June Sobriety Group Part 2
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
Hey Breakfree, wow you have a lot going on.. I mean kind of can't blame you for having a drink here or there. I mean i understand. On the plus side you didn't drink very much. How were you able to control it? 3 mikes hard lemonade, not bad and you still have 3 left.
And 1/2 beer and small mixed drink isn't bad either. I dunno is that a lot for you? Just sayin, it could of been a lot worse. Sounds like you work really hard, so don't concentrate on your 2 small failures compared to all your accomplishments. I am in awe! Your back on track after what sounds like a small blip.
Your awesome! be proud of yourself! Your in my prayers..
Have a Great Day, you def deserve one!
XO- Beth
And 1/2 beer and small mixed drink isn't bad either. I dunno is that a lot for you? Just sayin, it could of been a lot worse. Sounds like you work really hard, so don't concentrate on your 2 small failures compared to all your accomplishments. I am in awe! Your back on track after what sounds like a small blip.
Your awesome! be proud of yourself! Your in my prayers..
Have a Great Day, you def deserve one!
XO- Beth
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 143
Breakfree -
Hey! Sorry to hear that things are so overwhelming for you right now. I was feeling that way very much last week. I understand what you are saying about needing more than 2 weeks in order to feel that you really have this alcohol thing under control. I have been drinking steadily (daily) for the last 6 years and I quit a couple of years ago for 30 days. The difference for me now is that even though I only have 18 days right now, I honestly FEEL DONE. I truly feel that I am done drinking. When I got those 30 days before, it was to appease my fiance and to show myself I could do it. I didn't want to stop drinking - if I was honest with myself I knew I wasn't done drinking, just wanted to stop for a bit to show myself I had it under control and to get my fiance off my back. This time I am at the point where drinking was not fun anymore. Wasn't taking away my anxiety of stress - was just a horrible cycle of behavior that I felt trapped in. I realized that my life was going down the toilet and I was just sitting by casually observing it happen as I poured yet another tumbler sized glass of wine.
I got to the point where I knew SOMETHING had to change and I am embarassed to say it SLOWLY dawned on my that the alcohol was what was holding me back and making me miserable. All that time I thought somehow it was "helping" me...I now know that the alcohol was making all of my problems (which are many) seem completely overwhelming. Made me lack the clarity of mind in order to see them for what they were - manageable.
It is a change in my way of thinking that makes me realize that I am "done" drinking. I see things for what they are much more clearly every day and I can now see how much alcohol affected my thoughts and my sense of helplessness and lack of hope.
I think you need to get to a place where drinking is so miserable for you that you come to the realization that it is not a positive in any way in your life. I don't know how much you were drinking, or for how long, but as long as it is an option for you I think that you will continue to drink. In my head I know that alcohol is just no longer an option - I know that if I continue to drink I will wind up wasting my life and never dealing with my problems and being a complete wreck.
I am sorry that I am rambling in this post - I guess what I am trying to say is that based on my struggle with alcohol over the years - and my attempts at quitting or controlling, I was never successful until I had a complete "mind shift" and it was nothing I could have MADE my mind do - it happened over time based on how miserable I was and how lost and hopeless I had become.
I think if you feel that alcohol is contributing to your problems and negative feelings that it's important to continue to work towards sobriety - you can do this. My problems seem sooo much more manageable now that I am developing this new mindset.
Hey! Sorry to hear that things are so overwhelming for you right now. I was feeling that way very much last week. I understand what you are saying about needing more than 2 weeks in order to feel that you really have this alcohol thing under control. I have been drinking steadily (daily) for the last 6 years and I quit a couple of years ago for 30 days. The difference for me now is that even though I only have 18 days right now, I honestly FEEL DONE. I truly feel that I am done drinking. When I got those 30 days before, it was to appease my fiance and to show myself I could do it. I didn't want to stop drinking - if I was honest with myself I knew I wasn't done drinking, just wanted to stop for a bit to show myself I had it under control and to get my fiance off my back. This time I am at the point where drinking was not fun anymore. Wasn't taking away my anxiety of stress - was just a horrible cycle of behavior that I felt trapped in. I realized that my life was going down the toilet and I was just sitting by casually observing it happen as I poured yet another tumbler sized glass of wine.
I got to the point where I knew SOMETHING had to change and I am embarassed to say it SLOWLY dawned on my that the alcohol was what was holding me back and making me miserable. All that time I thought somehow it was "helping" me...I now know that the alcohol was making all of my problems (which are many) seem completely overwhelming. Made me lack the clarity of mind in order to see them for what they were - manageable.
