Class of June 2011 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Phew!! So many posts to catch up on! I think I can only handle the most recent ones...but please know I'm keeping up on everyone.
Cherry - we were indeed in Scottsdale. The good thing is that I'm OLD and clubs don't appeal to me anymore (it will happen, believe me!). Even the thought of sitting in a bar is not really appealing to me. I know I said it before, but it IS getting easier and less appealing. I am so happy to hear how you are staying so strong through all of this.
Missducky - My husband travels every week. I think my downfall into the daily, morning afternoon evening night drinking was partly due to lonliness (I'm unemployed and don't have kids). The first 2 weeks or so it was a conscious effort to keep myself busy and not fall into cracking open the wine for company. As time has gone on, I have become much more comfortable being alone and getting things done. I almost caved about 2.5 weeks ago when I had the fleeting moment in the supermarket and found myself standing and touching a bottle of wine ready to put it in my basket. It took everything in me to leave it there. I had to play the entire scenario in my head - the quick early euphoric buzz, followed by the "takeover" of alcohol and drinking while not even thinking about it - the phone calls, texts, FB posts, the depression, the guilt, the hate, the hangover, the restart date. I walked away, came home, posted on SR and got through it. That was my last real temptation. Anyway, being alone has become easier, almost enjoyable, since I am actually in my right mind and LIVING.
Layladylay - thanks for telling us about the beers. You know, it really helps to hear that you had a hangover from just 2 drinks! That is really interesting, none of us would expect to feel that way after such a small amount. My hangovers became unBEARABLE in the end and it's enough to keep me away.
Squish - I know this goes a way back, but thanks for staying with us. I think the support here is so great because (at least for me) - relapse can be seconds away for all of us. Every hour of every day I live very deliberately to avoid the possibility. It's a lot of brain power. But I'm proud of you for posting and sticking with it. We can, and will do this with our collective strength and support.
Classical and Chimp - I love all of this talk about some of my favorite composers (Beethoven for sure - as a french horn major he wrote such great music for us). I am inspired to play the collection today while I clean my house!
Tippingpoint - glad that you made it through your work dinner. Those things can be tough - it sounds like your boss was just kind of chiding with you but if it was enough to keep you aware of not wanting to go there again, great!
LTJimmie - I hope your doggie is better. Those little creatures really get ahold on us.
Chimp! Do you have a new kitty? Have you named it? Glad you are sounding so well and enjoying your "me" time. And if you ever get to the US let's go to a Cowboys game!
Leo - congrats on day 40!! I'm starting to think about my plan to quit smoking. I'm a little nervous about it but have cut down. Honestly - I'm not liking the headrush I get anymore when I have one. That's a good sign I guess!
Beaulah - the post was so long ago while I was traveling but someone said you were the "matriarch" of our class and I laughed in agreement. Thanks for keeping us so cohesive.
Another day of simple living in sobriety. I'm really really starting to like this. No drama, little anxiety, and joy spattered throughout. Thanks guys for all of your posts! Happy day!
Cherry - we were indeed in Scottsdale. The good thing is that I'm OLD and clubs don't appeal to me anymore (it will happen, believe me!). Even the thought of sitting in a bar is not really appealing to me. I know I said it before, but it IS getting easier and less appealing. I am so happy to hear how you are staying so strong through all of this.
Missducky - My husband travels every week. I think my downfall into the daily, morning afternoon evening night drinking was partly due to lonliness (I'm unemployed and don't have kids). The first 2 weeks or so it was a conscious effort to keep myself busy and not fall into cracking open the wine for company. As time has gone on, I have become much more comfortable being alone and getting things done. I almost caved about 2.5 weeks ago when I had the fleeting moment in the supermarket and found myself standing and touching a bottle of wine ready to put it in my basket. It took everything in me to leave it there. I had to play the entire scenario in my head - the quick early euphoric buzz, followed by the "takeover" of alcohol and drinking while not even thinking about it - the phone calls, texts, FB posts, the depression, the guilt, the hate, the hangover, the restart date. I walked away, came home, posted on SR and got through it. That was my last real temptation. Anyway, being alone has become easier, almost enjoyable, since I am actually in my right mind and LIVING.
Layladylay - thanks for telling us about the beers. You know, it really helps to hear that you had a hangover from just 2 drinks! That is really interesting, none of us would expect to feel that way after such a small amount. My hangovers became unBEARABLE in the end and it's enough to keep me away.
