Class of March 2011 Pt 5
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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I'm with you PF....my experience with NA beer is it leadeth me back, not necessarily always right away..but inexorably nonetheless, to full strength beer.
I don't recommend it either.
I'm glad to see you back HOCKEYFAN. I think posting in June would be helpful for you, and for the other guys too - but there's no rules about not posting here too.
In fact there's no rules at all
Good to see you too Rosie
Congratulations Frances
Hi TOI and Mirage and everyone else!
D
I don't recommend it either.
I'm glad to see you back HOCKEYFAN. I think posting in June would be helpful for you, and for the other guys too - but there's no rules about not posting here too.
In fact there's no rules at all
Good to see you too Rosie
Congratulations Frances
Hi TOI and Mirage and everyone else!
D
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
I'm behind! So this will be long.
Dave, VERY COOL about not giving in to the evil little voice! Way to flex those sobriety muscles!
Mirage, YAY on 90 days!!!!!!!!!!!!! You rock, my dear!
Bevin, are you feeling better? I thought massages were supposed to EASE pain, not cause it! (I’ve never had one ….) And what color did you go with on the hair? I change mine all the time, too … it’s fun! In fact, this past week I was all stressed about the recital coming up, and Thursday I decided I really wanted to get my hair done. I tried to get in touch with my hairdresser during the day, but we never actually connected. Then, at 9:30 at night she found me through fb. She was already home for the day, but went BACK IN to the salon to do my hair because, as she put it, she knew how hard this was going to be for me. (she’s been doing my hair for about 18 years now and we’ve become pretty close friends) I didn’t get out of there until almost 11pm … she’s amazing. I love people! (and I tipped her very well!)
Frances, are you done with the freelance job? How did it turn out? And a HUGE hooray for running the 10K!!!
Hello to Rebel, Rain, Catfry, Aussie, PF, and TOI!
Becoming, are you feeling more caught up on schoolwork now? I do NOT miss that feeling! A few years ago I thought I’d go back to school, too. I did a year of seminary, but was completely overwhelmed and decided not to continue at that time. Maybe when the kids are grown I’ll pursue it again. I admire you for sticking with it!
Nice to meet you, Hockeyfan.
Rosie, I’m so glad to see you! I’ve thought about you often. My oldest daughter moved out last week, into her first apartment, so I understand a little of what you’re going through. She actually had gone to a university a few hours away 2 years ago, but experienced some depression and came home after one semester. She’s been going to community college since then and doing wonderfully, and now she’s about ½ hour away. She visits pretty much daily, though … and does her laundry and eats a bit of something.
Lofty, a special shout-out to you for being an awesome encourager. Thank you!
Dee, how are things with you?
Well, obviously I made it through the recital yesterday. My daughter sang so beautifully that I cried … there’s just something breathtakingly powerful about a little voice singing certain worship songs … and Agnus Dei got to me. She sounded like a bell – clear and true and soooo pretty. Several of my friends showed up to support her and me, which was very helpful to me, too. The pastor (who’d asked me to step down) sat right behind us, but didn’t say hello. He’s weak. There have been other occasions where we’ve come in contact, too, and he always runs away. Then the church itself didn’t scare me as much as in my dreams. In my dreams, when I returned there, it was always packed with hordes of people who’d come because I was gone. In my dreams it was flourishing as a direct result of me no longer being there. In reality, it was more empty than ever. And, there wasn’t a single new thing. I found that surprising, actually. The same Bible up front in the same spot I’d put it years ago, the same plastic plants, the same wrought iron candelabras that I bought when I was working on an ancient/modern approach to worship, the same banners, not even a new flower arrangement. The monster in my dreams was just a sad old man.
Thanks to all of you for your support, your friendship, your prayers. I faced the demon and am still standing. Now hopefully a new level of healing can begin.
Oh, and I got a message that they want me back on the news next Friday morning. Apparently I’ll be de-bunking male weight-loss myths. I think I’ll like this one a lot! I love the male point-of-view of weight loss, and have one of the highest percentages of men in my groups.
Dave, VERY COOL about not giving in to the evil little voice! Way to flex those sobriety muscles!
Mirage, YAY on 90 days!!!!!!!!!!!!! You rock, my dear!
Bevin, are you feeling better? I thought massages were supposed to EASE pain, not cause it! (I’ve never had one ….) And what color did you go with on the hair? I change mine all the time, too … it’s fun! In fact, this past week I was all stressed about the recital coming up, and Thursday I decided I really wanted to get my hair done. I tried to get in touch with my hairdresser during the day, but we never actually connected. Then, at 9:30 at night she found me through fb. She was already home for the day, but went BACK IN to the salon to do my hair because, as she put it, she knew how hard this was going to be for me. (she’s been doing my hair for about 18 years now and we’ve become pretty close friends) I didn’t get out of there until almost 11pm … she’s amazing. I love people! (and I tipped her very well!)
Frances, are you done with the freelance job? How did it turn out? And a HUGE hooray for running the 10K!!!
Hello to Rebel, Rain, Catfry, Aussie, PF, and TOI!
Becoming, are you feeling more caught up on schoolwork now? I do NOT miss that feeling! A few years ago I thought I’d go back to school, too. I did a year of seminary, but was completely overwhelmed and decided not to continue at that time. Maybe when the kids are grown I’ll pursue it again. I admire you for sticking with it!
Nice to meet you, Hockeyfan.
Rosie, I’m so glad to see you! I’ve thought about you often. My oldest daughter moved out last week, into her first apartment, so I understand a little of what you’re going through. She actually had gone to a university a few hours away 2 years ago, but experienced some depression and came home after one semester. She’s been going to community college since then and doing wonderfully, and now she’s about ½ hour away. She visits pretty much daily, though … and does her laundry and eats a bit of something.
