Class of July 2012 Part 3
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Leeds
Posts: 20
Day 34 for me. Haven't posted for a while as I've been quite busy. It gets much easier as time goes on. Problem I find is dealing with life's knock backs. Had a rough day yesterday and had a bit of a set back on the work front. Now usually I would have reached for my "best friend", but have to resist.
Feeling really crap about myself today so want to drink my way out of it, but it will no doubt make things worse. I can't seem to find a job where I can support myself and find working stressful what with a few mental health problems. It just sucks when you try really hard and just come against brick walls all the time.
Anyway things could be a lot worse. Wish you all well on your daily quests.
Feeling really crap about myself today so want to drink my way out of it, but it will no doubt make things worse. I can't seem to find a job where I can support myself and find working stressful what with a few mental health problems. It just sucks when you try really hard and just come against brick walls all the time.
Anyway things could be a lot worse. Wish you all well on your daily quests.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 94
Ahhhh darling hubby has arrived home from work on a Friday night with beers... He does this sometimes as a unwind night for us both.. I plan to decline one after dinner when daughter goes to bed.. Now I need the strength to make sure I decline while he sits next to me drinking 
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
BeerB... Stand strong... you've done great so far... come too far to turn back to that junk.
BoozeB... Good job on getting through the first 30!! I hope you can find someone to talk to about the mental issues.
MyT... Glad you posted. I think it's kind of normal to feel down sometimes... reality kind of has a way of sinking in and it's ok to feel sad. There are plenty of routines you can do without going to the gym... internet is full of them
DVD's stuff like that.
NFW... You really bless me.. because I see your forum name and I think of Fire Water... the actual potent drink and I get a little sick to my stomach. Over the winter I was drinking that like water... until I started getting sick and blood was coming out. Almost went to the emergency room on that one. I was definitely on a course of destruction. I think I drank partly because it was slow suicide....
Emma... D said what I was going to say. If you can't trust your sponsor, get a new one. That's your primary go-to person... you need to be able to trust them. Just my two cents worth
Hi jhe... glad your feeling good with the exercising.
Still nervous about going to work... but gotta get of here. I get easily overwhelmed and confused. Hope that works out of me...
Have a most fantabulous Friday my Julian friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BoozeB... Good job on getting through the first 30!! I hope you can find someone to talk to about the mental issues.
MyT... Glad you posted. I think it's kind of normal to feel down sometimes... reality kind of has a way of sinking in and it's ok to feel sad. There are plenty of routines you can do without going to the gym... internet is full of them
DVD's stuff like that. NFW... You really bless me.. because I see your forum name and I think of Fire Water... the actual potent drink and I get a little sick to my stomach. Over the winter I was drinking that like water... until I started getting sick and blood was coming out. Almost went to the emergency room on that one. I was definitely on a course of destruction. I think I drank partly because it was slow suicide....
Emma... D said what I was going to say. If you can't trust your sponsor, get a new one. That's your primary go-to person... you need to be able to trust them. Just my two cents worth
Hi jhe... glad your feeling good with the exercising.
Still nervous about going to work... but gotta get of here. I get easily overwhelmed and confused. Hope that works out of me...
Have a most fantabulous Friday my Julian friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Hi all,
Thank you for your messages, which do much to keep me on track.
Social pressures again. This weekend and next week will pose challenges for me as travel arrangements made for me include visits to fine wineries. (No kidding--you can't make this stuff up!) Canceling was not going to work, because the visits were woven into a schedule involving other people. My plan is not to drink while enjoying and sharing with others what will no doubt be quite scenic.
I look forward to reading your messages and updates. Best of luck with the weekend.
Mel
Thank you for your messages, which do much to keep me on track.
Social pressures again. This weekend and next week will pose challenges for me as travel arrangements made for me include visits to fine wineries. (No kidding--you can't make this stuff up!) Canceling was not going to work, because the visits were woven into a schedule involving other people. My plan is not to drink while enjoying and sharing with others what will no doubt be quite scenic.
I look forward to reading your messages and updates. Best of luck with the weekend.
