Class of August 2012
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
I'm glad you've got a few weekends before you need to worry about your visitors PHRD. Maybe between now and then you can suggest alternative plans that will be less likely to revolve around alcohol? Or at least not be the main event?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 690
kinnison so sorry to hear you quit your job. I hope things go better for you. Allison, I also am a runner (no marathon though! just 5Kand 10K). On my weekends it will be nice to run without a hangover! Let me just get through Saturday night! Good luck everyone. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 67
Hi All,
I've been lurking this forum for a little less than a year now and drawing inspiration and support from all of you. Little did you know, right? You all have helped me release the negative stigmatism I have placed on alcoholics in general. This happens to be wonderful for me because instead of the shame, guilt and endlessly beating myself up over my drinking, I can just accept my problem for what it is in a more objective way. So, thank you all for sharing your wisdom and experiences with even the unknowns.
Secondly, I would like to join this class. Like soulgypsy, I had been sober for about a week before last night. Today, I probably had the worst hangover than I ever had. I woke up still a tad drunk, spent some quality time hugging a toilet, had a wicked bad headache, and (this one is new for me) my throat felt like it was on fire from acid. All day long.
I can't do this anymore. It's getting worse. I don't even see the benefit in drinking. I don't like to drink in public (fear of acting like an ass), and I have banned myself from my phone and computer (especially Facebook and emails) because I do have the tendency to say whatever is on my mind. Not that smart...
I'll write more in a newbie intro thread later.
I've been lurking this forum for a little less than a year now and drawing inspiration and support from all of you. Little did you know, right? You all have helped me release the negative stigmatism I have placed on alcoholics in general. This happens to be wonderful for me because instead of the shame, guilt and endlessly beating myself up over my drinking, I can just accept my problem for what it is in a more objective way. So, thank you all for sharing your wisdom and experiences with even the unknowns.
Secondly, I would like to join this class. Like soulgypsy, I had been sober for about a week before last night. Today, I probably had the worst hangover than I ever had. I woke up still a tad drunk, spent some quality time hugging a toilet, had a wicked bad headache, and (this one is new for me) my throat felt like it was on fire from acid. All day long.
I can't do this anymore. It's getting worse. I don't even see the benefit in drinking. I don't like to drink in public (fear of acting like an ass), and I have banned myself from my phone and computer (especially Facebook and emails) because I do have the tendency to say whatever is on my mind. Not that smart...
I'll write more in a newbie intro thread later.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 19
been wanting to quit for months. made it thru today. but time sure seemed to crawl. definitely going to have to find better things to do than be on the computer all day. i do graphic design & surf the web all day. start drinking mid afternoon & maintain a state of comfortably numb til bed. been that way every day for about 3 years.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
Originally Posted by yayday 
been wanting to quit for months. made it thru today. but time sure seemed to crawl. definitely going to have to find better things to do than be on the computer all day. i do graphic design & surf the web all day. start drinking mid afternoon & maintain a state of comfortably numb til bed. been that way every day for about 3 years.
Hope all is well today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
Hi Allison! I get those "wee fond booze" thoughts myself from time to time. I try to immediately force myself to ALSO remember the "not so wee fond booze" thoughts. Like dry heaving for hours until my entire body was inflammed in pain. There are many others but that one really hits home for me. Take care!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Notheast US
Posts: 524
My last day of tapering before the rest of the bottle gets poured down the drain! This time is not as easy as last September, when I had no physical side effects. It was a piece of cake then, but I have a feeling that this time will be harder and am mentally preparing myself.
Yayday, I can relate to your situation, although I have been drinking much longer than you have. I often telecommute and am at the computer all day. Being home alone is not good, as I start drinking much earlier than I should. Like you, I sip slowly to numb myself, not to get trashed. It's also very difficult to be disciplined to separate work from personal stuff when working from home, but an important challenge.
SarahBartok, I'm sorry for your pain, which was masked by drugs. Unfortunately, the drugs don't really take the pain away, they just numb them while the pain still is there under the surface. The drugs take away other parts of you and create even more pain and damage. It's a vicious cycle.