Lofty, a special shout-out to you for being an awesome encourager. Thank you!
Dee, how are things with you?
Well, obviously I made it through the recital yesterday. My daughter sang so beautifully that I cried … there’s just something breathtakingly powerful about a little voice singing certain worship songs … and Agnus Dei got to me. She sounded like a bell – clear and true and soooo pretty. Several of my friends showed up to support her and me, which was very helpful to me, too. The pastor (who’d asked me to step down) sat right behind us, but didn’t say hello. He’s weak. There have been other occasions where we’ve come in contact, too, and he always runs away. Then the church itself didn’t scare me as much as in my dreams. In my dreams, when I returned there, it was always packed with hordes of people who’d come because I was gone. In my dreams it was flourishing as a direct result of me no longer being there. In reality, it was more empty than ever. And, there wasn’t a single new thing. I found that surprising, actually. The same Bible up front in the same spot I’d put it years ago, the same plastic plants, the same wrought iron candelabras that I bought when I was working on an ancient/modern approach to worship, the same banners, not even a new flower arrangement. The monster in my dreams was just a sad old man.
Thanks to all of you for your support, your friendship, your prayers. I faced the demon and am still standing. Now hopefully a new level of healing can begin.
Oh, and I got a message that they want me back on the news next Friday morning. Apparently I’ll be de-bunking male weight-loss myths. I think I’ll like this one a lot! I love the male point-of-view of weight loss, and have one of the highest percentages of men in my groups.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
PBC, so glad for your daughter's beautiful voice. How poignant that the monster is a sad old man. Your hairdresser rocks. GOOD LUCK at the interview!
Thank you for asking about the project. As of midnight last light, big project is 90 percent done. I posted in Bedtime Grats that I messed up how I saved the file and thought I lost some work. My tired-but-sober brain calmly sorted it out. THAT would not have happened 90+ days ago.
Have a terrific Tuesday Marchers. Thinking of each one of you.
Thank you for asking about the project. As of midnight last light, big project is 90 percent done. I posted in Bedtime Grats that I messed up how I saved the file and thought I lost some work. My tired-but-sober brain calmly sorted it out. THAT would not have happened 90+ days ago.
Have a terrific Tuesday Marchers. Thinking of each one of you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: The Great White North, eh? Beauty.
Posts: 159
TOI - You may be on your 4th day 8, but you're back and that's the important thing. Just keep posting and keep trying.
becoming - I am indeed a female type person. I've made that mistake a couple times myself - it's difficult to tell when people don't post pictures as their avatars. As for the hair, I went from dark brown to a light copper with blonde highlights. Was a wee bit nervous about doing the highlights myself, but it actually turned out quite well! I'm closer to my natural colour now, which is good in the summertime…frankly, I thought I was beginning to look a bit like a sweaty goth.
frances - Congrats on the race! I'm nowhere near that level of fitness, but I'm getting hold of a bike today - I used to love biking and it's time I got back into that again. Got some Philip Glass for my ipod…going to ride around and take pictures of the street art.
ProfFudger - I've used non-alcoholic wine for cooking, but for me there's no point in drinking beer unless there's alcohol in it. I agree that it's probably not a good idea to go back to your drink of choice, even if it is non-alcoholic.
Hockeyfan - Hi! You're welcome to post here anytime you like.
Rosie - Hugs((()))...the good news is that you can still have the Thai food.
PBC - Yes, I'm feeling better today, though yesterday was rough. I was awoken on Sun night at 3:30am by those demons upstairs. First, there was some…amorous activity that sounded a lot like shoes spinning around in an unbalanced washing machine (I hope that I am never the recipient of that kind of affection), and then there was a lot of stomping around and slamming windows and doors, etc. I've come to the conclusion that the only way to keep my sanity in this situation is to start going to bed at 8pm.
Regarding the massage - I went to fix a problem I've been having with my hip for around 4 months now. There's something seriously out of whack and I've spent over $1000 going to chiropractors and massage therapists trying to get it fixed, but nothing has worked yet. At least I can walk, though. When it first started I couldn't.
Wow - that's a heavy dream you had! How long has it been since you've been there? Glad the recital went well - you've got other things going on in your life now. To quote the B52s: I need to leave my past behind - I need to leave my behind in the past.
Dee - Off topic - are you a Don Music fan by any chance?
becoming - I am indeed a female type person. I've made that mistake a couple times myself - it's difficult to tell when people don't post pictures as their avatars. As for the hair, I went from dark brown to a light copper with blonde highlights. Was a wee bit nervous about doing the highlights myself, but it actually turned out quite well! I'm closer to my natural colour now, which is good in the summertime…frankly, I thought I was beginning to look a bit like a sweaty goth.
frances - Congrats on the race! I'm nowhere near that level of fitness, but I'm getting hold of a bike today - I used to love biking and it's time I got back into that again. Got some Philip Glass for my ipod…going to ride around and take pictures of the street art.
ProfFudger - I've used non-alcoholic wine for cooking, but for me there's no point in drinking beer unless there's alcohol in it. I agree that it's probably not a good idea to go back to your drink of choice, even if it is non-alcoholic.
Hockeyfan - Hi!
You're welcome to post here anytime you like.Rosie - Hugs((()))...the good news is that you can still have the Thai food.
PBC - Yes, I'm feeling better today, though yesterday was rough. I was awoken on Sun night at 3:30am by those demons upstairs. First, there was some…amorous activity that sounded a lot like shoes spinning around in an unbalanced washing machine (I hope that I am never the recipient of that kind of affection), and then there was a lot of stomping around and slamming windows and doors, etc. I've come to the conclusion that the only way to keep my sanity in this situation is to start going to bed at 8pm.
