. As long as its what YOU want, and not fear controlling you, then whats the harm in alone time? I also really need to take some progressive steps besides just not drinking. My smoking has damn near tripled since I quit drinking. Im chain smoking over two packs a day every minute im not at work. My girlfriend advised me not to worry about that yet, and im more than happy to agree with her, but its on my radar as my next big change.
TBML, sorry to see you moving! But im glad you're sticking with it. Best of luck, drop in from time to time.
Stay strong all
Welcome newbies! I have this backseat fear that were playing an F-ed up version of Survivor and one day down the road it will only be a few of us left, so im so grateful to see our group growing and all the thoughtful posts. Thanks! As always they're really helpful to me. I definitely feel the lack of passion thing. Im putting together a writing portfolio for MFA applications and in the past alcohol was always as necessary as a keyboard for me to write. It is definitely a new sensation and much harder to maintain my momentum, but I look forward to learning discipline when it comes to writing. I feel like ill be able to take credit for my work instead of the booze. Also, to the anxiety and anti social tendencies, that definitely describes me. My anxiety is actually at an all time low, but I just don't want to be around people. I don't think this is necessarily bad though. As long as its what YOU want, and not fear controlling you, then whats the harm in alone time? I also really need to take some progressive steps besides just not drinking. My smoking has damn near tripled since I quit drinking. Im chain smoking over two packs a day every minute im not at work. My girlfriend advised me not to worry about that yet, and im more than happy to agree with her, but its on my radar as my next big change.
TBML, sorry to see you moving! But im glad you're sticking with it. Best of luck, drop in from time to time.
Stay strong all
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 53
I slipped and had wine in a restaurant with dinner last night, but I'm not leaving this group. I feel I'm still on the same positive path I had before and I'm really learning from the experience.
I didn't have enough to get drunk. And I enjoyed it yet at the same time I kept realizing it was nothing special. I had had the craving for a week now and then when I had it I thought, this is no big deal and why am I even doing it, it's not worth it. It was a cognitive experience for me. So while I am resetting my counter I do not feel like a failure, I feel it taught me some lessons.
TBML I will miss you, I hope you still check in with us.
I didn't have enough to get drunk. And I enjoyed it yet at the same time I kept realizing it was nothing special. I had had the craving for a week now and then when I had it I thought, this is no big deal and why am I even doing it, it's not worth it. It was a cognitive experience for me. So while I am resetting my counter I do not feel like a failure, I feel it taught me some lessons.
TBML I will miss you, I hope you still check in with us.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Hi everyone,
Day 36 and been a really rainy and dreary day here. Busy, though - out of the house early for my daughters dance class and then went to the gym (after a weekend of no exercise and eating like a pig). Then my mom, daughter and I went to lunch and did a little shopping, all for my daughter of course. We went to the Disney store and my daughter completed her collection of Mickey & friends stuffies (Grandma bought her Daisy Duck). Now home, with a sleeping little girl, and nothing planned for dinner, oops.
TBML, you can still join the June class and stay here with us. I read/post everyday in the April & May classes ... and the Moms thread. More reading and sharing, which always helps. Don't leave us, you are still a May-tee
RavenRenewed, sorry to hear about your slip, but you as you said "lesson learned". I found that I learned something with each of my slips and probably wouldn't have gotten this far without them. The important thing is you are back with us
Hope the weather is nicer where everyone else is today.
Day 36 and been a really rainy and dreary day here. Busy, though - out of the house early for my daughters dance class and then went to the gym (after a weekend of no exercise and eating like a pig). Then my mom, daughter and I went to lunch and did a little shopping, all for my daughter of course. We went to the Disney store and my daughter completed her collection of Mickey & friends stuffies (Grandma bought her Daisy Duck). Now home, with a sleeping little girl, and nothing planned for dinner, oops.
TBML, you can still join the June class and stay here with us. I read/post everyday in the April & May classes ... and the Moms thread. More reading and sharing, which always helps. Don't leave us, you are still a May-tee
RavenRenewed, sorry to hear about your slip, but you as you said "lesson learned". I found that I learned something with each of my slips and probably wouldn't have gotten this far without them. The important thing is you are back with us
Hope the weather is nicer where everyone else is today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by RavenRenewed 
...So while I am resetting my counter I do not feel like a failure, I feel it taught me some lessons.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 130
I haven't been reading or posting in the last week or so, but I haven't been drinking either This includes a birthday, some flights (where I would typically stop in the airport lounge), and a couple late nights out with friends.
I just counted up my days as I was writing this and today is Day 30.
I am not feeling frazzled at night anymore, at least not regularly. I was taking baths with essential oils to help calm and comfort myself when I felt like that.
I have gained weight (bummer) mainly from the sugar cravings and giving into carbs and chocolate, I think from stress. And I haven't made much progress on stuff I wasn't making progress on before. I must need to address some underlying things that were just covered up by drinking and easier to avoid because I was "busy" drinking. Now they are staring me in the face. I know these are part of my next steps, along with continuing to stay focused on recovery.
