Codependency and Beyond - Part 25
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
December 29, 2012
Moving On
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That’s okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people – in love, family, friendships, and work – when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
December 29, 2012
Moving On
"Learn the art of acceptance. It’s a lot of grief."
–Codependent No More
–Codependent No More
Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.
This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.
Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.
Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.
If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.
We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.
Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That’s okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.
Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people – in love, family, friendships, and work – when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Happy 4 Years GF
:day1 Happy 4 Years GF :ghug3
The Language of Letting Go
December 30, 2012
Laying the Foundation
The groundwork has been laid.
Do you not see that?
Don’t you understand that all you have gone through was for a purpose?
There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release.
You have been prepared. The same way a builder must first tear down and dig out the old to make way for the new, your Higher Power has been cleaning out the foundation in your life.
Have you ever watched a builder at construction? When he begins his work, it looks worse than before he began. What is old and decayed must be removed. What is insufficient or too weak to support the new structure must be removed, replaced, or reinforced. No builder who cares about his or her work would put a new surface over an insufficient support system. The foundation would give way. It would not last.
If the finished product is to be what is desired, the work must be done thoroughly from the bottom up. As the work progresses, it often appears to be an upheaval. Often, it does not seem to make sense. It may appear to be wasted time and effort, because we cannot see the final product yet.
But it is so important that the foundation be laid properly if the fun work, the finishing touches, is to be all that we want it to be.
This long, hard time in your life has been for laying of groundwork. It was not without purpose, although at times the purpose may not have been evident or apparent.
Now, the foundation has been laid. The structure is solid.
Now, it is time for the finishing touches, the completion.
It is time to move the furniture in and enjoy the fruits of the labor.
Congratulations. You have had the patience to endure the hard parts. You have trusted, surrendered, and allowed your Higher Power and the Universe to heal and prepare you.
Now, you shall enjoy the good that has been planned.
Now, you shall see the purpose.
Now, it shall all come together and make sense.
Enjoy.
Today, I will surrender to the laying of the foundation – the groundwork – in my life. If it is time to enjoy the placement of the finishing touches, I will surrender to that, and enjoy that too. I will remember to be grateful for a Higher Power that is a Master Builder and only has my best interests in mind, creating and constructing my life. I will be grateful for my Higher Power’s care and attention to details in laying the foundation – even though I become impatient at times. I will stand in awe at the beauty of God’s finished product.
The Language of Letting Go
December 30, 2012
Laying the Foundation
The groundwork has been laid.
Do you not see that?
Don’t you understand that all you have gone through was for a purpose?
There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release.
You have been prepared. The same way a builder must first tear down and dig out the old to make way for the new, your Higher Power has been cleaning out the foundation in your life.
Have you ever watched a builder at construction? When he begins his work, it looks worse than before he began. What is old and decayed must be removed. What is insufficient or too weak to support the new structure must be removed, replaced, or reinforced. No builder who cares about his or her work would put a new surface over an insufficient support system. The foundation would give way. It would not last.
If the finished product is to be what is desired, the work must be done thoroughly from the bottom up. As the work progresses, it often appears to be an upheaval. Often, it does not seem to make sense. It may appear to be wasted time and effort, because we cannot see the final product yet.
But it is so important that the foundation be laid properly if the fun work, the finishing touches, is to be all that we want it to be.
This long, hard time in your life has been for laying of groundwork. It was not without purpose, although at times the purpose may not have been evident or apparent.
Now, the foundation has been laid. The structure is solid.
Now, it is time for the finishing touches, the completion.
It is time to move the furniture in and enjoy the fruits of the labor.
Congratulations. You have had the patience to endure the hard parts. You have trusted, surrendered, and allowed your Higher Power and the Universe to heal and prepare you.
Now, you shall enjoy the good that has been planned.
Now, you shall see the purpose.
Now, it shall all come together and make sense.
Enjoy.
Today, I will surrender to the laying of the foundation – the groundwork – in my life. If it is time to enjoy the placement of the finishing touches, I will surrender to that, and enjoy that too. I will remember to be grateful for a Higher Power that is a Master Builder and only has my best interests in mind, creating and constructing my life. I will be grateful for my Higher Power’s care and attention to details in laying the foundation – even though I become impatient at times. I will stand in awe at the beauty of God’s finished product.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Happy Birthday ((Lisa))!!!
