Class Of October 2011 pt 7
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 601
Good to hear from you again, Gerbo! I envy you having a dog. I'd love one - we've had one a few years ago but it had to be rehomed after 3 weeks as my son had an allergic reaction.
Some not so good news guys amongst all this celebrating, I'm afraid...
NO! I haven't relapsed - it's not quite that bad. My wife and I are separating. It's been rocky for a long while
and I have found my ability to cope with the conflicts reduced since I no longer anaesthetise myself with alcohol. 
It's kind of sad - we've been together 21 years and married for almost 17, but it's got so bad lately that it will actually be a relief not to be fighting on a daily basis.
Also - I've got my support group here!
But then, I can't be a sobertoberspouse anymore...
Some not so good news guys amongst all this celebrating, I'm afraid...
NO! I haven't relapsed - it's not quite that bad. My wife and I are separating. It's been rocky for a long while
and I have found my ability to cope with the conflicts reduced since I no longer anaesthetise myself with alcohol. It's kind of sad - we've been together 21 years and married for almost 17, but it's got so bad lately that it will actually be a relief not to be fighting on a daily basis.
Also - I've got my support group here!
But then, I can't be a sobertoberspouse anymore... Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,649
Welcome back Gerb 
As long as you don't use two accounts you're good to go....glad things are going ok for you
I'm sorry for your news tho General - you know there's always support here, man
D
As long as you don't use two accounts you're good to go....glad things are going ok for you
I'm sorry for your news tho General - you know there's always support here, man
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Gerb- thank you so much for the post. You were a huge support and inspiration to me along the way.
General - I'm so sorry to hear that you and your wife are separating. We are all here to support you in any way we can.
General - I'm so sorry to hear that you and your wife are separating. We are all here to support you in any way we can.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 601
Thanks for the support, guys. We baulked at telling the kids and decided to kiss and make up so I guess it's back on. Sorry for the false alarm.
It may be partly due to my tendency to catastrophize things - usually when I'm tired - perhaps from too much exercise.
It's nearly two years for me now, so I think I'm over the PAWS, etc. but I'm not sure I'm completely 'Normal' (I mean, free from influence of alcohol) yet. I suppose it's hard to know what 'Normal' is for me, having been previously drinking heavily for 30 years.
I can't seem to find much on the internet about how long it takes people to completely recover - anyone any ideas? anything anywhere to read on 2 years down the line? Dee?
It might just be I'm an overreactor
It may be partly due to my tendency to catastrophize things - usually when I'm tired - perhaps from too much exercise.
It's nearly two years for me now, so I think I'm over the PAWS, etc. but I'm not sure I'm completely 'Normal' (I mean, free from influence of alcohol) yet. I suppose it's hard to know what 'Normal' is for me, having been previously drinking heavily for 30 years.
I can't seem to find much on the internet about how long it takes people to completely recover - anyone any ideas? anything anywhere to read on 2 years down the line? Dee?
It might just be I'm an overreactor
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
General,
Add me to the "catastrophize" club! I seem to stress over silly things. But, at least we recognize it and can now work on these issues.
I am so glad you and your wife kissed and made up
Add me to the "catastrophize" club! I seem to stress over silly things. But, at least we recognize it and can now work on these issues.
I am so glad you and your wife kissed and made up
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 170
Sorry for the really late reply, I literally am all over the place this week, it's completely crazy! I'm having fun though. My mother flew in to see us, so I'm having fun and car is finally putting on some miles. General - As sad as it is, divorces can help you become a extremely stronger and better person. That's what is great about human beings is that we learn from our mistakes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,649
I'm glad it was a false alarm General
I think it varies from person to poerson - this is a very individual journey.
I know AA promotes an idea of 5 years, based on a study someone did.
For me though I saw a change in me around 2 years - it stopped being about not drinking and started being about me being the best person I could be.
I think I'd pinpoint that as the point where I totally unreservedly accepted what I was and what I needed to do to live a full life?
D
I can't seem to find much on the internet about how long it takes people to completely recover - anyone any ideas? anything anywhere to read on 2 years down the line? Dee?
I know AA promotes an idea of 5 years, based on a study someone did.
For me though I saw a change in me around 2 years - it stopped being about not drinking and started being about me being the best person I could be.
I think I'd pinpoint that as the point where I totally unreservedly accepted what I was and what I needed to do to live a full life?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,649
The 5 year thing comes from a guy named George Vailliant
there's an updated version called The Natural History of Alcoholism Revisited too which updates to 1998, but I haven't read either
D
A study published in the March [1996] issue of the American Medical Association's Archives of General Psychiatry suggests that a five-year period of abstinence from alcohol is necessary to place recovering alcoholics out of danger of relapse (GeorgeE. Vaillant, MD, A Long-Term Follow-up of Male Alcohol Abuse, Archives of General Psychiatry, March 1996, p.243-249; Brenda Coleman, Five Years Without a Drink, Washington Post, March13, 1996, p.A12).