I'm glad I'm not drinking, though.
This includes a birthday, some flights (where I would typically stop in the airport lounge), and a couple late nights out with friends. I just counted up my days as I was writing this and today is Day 30.
I am not feeling frazzled at night anymore, at least not regularly. I was taking baths with essential oils to help calm and comfort myself when I felt like that.
I have gained weight (bummer) mainly from the sugar cravings and giving into carbs and chocolate, I think from stress. And I haven't made much progress on stuff I wasn't making progress on before. I must need to address some underlying things that were just covered up by drinking and easier to avoid because I was "busy" drinking. Now they are staring me in the face. I know these are part of my next steps, along with continuing to stay focused on recovery.
I'm glad I'm not drinking, though.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 130
Originally Posted by RavenRenewed
I am on a mad cleaning binge today. No way I could do this hung over. I actually cancelled my maid service because I'm now cleaning my house myself. Which is saving me another $200 a month in addition to what I'm not spending on alcohol! I realize that the only reason I've had maid service in the past has been because I've been drinking too much and needed someone else to do it for me. Not any more.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 130
Originally Posted by Dee74
Two schools of thought I guess AlcoholicOrNot.
I tried your way before - several times - every time I got sucked back into the vortex eventually.
I made changes.
I didn't see it as being a prisoner of my sobriety - I saw it as making necessary changes in a life that had been very alcohol centric.
I think making those changes - recognizing I needed to find some new friends and new ways to amuse myself - contributed to me still being sober today.
D
I tried your way before - several times - every time I got sucked back into the vortex eventually.
I made changes.
I didn't see it as being a prisoner of my sobriety - I saw it as making necessary changes in a life that had been very alcohol centric.
I think making those changes - recognizing I needed to find some new friends and new ways to amuse myself - contributed to me still being sober today.
D
Before a nice dinner out or cool social event, I sometimes get it in my head that I'm a prisoner of having to not drink. Then I go, don't drink, and it isn't that way at all, aside from the few moments when I notice someone drinking and get a little longing (for the days of just being able to drink a little, those long gone days). I have a good time and I am present emotionally (mostly) instead of a selfish drunken person having a relationship with alcohol instead of other people.
I do need to find more ways to amuse myself but I feel lucky that I have quite a few friends that don't drink and quite a few who do but who couldn't be bothered about whether I am drinking or not. I even have some people I see at events who always thought I was drinking way more than I was, because half the time I was drinking water, even then. I have some who do drink but who would appreciate someone to moderate with (and my not drinking will be fine with them). The big question, though, has to be answered and followed through by me, and me alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: rural bush Alaska
Posts: 122
Grats on 30 days HQ!
Raven- sorry for the slip, but glad you learned from it!
Just checking in on day 18 of sobriety. Over last night and today, I decided I needed a big change- and so I submitted my first job application in years outside of my rural community. This place is not responsible for my alcoholism, but I don't feel like I can get better here. It is extremely isolated, there are very few services, you are confined to your house most of the year due to weather, and everyone knows everyone (and talks about everyone). So after a heart-to-heart with my fiancé, we decided we should make the attempt to leave. Scary for me after so long, but exciting that I am making drastic changes to improve myself. My chances at the job I applied for today are very remote, but I got my resume back in order, and I'll start getting back in the swing of things.
I hope this forward thinking works out. As wonderful as I feel sober, I don't trust I'll remain sober if I continue here long term.
Thanks for having such a great place to talk. I can't talk about it around town, and talking to my fiancé only gets so far!
Raven- sorry for the slip, but glad you learned from it!
Just checking in on day 18 of sobriety. Over last night and today, I decided I needed a big change- and so I submitted my first job application in years outside of my rural community. This place is not responsible for my alcoholism, but I don't feel like I can get better here. It is extremely isolated, there are very few services, you are confined to your house most of the year due to weather, and everyone knows everyone (and talks about everyone). So after a heart-to-heart with my fiancé, we decided we should make the attempt to leave. Scary for me after so long, but exciting that I am making drastic changes to improve myself. My chances at the job I applied for today are very remote, but I got my resume back in order, and I'll start getting back in the swing of things.
I hope this forward thinking works out. As wonderful as I feel sober, I don't trust I'll remain sober if I continue here long term.
Thanks for having such a great place to talk. I can't talk about it around town, and talking to my fiancé only gets so far!
12 May 2013
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Central Mediterranean
Posts: 43
Hi all, just thought I'd check in on day 30 - it's been a while since I last posted so I hope that you're all well!
I've been keeping myself as busy as possible, and doing a lot of walking in my spare time. I seem to be losing quite a bit of weight what with the exercise and not drinking. Just another benefit of staying sober.