I've been busy, picked up a 6p-8a shift after I left Mr. D's. Going back to see him, then the other lady but don't have to be to her house until 10 and I'm allowed to sleep (and get paid!!) Even have my own room and really comfy bed
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've been busy, picked up a 6p-8a shift after I left Mr. D's. Going back to see him, then the other lady but don't have to be to her house until 10 and I'm allowed to sleep (and get paid!!) Even have my own room and really comfy bed
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
December 31, 2012
Affirming the Good
"Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful."
–Beyond Codependency
Wait, and expect good things – for yourself and your loved ones.
When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours.
See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment.
Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are, and all you will become.
Wait, and expect good things.
Today, when I think abut the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.
December 31, 2012
Affirming the Good
"Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful."
–Beyond Codependency
Wait, and expect good things – for yourself and your loved ones.
When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours.
See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment.
Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are, and all you will become.
Wait, and expect good things.
Today, when I think abut the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Had a funny conversation with my buddy, chef A today. Seems she came home, Christmas night, to her exbf sleeping on her couch. I don't know if he's an A but he told her all these "poor me" stories and she let him sleep there, then kicked him out the next morning and told him to NOT ever come back.
I'd just finished telling her about Mr. D getting fiesty with me, and me telling him "keep it up, I'll call your daughter and then I'll leave and not come back!" to which he calmed down.
Chef A said "wow, I need YOU and your backbone!". Who would have EVER thought someone would say that to me? Feels pretty nice
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'd just finished telling her about Mr. D getting fiesty with me, and me telling him "keep it up, I'll call your daughter and then I'll leave and not come back!" to which he calmed down.
Chef A said "wow, I need YOU and your backbone!". Who would have EVER thought someone would say that to me? Feels pretty nice
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
The New Year
Make New Year's goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you're interested in fully living life in the year to come.
Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level.
Goals give our life direction.
What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?
What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?
Remember, we aren't controlling others with our goals - we are trying to give direction to our life.
What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?
What would you like to see happen inside and around you?
Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down - as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go.
Certainly, things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes, these events are pleasant surprises; sometimes, they are of another nature. But they are all part of the chapter that will be this year in our life and will lead us forward in the story.
The New Year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.
Today, I will remember that there is a powerful force motivated by writing down goals. I will do that now, for the year to come, and regularly as needed. I will do it not to control but to do my part in living my life.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
The New Year
Make New Year's goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you're interested in fully living life in the year to come.
Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level.
Goals give our life direction.
What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?
What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?
Remember, we aren't controlling others with our goals - we are trying to give direction to our life.
What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?
What would you like to see happen inside and around you?
Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down - as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go.
Certainly, things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes, these events are pleasant surprises; sometimes, they are of another nature. But they are all part of the chapter that will be this year in our life and will lead us forward in the story.
The New Year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.
Today, I will remember that there is a powerful force motivated by writing down goals. I will do that now, for the year to come, and regularly as needed. I will do it not to control but to do my part in living my life.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Happy New Year Everyone!
This year is an exciting one. I will be graduating nursing school!
I brought in the New Year alone and in peace. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to clean up my apartment and sort through my stack of "I'll deal with it later" mail. That was a success. I had a lot of clarity and a 3 hour conversation with my sponsor. Very helpful stuff.
I had some fitful sleep so I am up early. I'm sure a nap will be in order later.
Have a great day everyone!
This year is an exciting one. I will be graduating nursing school!
I brought in the New Year alone and in peace. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to clean up my apartment and sort through my stack of "I'll deal with it later" mail. That was a success. I had a lot of clarity and a 3 hour conversation with my sponsor.
Very helpful stuff. I had some fitful sleep so I am up early. I'm sure a nap will be in order later.
Have a great day everyone!
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
January 2, 2013
Healthy Limits
Boundaries are vital to recovery. Having and setting healthy limits’ is connected to all phases of recovery: growing in self esteem, dealing with feelings, and learning to really love and value ourselves.
Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes dearer, so will our boundaries.
Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. We’ll set a limit when we’re ready, and not a moment before. So will others.
There’s something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we’re controlling others, but because we’ve changed.
Today, I will trust that I will learn, grow, and set the limits I need in my life at my own pace. This timing need only be right for me.