Mel
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 832
Good morning every one. Well, I know this was how it went before. Accomplishing the first week is always a bugger. I did my two days, and last night, I had a few beers. I'd rather be honest versus hiding it. I'm embarrassed a bit, but I know I have to come clean as it's the only way to get a grip on it.
So, I have a good day planned. I am cleaning a room at a B and B for our mail carrier as she didn't want to take a whole day off just to spend 1/2 hour cleaning one room. I have another house I'm going to clean so I have my weekend for me and my hubby. I do have to sit him down and let him know what I'm focusing on again. We were sober for over 3 months together last year, and then went back to our old ways. Any way....I'm going to see if the folks want to come over for pizza for dinner, (bad food night - hooray!), and enjoy my day.
Next week, my folks are heading out in their motorhome for a little casino junket, as they call it. So, I will take advantage of the beautiful weather we are supposed to have and go for a nice motorcycle ride and visit them along their travels. It's about a two hour ride for me, and I always enjoy it. It's truly a much better feeling than drinking. Maybe that's what I have to do from now on - get an urge to drink, go for a ride. What I'll save in booze money, I can put in fuel to enjoy the fresh air.
Looks like some were struggling with emotions and the thoughts of upcoming commitments. I know with each one you make it through, it does make you stronger. Gosh, it's such a good feeling. I can't believe I let it slip through my fingers last night. But, reading every one's posts this morning, truly does help to put things back in persepctive.
Boozebad - you're right, it does get easier. The beginning days and weeks are so darn hard. But, this is a choice I have to make and stick to it. But, yesterday....I flat out screwed up. And it was a bad choice on my part. No one made me do it, just that witch of an AV. I should have handed her her broom back and told her to hit the road.
Really4Real - I'm sorry, but what happened that you were out of work? I haven't had a chance to read back far enough to see if you mentioned that somewhere. Were you in an accident? If I'm prying and you didn't post it, no need to respond. Whatever happened, I'm sure you'll be just fine. You seem like you have a strong mind and heart and can tackle things that are put before you.
Beerbottles....I hope you made it through with your hubby better than me. We enjoy a beer while sitting on the swing talking about our days, or sitting by the fire. Those are the ones I truly love. It's when I over do it alone (which is more than I care to admit), that is the problem. Therefore, that is why I can't drink at all, and I know it. I have a great relationship with my hubby and I'm fortunate. I just know we can be so much more without the alcohol.
Well, every one I have to get at my day.
Enjoy your Friday and the weekend ahead.
So, I have a good day planned. I am cleaning a room at a B and B for our mail carrier as she didn't want to take a whole day off just to spend 1/2 hour cleaning one room. I have another house I'm going to clean so I have my weekend for me and my hubby. I do have to sit him down and let him know what I'm focusing on again. We were sober for over 3 months together last year, and then went back to our old ways. Any way....I'm going to see if the folks want to come over for pizza for dinner, (bad food night - hooray!), and enjoy my day.
Next week, my folks are heading out in their motorhome for a little casino junket, as they call it. So, I will take advantage of the beautiful weather we are supposed to have and go for a nice motorcycle ride and visit them along their travels. It's about a two hour ride for me, and I always enjoy it. It's truly a much better feeling than drinking. Maybe that's what I have to do from now on - get an urge to drink, go for a ride. What I'll save in booze money, I can put in fuel to enjoy the fresh air.
Looks like some were struggling with emotions and the thoughts of upcoming commitments. I know with each one you make it through, it does make you stronger. Gosh, it's such a good feeling. I can't believe I let it slip through my fingers last night. But, reading every one's posts this morning, truly does help to put things back in persepctive.
Boozebad - you're right, it does get easier. The beginning days and weeks are so darn hard. But, this is a choice I have to make and stick to it. But, yesterday....I flat out screwed up. And it was a bad choice on my part. No one made me do it, just that witch of an AV. I should have handed her her broom back and told her to hit the road.
Really4Real - I'm sorry, but what happened that you were out of work? I haven't had a chance to read back far enough to see if you mentioned that somewhere. Were you in an accident? If I'm prying and you didn't post it, no need to respond. Whatever happened, I'm sure you'll be just fine. You seem like you have a strong mind and heart and can tackle things that are put before you.