Yayday, I can relate to your situation, although I have been drinking much longer than you have. I often telecommute and am at the computer all day. Being home alone is not good, as I start drinking much earlier than I should. Like you, I sip slowly to numb myself, not to get trashed. It's also very difficult to be disciplined to separate work from personal stuff when working from home, but an important challenge.
SarahBartok, I'm sorry for your pain, which was masked by drugs. Unfortunately, the drugs don't really take the pain away, they just numb them while the pain still is there under the surface. The drugs take away other parts of you and create even more pain and damage. It's a vicious cycle.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 85
Hi everyone. I was part of the January class for about a month, then tricked myself into thinking that I wouldn't get out of control again. Big mistake. But here I am again, with want for happiness. I want to feel strong and empowered without trying to hide my feelings or mask who I am with the use of alcohol / drugs. It's so great to have support here from all of you.
Kat
Kat
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome Kat4184, soulgypsy, salacia, and vayday
I think it's important to remember you won't always feel this way Sarah - it can take a little while to adjust but the readjustment process is pretty quick really. Don''t let the fear get you.
Remember the reasons why you stopped in the first place? go back to using and you'll have to face those reasons again anyway...
You're not alone in this either. We all have your back
Did you end up checking out NA?
D
Originally Posted by sarahbartok
I really don't think I can do this. It hurts so much to be drug free. Everything is so much sharper. It means facing real life and I don't know if I can do that, the life inside my head seemed safer 
Remember the reasons why you stopped in the first place? go back to using and you'll have to face those reasons again anyway...
You're not alone in this either. We all have your back
Did you end up checking out NA?
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 18
Thanks Dee & Slim Slim
I had a bit of a freak out last night (hence the random post) and again this morning. I still haven't used but its becoming more of a challenge!
I threw out all the alcohol in the house (not much, just a few old bottles in the cupboard) the other night. I haven't drank much for years, but between my two codeine phases (after the last time I gave it up) I went through a massive binge drinking stint. I could feel that coming on this time again so thought it best to throw it all out.
I think thats what set me off - I realised I would really not have any crutch this time, that if I wanted to give it all away I would have to really learn to be present ALL THE TIME which seemed pretty scary.
I'm starting a new job next week which is kind of a promotion and thats freaking me out too. I think I'm going through a greif thing as well, I can't stop thinking about all the stupid things I've done (fractured relationships, crazy dysfunctional relationships with crazy dysfunctional men who I let, or sometimes even encouraged, to hurt me), not just because of my addictions but for the same reasons as I have the addictions, to escape.
I read the article on fear on here and that was exactly what I am going through, seehttp://www.soberrecovery.com/drug-rehabilitation-alcohol-treatment/addictions/dealing-with-fear.html
It's just scary that I am going to have to face the challenges of my life, let my guard down to people and life. It feels like being in between a rock and a hard place, I know the addictions will make me feel just as bad, so either way I'm going to feel like crap, so I feel trapped in between two walls, does that make sense.
Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better now, have had a long hot shower and something to eat. I feel exausted from hours of crying. I think I'm going to get out in the sun and maybe pick up some DVDs, I might make some soup as well for something to do and then snuggle up on the couch with DVD's, the soup, my mineral water (something about the bubbles is soothing) and cuddle my cat.
Hope everyone is doing well
Sarah
I had a bit of a freak out last night (hence the random post) and again this morning. I still haven't used but its becoming more of a challenge!
I threw out all the alcohol in the house (not much, just a few old bottles in the cupboard) the other night. I haven't drank much for years, but between my two codeine phases (after the last time I gave it up) I went through a massive binge drinking stint. I could feel that coming on this time again so thought it best to throw it all out.
I think thats what set me off - I realised I would really not have any crutch this time, that if I wanted to give it all away I would have to really learn to be present ALL THE TIME which seemed pretty scary.