January 2, 2013
Healthy Limits
Boundaries are vital to recovery. Having and setting healthy limits’ is connected to all phases of recovery: growing in self esteem, dealing with feelings, and learning to really love and value ourselves.
Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes dearer, so will our boundaries.
Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. We’ll set a limit when we’re ready, and not a moment before. So will others.
There’s something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we’re controlling others, but because we’ve changed.
Today, I will trust that I will learn, grow, and set the limits I need in my life at my own pace. This timing need only be right for me.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Hi to all -
Lisa congrats on 4 yrs - that is awesome ~
Newby - how was your NY Eve? where you able to be baptised? prayers of blessings for you!
Amy - you have a strong backbone!
Lily - I think you will be a great nurse!
Today I am reminding myself - Feelings are not facts ~ I have that eerie sense of upcoming doom feeling ~ not sure why or where it is coming from ~ but "No matter what me & my God are going to be ok - even better than OK!"
This too shall pass ~
pink hugs
Lisa congrats on 4 yrs - that is awesome ~
Newby - how was your NY Eve? where you able to be baptised? prayers of blessings for you!
Amy - you have a strong backbone!
Lily - I think you will be a great nurse!
Today I am reminding myself - Feelings are not facts ~ I have that eerie sense of upcoming doom feeling ~ not sure why or where it is coming from ~ but "No matter what me & my God are going to be ok - even better than OK!"
This too shall pass ~
pink hugs
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Hi everyone,
Thought I would check in with some of my favorite peeps.
So I was going to get baptized on New Years Eve but I have been battling this cold and we are in a cold chill throughout WA state so I decided not to do it. But not all is lost because they have one this summer where they actually go to the beach and they dunk you in the water there so I thought that was pretty cool. I did go to the service though and it was really cool to see the young ones getting it done. They just recently started a Spanish part of our church so they even had a few in Spanish. Its funny I had no clue what he was saying but it sounded so good.
Later that night I went to an AA Alcathon and that was nice I stayed till 2am so we had meetings and I had a hat and some other festive stuff on. Then like typical addicts someone went and got a bunch of fireworks and we lit a bunch off. Well the cops showed up so we all ran back into the club it was really funny but I guess not so much for all the poor neighbors. They already hate the club being there and I am sure that did not help our situation so much.
Didn't make a New Year's resolution because I break them all the time anyway so why do it is where I am at. Or at least that is my excuse not to make any.
Hope you all had a nice holiday?
Congrats Lily on becoming a nurse.
Peace ya all.
Thought I would check in with some of my favorite peeps.
So I was going to get baptized on New Years Eve but I have been battling this cold and we are in a cold chill throughout WA state so I decided not to do it. But not all is lost because they have one this summer where they actually go to the beach and they dunk you in the water there so I thought that was pretty cool. I did go to the service though and it was really cool to see the young ones getting it done. They just recently started a Spanish part of our church so they even had a few in Spanish. Its funny I had no clue what he was saying but it sounded so good.
Later that night I went to an AA Alcathon and that was nice I stayed till 2am so we had meetings and I had a hat and some other festive stuff on. Then like typical addicts someone went and got a bunch of fireworks and we lit a bunch off. Well the cops showed up so we all ran back into the club it was really funny but I guess not so much for all the poor neighbors. They already hate the club being there and I am sure that did not help our situation so much.
Didn't make a New Year's resolution because I break them all the time anyway so why do it is where I am at. Or at least that is my excuse not to make any.
Hope you all had a nice holiday?
Congrats Lily on becoming a nurse.
Peace ya all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Newby)) - The visual of you all running into the club, away from the cops, is priceless
I'm thinking I may be getting near the point where I'm actually going to have to turn DOWN work? Just got a schedule and though they're not supposed to schedule me for more than 36 hours/week and I can "fill in" to get extra hours, I'm now scheduled 44 hrs/week?
Got my pay stub but check isn't in bank yet. Going to print out business cards, as several people are interested in having me help out them or a family member at the sr. center. My friend who was recently diagnosed with ALS said "I'm putting in my reservation for you as my caregiver...I'm pretty particular over who I want changing my diaper". She's not at that point yet, but I am glad to see she is laughing about it after a few days in near-tears.