Squish - I know this goes a way back, but thanks for staying with us. I think the support here is so great because (at least for me) - relapse can be seconds away for all of us. Every hour of every day I live very deliberately to avoid the possibility. It's a lot of brain power. But I'm proud of you for posting and sticking with it. We can, and will do this with our collective strength and support.
Classical and Chimp - I love all of this talk about some of my favorite composers (Beethoven for sure - as a french horn major he wrote such great music for us). I am inspired to play the collection today while I clean my house!
Tippingpoint - glad that you made it through your work dinner. Those things can be tough - it sounds like your boss was just kind of chiding with you but if it was enough to keep you aware of not wanting to go there again, great!
LTJimmie - I hope your doggie is better. Those little creatures really get ahold on us.
Chimp! Do you have a new kitty? Have you named it? Glad you are sounding so well and enjoying your "me" time. And if you ever get to the US let's go to a Cowboys game!
Leo - congrats on day 40!! I'm starting to think about my plan to quit smoking. I'm a little nervous about it but have cut down. Honestly - I'm not liking the headrush I get anymore when I have one. That's a good sign I guess!
Beaulah - the post was so long ago while I was traveling but someone said you were the "matriarch" of our class and I laughed in agreement. Thanks for keeping us so cohesive.
Another day of simple living in sobriety. I'm really really starting to like this. No drama, little anxiety, and joy spattered throughout. Thanks guys for all of your posts! Happy day!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 711
I'm bumping up a reminder in this thread about H.A.L.T.
Hungry
Anxious/Angry
Lonely
Tired
Remember that these are common triggers. If I feel thoughts or cravings coming on I stop in my tracks and take a quick inventory. Am I experiencing one of those triggers? Am I hungry? Grab a snack. Feeling Anxious? Slow down and breath deeply. Lonely? Log on here, talk to someone, chit chat. Tired? turn off the tv and take a nap, recharge my batteries.
Hungry
Anxious/Angry
Lonely
Tired
Remember that these are common triggers. If I feel thoughts or cravings coming on I stop in my tracks and take a quick inventory. Am I experiencing one of those triggers? Am I hungry? Grab a snack. Feeling Anxious? Slow down and breath deeply. Lonely? Log on here, talk to someone, chit chat. Tired? turn off the tv and take a nap, recharge my batteries.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Waynesville, Ohio
Posts: 61
@Bratnik & Chimp....Thanks for the input and kind words!!! As to keeping busy....since I posted last, I tore up my boys room looking for chocolate...didn't find any....damn them...they ALWAYS have a stash...So now I am washing down my kitchen walls...yuck!!! Any ideas on where a 13 and 15 yr old would hide leftover halloween candy????
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Leo - HALT has gotten me through more than a few times. Usually it's hungry or tired for me. I know that day I had temptation I had a terrible night's sleep and was awake from 4 am on. Thanks for reposting - it really is amazingly accurate!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: La La Land
Posts: 503
Hi fellow Juners
Hope everyone is having a great sober day!! Don't have much time to post at the moment but am reading the posts. I am so proud of everyone!!
I have been having a rough couple of days. Seems more difficult than before. I am trying to keep occupied. Wont share the details because its probably too depressing and you all sound amazing. Keep it up!!
Hope everyone is having a great sober day!! Don't have much time to post at the moment but am reading the posts. I am so proud of everyone!!
I have been having a rough couple of days. Seems more difficult than before. I am trying to keep occupied. Wont share the details because its probably too depressing and you all sound amazing. Keep it up!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
Tuesday - hang in there! You can always reach out to me if you are having a hard day - goodness knows I am the queen of those lately!
MissDucky - you are too funny. If you have two boys that age, I have a feeling the candy is long gone!....:-) Go get some new stuff asap!
MissDucky - you are too funny. If you have two boys that age, I have a feeling the candy is long gone!....:-) Go get some new stuff asap!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Tuesday - the beauty of SR is that we all live in different cycles so that when someone is down, someone else can help and vice versa. Don't hesitate to post whatever your mood if it can help you! I was gone for a few days before but I am around today if you need anything.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
Ok I'm onto the gazspatcho again for breakfast snack lol. Where is our dear friend Mariano? Can't help but think of him when I eat this soup now!
Leo - thank you for the HALT - I have not heard of that but that is a HUGE help! I think mostly for me it was routine, after work time to start drinking.