Beerbottles....I hope you made it through with your hubby better than me. We enjoy a beer while sitting on the swing talking about our days, or sitting by the fire. Those are the ones I truly love. It's when I over do it alone (which is more than I care to admit), that is the problem. Therefore, that is why I can't drink at all, and I know it. I have a great relationship with my hubby and I'm fortunate. I just know we can be so much more without the alcohol.
Well, every one I have to get at my day.
Enjoy your Friday and the weekend ahead.
TiG
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Chicago Area
Posts: 381
Mel: Stay strong! You can do it.
R4R: You're doing a good job. Best wishes going back to work.
Beerbottles: That's a tough one. You're doing this for you, so don't cave to the crave. I suppose at some point we have to allow others be who they want to be without compromising our own beliefs.
Boozebad: Congrats on day 34! See, you're accomplishing a lot. Way to go! This is no easy task and don't under value the great strides you have taken. Very impressive to me and I would think you are developing personal confidence, looking better, projecting more energy, and other qualities that employers need. Keep at it.
Emma: The sponser may be going through a hard time as well. At least it appears that way. Keep looking and stay committed! Wish you the best.
MTN: I know where you're coming from with the kids. It's not an easy task, but they return the favor with their love which is a peaceful feeling.
NFW: Agreed. I like to jump on SR first thing in the morning, read and post something. There's no way I would have made it this long feeling as positive as I do without having joined SR. I tried that before and AV becomes overwhelming and I go back to drinking. I do feel normal and that it is OK not drinking. Many people do it and they're happy.
Day 19. No cravings, but AV is getting trickier. Thoughts softly float by like a baited hook.... "this is not you." "why deprive yourself?" or "You can handle me big boy. Just one night baby, then we'll part ways." When I catch one of these, I think of Indiana Jones, the first movie where Indy and Marion were tied to a post on the island and the Nazis opened the arc, all the beautiful ghost figures danced through the air, then turned into evil monsters killing everyone looking at them. That's my AV. Beautiful images smiling and relaxing my inhibitions, then snapping into revengeful, wicked laughter as they rip my insides out. Anyway, good morning. Have a great day!
R4R: You're doing a good job. Best wishes going back to work.
Beerbottles: That's a tough one. You're doing this for you, so don't cave to the crave. I suppose at some point we have to allow others be who they want to be without compromising our own beliefs.
Boozebad: Congrats on day 34! See, you're accomplishing a lot. Way to go! This is no easy task and don't under value the great strides you have taken. Very impressive to me and I would think you are developing personal confidence, looking better, projecting more energy, and other qualities that employers need. Keep at it.
Emma: The sponser may be going through a hard time as well. At least it appears that way. Keep looking and stay committed! Wish you the best.
MTN: I know where you're coming from with the kids. It's not an easy task, but they return the favor with their love which is a peaceful feeling.
NFW: Agreed. I like to jump on SR first thing in the morning, read and post something. There's no way I would have made it this long feeling as positive as I do without having joined SR. I tried that before and AV becomes overwhelming and I go back to drinking. I do feel normal and that it is OK not drinking. Many people do it and they're happy.
Day 19. No cravings, but AV is getting trickier. Thoughts softly float by like a baited hook.... "this is not you." "why deprive yourself?" or "You can handle me big boy. Just one night baby, then we'll part ways." When I catch one of these, I think of Indiana Jones, the first movie where Indy and Marion were tied to a post on the island and the Nazis opened the arc, all the beautiful ghost figures danced through the air, then turned into evil monsters killing everyone looking at them. That's my AV. Beautiful images smiling and relaxing my inhibitions, then snapping into revengeful, wicked laughter as they rip my insides out. Anyway, good morning. Have a great day!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hope you find a way to turn things round MTN...even if you can't get to a gym you could go for a walk...buy some little hand weights, maybe even an exercise bike - mine was very cheap here 
D
D
Not a lot has changed. Yes I would love nothing more than to walk out the door and walk my frustrations off 1-2 hours. I can't though. Oh I could walk with my DD.. to the park, to the shops, to the wherever to wherever fits in and suits her.