I've got an afternoon to myself and am going to relax and enjoy it!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm thinking I may be getting near the point where I'm actually going to have to turn DOWN work? Just got a schedule and though they're not supposed to schedule me for more than 36 hours/week and I can "fill in" to get extra hours, I'm now scheduled 44 hrs/week?
Got my pay stub but check isn't in bank yet. Going to print out business cards, as several people are interested in having me help out them or a family member at the sr. center. My friend who was recently diagnosed with ALS said "I'm putting in my reservation for you as my caregiver...I'm pretty particular over who I want changing my diaper". She's not at that point yet, but I am glad to see she is laughing about it after a few days in near-tears.
I've got an afternoon to myself and am going to relax and enjoy it!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
January 3, 2013
Nurturing Self Care
Listen to that voice inside. What makes you angry? What have you had enough of? What don’t you trust? What doesn’t feel right? What can’t you stand? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you want? Need? What don’t you want and need? What do you like? What would feel good?
In recovery, we learn that self care leads us on the path to God’s will and plan for our life. Self-care never leads away from our highest good; it leads toward it.
Learn to nurture that voice inside. We can trust ourselves. We can take care of ourselves. We are wiser than we think. Our guide is within, ever present. Listen to, trust, and nurture that guide.
Today, I will affirm that lama gift to the Universe and myself. I will remember that nurturing self care delivers that gift in its highest form
January 3, 2013
Nurturing Self Care
".. .there isn’t a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we’ll love ourselves enough to listen."
–Beyond Codependency
What do we need to do to take care of ourselves?–Beyond Codependency
Listen to that voice inside. What makes you angry? What have you had enough of? What don’t you trust? What doesn’t feel right? What can’t you stand? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you want? Need? What don’t you want and need? What do you like? What would feel good?
In recovery, we learn that self care leads us on the path to God’s will and plan for our life. Self-care never leads away from our highest good; it leads toward it.
Learn to nurture that voice inside. We can trust ourselves. We can take care of ourselves. We are wiser than we think. Our guide is within, ever present. Listen to, trust, and nurture that guide.
Today, I will affirm that lama gift to the Universe and myself. I will remember that nurturing self care delivers that gift in its highest form
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Good Morning my wonderful friends ~
i am grieving the loss of the friendship of one of my "recovery" friends ~ I met her here on SR ~ she was a recoverying addict/alcoholic ~ she is smart, funny, witty and supported me greatly during rough times in my life ~
I could sense the relapse road she started on ~ I saw the signs, we talked, she assured me she was fine ~ after watching many of my loved ones take that road - I knew she wasn't, but as we know all to well ~ I was powerless ~ I had to let go & let God . . give her the dignity to walk her own path ~ but she wasn't ok then
and she isn't now ~ she has lost her job, her home, custody of her youngest daughter & her sobriety
she is living on the street again drinking & drugging
and I miss her
so please say a pray for her and for her family
thanks,
i am grieving the loss of the friendship of one of my "recovery" friends ~ I met her here on SR ~ she was a recoverying addict/alcoholic ~ she is smart, funny, witty and supported me greatly during rough times in my life ~
I could sense the relapse road she started on ~ I saw the signs, we talked, she assured me she was fine ~ after watching many of my loved ones take that road - I knew she wasn't, but as we know all to well ~ I was powerless ~ I had to let go & let God . . give her the dignity to walk her own path ~ but she wasn't ok then
and she isn't now ~ she has lost her job, her home, custody of her youngest daughter & her sobriety
she is living on the street again drinking & drugging
and I miss her
so please say a pray for her and for her family
thanks,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Rita)) - I'm so sorry
Is this someone I know? You don't have to answer, it's just that we both know a lot of the same people. Regardless, prayers are going out.
I'm pulling out all the tools in my codie recovery toolbelt, lately. It's a bit complicated, and won't go into it here, but am focusing on what is my "job" and what needs to be left to see what happens.
I was approved for the 44 hours/week, did a little rearranging of the schedule with one of my clients today and she said "I just love you"
Dad's van is broke, sm is doing well in rehab and has another week. Dad found someone to work on the van for cheaper than the company that has been working on it, my paycheck will get my account out of the red tomorrow, and I'm thinking life is pretty darned good
Best part is, I'm NOT worried about "when the other shoe will drop". It might, and if it does, I'll just deal with it. BTDT
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Is this someone I know? You don't have to answer, it's just that we both know a lot of the same people. Regardless, prayers are going out.I'm pulling out all the tools in my codie recovery toolbelt, lately. It's a bit complicated, and won't go into it here, but am focusing on what is my "job" and what needs to be left to see what happens.