Regarding the massage - I went to fix a problem I've been having with my hip for around 4 months now. There's something seriously out of whack and I've spent over $1000 going to chiropractors and massage therapists trying to get it fixed, but nothing has worked yet. At least I can walk, though. When it first started I couldn't.
Wow - that's a heavy dream you had! How long has it been since you've been there? Glad the recital went well - you've got other things going on in your life now. To quote the B52s: I need to leave my past behind - I need to leave my behind in the past.
Dee - Off topic - are you a Don Music fan by any chance?
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Dee.."After my time"...lol, wouldn't that make you dead? And stop sayin you're old cuz I'm pretty sure we're the same age.
Bevin.."shoes in a washing machine"..lolol! Yes, best to steer clear of that kind of affection!
Hey PBC..glad everything went well this weekend. What a great description of your dreams and then the reality of it.
Bevin.."shoes in a washing machine"..lolol! Yes, best to steer clear of that kind of affection!
Hey PBC..glad everything went well this weekend. What a great description of your dreams and then the reality of it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Bevin--I knew you was a girl all along. How many more days in this place? Let's cross them off on a calendar with a big X.
I am grateful to say that the big project is DONE and submitted to the client, 46 hours ahead of schedule. I did the very best I could. If they don't like it, it's not a reflection on me. WHEW.
How many more days in this place? Let's cross them off on a calendar with a big X.I am grateful to say that the big project is DONE and submitted to the client, 46 hours ahead of schedule. I did the very best I could. If they don't like it, it's not a reflection on me. WHEW.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
I was completely wrong on the date for the tv spot ... it's July 15, not next Friday.
It's going to be a hot, humid one here again, and I love it! Winter was soooooo long this year.
QOTD: What sounds delicious today?
1. non-alcoholic beverage
2. appetizer
3. entree
4. dessert
It's going to be a hot, humid one here again, and I love it! Winter was soooooo long this year.
QOTD: What sounds delicious today?
1. non-alcoholic beverage
2. appetizer
3. entree
4. dessert
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Well, there's gonna be a lot of no. 1. consumption in this heat today, PBC! (My 6th grader is at Michigan Adventure today on a field trip. Looks like it'll be a bit cooler there today cuz of the lake (only 90 there!) haha.) I can't believe you love this..I melt. I'd like to take this time to give a shout out to Mr. Willis Haviland Carrier, the inventor of the first modern electrical air conditioning unit.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
I'll take #1 PBC--it's hot hot hot here. Tall icy fizzy lime-y tartness is what I want.
I heard my disease this morning. It doesn't just talk about drinking. It says things like Not Good Enough and Why Bother and No One Understand You and You Can't and Everyone Else Can.
If I drink, it's right. I am practicing the game about playing it all the way through to the end.
If I don't, it loses. So it's fighting hard.
Someone at SR talked about starving the Disease inside us so it withers away and can't hurt us, as long as we stay vigilant about keeping ourselves healthy.
I am relating to this today. I'm still overtired from working hard and I'm missing my husband, who comes back home tonight from a 5-day trip. I'm looking at how I can take care of myself today.
Take care of yourselves today Marchers! I care about you!
Professor, wanted to thank you for the share about avoiding NA beer. Not an appeal for for me but an excellent reminder about the slippery slope.
I heard my disease this morning. It doesn't just talk about drinking. It says things like Not Good Enough and Why Bother and No One Understand You and You Can't and Everyone Else Can.
If I drink, it's right. I am practicing the game about playing it all the way through to the end.
If I don't, it loses. So it's fighting hard.
Someone at SR talked about starving the Disease inside us so it withers away and can't hurt us, as long as we stay vigilant about keeping ourselves healthy.
I am relating to this today. I'm still overtired from working hard and I'm missing my husband, who comes back home tonight from a 5-day trip. I'm looking at how I can take care of myself today.
Take care of yourselves today Marchers! I care about you!
Professor, wanted to thank you for the share about avoiding NA beer. Not an appeal for for me but an excellent reminder about the slippery slope.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 185
This could be any one of us - cautionary tale!
Warning, this is very sad and does not end well. This is why we do not pick up that first drink.
Dee, PLEASE delete this if it is not appropriate!
An online friend gave me permission to share her posts about her alcoholic brother.
This is from about 3 months ago:
I just wanted to get something off my chest tonight. My 46 yr old Brother just got out of jail and started to drink as soon as the judge released him w/the DUI fine. He has gotten about 7 DUIs over the years but has not spent more than 90 days in jail. The timing of the DUIs are perfect because they don't stack up soon enough for him to have major consequences.
He has been hospitalized numerous times and the most recent "death warning" was shortly before he got picked up for hitting the center barrier and getting the DUI.
The kicker is that he lives with our parents, ages 66 and 67. They completely enable him. I told my mom before he got out of jail that they should put together a written plan for him to follow to not only stay sober, but to find employment again and move out. He has been back home for 7 years now. My parents have evicted him 2x already. It's disgusting at best trying to pick up after a staggering drunk who often times urinate on the very place he sits!!
I found out my Brother drank again recently. I knew it when he called and left a rambling message on my cell phone....
Anyway, I know all about AlaNon and I also know that AA works if you work it!!
Just thanks for letting me dump tonight. It's sad but true the "alcoholic energy bunny" is off and running again.
I hope my parents will stay strong and keep to their word this time. He has been given SO many changes. And yes, they put him through rehab twice.
+++++
My Dad called me this a.m. and there are 2 options right now. Put my brother into sober living or evict w/restraining order. My brother has been on the streets 2x I believe. My brother is compative because he is drinking again and they missed a window of opportunity when he was released from jail and was sober. So naturally to go into sober living he would need detox or longer rehab which he has done 2x.