I'm not so hung up on the exercise thing, it's space I need and space I am getting none of. Head space. Thinking space. Mind space. The weekend just gone was a rarity. There is nothing for me. Joining the gym would have been something for me, as DD could have gone in the creche. Just something for me.
I'm exhausted, I have been crying in secret all day. I'm drinking now. So I give up.
I'm not going to post like this whilst all I see is negativity. I know I have to turn this around somehow, this is not just a me and the kids thing, it goes 100 fold deeper and sadder. I hate my life.
Is drinking going to make it better? Of course not, but I need to switch off tonight and I have nothing else. Sick of books, sick of tele, sick of these 4 walls...
I won't post anymore until my head is sorted. Never even reached 2 weeks. Ha. Take care all
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Hi MTN,
I've just seen your thread and posted there too but copying it here
Hi MTN
I'm so sorry you feel so down. You've done the right thing to come on here though-we are here to help and support you.
I know frustrating it can be with little children-is it possible for your mum to help out maybe for an hour or 2? I can totally relate to staying in every night too.
Have you thought about seeing you GP? Maybe they could prescribe you some short term anti-depressants.
Please stay around here
hugs.JHE.x
I've just seen your thread and posted there too but copying it here
Hi MTN
I'm so sorry you feel so down. You've done the right thing to come on here though-we are here to help and support you.
I know frustrating it can be with little children-is it possible for your mum to help out maybe for an hour or 2? I can totally relate to staying in every night too.
Have you thought about seeing you GP? Maybe they could prescribe you some short term anti-depressants.
Please stay around here
hugs.JHE.x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 222
I'll also copy here, you never know! Hang around here for a little more MTN, I just came back!
>>
MTN, it makes me sad that you feel so down. I wish I could help you more directly. Posting here is a great idea, really, you should keep posting tonight, don't isolate more, it's no use! I'll be around tonight, I just came back home and have no plans, and I know a lot of people will be around, and we can probably help you in some way.
I do love your posts too, you make me laugh, and I wish I could find the right words to comfort you. Please hang on here, keep posting, you're not alone and we won't let you down tonight.
Where are you now, what are you doing? Any comforting music you could think of?
Sending you good thoughts and strength.
xo
>>
MTN, it makes me sad that you feel so down. I wish I could help you more directly. Posting here is a great idea, really, you should keep posting tonight, don't isolate more, it's no use! I'll be around tonight, I just came back home and have no plans, and I know a lot of people will be around, and we can probably help you in some way.
I do love your posts too, you make me laugh, and I wish I could find the right words to comfort you. Please hang on here, keep posting, you're not alone and we won't let you down tonight.
Where are you now, what are you doing? Any comforting music you could think of?
Sending you good thoughts and strength.
xo
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Leeds
Posts: 20
I caved in tonight - just can't quite hold things together when things go bad. I try hard, but it's not enough. All I ever get is a barrage of why I'm not good enough to do X or concerns about doing Y. I felt good for a month or so though, but I have lots of life issues that need to be dealt with. At a bit of a loss at the mo, but it's not a complete disaster I suppose.
Regarding the mental health thing - I don't really get any support, just get pumped full of drugs. And then people wonder why I'm slow!
Regarding the mental health thing - I don't really get any support, just get pumped full of drugs. And then people wonder why I'm slow!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 400
MTN, I can relate to your needing more space. I have children ages 11 and under and I give, give, give of myself all day long. I long for peace in my life and there are days when I have to create that by going for a walk, a bike ride, a run. Even if it's only for 30 minutes, it helps greatly.
I understand why you're turning to the alcohol. We all understand. There is that hope that seems to stay in the back of our minds that tells us the alcohol will meet our need for escape, pleasure, me time; whatever reason we turn to it. But in the end, it always bites us hard and we're right back to square one trying to figure out how to better our lives w/o it.
I hope you'll come back soon.
I understand why you're turning to the alcohol. We all understand. There is that hope that seems to stay in the back of our minds that tells us the alcohol will meet our need for escape, pleasure, me time; whatever reason we turn to it. But in the end, it always bites us hard and we're right back to square one trying to figure out how to better our lives w/o it.
I hope you'll come back soon.
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