Dee74

we continue from here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-20.html

D

Charon

Same here. Don't know why I do it. Why does it have to be so hard?

Zencat

Just have to pick-up the "staying sober momentum" again, try something different and carry on the best we can.


I'm thinking about building one of these .

Charon

Definitely not going to give up. That machine is awsome. If only there were some way to hook it up to an EEG that would activate it whenever the thoughtof picking up entered ones mind. I guess that would be too easy. Maybe a shock collar with a button in my pocket would be the aversion training I need. I just looked and I can get a 2.5 million volt stun gun for $50. I bet that would be a real deterrent if I had the nerve to use it. Guess I'll just have to suck it up and keep trying.

Zencat

Keept busy yesterday and today with the aid of wonderful coffee. I normally drink just a few cups of Joe daily to ward off the sleep inducing medication I take. So when I need some extra motivation I can up my jumping java intake for a couple days to get a good bunch of cleaning and organization done. Then's its back to the same ole same ole, getting a few minimal house/life maintenance things done.

I'm trying a few new recovery actions like revising my stance on the AA 12 step program and getting some phone numbers of sober friends. And reading more again, books from the library that is.

Well its all about picking back up and getting back into the 'being sober grove' ASAP. I'm glad I have practiced doing that enough times that it comes natural to me. Now just have being staying sober for long time come natural...LOL. It will happen, it has before, it will again. "Just don't quit on recovery no matter what".

Keep on keeping on my Dec 2011 comrades.

Charon

Worked outside yesterday and I'm paying for it today. Pollen count is out of sight. Glad I worked yesterday.

I made a critical call to my primary physician for a script for Antabuse. I can always get money to buy booze if I allow myself to be crushed by my compulsions - and I do. I've done Antabuse before and thought it made me feel ill after taking it for a time. This time I don't care - go to any length. I'm also wondering if the miserable feeling was just my normal achs & pains, allergies, and age and being a wimp. Maybe I just need to accept that I have to accept.

I was crazy today and sent my release in for the May 6th "Ice Breaker" dive in Lake George. Gosh I hope I'm right about my exposure protection. I hate carrying 28# of lead in addition to the tank, my pony and all the other weight when I wear a 7 mm wetsuit. It amounts to a huge amount of weight. I got 2 full suits made of Polyolefin - 2 mm warmth with no bouyancy. With a 3 mm vest and 3mm wetsuit I should have 7mm overall and 8 mm core exposure protection and be able to carry less than half the lead. Hope it works.

Dee74

Hope everyone has a great weekend

D

Zencat

No getting much done today, just chilling. Waiting for my BFF to get home from her daily visit with her XAH at the nursing home. He's there because of a coma that may have been the result of a drug OD. The OD was a few years ago and since then he has made some progress with his mobility and mental capabilities. But will probability be in the home for life.

Charon:
The Antabuse will really help with keeping the motivation up to not drink. I may go that rout myself. Like I hear in the rooms of AA "we would go to any lengths to get a drink so we need to go to any lengths to be recovered".

Charon

Zen,

Yes, I hear that at a lot at meetings as well. I did Antabuse a while back and made the mistake of cheating with an airplane bottle (50 ml). I have never been so sick and miserable in my life. Not going there again. Now that I've started taking it I need to stop it for at least 12 days before I can safely drink. Surely over 12 days I would be able to come to my senses. When I was taking it before I claimed side effects were making me sick. I'm not sure if that was me lying so I could stop, just normal aging maladies, or real side effects. Even if real, they were mild enough to make bearing them worth it for the freedom from alcohol. This time I really want it.

karilynn27

Hi, just a quick fly by, will write more tomorrow.
Sill sober . Took me almost 4 months to finally get the willing to go to any lengths.
Will write later my friends

Charon

It's really funny. I never have cravings, urges, compulsions, or obsessions when there is no posibility of drinking. They only attack me at times when I think "I can get away with it". Now that I've started Antabuse it's no longer possible for me to drink and it's such a relief. Feels like a great weight lifted.

I realize that this may not last. Then again it might. I went long periods (years) without drinking when I felt I couldn't "get away with it". I'm not sure that previously I really wanted to quit but only felt I needed to. Now I'm convinced I really want to so maybe removing the possibility will get me through. If not there is a 2.5 million volt stun gun I can get for $50.
:rotfxko

karilynn27

Stun gun would definiyely be negative reinforcement.