My Dad talked to the DA today who tried his case on the DUI. Basically the conversation was, "it's all a joke and the system is so broken that it keeps failing for him to just receive a slap on the hand".
So it looks like he is going to start the restraining order and eviction process again. I told him to go down to the City PD and get cc's of all the records of calls and things.
Bad news. We never give up hope, but my Brother has....
This series is from two months ago, same day:
My Brother decided to start drinking once again. I warned my parents when he got out of jail that they should NOT let him live with them and he should go into sober living because he had a fair amount of time sober in jail (approx. 100 days or so). They didn't do that so once again here we are. It's been about 4 weeks since he got out of jail.
I didn't know this, but my parents have had an "elder abuse" case open for some time. I was going to call them recently to have them pull ALL the police reports from when they've been at the family home, but my Father actually did that some time ago! Good for him.
This a.m. my brother was arrested once again for probably drunk in public or something. I think the neighbor called when he staggered home from the liquor store or something.
They are hoping the emergency restraining order will be taken care of by tomorrow. So we all know the jail will not keep him very long, so he will probably be home or around the home somewhere when the paperwork is complete to serve him. My Father is so distraught because he knows my Brother will die, or so he thinks. I told my Father this a.m., "Dad, God has the plan..you need to release it to him". It's so difficult for them because they THINK they are helping to eventually kill him...but in fact..they KNOW HE IS KILLING HIMSELF.
I'll keep the thread updated. This has been going on for over 25 years now and he has lived w/my parents for almost 8. I call it aiding and abedding....but it's pure co-depency at it's best...
+++++
My Father called me earlier after I did the initial post. My understanding, although w/them it can change, is that they are signing a restraining order tomorrow. My Father is meeting with the elder abuse folks about options. I told my Dad that there are only 2 options. #1 Rehab, #2 the streets. I also told him if he picks up booze between now and rehab his stuff is on the porch.
I'm hoping and praying this is a quick thing that happens. My family, especially my parents, have been through a lot.
Alanon....yes....good question. My mom has been to a few meetings and my dad has never been.
So therein lies the truth.....not good.
+++++++
It's okay, that is why the header is the "Energizer bunny". My Brother has been in addiction for 20 years at least. He moved home after losing his job to his drinking 8 years ago. My parents should have never let him live there.....
That is why I'm so passionate about the threads about adult children. If you teach your kids to fish, they fish for a lifetime. I only moved home 1 during my divorce for 3 weeks. I've been out since the age of 20.
While addiction is part of the story here, the underlying stuff about making our kids grow up to be accountable and good citizens is key. I know most parents would take in an ailing family member but in my Brother's case he keeps relapsing the the environment is not working. It's sad that over the years I have only seen him "normal" a couple times. I do believe he has mental health issues...strike that..he does have mental health issues. The only time I saw him "normal" is when he was sober an extended period of time and was on psych meds. That didn't last long because some, not all, folks who are bi-polar and things want to feel normal so they use drugs or alcohol.
Right now all we can do is pray and support my parents even though they are co-dependent. Noone wants to be in their late 60s dealing with this crap, that I know.
They say that you should never give up on someone, but in his case it really is up to him to find his way. It's hard to believe he has almost died in the hospital and when I saw him he was jaundice to homeless..then back to sober and he still picks up. It's just a sad case of someone not having anything to lose or live for I guess. But he is a soul nonetheless and lessons can be learned all around for those we care for and those we want to change but perhaps never will.
That is why I don't judge that person on the street. One never knows whose Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter, Wife and Mother they may be. And even though their life decisions most likely put them there, they are still children of God trying to find their way home.
Hugs to all....
++++++++
Stats: I believe he has gone to rehab 2 or 3 times. He has had 7 DUIs (too far apart to serve any time. The last one which was in Nov he got 100 days), he almost died at least 1x in the hospital 6 months ago, he has been incarcerated for drunk in public probably 15 times at least and never served a day, he has been rushed to ER probably 15 times at least, he has been homeless at least 2x when my parents got him evicted and the list goes on.
My Father actually talked to the DA who prosecuted him on the last DUI. He said it's a big joke. Jails are so overcrowded these days they would rather keep a violent person in then an alcoholic. When he got done serving time for his DUI, there was NO court order sobriety pee tests mandated and no alcohol/pee test at any moment was NOT PART OF HIS PROBATION.
While he owns his recovery, the time he has spent in jail and w/the law is a big joke. DUIs aren't felonies and when they are far enough apart they drop off. Check this out...when you go before a Judge they MAY see your record..BUT THEY CAN ONLY TRY YOU ON WHAT IS BEFORE THEM. So after all this BS and being arrested about 30 times........he was just released back to his reality w/no programs other than AA and his own will.
+++++++++
My parents met w/their attorney today to sign the papers for the restraining order. They gathering information to show to my Brother which includes what the restraining order will be all about and that it will stay on his record for 5 years.
That being said, my Dad told me this a.m. they are giving him his final warning today and if he drinks 1 more time they will file the paperwork.
To me, he has had a million chances already but to them I guess they still want him to turn things around. Loving him to death and very co-dependent.
So time will tell what really happens. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results. My Brother needs to change his environment completely. Not this crap about getting sober for 30 days, relapse, 1 day drink, 100 days, relapse, 1 day drink. I've know folks who have to change their entire surroundings, even the State they live in.
I wish them all the best and I don't seem to sound jaded but it's been going on for so long now I can't help but think an atom bomb needs to be dropped as a hint instead of the ol' placate the person or system.....
