2inconsolable

Hi. It's been a while.

What's new? I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago because I decided that I can't watch her slow dance of death all the time (when she does completely nothing about that!) and stay sane and sober simultaneously. This is a very good decision 'cause it's been a burden for me since a very long time, but I feel really terrible with that. I love her... but I left her? Is this love? Damn it.

Still at meetings, still in treatment. Everything changed since I started that - but somehow nothing changed (WTF). I think that I've gone bad (and mad) not when I started to use but when I stopped. I am really f**** mad now.

I don't feel any progress now and it makes me angry.

It's jut like my life finally turned into the right direction and I KNOW that, but... I feel worse. It doesn't seem normal. At least not for me. I just don't get it.


***

Happy birthday, Tamerua.
Have a good day, people.

Tamerua

Howdy all!

Ready, white wine was my doc too and I have asked my partner to not ever bring that in the house. Anything else doesn't bother me, but that one does.

2inconsolable, what kind of progress are you looking for? If you're not drinking and leaving destructive relationships, I would say that you're making progress!

Hi To everyone else! Going to a cookout that one of the guys from my meeting is hosting. And just finished a 2 hour Zumba bash, I'm beat! Very happy I took a few days off of work, I was in a bad head space there for a few weeks....

ReadyAtLast

Totally agree Tam. Mr RAL drinks red wine and it doesn't bother me but I know I would not have got to this stage if he drank white wine

Good to hear from you 2inconsolable.I agree with Tam-sounds like you're doing pretty good It doesn't happen overnight and I realize now that it's not great all the time.It's just life,ups and downs but feel better able to deal with the downs when sober.Hang on in there

Glad you enjoyed zumba Tam and hope you have agood few days off work

Hope your weekend away goes well courage and your son settles.

Hope everyone else is doing well.Night all.x

2inconsolable

Serenity.

God, I hope so. Maybe I need some time to really feel it. There are moments when I feel some kind of a relief, but most of the time I'm trying to deal with grief, anger and fear. I'm really thankful that I have an access for the therapy, because I don't think that I could handle it all alone.

I guess that I need even more patience.

With all my heart - thank you guys.

Dee74

It took me a long time to feel happy 2ins.

I had a lot of stuff to sort through in my life - 40 years worth in some cases - not
drinking was simply the tip of the iceberg in many ways.

But I knew I was doing the right thing - to go backwards would mean the same old same old - at least going forward I had the chance of something different.

I just need to run on faith for a little while - and support.
I used this place a lot.

as for love and walking away - I've been in love with things (and people) that were not good for me. Sometimes I wasn't good for them either.

I don't mean to sound jaded but sometimes love doesn't conquer all. It's just the way it works out sometimes.

We never know what today will bring tho - anbd some days have bought me some pretty amazing stuff

I agree with the others - you're not where you were...at all
I'm glad you're back.

D

2inconsolable

Maybe I moved on a little bit. Some months ago I begged her not to leave even if she slowly dragged me down because I've had a feeling that without her my life would be over. Welll... it's not.

Thank you for sharing your story, D.

gonzo4419

Hello all, quick afternoon check in. Not lots going on, just more rain around here. Did get down to have waffles yesterday morning with the folks and my niece & nephews. Played water guns for a bit, then played badminton with the 5 year old. After 20 minutes he informed my Dad that "Grampa I'm getting the hang of this", which totally wasn't true, in fact he was horrible, but we're workin' on it. Still looking around at different places, the one I was almost settled on I've put the brakes on, just hearing some negative things regarding the strata conditions etc. No shortage of available places around here though so keeps a guy out of trouble so will just keep looking, haven't listed the place here yet so not really in any rush, just keeping an eye open as I drive around.

Hope everyone had a good weekend.

tazzle

Hello All! Had a great weekend, caught some trout and some bass, which where to small and couldnt keep but fun to catch anyway. Hard to see the changes in FIL, it was especially hard on hubby, but we sucked it up and had a good time. Got some legalities out of the way, everyone has come to realize that SIL and his wife are not going to change thier ways, that perverbial light bulb will never go off over their heads, so we have made changes where we can, take as much responsibility of FIL away from them as we can and take one day at a time. If you do not expect anything of them we cannot be dissapointed.

best of luck on the camping trip Taz, you'll get a few moments I bet where you just relax and realise that not having to worry about the reserves of hidden booze being either discovered, depleted or replenished and breathe a big sigh of relief.
Exactly Napster! All 3 of those were big on my list when I was hiding wine, huge actually. One of the first things I thought of when I saw our cabin was that I couldnt access my stash if I wanted to, (and I will admit to all of you that I had a anxiety attack thursday and mentally tried to figure out how to hide a bottle or two but fought it off) one room with a tiny bathroom, no where to hide and sneak a drink (or 2 or 3 or,,).

I will admit that it was strange, sitting by the lake and not making trips to the trailer for a chug or two throughout the day since I had been doing that for years, but I am thrilled that I remember the whole weekend, not missing out on morning fishing because of the hangover. Watching my nephews, 4 & 8 catch little trout was worth it all!


Happy belated birthday Tam!!