It is a change in my way of thinking that makes me realize that I am "done" drinking. I see things for what they are much more clearly every day and I can now see how much alcohol affected my thoughts and my sense of helplessness and lack of hope.
I think you need to get to a place where drinking is so miserable for you that you come to the realization that it is not a positive in any way in your life. I don't know how much you were drinking, or for how long, but as long as it is an option for you I think that you will continue to drink. In my head I know that alcohol is just no longer an option - I know that if I continue to drink I will wind up wasting my life and never dealing with my problems and being a complete wreck.
I am sorry that I am rambling in this post - I guess what I am trying to say is that based on my struggle with alcohol over the years - and my attempts at quitting or controlling, I was never successful until I had a complete "mind shift" and it was nothing I could have MADE my mind do - it happened over time based on how miserable I was and how lost and hopeless I had become.
I think if you feel that alcohol is contributing to your problems and negative feelings that it's important to continue to work towards sobriety - you can do this. My problems seem sooo much more manageable now that I am developing this new mindset.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 143
I just wanted to add that all of my problems have not magically gone away AND I don't think I am all fixed or anything 
I know I will struggle at times, I know that I need to work hard to reach true sobriety and learn how to deal with things sober -I just have now come to the realization that the only way for me to find happiness and inner peace is to not have alcohol in my life ever again. I have felt angry, stressed, anxious, depressed, etc... over the last 18 days - but I no longer look at alcohol as a coping mechanism in any way. I am starting to work a program and focus on my quest for sobriety each day - I worry that as time goes by I will forget how horrible I felt while drinking and will be lured back into it.. we all just need to take it "one day at a time" as they say.
I know I will struggle at times, I know that I need to work hard to reach true sobriety and learn how to deal with things sober -I just have now come to the realization that the only way for me to find happiness and inner peace is to not have alcohol in my life ever again. I have felt angry, stressed, anxious, depressed, etc... over the last 18 days - but I no longer look at alcohol as a coping mechanism in any way. I am starting to work a program and focus on my quest for sobriety each day - I worry that as time goes by I will forget how horrible I felt while drinking and will be lured back into it.. we all just need to take it "one day at a time" as they say.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
Hey everyone! 17 days and really want a glass of wine, but it will turn into at least a bottle I know. SUCKS! Just venting.. I will be good. Just sayin I feel the need but this too shall pass.. Have a good one!
XO
XO
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
that's why we care n' share..
..like the 3 muskerteers..all for one..
BTW:since joinin' SR in Mar 2009,i have quit drinkin' approx..150 days..
..here I am,again..still with even more determination to succeed..
..cause I know it's the right thing for my health,wife,family and allthose that have cared for me when I was down...tnx..Ozy..
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by BreakFree 
But then something happened...boredom set in! And without the actual urge, I accepted the next beer that was offered to me.
Shortly after, my friend was making drinks and asked if I wanted one. I ended up having an small plastic cup of lemonade and vodka. I did drink that one. And that was it. And it wasn't worth it. The whole thing seemed harmless enough, but terribly frustrating. Why had I done it? This is the question that has me stumped...WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!
Shortly after, my friend was making drinks and asked if I wanted one. I ended up having an small plastic cup of lemonade and vodka. I did drink that one. And that was it. And it wasn't worth it. The whole thing seemed harmless enough, but terribly frustrating. Why had I done it? This is the question that has me stumped...WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!
Just a thought. That was a stumbling block for me.
So I didn't think too much about it on Sunday, but then yesterday, everything was going SO BAD. We are financially STRAPPED, I'm overwhelmed by tasks and TO-DO lists, my children are both going through some pretty tough phases (behaviorally) and I feel like I'm questioning all of the decisions I have made with regards to them. We home school and that is really tough. Going against the grain isn't easy 
And when things aren't going well, it's so easy for me to feel like it's "all my fault" and I'm ruining them. I am trying SO HARD when it comes to them. So anyway...yesterday was our anniversary. We didn't do a thing. I worked from "son up to son down" and everything just felt like it sucked. So, at about 6:30p, when I didn't see ANYTHING looking up, I made a conscientious decision to buy a 6-pack of Mike's.