What an idiot I was over the weekend. Drunk in front of neighbors, family, my kids. UGH I'm still so disgusted. I want to be the sober one again at the party. You feel much better facing people the next day!
Leo - thank you for the HALT - I have not heard of that but that is a HUGE help! I think mostly for me it was routine, after work time to start drinking.
What an idiot I was over the weekend. Drunk in front of neighbors, family, my kids. UGH I'm still so disgusted. I want to be the sober one again at the party. You feel much better facing people the next day!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 351
Leo, thanks for HALT. It'll be lodged in my brain now!
Bratnik, i'll hold you to that! If the Cowboys play in London this year, I don't know what I would do. I wouldn't cope with the excitement! I haven't been able to get to the games in London yet. I have always been away. This year, Cowboys or whoever, I am there!
The cat is most likely a stray but I haven't seen the little blighter today! She is beautiful! I just had a little walk in the garden to see if she was there ... nope! I bet she turns up between 6 and 7 when I am cooking! I hope she does! Her name is Daisy I think. I just call her Miss! The girls down the road were calling her that a few weeks back. She doesn't have a collar and she is so thin. I feel bad about letting her in but I love having doors and windows open. I love feeling the air so it really is open house for her!
Tuesday, we'd love to hear about everything!
Squishy, the funny thing about being the sober one at the party is that you realise that most people are idiots when they are drunk. What amazes me, is that not everyone is an alcoholic. I have friends that never really seem to care what they do and never seem to bother with remorse. This might sound odd but I am fascinated by the role of shame! I used to be terrified that every Thursday I would look in my local paper and there i'd be, drunk, being an absolute idiot. It never happened but boy was I worried.
What I did find is that over time it does get worse and worse and you do sink lower and lower. I am glad you are sober Squishy!
Chimp!
Bratnik, i'll hold you to that! If the Cowboys play in London this year, I don't know what I would do. I wouldn't cope with the excitement! I haven't been able to get to the games in London yet. I have always been away. This year, Cowboys or whoever, I am there!
The cat is most likely a stray but I haven't seen the little blighter today! She is beautiful! I just had a little walk in the garden to see if she was there ... nope! I bet she turns up between 6 and 7 when I am cooking! I hope she does! Her name is Daisy I think. I just call her Miss! The girls down the road were calling her that a few weeks back. She doesn't have a collar and she is so thin. I feel bad about letting her in but I love having doors and windows open. I love feeling the air so it really is open house for her!
Tuesday, we'd love to hear about everything!
Squishy, the funny thing about being the sober one at the party is that you realise that most people are idiots when they are drunk. What amazes me, is that not everyone is an alcoholic. I have friends that never really seem to care what they do and never seem to bother with remorse. This might sound odd but I am fascinated by the role of shame! I used to be terrified that every Thursday I would look in my local paper and there i'd be, drunk, being an absolute idiot. It never happened but boy was I worried.
What I did find is that over time it does get worse and worse and you do sink lower and lower. I am glad you are sober Squishy!
Chimp!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Waynesville, Ohio
Posts: 61
Classical...I'm REALLY a character when I don't get my chocolate! Can't you just imagine how I was when I didn't get my beer????! I think I'll stick with the chocolate!
BTW...didn't find chocolate but found some bubble gum and a single milkdud...fml...
BTW...didn't find chocolate but found some bubble gum and a single milkdud...fml...
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by bratnik 
LTJimmie - I hope your doggie is better. Those little creatures really get ahold on us.
LTJimmie
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: BoulderCo
Posts: 111
LTjimmie - So glad you puppy is ok. Vet bills are insanely expensive. But they're worth it. I'd gladly spend the money I was spending on alcohol on my dog.
Squishy - Don't let yourself get wrapped up in how you acted over the weekend. Keep in mind how nice it is to wake up without thinking "oh my god what did I do last night" Stay positive about it.
Tuesday - Sorry you're feeling so bad right now. I hope you can start feeling better soon. Keep up what you're doing.
I am so angry right now. What caused it is so ridiculous and insane, that I'm really not going to say the details. But I can not calm down from it. I want to get drunk. But I keep telling myself don't drink don't drink don't drink you're just going to make the situation worse if you drink. I've already done enough damage for the day. I really do not need to dig myself into a deeper hole. I'm actually glad I took the time to reply to people because it calmed me down some and got me out of my own head.