I try to avoid thinking about drinking. Sometimes it's hard, especially when watching a movie where people are drinking. But when I get weak I am trying to focus on what I hope I'll be like in a year if I manage to stay strong and keep this up. I know it would have been 100 times harder without SR and the encouragement I've been getting from you all, so thanks as always
TBML will miss your posts so I hope you'll be checking in often. Our loss is the June class's gain. Best of luck!
I've been keeping myself as busy as possible, and doing a lot of walking in my spare time. I seem to be losing quite a bit of weight what with the exercise and not drinking. Just another benefit of staying sober.
I try to avoid thinking about drinking. Sometimes it's hard, especially when watching a movie where people are drinking. But when I get weak I am trying to focus on what I hope I'll be like in a year if I manage to stay strong and keep this up. I know it would have been 100 times harder without SR and the encouragement I've been getting from you all, so thanks as always
TBML will miss your posts so I hope you'll be checking in often. Our loss is the June class's gain. Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Hi all,
Congrats to HQ & DJG on 30 days! Yay!
Day 37 - felt a little overwhelmed when I got up this morning, but made a To Do list and have gotten 3 out of the 5 things done .... #'s 4 & 5 are laundry and cleaning bathrooms, yick! Maybe in a bit ...
Struggling some today, well, actually for the past few days. Thoughts of drinking are coming and going. I don't know why when I have come so far and am starting to really see the benefits not drinking has brought me. Physically, I have lost that "bloated" look, have clearer eyes, better coloring in skin and have lost 5 lbs! Still eating a ton of sweets so that part surprises me, but I guess consuming 2 bottles of wine, almost daily, packs on the calories, huh? I have been going to the gym more and, for the most part, only drinking coffee, sparkling water and diet soda so I'm sure that is helping. I love being clear headed and hangover free now so why would I want to go back to drinking? I guess because I am craving that "buzzed" and relaxed feeling? Who knows.
Hope everyone is having a great Tuesday and feeling well.
Congrats to HQ & DJG on 30 days! Yay!
Day 37 - felt a little overwhelmed when I got up this morning, but made a To Do list and have gotten 3 out of the 5 things done .... #'s 4 & 5 are laundry and cleaning bathrooms, yick! Maybe in a bit ...
Struggling some today, well, actually for the past few days. Thoughts of drinking are coming and going. I don't know why when I have come so far and am starting to really see the benefits not drinking has brought me. Physically, I have lost that "bloated" look, have clearer eyes, better coloring in skin and have lost 5 lbs! Still eating a ton of sweets so that part surprises me, but I guess consuming 2 bottles of wine, almost daily, packs on the calories, huh? I have been going to the gym more and, for the most part, only drinking coffee, sparkling water and diet soda so I'm sure that is helping. I love being clear headed and hangover free now so why would I want to go back to drinking? I guess because I am craving that "buzzed" and relaxed feeling? Who knows.
Hope everyone is having a great Tuesday and feeling well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I have 13 days without cigarettes or alcohol and I hope to continue growing in my sobriety. This time I have been exercising a lot and only eating junk food occasionally. The past few days I have felt very tired and sad, but I cannot figure out any specific reason. A five year relationship I had is now gone, and that ended a few months ago. My pet bird is gone out of my life, and my beta fish died. So I don't know, I guess I am trying to be strong and just deal with stuff without getting drunk and saying **** it. I got sober at the end of May.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 93
Achelus It sounds like you have valid reasons to feel sad, but cutting out booze and cigs probably has something to do with it, too. I'm 28 days without drink, and in a few weeks I'm going to cut out the cigs, too. I think that will be harder.
Darren I know what you mean about watching fictional people drinking. It really makes me crave it, especially when the person is an obvious alcoholic. I just played through a video game about an alcoholic (Max Payne 3) and there are a bunch of cut scenes where he has a bottle of whiskey and is tripping into walls and punching mirrors, and somehow that made me think, "God, that looks good." I'm also watching True Blood now, and there is A LOT of substance abuse in that. For some reason the only part that makes me want to drink is when the pathetic loser Andy Belfleur is being condemned by the town as a drunk and he's walking around with a broken arm and bottle of whiskey. I should get healthier role models =P
4 Weeks! I'm happy!
Darren I know what you mean about watching fictional people drinking. It really makes me crave it, especially when the person is an obvious alcoholic. I just played through a video game about an alcoholic (Max Payne 3) and there are a bunch of cut scenes where he has a bottle of whiskey and is tripping into walls and punching mirrors, and somehow that made me think, "God, that looks good." I'm also watching True Blood now, and there is A LOT of substance abuse in that. For some reason the only part that makes me want to drink is when the pathetic loser Andy Belfleur is being condemned by the town as a drunk and he's walking around with a broken arm and bottle of whiskey. I should get healthier role models =P
4 Weeks! I'm happy!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