+++++++++
This is an update from a few days ago:
I posted prayer request and my story about my 46 yr old brother who was an alcoholic. He succumb to the disease on Friday. He was living with my parents and he died in his favorite chair.
My mom had met me around 8:45 that a.m. because she was going to watch my youngest son who wasn't feeling well. When she returned at 11:30 am he had died. He probably just had a heartache or stroke.
While my brother was an alcoholic, I chose to have a relationship with him during the good times and the bad. My Sister disowned him years ago because of his addiction and didn't allow my Nephew to go to my parent's home. While I can't judge her decision, I decided long ago that I wanted my 2 sons to see both sides of the coin.
My oldest son knew his Uncle the most. Even though my brother had his dark side, he would always talk to my son about college and life. My brother graduated college *** Laude, but never made much of his professional career because of his drinking.
My youngest son was his truly buddy. He would hang out with him while he built the model airplanes he so loved. He would show my son how to assemble them and he took him to the flying field.
The thing about addiction that is so terrible is that when they go in and out of sobriety you never know when it will be the final drink that takes their life.
My oldest son came down immediately when I phoned him Saturday a.m. That afternoon he drove to me so we could tell my youngest together. Before he left he said he had found something in his Uncle's drawer. He said, "some want sobriety, but some take action". He handed me about 10 AA chips. Few were 24 hours, some were 1 month, 2 months, etc.
I do believe if my brother had his real choice he would have traveled the world. But in the end, he carried his burdens to his grave to meet the ones he loved like his best friend in high school who was killed on his motorcycle just out of high school.
I've always had a soft heart for the people who walk the streets homeless and the like. One never knows who brother, sister, mother, aunt or father they are. We are all human beings so we should treat each other as you know them. It is not up to me to play God, but to share the gifts of my life with others.
If you have a friend or relative that is stuck in their addiction. There is hope through recovery, but it takes strength to each and every minute of the day not want to take that next drink or drug. You must surround yourself with like minded sober people who have led the way before you. For in knowing people who have succeeded it can bring hope into your life.
I will miss my brother dearly. I truly loved him a lot.
Dee, PLEASE delete this if it is not appropriate!
An online friend gave me permission to share her posts about her alcoholic brother.
This is from about 3 months ago:
I just wanted to get something off my chest tonight. My 46 yr old Brother just got out of jail and started to drink as soon as the judge released him w/the DUI fine. He has gotten about 7 DUIs over the years but has not spent more than 90 days in jail. The timing of the DUIs are perfect because they don't stack up soon enough for him to have major consequences.
He has been hospitalized numerous times and the most recent "death warning" was shortly before he got picked up for hitting the center barrier and getting the DUI.
The kicker is that he lives with our parents, ages 66 and 67. They completely enable him. I told my mom before he got out of jail that they should put together a written plan for him to follow to not only stay sober, but to find employment again and move out. He has been back home for 7 years now. My parents have evicted him 2x already. It's disgusting at best trying to pick up after a staggering drunk who often times urinate on the very place he sits!!
I found out my Brother drank again recently. I knew it when he called and left a rambling message on my cell phone....
Anyway, I know all about AlaNon and I also know that AA works if you work it!!
Just thanks for letting me dump tonight. It's sad but true the "alcoholic energy bunny" is off and running again.
I hope my parents will stay strong and keep to their word this time. He has been given SO many changes. And yes, they put him through rehab twice.
+++++
My Dad called me this a.m. and there are 2 options right now. Put my brother into sober living or evict w/restraining order. My brother has been on the streets 2x I believe. My brother is compative because he is drinking again and they missed a window of opportunity when he was released from jail and was sober. So naturally to go into sober living he would need detox or longer rehab which he has done 2x.
My Dad talked to the DA today who tried his case on the DUI. Basically the conversation was, "it's all a joke and the system is so broken that it keeps failing for him to just receive a slap on the hand".
So it looks like he is going to start the restraining order and eviction process again. I told him to go down to the City PD and get cc's of all the records of calls and things.
Bad news. We never give up hope, but my Brother has....
This series is from two months ago, same day:
My Brother decided to start drinking once again. I warned my parents when he got out of jail that they should NOT let him live with them and he should go into sober living because he had a fair amount of time sober in jail (approx. 100 days or so). They didn't do that so once again here we are. It's been about 4 weeks since he got out of jail.
I didn't know this, but my parents have had an "elder abuse" case open for some time. I was going to call them recently to have them pull ALL the police reports from when they've been at the family home, but my Father actually did that some time ago! Good for him.
This a.m. my brother was arrested once again for probably drunk in public or something. I think the neighbor called when he staggered home from the liquor store or something.
They are hoping the emergency restraining order will be taken care of by tomorrow. So we all know the jail will not keep him very long, so he will probably be home or around the home somewhere when the paperwork is complete to serve him. My Father is so distraught because he knows my Brother will die, or so he thinks. I told my Father this a.m., "Dad, God has the plan..you need to release it to him". It's so difficult for them because they THINK they are helping to eventually kill him...but in fact..they KNOW HE IS KILLING HIMSELF.
I'll keep the thread updated. This has been going on for over 25 years now and he has lived w/my parents for almost 8. I call it aiding and abedding....but it's pure co-depency at it's best...
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My Father called me earlier after I did the initial post. My understanding, although w/them it can change, is that they are signing a restraining order tomorrow. My Father is meeting with the elder abuse folks about options. I told my Dad that there are only 2 options. #1 Rehab, #2 the streets. I also told him if he picks up booze between now and rehab his stuff is on the porch.
I'm hoping and praying this is a quick thing that happens. My family, especially my parents, have been through a lot.
Alanon....yes....good question. My mom has been to a few meetings and my dad has never been.