I'm starting a new job next week which is kind of a promotion and thats freaking me out too. I think I'm going through a greif thing as well, I can't stop thinking about all the stupid things I've done (fractured relationships, crazy dysfunctional relationships with crazy dysfunctional men who I let, or sometimes even encouraged, to hurt me), not just because of my addictions but for the same reasons as I have the addictions, to escape.
I read the article on fear on here and that was exactly what I am going through, seehttp://www.soberrecovery.com/drug-rehabilitation-alcohol-treatment/addictions/dealing-with-fear.html
It's just scary that I am going to have to face the challenges of my life, let my guard down to people and life. It feels like being in between a rock and a hard place, I know the addictions will make me feel just as bad, so either way I'm going to feel like crap, so I feel trapped in between two walls, does that make sense.
Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better now, have had a long hot shower and something to eat. I feel exausted from hours of crying. I think I'm going to get out in the sun and maybe pick up some DVDs, I might make some soup as well for something to do and then snuggle up on the couch with DVD's, the soup, my mineral water (something about the bubbles is soothing) and cuddle my cat.
Hope everyone is doing well
Sarah
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2
Hey there,
I have been lurking for a while and would like to join. I have been drinking tonight, August 3rd, but I wanted to go ahead and join. Tomorrow will be my first day sober after many years of drinking. I am a female in my 30s and this just is not working anymore. I was referred by a close friend who is a member here an will go unnamed. Thanks. My name is Julienne.
I have been lurking for a while and would like to join. I have been drinking tonight, August 3rd, but I wanted to go ahead and join. Tomorrow will be my first day sober after many years of drinking. I am a female in my 30s and this just is not working anymore. I was referred by a close friend who is a member here an will go unnamed. Thanks. My name is Julienne.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by Julienne
Hey there,
I have been lurking for a while and would like to join. I have been drinking tonight, August 3rd, but I wanted to go ahead and join. Tomorrow will be my first day sober after many years of drinking. I am a female in my 30s and this just is not working anymore. I was referred by a close friend who is a member here an will go unnamed. Thanks. My name is Julienne.
I have been lurking for a while and would like to join. I have been drinking tonight, August 3rd, but I wanted to go ahead and join. Tomorrow will be my first day sober after many years of drinking. I am a female in my 30s and this just is not working anymore. I was referred by a close friend who is a member here an will go unnamed. Thanks. My name is Julienne.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2
Good morning to everyone,
Not sure how it works around here but I have been reading a lot, which I will do for a while. Today is day #1 for me. I am 37 years old and have been a regular drinker since high school. I realize it is a bit ridiculous to be a "party girl" at age 37. I am also engaged to a wonderful man in the military and want to do this for me, but also for our future. He has never seen me out of control because I am very careful with my drinking around him. I did tell him I was "sick of drinking" and wanted to take a break. It's more than that and I will be honest with him, but right now I am scared and just need to see how I am going to be with quitting. My dad was an alcoholic and it ruined my parents' marriage. I don't want that for me. My drink of choice is wine, and it is not uncommon for me to drink the better part of a bottle on nights alone. I also am considering going to AA because I think I need some private support with this. Thank you for reading and for the welcome. I don't have a hangover today as I had 2 "going away" glasses of wine last night instead of getting drunk and I was with my fiancé. Have a pleasant day.
Julie
Not sure how it works around here but I have been reading a lot, which I will do for a while. Today is day #1 for me. I am 37 years old and have been a regular drinker since high school. I realize it is a bit ridiculous to be a "party girl" at age 37. I am also engaged to a wonderful man in the military and want to do this for me, but also for our future. He has never seen me out of control because I am very careful with my drinking around him. I did tell him I was "sick of drinking" and wanted to take a break. It's more than that and I will be honest with him, but right now I am scared and just need to see how I am going to be with quitting. My dad was an alcoholic and it ruined my parents' marriage. I don't want that for me. My drink of choice is wine, and it is not uncommon for me to drink the better part of a bottle on nights alone. I also am considering going to AA because I think I need some private support with this. Thank you for reading and for the welcome. I don't have a hangover today as I had 2 "going away" glasses of wine last night instead of getting drunk and I was with my fiancé. Have a pleasant day.