Marria

I could hardly believe it today when I really wanted a drink....After 170 days sober!! It was a warning light that this addictive voice can pounce when you least expect it.
Basically I'm feeling sad about a few issues at the moment and my old foe was calling me back to take false comfort. I resisted thank god and I know that to find more happiness in my life I need to resolve a few things and make some changes. But I find change so hard!

Stopping drinking was the first step. Now I think I'm looking ahead at all the steps I must take to get further along this new path and I'm feeling inadequate and scared I guess.
Does this sound familiar to anyone??

ReadyAtLast

Well done on not drinking Taz GLad your weekend was productive regarding family issues and fishing

I know what you mean Marria. I've come to realize it's an ongoing life issue ,rather than stop drinking full stop.It's finding ways to cope,deal with issues and just dealwithe life's ups and downs without a bottle of wine. I had a bad moment Sunday too which also made me realize I can never be too relaxed about it as it strikes when I least expect it.All I can do is teach myself coping skills for when it does strike,if that makes sense

Hope everyone has a good day.hottest day of the year here today-off I go to the garden

Marria

RAL thanks for your post. Its good to know I'm not the only one. Sometimes I feel life should be 'fixed' now that I'm sober. So then I get overwhelmed by all the stuff I 'should' be doing. I need to be patient and positive!
Lucky you that you have sunshine, enjoy it...

Tamerua

Taz, i have had that feeling a few times... Like something is missing.... Oh yeah! There is no wine here! Lol but you did it! Good job!

Marria, I think we have all felt that at one point it another. You get through the white knuckling of the early days and then it hits you out of the blue later. You're doing great though! Congrats on 171 days, you're almost at the 6 month mark!

Ready, enjoy the weather!
Howdy gonzo, Dee, Napster and courage... And anyone else I inevitably forget.

Off to work, we are having big org changes an and everyone kind of has a direction of where they are going except for me because the team I manage does something unique. I think the changes that are coming are exciting though. So that's that... Work, step 4 in my recovery still and Zumba. And the rain season is upon us! I think it is hilarious that it won't rain all day and then at 5 when you're leaving work is when it starts.

Have a good sober day everyone!

Lynn

Marria

Tam its nice to hear your excitement about work and also that you do Zumba and laugh at the rain! I played some tennis in the garden this evening with my son, which I never do, and it was fun. Little things will add up. Also my brother called by and he's great company.

I have a very critical voice in my head which often tells me how much more I should be doing. Its become such a habit of self-criticism and guilt. Then when I do make time to enjoy myself and stop this guilt I feel so much better and my life is more balanced...
I love cranberry juice now and it helps, on sunny days especially when I see people outside cafes and bars with cool drinks. Then I go home and pour my gorgeous cranberry drink and tell myself I'm ok, I'm doing well.

Best wishes to everyone.

Tamerua

Since about day 30, I have felt amazing. When I drank.... I was so angry, negative, cranky, tired. I absolutely hated myself and I over thought and second guessed everything I did and mentally berated myself for days on end. I don't know what or why, but that all went away. I am grateful.... I sound like a walking billboard for sobriety but... Nothing in sobriety can be as hopeless as I felt when I was drinking. Don't know why I felt the need to say that... Sometimes I guess I feel cheery when everyone else feels like they're down.

Anyway. Off to shower, the Zumba guy had it in for us and we did over 100 squats. Ouch

Dee74

getting sober didn't solve all the problems in my life - but it made it easier for me to start working on fixing them

D

courage2

Hi all,
It's been a while, but I'm well & sober and reading your posts. I'll write an update when some stuff in my family has settled down. Until then, I just wanted to say "hi" -- I'm so grateful every day for SR and this class!

Lynn, your PM mailbox is full!

Tamerua

I opened up some space now, courage!


And howdy to all.

gonzo4419

Morning all, quick check-in from work. Sun finally out after a solid week of rain but doesn't sound like its going to last so enjoying it as much as I can from the office. Going to see Sting in town here tonight so looking forward to that, not a huge fan but figured I better go after bitching for the last 2 years that no big shows ever come to town here. It's his 1st stop on his World Tour and he is only hitting 4 places in Canada so a little surprised he is coming here (not even doing a Vancouver show which I found rather odd).

Hope everyone has a good Thursday.

Tamerua

Howdy all!

Courage, glad you're back and doing well.

Gonzo, have fun at the concert.

Thanks, as always, to Dee.

Hi to
Napster, Marria, 2inconsol, grandma, Taz, Ready and everyone else.

I just left a dance lesson! My partner got me an intro to dance for my birthday and I think we are hooked now..... Today was basic bachata, merengue and salsa and tomorrow I pay for 5 more lessons. Didn't expect to like it but my partner wanted to find something we could do together sober (we used to eat and hit wine bars).

Everyone have a great sober evening!

Fallow

Hey hello all.. Just checking in. Dance lessons sound fun we tried Salsa years ago but had some difficulties.. We learned to waltz pretty good.

Maybe we should try dance again but sober this time!

I am in such a routine. Wake up. Work. Pick up baby. Workout. Read SR. Dinner. Bed.

Sure there are variations and not even saying I am bored but I need to mix things up.

I need a hobby that is not a chore lol.