Squishy - Don't let yourself get wrapped up in how you acted over the weekend. Keep in mind how nice it is to wake up without thinking "oh my god what did I do last night" Stay positive about it.
Tuesday - Sorry you're feeling so bad right now. I hope you can start feeling better soon. Keep up what you're doing.
I am so angry right now. What caused it is so ridiculous and insane, that I'm really not going to say the details. But I can not calm down from it. I want to get drunk. But I keep telling myself don't drink don't drink don't drink you're just going to make the situation worse if you drink. I've already done enough damage for the day. I really do not need to dig myself into a deeper hole. I'm actually glad I took the time to reply to people because it calmed me down some and got me out of my own head.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
I am so angry right now. What caused it is so ridiculous and insane, that I'm really not going to say the details. But I can not calm down from it. I want to get drunk. But I keep telling myself don't drink don't drink don't drink you're just going to make the situation worse if you drink.
- Miss Ducky I feel your pain.... when I need chocolate.... I NEEEED CHOCOLATE
Now I have to speed clean the house and make sure all is in tip top shape because "he who shall not be named" will be home soon. Funny thing is that no matter how hard I try its not good enough for him. He will find something to complain about... and it's all my fault. I've decided that know matter what he throws at me tonight I'm not going to let it get me angry or get me down. I'm just going to smile.
I'm super excited because I'm headed out of town this weekend for my mom's wedding and I get to see my sister (living in seattle) and my new niece. She won't be drinking so it'll be nice to have a sober counterpart. Also it's 2 nights away from...
Wednesday is my normal party in the woods with my dog night. I would just get wasted and stumble through the trails and creeks and watch my pup go nuts with joy. The week i decided to quit drinking I sprained my ankle on a wet log, but did not feel it until the next morning. I made it through last wednesday and I'll make it tonight.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Waynesville, Ohio
Posts: 61
Thankful for what I saw today...
Ya know...in my quest for just a bite of chocolate today, I realized some things. Really important things. Hope this is ok...may be long, but thought it might help others as well....
-As I was going thru my boys room, I found unsigned school papers, ripped clothing, and a few other "over-looks"...WHAT THE HELL?!?! How could I ,as their MOTHER, simply IGNORE their needs as CHILDREN? I am POSITIVE they didn't have me sign the papers nor ask to repair the clothing because they couldn't...I WAS TOO F***ING TRASHED! REALLY? Come on...how DARE I do that to them.
-Speaking of my Son, when he came home from work today, I was napping. I wasn't asleep and opened my eyes when he was standing in my doorway. He was just standing there. I asked him what was wrong, to which he answered "nothing". But as he walked away he said "thought you were passed out again". Oh God...
-I went to go get a pair of socks out of my drawer and decided that would be a good time to clean out my drawers. Didn't get far cause wadded up in the back of a drawer...were the Mother's Day portraits my Daughter had made for me of my Grandsons. My beautiful grandbabies. By my reaction, you would of thought I had just found THEM wadded up back there. I don't even remember getting them out of the mail or even saying thanks. How could I have done that? I haven't seen them in almost a year and I am sure my Daughter had to struggle to find the money for them (military family). How could...oh wait, that's right...I WAS DRUNK...
-While trying to keep busy, I decided to clean a little. Starting with my kitchen walls..a chore I have long ignored. WHY??? Why didn't I notice how horrible it was? For that matter, why was the bathroom nasty, and how clogged my dryer was with lint? Oh, and the beer cans stuffed in EVERY imaginable place? WHY? Because the only thing I cared about was the beer...
-After that mess, I went to take a shower. My goodness, how I have changed. Things sag really bad now, the discoloration is all over me, my eyebrows look like they need mowed and I have bitten my nails to the quick. My teeth have gaps that never used to be there. Oh and you could braid the hair on my legs.
I am 42 yrs old, have given birth to 8 children, am 5'10" tall and used to hold steady at 160 lbs.I now weight 207. My husband used to always say that I was his smokin hot babe...funny thing is I never wondered why I haven't heard that in a few years because it wasn't important anymore. Only the beer was. Where did she go?
I'll tell ya...she went to the grips of hell and is now clawing her way back. Simply because She WANTS to..not HAS to anymore. SHE WANTS TO.
I WANT TO...AND I WILL!
I have some sorrys to say. It won't be easy, but I'll tell you this...
they will be sincere.
Thanks for listening....