So therein lies the truth.....not good.
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It's okay, that is why the header is the "Energizer bunny". My Brother has been in addiction for 20 years at least. He moved home after losing his job to his drinking 8 years ago. My parents should have never let him live there.....
That is why I'm so passionate about the threads about adult children. If you teach your kids to fish, they fish for a lifetime. I only moved home 1 during my divorce for 3 weeks. I've been out since the age of 20.
While addiction is part of the story here, the underlying stuff about making our kids grow up to be accountable and good citizens is key. I know most parents would take in an ailing family member but in my Brother's case he keeps relapsing the the environment is not working. It's sad that over the years I have only seen him "normal" a couple times. I do believe he has mental health issues...strike that..he does have mental health issues. The only time I saw him "normal" is when he was sober an extended period of time and was on psych meds. That didn't last long because some, not all, folks who are bi-polar and things want to feel normal so they use drugs or alcohol.
Right now all we can do is pray and support my parents even though they are co-dependent. Noone wants to be in their late 60s dealing with this crap, that I know.
They say that you should never give up on someone, but in his case it really is up to him to find his way. It's hard to believe he has almost died in the hospital and when I saw him he was jaundice to homeless..then back to sober and he still picks up. It's just a sad case of someone not having anything to lose or live for I guess. But he is a soul nonetheless and lessons can be learned all around for those we care for and those we want to change but perhaps never will.
That is why I don't judge that person on the street. One never knows whose Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter, Wife and Mother they may be. And even though their life decisions most likely put them there, they are still children of God trying to find their way home.
Hugs to all....
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Stats: I believe he has gone to rehab 2 or 3 times. He has had 7 DUIs (too far apart to serve any time. The last one which was in Nov he got 100 days), he almost died at least 1x in the hospital 6 months ago, he has been incarcerated for drunk in public probably 15 times at least and never served a day, he has been rushed to ER probably 15 times at least, he has been homeless at least 2x when my parents got him evicted and the list goes on.
My Father actually talked to the DA who prosecuted him on the last DUI. He said it's a big joke. Jails are so overcrowded these days they would rather keep a violent person in then an alcoholic. When he got done serving time for his DUI, there was NO court order sobriety pee tests mandated and no alcohol/pee test at any moment was NOT PART OF HIS PROBATION.
While he owns his recovery, the time he has spent in jail and w/the law is a big joke. DUIs aren't felonies and when they are far enough apart they drop off. Check this out...when you go before a Judge they MAY see your record..BUT THEY CAN ONLY TRY YOU ON WHAT IS BEFORE THEM. So after all this BS and being arrested about 30 times........he was just released back to his reality w/no programs other than AA and his own will.
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My parents met w/their attorney today to sign the papers for the restraining order. They gathering information to show to my Brother which includes what the restraining order will be all about and that it will stay on his record for 5 years.
That being said, my Dad told me this a.m. they are giving him his final warning today and if he drinks 1 more time they will file the paperwork.
To me, he has had a million chances already but to them I guess they still want him to turn things around. Loving him to death and very co-dependent.
So time will tell what really happens. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results. My Brother needs to change his environment completely. Not this crap about getting sober for 30 days, relapse, 1 day drink, 100 days, relapse, 1 day drink. I've know folks who have to change their entire surroundings, even the State they live in.
I wish them all the best and I don't seem to sound jaded but it's been going on for so long now I can't help but think an atom bomb needs to be dropped as a hint instead of the ol' placate the person or system.....
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This is an update from a few days ago:
I posted prayer request and my story about my 46 yr old brother who was an alcoholic. He succumb to the disease on Friday. He was living with my parents and he died in his favorite chair.
My mom had met me around 8:45 that a.m. because she was going to watch my youngest son who wasn't feeling well. When she returned at 11:30 am he had died. He probably just had a heartache or stroke.
While my brother was an alcoholic, I chose to have a relationship with him during the good times and the bad. My Sister disowned him years ago because of his addiction and didn't allow my Nephew to go to my parent's home. While I can't judge her decision, I decided long ago that I wanted my 2 sons to see both sides of the coin.
My oldest son knew his Uncle the most. Even though my brother had his dark side, he would always talk to my son about college and life. My brother graduated college *** Laude, but never made much of his professional career because of his drinking.
My youngest son was his truly buddy. He would hang out with him while he built the model airplanes he so loved. He would show my son how to assemble them and he took him to the flying field.
The thing about addiction that is so terrible is that when they go in and out of sobriety you never know when it will be the final drink that takes their life.
My oldest son came down immediately when I phoned him Saturday a.m. That afternoon he drove to me so we could tell my youngest together. Before he left he said he had found something in his Uncle's drawer. He said, "some want sobriety, but some take action". He handed me about 10 AA chips. Few were 24 hours, some were 1 month, 2 months, etc.
I do believe if my brother had his real choice he would have traveled the world. But in the end, he carried his burdens to his grave to meet the ones he loved like his best friend in high school who was killed on his motorcycle just out of high school.
I've always had a soft heart for the people who walk the streets homeless and the like. One never knows who brother, sister, mother, aunt or father they are. We are all human beings so we should treat each other as you know them. It is not up to me to play God, but to share the gifts of my life with others.
If you have a friend or relative that is stuck in their addiction. There is hope through recovery, but it takes strength to each and every minute of the day not want to take that next drink or drug. You must surround yourself with like minded sober people who have led the way before you. For in knowing people who have succeeded it can bring hope into your life.
I will miss my brother dearly. I truly loved him a lot.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: The Great White North, eh? Beauty.
Posts: 159
Dee - Ha ha - love it! It rhymes…it makes sense…I'll make a million!!!
frances - I'll be here until July 3. Mercifully, there wasn't anything crazy happening upstairs last night, so I slept for 10 hours. I think I needed that.