The study's author, GeorgeE. Vaillant of Harvard Medical School and Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, likened recovery from alcoholism to recovery from cancer: an individual needs a set period of freedom from the disease to be considered cured.
The study followed 724 men over a fifty-year period, and selected subjects from both privileged college campuses and low-income inner-city neighborhoods. Individuals in both groups who developed problems with alcohol were tracked from age 40 to age 60 or 70.
Of the college graduates with alcohol problems, 18% had died by age 60, 11.5% were abstinent from alcohol, and 59% were still abusing alcohol. Of the inner city group, 29% had died, 32% were abstinent, 11% were controlled drinkers, and 28% were still abusing alcohol. The discrepancies between the death rates of the two groups was accounted for by the poor nutritional habits of the city group. The differences in rates of continued abuse were attributed to the college groups' higher socioeconomic status, which may have supported or excused their alcoholism. Disadvantaged alcohol abusers were found to be more likely to become sober because their situation required it.
Among both groups of subjects, relapse occurred 40percent of the time after two years of sobriety, but was rare after five years without a drink.
THE NATURAL HISTORY OF ALCOHOLISM By George E. Vaillant [1983]
D
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: NC
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Originally Posted by General 
Thanks for the support, guys. We baulked at telling the kids and decided to kiss and make up so I guess it's back on. Sorry for the false alarm.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 601
Cheers, Gerbo.
Got the book on Kindle, Dee - EXTREMELY interesting. The study seems to suggest that after age 50 the prevalence of alcoholism drops dramatically. This is because after age 50 a lot of alcoholics are either permanently abstinent or dead.
Wow... kind of crystallises things for me.
Thanks again, Dee - it was worth 100 times the price of the book just for that fact.
Got the book on Kindle, Dee - EXTREMELY interesting. The study seems to suggest that after age 50 the prevalence of alcoholism drops dramatically. This is because after age 50 a lot of alcoholics are either permanently abstinent or dead.
Wow... kind of crystallises things for me.
Thanks again, Dee - it was worth 100 times the price of the book just for that fact.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Hello!!! Finally have a moment to post - whew!
Things are going well; I've just been very busy. Participating in life can be fun and time consuming. LOL. Just realized today that my 6 mo. will be on Thanksgiving - how appropriate is that?
General - I'm so glad that things smoothed over for you and your wife. My husband and I are also experiencing a fair amount of conflict in our relationship. Nothing exciting ... we just don't want to do the same things anymore. We're both pretty unhappy at the moment. I want a sober, interested-in-life husband and he misses his drinking buddy. Ugh.
I'm trying to let it just roll for now - hoping that it will work itself out at some point. Otherwise I tend to jump to the worst case scenario and make everything worse for myself. There is definitely no easy or obvious solution right now. Heavy sigh.... I'm glad to know that I'm not the only struggling spouse BUT I pray that we all achieve peace soon
How are things now? Did making up calm the situation? Being faced with the harsh reality of telling the kids had to have been painful. Sure hope you're better.
Tanja - Sounds like things are going well!
Dee - Thanks for your insight - always, always so helpful.
Hope we all have a peaceful, sober week and weekend!!
Things are going well; I've just been very busy. Participating in life can be fun and time consuming. LOL. Just realized today that my 6 mo. will be on Thanksgiving - how appropriate is that?
General - I'm so glad that things smoothed over for you and your wife. My husband and I are also experiencing a fair amount of conflict in our relationship. Nothing exciting ... we just don't want to do the same things anymore. We're both pretty unhappy at the moment. I want a sober, interested-in-life husband and he misses his drinking buddy. Ugh.
I'm trying to let it just roll for now - hoping that it will work itself out at some point. Otherwise I tend to jump to the worst case scenario and make everything worse for myself. There is definitely no easy or obvious solution right now. Heavy sigh.... I'm glad to know that I'm not the only struggling spouse BUT I pray that we all achieve peace soon
How are things now? Did making up calm the situation? Being faced with the harsh reality of telling the kids had to have been painful. Sure hope you're better.
Tanja - Sounds like things are going well!
Dee - Thanks for your insight - always, always so helpful.
Hope we all have a peaceful, sober week and weekend!!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by sadsoul2011
Gerb - Great to see you! Glad that you're doing so well. Your dog is so cute! Thanks for checking in and lending us support. Hope you stop by again
. I don't get much time on these forums now adays, but I do check in.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 170
By the way, 99% of my posts are in the off-topic thread "Hands Across Time Zones"
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-9-a.html
I post pictures there too.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-9-a.html
I post pictures there too
.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Hello to all the Sobertobers!!!
Time is just flying by.
It really hit me last weekend - how did I ever get anything done (and done well) when I was drinking every night??? Life is full now (full of the good, the bad and the ugly haha - BUT full!)
Hope everyone is having a good week - happy Tuesday!!
Hugs to anyone struggling!
Time is just flying by.
It really hit me last weekend - how did I ever get anything done (and done well) when I was drinking every night??? Life is full now (full of the good, the bad and the ugly haha - BUT full!)
Hope everyone is having a good week - happy Tuesday!!
Hugs to anyone struggling!
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