Julie
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Notheast US
Posts: 524
(Long Post)
Today’s the day! I finished my taper last night, with the first drink at 6:15 and I measured one ounce of rum. I had my second drink and last drink at 8:30, doing the same thing. I followed it with Gatorade and the rum has now been poured down the drain!
I was tired last night and went to bed at 10:30 and slept until 8:30 this morning. The house is stocked with groceries which are easy to either snack on or prepare quickly.
I’m feeling very positive about things.
One of the things I want to focus on over the short term is to figure out exactly how and why I slipped the last time. Thanksgiving was great sober and I enjoyed myself. Same for Christmas. During my months of sobriety I never had any cravings, nor do I ever really remember having cravings.
I am a cigarette smoker and when I think about quitting, I actually salivate. When I’ve thought about quitting drinking, it’s been more of a fear reaction about how am I going to do it, and what happens if I fail?
It’s hard to remember a time when I said to myself “I need a drink”. I have a co-worker who says it all the time. Even when I was sober, I never craved or wanted a drink. I think the “probably never wanting a drink” was because I knew I had that bottle at home waiting for me. It was when my mother died, that I bought a small bottle of scotch (her drink) to toast her. I had that fifth in the house for 10 days.
I can’t remember when I bought another bottle (all the more reason for keeping a journal). My mother’s final arrangements were a nightmare with her having told us her lawyer would take care of everything, but this was not true. We had months of poor communication with the lawyer and the family fracturing. On top of that, my ex was diagnosed with cancer and I had to wire money to him (another country) for surgery. He is not recovering well.
I did not tell my therapist that I was drinking again, nor did he ask. He never really asked me from the beginning. He was very eclectic and way to much on the holistic medicine kick, something I could not relate to. Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell him; we hadn’t really built a relationship of trust and respect. So this time around I have to find someone with whom I can build that relationship.
I still have a lot of reflection to do. I think that it is important for me to understand why I slipped the last time so that I can do everything in my power not to let it happen again.
Here's to the start of my new life! I deserve it, my son deserves it and so do many others.
Today’s the day! I finished my taper last night, with the first drink at 6:15 and I measured one ounce of rum. I had my second drink and last drink at 8:30, doing the same thing. I followed it with Gatorade and the rum has now been poured down the drain!
I was tired last night and went to bed at 10:30 and slept until 8:30 this morning. The house is stocked with groceries which are easy to either snack on or prepare quickly.
I’m feeling very positive about things.
One of the things I want to focus on over the short term is to figure out exactly how and why I slipped the last time. Thanksgiving was great sober and I enjoyed myself. Same for Christmas. During my months of sobriety I never had any cravings, nor do I ever really remember having cravings.
I am a cigarette smoker and when I think about quitting, I actually salivate. When I’ve thought about quitting drinking, it’s been more of a fear reaction about how am I going to do it, and what happens if I fail?
It’s hard to remember a time when I said to myself “I need a drink”. I have a co-worker who says it all the time. Even when I was sober, I never craved or wanted a drink. I think the “probably never wanting a drink” was because I knew I had that bottle at home waiting for me. It was when my mother died, that I bought a small bottle of scotch (her drink) to toast her. I had that fifth in the house for 10 days.
I can’t remember when I bought another bottle (all the more reason for keeping a journal). My mother’s final arrangements were a nightmare with her having told us her lawyer would take care of everything, but this was not true. We had months of poor communication with the lawyer and the family fracturing. On top of that, my ex was diagnosed with cancer and I had to wire money to him (another country) for surgery. He is not recovering well.
I did not tell my therapist that I was drinking again, nor did he ask. He never really asked me from the beginning. He was very eclectic and way to much on the holistic medicine kick, something I could not relate to. Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell him; we hadn’t really built a relationship of trust and respect. So this time around I have to find someone with whom I can build that relationship.
I still have a lot of reflection to do. I think that it is important for me to understand why I slipped the last time so that I can do everything in my power not to let it happen again.
Here's to the start of my new life! I deserve it, my son deserves it and so do many others.
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