Good on you for finishing the project - sorry that you're feeling down today. I find that whenever I feel like that, I have to remind myself that the most important thing I can accomplish today is not drinking. I don't have to write the next Beethoven's 5th (a la Don Music), cross off everything on the To Do list, or take a 4 hour hike. All I have to do is stay sober or everything else falls apart. It's really not easy right now, but maybe someday it will be.
PBC - Non-alcoholic beverages sound good to me. It's damn hot where I am right now. I actually had the most amazing smoothie from a nearby restaurant yesterday. It's called The Creamsicle and it's made from coconut milk, orange juice, carrot juice, and vanilla. Sounds weird, but it actually tastes EXACTLY like an orange Creamsicle. Don't know how they do it.
Rosie - That story sounds so familiar. I haven't talked about it yet on the forum, but my Mom's side of the family has had some pretty intense things happen due to alcoholism.
My Mom's oldest brother was an alcoholic and a drug dealer. I don't know too much about him (I was 8 when he died), but I do know that when he killed himself, my family life changed completely. There was a lot of finger pointing between the extended family and a lot of stress in my house.
The youngest brother had a slower decline. He was a diabetic alcoholic and also a prescription drug abuser. He lived in a house that my Grandparents paid for, and was basically allowed to continue in his addiction this way. He had been hospitalized many times after lapsing into a diabetic coma, was going blind, and was in danger of losing a limb. Eventually, he went missing and stayed missing for a month. My parents left for a while to help look for him, but someone eventually found him drowned in a slough. He just wandered off in the middle of the night - I guess he got lost.
That brings us to now - my Mom's sister could conceivably die in the next little while. She absolutely cannot function anymore without alcohol. When she tries not to drink at family functions, she goes into shaking withdrawals and can't speak. Her husband has been hospitalized twice for alcohol related seizures. I was closer to them than any other aunt & uncle, and the past two Christmas dinners have been hell. I couldn't eat - I had to keep going to the washroom to cry. I saw them once before I left to move here, and I was so happy to be sober sitting there with a cup of coffee. I felt so guilty drinking around them - I can't tell you. Anyway, I'm just hoping that the next time I see them, it'll be a happy occasion and not a funeral.
frances - I'll be here until July 3. Mercifully, there wasn't anything crazy happening upstairs last night, so I slept for 10 hours. I think I needed that.
Good on you for finishing the project - sorry that you're feeling down today. I find that whenever I feel like that, I have to remind myself that the most important thing I can accomplish today is not drinking. I don't have to write the next Beethoven's 5th (a la Don Music), cross off everything on the To Do list, or take a 4 hour hike. All I have to do is stay sober or everything else falls apart. It's really not easy right now, but maybe someday it will be.
PBC - Non-alcoholic beverages sound good to me. It's damn hot where I am right now. I actually had the most amazing smoothie from a nearby restaurant yesterday. It's called The Creamsicle and it's made from coconut milk, orange juice, carrot juice, and vanilla. Sounds weird, but it actually tastes EXACTLY like an orange Creamsicle. Don't know how they do it.
Rosie - That story sounds so familiar. I haven't talked about it yet on the forum, but my Mom's side of the family has had some pretty intense things happen due to alcoholism.
My Mom's oldest brother was an alcoholic and a drug dealer. I don't know too much about him (I was 8 when he died), but I do know that when he killed himself, my family life changed completely. There was a lot of finger pointing between the extended family and a lot of stress in my house.
The youngest brother had a slower decline. He was a diabetic alcoholic and also a prescription drug abuser. He lived in a house that my Grandparents paid for, and was basically allowed to continue in his addiction this way. He had been hospitalized many times after lapsing into a diabetic coma, was going blind, and was in danger of losing a limb. Eventually, he went missing and stayed missing for a month. My parents left for a while to help look for him, but someone eventually found him drowned in a slough. He just wandered off in the middle of the night - I guess he got lost.
That brings us to now - my Mom's sister could conceivably die in the next little while. She absolutely cannot function anymore without alcohol. When she tries not to drink at family functions, she goes into shaking withdrawals and can't speak. Her husband has been hospitalized twice for alcohol related seizures. I was closer to them than any other aunt & uncle, and the past two Christmas dinners have been hell. I couldn't eat - I had to keep going to the washroom to cry. I saw them once before I left to move here, and I was so happy to be sober sitting there with a cup of coffee. I felt so guilty drinking around them - I can't tell you. Anyway, I'm just hoping that the next time I see them, it'll be a happy occasion and not a funeral.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
My communication skills were sorely lacking on the QOTD today ... what I meant to ask was what sounded good in each of those categories? Here are my answers for today:
1. Mint iced tea sounds amazing on this hot and humid day!
2. Definitely a salad. With mangos and basil and pecans and poppyseed dressing.
3. A burger w/ homemade BBQ sauce, swiss cheese, and grilled pineapple ... open-faced.
4. chocolate chip cookie from Subway.
Mirage, it really wasn't too bad here today ... maybe 90 or so. I did hear that about 5 minutes west of us (we're ALMOST on the lake, but not quite) it was a good 10 degrees cooler. There was a strong breeze, too, which helped. Of course, I was inside working all day in air conditioning, too. I'll bet Michigan's Adventure was a blast! I've never been, but hubby's mom used to take the girls every year (until she passed away from cancer). You know, one of these days you should bring your family to the beach over here! It's gorgeous.
Frances, you ARE good enough. You are one of the most amazing encouragers I've ever met. I'm sorry that this alcohol thing is what brought us both here, but I am blessed to know you, even if just on an online forum. You make a difference in my life. Keep fighting, my friend!