I was approved for the 44 hours/week, did a little rearranging of the schedule with one of my clients today and she said "I just love you"
Dad's van is broke, sm is doing well in rehab and has another week. Dad found someone to work on the van for cheaper than the company that has been working on it, my paycheck will get my account out of the red tomorrow, and I'm thinking life is pretty darned good
Best part is, I'm NOT worried about "when the other shoe will drop". It might, and if it does, I'll just deal with it. BTDT
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Sorry to hear about dads truck but glad it will be fixed at a reasonable price. You sound great Amy! Keep up the great work.
I am working on slowing down and figuring out what I really want out of life. Big question! What do I want, other than a degree and solid job? What makes me happy? What hobby would I like to pursue?
There is so much about me to explore! It's kind of exciting!
Love,
Lily
I am working on slowing down and figuring out what I really want out of life. Big question! What do I want, other than a degree and solid job? What makes me happy? What hobby would I like to pursue?
There is so much about me to explore! It's kind of exciting!
Love,
Lily
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
January 4, 2013
Separating from Family Issues
We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.
Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.
Some of us may have family members who have unresolved codependency issues. Family members may be addicted to misery, pain, suffering, martyrdom, and victimization. We may have family members who have unresolved abuse issues or unresolved family of origin issues.
We may have family members who are addicted to work, eating, or sex. Our family may be completely enmeshed, or we may have a disconnected family in which the members have little contact.
We may be like our family. We may love our family. But we are separate human beings with individual rights and issues. One of our primary rights is to begin feeling better and recovering, whether or not others in the family choose to do the same.
We do not have to feel guilty about finding happiness and a life that works. And we do not have to take on our family’s issues as our own to be loyal and to show we love them.
Often when we begin taking care of ourselves, family members will reverberate with overt and covert attempts to pull us back into the old system and roles. We do not have to go. Their attempts to pull us back are their issues. Taking care of ourselves and becoming healthy and happy does not mean we do not love them. It means we’re addressing our issues.
We do not have to judge them because they have issues; nor do we have to allow them to do anything they would like to us just because they are family.
We are free now, free to take care of ourselves with family members. Our freedom starts when we stop denying then issues, and politely, but assertively, hand their stuff back to them – where it belongs – and deal with our own issues.
Today, I will separate myself from family members, I am a separate human being, even though I belong to a unit called a family. I have a right to my own issues and growth; my family members have a right to their issues and a right to choose where and when they will deal with these issues. I can learn to detach in love from my family members and their issues. I am willing to work through all necessary feelings in order to accomplish this.
January 4, 2013
Separating from Family Issues
We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.
Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.
Some of us may have family members who have unresolved codependency issues. Family members may be addicted to misery, pain, suffering, martyrdom, and victimization. We may have family members who have unresolved abuse issues or unresolved family of origin issues.
We may have family members who are addicted to work, eating, or sex. Our family may be completely enmeshed, or we may have a disconnected family in which the members have little contact.
We may be like our family. We may love our family. But we are separate human beings with individual rights and issues. One of our primary rights is to begin feeling better and recovering, whether or not others in the family choose to do the same.
We do not have to feel guilty about finding happiness and a life that works. And we do not have to take on our family’s issues as our own to be loyal and to show we love them.
Often when we begin taking care of ourselves, family members will reverberate with overt and covert attempts to pull us back into the old system and roles. We do not have to go. Their attempts to pull us back are their issues. Taking care of ourselves and becoming healthy and happy does not mean we do not love them. It means we’re addressing our issues.
We do not have to judge them because they have issues; nor do we have to allow them to do anything they would like to us just because they are family.
We are free now, free to take care of ourselves with family members. Our freedom starts when we stop denying then issues, and politely, but assertively, hand their stuff back to them – where it belongs – and deal with our own issues.
Today, I will separate myself from family members, I am a separate human being, even though I belong to a unit called a family. I have a right to my own issues and growth; my family members have a right to their issues and a right to choose where and when they will deal with these issues. I can learn to detach in love from my family members and their issues. I am willing to work through all necessary feelings in order to accomplish this.
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