-As I was going thru my boys room, I found unsigned school papers, ripped clothing, and a few other "over-looks"...WHAT THE HELL?!?! How could I ,as their MOTHER, simply IGNORE their needs as CHILDREN? I am POSITIVE they didn't have me sign the papers nor ask to repair the clothing because they couldn't...I WAS TOO F***ING TRASHED! REALLY? Come on...how DARE I do that to them.
-Speaking of my Son, when he came home from work today, I was napping. I wasn't asleep and opened my eyes when he was standing in my doorway. He was just standing there. I asked him what was wrong, to which he answered "nothing". But as he walked away he said "thought you were passed out again". Oh God...
-I went to go get a pair of socks out of my drawer and decided that would be a good time to clean out my drawers. Didn't get far cause wadded up in the back of a drawer...were the Mother's Day portraits my Daughter had made for me of my Grandsons. My beautiful grandbabies. By my reaction, you would of thought I had just found THEM wadded up back there. I don't even remember getting them out of the mail or even saying thanks. How could I have done that? I haven't seen them in almost a year and I am sure my Daughter had to struggle to find the money for them (military family). How could...oh wait, that's right...I WAS DRUNK...
-While trying to keep busy, I decided to clean a little. Starting with my kitchen walls..a chore I have long ignored. WHY??? Why didn't I notice how horrible it was? For that matter, why was the bathroom nasty, and how clogged my dryer was with lint? Oh, and the beer cans stuffed in EVERY imaginable place? WHY? Because the only thing I cared about was the beer...
-After that mess, I went to take a shower. My goodness, how I have changed. Things sag really bad now, the discoloration is all over me, my eyebrows look like they need mowed and I have bitten my nails to the quick. My teeth have gaps that never used to be there. Oh and you could braid the hair on my legs.
I am 42 yrs old, have given birth to 8 children, am 5'10" tall and used to hold steady at 160 lbs.I now weight 207. My husband used to always say that I was his smokin hot babe...funny thing is I never wondered why I haven't heard that in a few years because it wasn't important anymore. Only the beer was. Where did she go?
I'll tell ya...she went to the grips of hell and is now clawing her way back. Simply because She WANTS to..not HAS to anymore. SHE WANTS TO.
I WANT TO...AND I WILL!
I have some sorrys to say. It won't be easy, but I'll tell you this...
they will be sincere.
Thanks for listening....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
Holy cow MissDucky - my mouth is still open from your post. You brought tears and made me laugh. Ok first I'm in awe that you have given birth to 8 kids and you are just 1 year older than me!!! Holy mackarel I started late...
I am so freaking proud of your attitude. What an awesome mother and grandmother you are now and amazing what holds for you in the future. If you never would have come here, you never would have found those precious items today. What an amazing day you have had. I bow to you today Miss Thang! You totally rock in my book.
One more thing - I started having the kiddos at 37 and what that did to my body has made me cry - but nothing compared to what drugs and alcohol can do to it. I am also tall at 5'8" and used to weigh in at a wonderful 135. Now at 160 with torn stomach muscles and sags everywhere, I completely understand. BUT - you and me, we are still young, let's keep up with the work outs and get out there and walk/run and look fabulous! I'm here for you if you want to a cyber running partner!
I am so freaking proud of your attitude. What an awesome mother and grandmother you are now and amazing what holds for you in the future. If you never would have come here, you never would have found those precious items today. What an amazing day you have had. I bow to you today Miss Thang! You totally rock in my book.
One more thing - I started having the kiddos at 37 and what that did to my body has made me cry - but nothing compared to what drugs and alcohol can do to it. I am also tall at 5'8" and used to weigh in at a wonderful 135. Now at 160 with torn stomach muscles and sags everywhere, I completely understand. BUT - you and me, we are still young, let's keep up with the work outs and get out there and walk/run and look fabulous! I'm here for you if you want to a cyber running partner!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Waynesville, Ohio
Posts: 61
Thanks Squishy...VERY emotional day...but I am looking forward to saying the sorrys I have to say. Because I truly mean it all.
As an aside, I still haven't gotten my chocolate!! I asked my son where his stash was and he said "what candy"?
Ya know,it's times like these that I fully understand why some species eat their young....
As an aside, I still haven't gotten my chocolate!! I asked my son where his stash was and he said "what candy"?
Ya know,it's times like these that I fully understand why some species eat their young....
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