Wow, Rosie ... that was so sad! I hope his family finds comfort and that others see and learn. Thank you for reminding me of how destructive this thing really is. It's nothing to play around with.
Bevin, that smoothie sounds delicious! It reminds me that I haven't cooked with coconut in a while, too. Maybe I'll try to figure out coconut rice again. (I had some in a restaurant once and have been trying to duplicate the recipe for years.)
And I'm so sorry about your aunt.
She still breathing, so there's still hope, right? My hubby's uncle went into one of those seizures at my wedding reception ... it was terrifying. We had to call an ambulance and everything ... we had no idea what was happening. Hubby and I ended up locking ourselves in the basement for about an hour and sobbing ... too much emotion for one day.
On a lighter note, I had an interesting conversation with my territory manager today. She is submitting my name for a trainer position with the corporation, along with my other positions. It sounds like something I'd be pretty good at, and I'm excited about it! However, before I quit drinking it wouldn't have been an option because there will be a decent amount of driving all over the state involved. Now it's a possibility. I'm still nervous about the driving thing, but willing to try. Cool, huh?
Have a meaningful, sober night all you wonderful peeps!
1. Mint iced tea sounds amazing on this hot and humid day!
2. Definitely a salad. With mangos and basil and pecans and poppyseed dressing.
3. A burger w/ homemade BBQ sauce, swiss cheese, and grilled pineapple ... open-faced.
4. chocolate chip cookie from Subway.
Mirage, it really wasn't too bad here today ... maybe 90 or so. I did hear that about 5 minutes west of us (we're ALMOST on the lake, but not quite) it was a good 10 degrees cooler. There was a strong breeze, too, which helped. Of course, I was inside working all day in air conditioning, too. I'll bet Michigan's Adventure was a blast! I've never been, but hubby's mom used to take the girls every year (until she passed away from cancer). You know, one of these days you should bring your family to the beach over here! It's gorgeous.
Frances, you ARE good enough. You are one of the most amazing encouragers I've ever met. I'm sorry that this alcohol thing is what brought us both here, but I am blessed to know you, even if just on an online forum. You make a difference in my life. Keep fighting, my friend!
Wow, Rosie ... that was so sad! I hope his family finds comfort and that others see and learn. Thank you for reminding me of how destructive this thing really is. It's nothing to play around with.
Bevin, that smoothie sounds delicious! It reminds me that I haven't cooked with coconut in a while, too. Maybe I'll try to figure out coconut rice again. (I had some in a restaurant once and have been trying to duplicate the recipe for years.)
And I'm so sorry about your aunt.
She still breathing, so there's still hope, right? My hubby's uncle went into one of those seizures at my wedding reception ... it was terrifying. We had to call an ambulance and everything ... we had no idea what was happening. Hubby and I ended up locking ourselves in the basement for about an hour and sobbing ... too much emotion for one day.On a lighter note, I had an interesting conversation with my territory manager today. She is submitting my name for a trainer position with the corporation, along with my other positions. It sounds like something I'd be pretty good at, and I'm excited about it! However, before I quit drinking it wouldn't have been an option because there will be a decent amount of driving all over the state involved. Now it's a possibility. I'm still nervous about the driving thing, but willing to try. Cool, huh?
Have a meaningful, sober night all you wonderful peeps!
Last edited by PeanutButterCup; 06-08-2011 at 06:30 PM. Reason: Grammar flub. Grrr.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 234
Hey PBC! I am feeling a little less stressed with regards to my school work. Thanks so much for asking! I give you so much credit for doing that while having a family! I don’t think I could ever do it. That is why I am trying to get school done now before I start a family. Congrats on the news gig as well! And no disrespect, but the pastor sounds like he sucks and I think he is crazy to ask you to step down!! You rock!
Bevin – what you did with your hair sounds fabulous! And in all seriousness, I am very sorry to hear about your loved one’s struggles.
Bevin – what you did with your hair sounds fabulous! And in all seriousness, I am very sorry to hear about your loved one’s struggles.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: The Great White North, eh? Beauty.
Posts: 159
Hi everyone - I felt kind of weird about my last post because I felt like my reply to the situation with the woman and her brother was all about me...I didn't mean to hijack, but it brought up a lot of stuff - I was just trying to show that I can relate. I know what she's going through because my Mom and I have talked about her feelings about all this - and I was there at her younger brother's funeral...something I never want to have to go through again. It was horrible to see her that way.
Today I have to go back to that apt. I was going to rent...the lady I was originally going to rent from decided she wanted to stay (?!?), but they found another one for me. I'm feeling super anxious about it (a meeting with a landlord is something that has a very good chance of inducing a panic attack). I ALMOST had a beer (or two) this morning. Just to deal with it...but I didn't. I have to tell ya, during my last landlord interview around 2 years ago, I was drunk as a skunk. To this day, I don't know how I got the place - but I've practiced the art of enunciating when hammered, so maybe she couldn't tell how drunk I actually was.
Anyway, if any Marchers are reading this, please wish me luck and send some vibes.
More later...
Today I have to go back to that apt. I was going to rent...the lady I was originally going to rent from decided she wanted to stay (?!?), but they found another one for me. I'm feeling super anxious about it (a meeting with a landlord is something that has a very good chance of inducing a panic attack). I ALMOST had a beer (or two) this morning. Just to deal with it...but I didn't. I have to tell ya, during my last landlord interview around 2 years ago, I was drunk as a skunk. To this day, I don't know how I got the place - but I've practiced the art of enunciating when hammered, so maybe she couldn't tell how drunk I actually was.
Anyway, if any Marchers are reading this, please wish me luck and send some vibes.
More later...
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