And when things aren't going well, it's so easy for me to feel like it's "all my fault" and I'm ruining them. I am trying SO HARD when it comes to them. So anyway...yesterday was our anniversary. We didn't do a thing. I worked from "son up to son down" and everything just felt like it sucked. So, at about 6:30p, when I didn't see ANYTHING looking up, I made a conscientious decision to buy a 6-pack of Mike's.
It really is about working that out, I think.
We KNOW drinking doesn't work, but if it's the only option we have in our coping box, then we're gonna go for it.
Drinking really does make things worse (and I'm speaking to TJ now too)...
Personally, I don't think you would have been quite as quick to grab that six pack if you hadn't drunk at the party.
You have to look at it holistically - everytime you return to the default position and drink, you're reinforcing that behaviour and that response.
Its like mental 'tram tracks' we've laid down. You have to jump the rails
Life can suck, I know. But drinking on it just makes it suck worse.
Look for new stress relieving options - and start working on them now - don't wait til you need them....
it's not easy to deal with things sober, but the payoff really is fantastic guys. I wouldn't be here if that weren't true
.D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
..Thank-you Beth..
..I have to admit,and i'm sure you agree,and i'm sure all the remaining
.."Class of June,2010" members,agree..
..there is a dedication of such 'grace' n' wisdom that you will not find
anywhere on any other recovery site..
..SR is amazing...the members are so couragious and the moderators,,
so giving of their time,experience and love..
..Well done to all of us...don't you just love a sober life!!..OZboy..
..I have to admit,and i'm sure you agree,and i'm sure all the remaining
.."Class of June,2010" members,agree..
..there is a dedication of such 'grace' n' wisdom that you will not find
anywhere on any other recovery site..
..SR is amazing...the members are so couragious and the moderators,,
so giving of their time,experience and love..
..Well done to all of us...don't you just love a sober life!!..OZboy..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
HI Everybody!
I'm still here, still sober. I just lost the link to this group now that we're not on the 'newcomers to recovery' page everyday. All is well here and I will give more updates tomorrow. See you all soon!
I'm still here, still sober. I just lost the link to this group now that we're not on the 'newcomers to recovery' page everyday. All is well here and I will give more updates tomorrow. See you all soon!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
Congrats on day 20 Super! I am on 18 right behind ya! Ozzy has us both beat tho! Its only going to be 72 today in LA! I don't think it's gone pass 80 degree this june. Very Lucky! Plus we don't have the humidity. Now I can brag because I lived in ATL for forever and endured the brutal summers. But I feel for you! That's why I had the snowman in snow avatar before, for everybody who was in the heat thought just looking at might cool people off. (in case anybody was wondering)
Hope everyone is having a good day, I myself want to strangle my fiance..CAN't STAND HIM!!! UGH! Anyway had to get that out.. (like i said I would never hurt anybody)
Would love to down a bottle of vodka but won't..Got to take deep breaths today..
Sorry for being negative..
XO
Hope everyone is having a good day, I myself want to strangle my fiance..CAN't STAND HIM!!! UGH! Anyway had to get that out.. (like i said I would never hurt anybody)
Would love to down a bottle of vodka but won't..Got to take deep breaths today..
Sorry for being negative..
XO
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Okay, so now I finally figured out that we are under the "Newcomers Daily Support Threads." Now I know how to find it everyday. My brain hasn't been too sharp lately. I feel like if someone tossed something to me like a baseball or set of keys, it would knock me in the face as I reached my hands out. LOL!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by HFA
10th day for me, hoping to go to my first SMART meeting tonite.
Hi HFA!
I would love to hear more about the SMART program if you'd like to share about your experiences after the meeting. Melinda.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
Originally Posted by super71
Alex - I am in VA - near DC. I think this place must have been built on a swamp it's so humid.. 72 sounds perfect - wish I was there!!
Good for you for letting that wanting feeling pass... bad Vodka!
Good for you for letting that wanting feeling pass... bad Vodka!
Ahh thanks Super for the distraction from the crappy day i am having!
:Have a great night everyone!
XO
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
Also a big Congrats to HFA for day 10! YAY!
Lyddie also congrats on day 5
And Ozzy the big 28! woohoo!
Oh and I also feel your pain living in DC too TraderJane!
Baby is finally napping..going to cook dinner!
XO
Lyddie also congrats on day 5
And Ozzy the big 28! woohoo!
Oh and I also feel your pain living in DC too TraderJane!
Baby is finally napping..going to cook dinner!
XO
..it's a big story to tell your family..
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