Zencat

"I can get away with it"

In the past I have been in a sober house where "getting away with it" wasn't an option. At those times I was homeless and coming down from a years long wild run on drugs/alcohol. The stakes were high that I needed to be clean or it was living on the street if I failed to stay sober. So I'm looking where I can raise the stakes.

Antabuse or Temposil looks good as a 'stake' raiser. My next PsychDoc appointment is in about 7 weeks. I'll call today and see if I can move the appointment up, at the most, 3 weeks earlier.

The "I can get away with it" has been a problem of mine for a very long time. Its mind boggling when I think about it.

Charon

So far so good. I'm taking it easy today. I've got to go over to my Dad's and help with his laundry this evening. I'll get some Subway and we'll watch some NYPD Blue. About the only thing I really want to get done is to straighten my wood shop. My neighbor needs a chair repaired (glue failure) so I need the shop in good shape. If I get time and feel like it I'll work on the branches some. If not I'll relax.

I'm wondering if the Antabuse is making me sleepy. It's one of the side effects and the recommendation is just to take it at night if that happens. It is definitely a deterrant. A single drink makes you feel worse than you could believe. There is no way that I could force myself to go through that again.

Zen, of the two, Antabuse is much more of a deterrant. Once taken you can't drink without getting sick for 12 days. With Temposil only mild effects are felt after 15 hours so dosing needs to be every 12 hours to be effective. For me, it would be too easy to talk myself into skipping a dose so I could drink in a few hours.

Wow. I just looked outside. In the time I've been typing this post it went from bright sunny to a hail storm which stopped as quickly as it started and it's sunny again. Weird. Well time for breakfast. More tomorrow.

karilynn27

I loved nypd blue, I think I saw every episode although I could probably watch them again and it would be like a new show for me. I'm just starting to watch telivision again.
Kids ate all my yogurt which is the one thing I can eat. Guess I'll take it as an oppurtunity and head to town , hit a new meeting and buy some yogurt. need seltzer too.
see ya

Charon

It was one of my Dad's favorite shows. There are 12 seasons and after last evening we have 2 episodes of season 6 left. I've been downloading the full seasons from TVTorrents.com using the bittorrent client VUZE. You can get almost any show past or present there. I hardly watch TV directly anymore because the current shows download in minutes and have no commercials (you don't even have to fast forward through them - they just aren't there). It's so much more convienent to be able to watch when you have time rather than when the show is on.

Got the wood shop straightened out yesterday and worked on the branches some. I'll continue with the branches today. Going to the 5:30 pm meeting rather than the 1 pm meeting so I can get a good bit of the branches handled. Looking at the weather radar it doesn't look like there's much chance of rain.

karilynn27

I don't watch anything live anymore but am going to check out what your talking about. Just started to use a laptop instead of my phone so I'm a little technologically challenged.
speaking of woodshops, went with my husband for a drive and a stroll on some new farm ground we rent. Some of the most beautiful trees. Our wheat crop looks good so far.
everything is like seeing it with brand new eyes and some memories of things I enjoy.
Brand new life.
oh yeah, taught the youngest how to wash her hair and not bark like a dog this week, well still working on the barking. :rotfxko

Zencat

All is well.

Have the IDDT group tomorrow, so that helps with having some F2F interaction with others. I go through these periods of sheer detest for having been exposed to mean heartened religion as a child. Thus making it very hard to go to AA in fear of having flashbacks of that experience triggered by the shares of religious AA members. Funny how childhood trauma has been hard wired in my brain. Just damm hard to root that shite out and keep it out.

karilynn27

I always just figured I was going to hell so why not do whatever I wanted. Turns out The God I found is a Father and when He said take my hand child and I did it set a lot of things in motion. Now some of the most spiritual people I know are AA people. This God, this Higher power is different. I know people who had to believe in a tree as their higher power. Whatever.. It worked. A lady sent me a poem about the tree so if you want it message me. I love it. The way I see it is you take what works and leave the rest. whatever it takes. The **** fairy is still hovering around, I'm changing the way I react. Oh and I also found that meetings can be very different. I didn't like the first ones so quit. I'm back and my meetings are a huge cross section of America with succesfully sober happy people to pay attention to.
Keep hanging in there, I believe you suffer from mental illness as I do
K

karilynn27

Charon, you are so the tech guy. I can't even figure out how to bring pics into my recovery sites. I'm a work in progress though, my husband has had this laptop for several years and I started using it sometime this month and now he asks me questions about it.
My recovery drove me into the computer age. I'm not even that old so this is something people my age are good at, I think.