alexvt

Ha i am so tired i meant to say day 15.....Ugh i wish i could take naps never have been able to.

OZboy

..B..try n' keep busy as you can..until you're so tired ya yawn
ya head off!!

..then you'll sleep like a princess...x..Ozy..

BreakFree

Good Morning! :)

HAPPY NEW WEEK Everyone!

I've got a TO-DO list the size of Texas so this is just a quick "fly-by" to say HI! :)

Have a WONDERFUL day everyone!
Love,

HFA

half way thru day 8. At the house (my x wife and I co own a house she lives in, LONG story) staining 2 decks. Half way done with the first. Its kinda hard today. I always drank and drank and drank in order to do the insane list of things to do around here.Beer was my fuel to keep chugging out manual labor. She would get mad if I wasnt preforming labor or producing. But thats for another forum, LOL.
Anyway, day 8 half over and Im making it so far, now back to work you slacker..:rotfxko

alexvt

Hey Everyone, finally got 8 hrs of sleep! Had to take 1/2 of ambien to do it (had 1/2 left from old script) But I seriously thought i may die if i didn't get some sleep. Have zero regrets. I just wish i had more..LOL So Day 16 for me today..

Where is everyone? Just seems like a few of us are posting these days.

Thanks Ozzy for answering me yesterday.
HFA- Very cool you having the energy to stain deck sober!

I hope the rest of you are having great day!

XO

traderjane

Hi all ... I hope everyone had a better weekend than I did. I was in a "What the f*ck" kind of mood -- it's a long weekend!" And that NEVER has a good outcome.

There were some good parts to the weekend and nothing truly catastrophic happened, but I know the weekend would have been so much better if I had not drank.

One really good thing came out of it. I asked my ex-husband for help. I pretty much outted myself to him and told him that "the only chance I have to be happy is if I do not drink and if I stop now." He agreed to help me in any way he can. We have 3 children together and naturally he was concerned about the kids' welfare. I know I can be a better Mom without drinking, though I have never put the kids in danger and I do have an au pair who lives with us and cares for them a lot. Still, I know I can be a better and happier mother and person without drinking. So this is really significant because up until now I was trying to be brave and strong and do this on my own and it wasn't working. By telling my ex I am struggling, I now am accountable to him and can't pretend everything is okay with my drinking now, which I had been doing. I did not develop this problem until after he moved out, so he has never been with me during this difficult phase. I still think there are ways he can help me even if we don't live together. I have to brainstorm different ways that he can help me. The biggest thing is just admitting to him that I have a serious problem in the first place. But beyond that, he can watch the kids for me more if I need to get to a meeting, etc.

I hope everyone did better than I did this weekend. I'm starting again. I may not be able to do this all on my own like I had planned, but I'm going to do it with as much support as I can get. My ex is going to help me, I have a lot of good friendships from here, I have a wonderful f2f support group (SMART) that I haven't been going to because I thought I was too busy, there's always AA and I like the speaker type meetings. I need to exercise more, eat well, sleep well, take care of myself and take care of my kids.

Good riddance, 4th of July. May my next one be better!

Zebra1275

Hey TJ, sad to see you struggling. We started in the August group together and like yourself I've had a few struggles since then too. I was looking at SMART recovery last fall, but the only thing I could find was a once a week meeting an hour from home. So I gave in and started going to AA. What really led me to try AA was earlier this year I did a short (~ 48 hours) medical detox. The Doctor who treated me was wonderful. He himself has been going to AA and has been sober for over 20 years and we talked a lot. And then I decided that if it worked for him, I was also going to do AA. And I was not going to do it half assed, but give it a real shot. It's made a big difference for me and I'm glad I did it. Now I "get it." It took me awhile to find a group I was comfortable with, but now I look forward to meetings and plot out a week in advance which one's I plan to attend. I've met some great people, who just happen to have drinking problems like me. The fellowship is the key for me.

traderjane

Hey Zebra, thanks. I have a SMART meeting literally 5 minutes from my house and it clicks for me. There are other meetings during the week as well, I just haven't explored them. I'm glad you found something that has worked so well for you. Thanks for your post.

alexvt

Hey TJ! No big deal, don't beat yourself up over it. The way I see it is you got something out of it, cause you told your ex. Now that's a big deal that deserves a congratulation! I have a nanny and since being sober have cut her hrs cause i don't need to plan my hangovers around her anymore. I could of drank sat and sunday, I mean i wanted to but I just couldn't face the anxiety that comes with being hungover. I am so glad your still here trying to fight with us. It makes it hard when you notice the people who usually post everyday suddenly stop.

Stay Strong!

XO

alexvt

Hey what is SMART?

traderjane

THANKS ALEX !!!!

SMART is an alternative program to AA that helps people overcome addiction. Most of the people in my group have alcohol addiction, though one woman has an eating disorder. We all just support each other and it's different than AA but complimentary -- that is, they do not really contradict each other and many people in my group use both. I think just having the face to face support with real people is helpful.

You can google it and read more about it -- they have worksheets and tools and things you can use on their website -- the meetings do not cost money, just like AA (small donation kind of thing).

I'm glad I'm back here, too

super71

Alex, Oz, Breakfree, Traderjane, Wilde - Is anyone else still here? I wasn't here much this weekend, but am back and glad to see people doing well. Traderjane - I also told my ex husband and it has been a help to me in regards to going to meetings and such - plus he is supportive which is a big help. I think it will be helpful to you that he knows. Alex - yes I have been feeling absolutely exhausted - just in the last few nights do I feel like I have been getting any type of decent sleep. Before then I was falling asleep around 2:30 or 3 and not sleeping well even then.

I am on day 18 and feeling pretty good. Going to my 3rd meeting tonight. Need to go catch up on all of the posts on here. Stay strong everyone!

OZboy

:day6..tj...glad your here..

...day 27 for li'll ozy....

..n' no smokes!! ..don't forget the 15th..Super...:rotfxko

...jusy kiddin'..stay cool everyone...Ozyboy...

KC1

I might as well admit I had a rough weekend, too. My doctor was telling me about the SMART program and so far, I haven't been able to find one locally. Maybe he knows of one, though. I am going to make an appointment with him tomorrow so can discuss it with him. Back to work tomorrow!

KC

traderjane

Hello! Went out to dinner with my daughter and my au pair (her last day with us is tomorrow). We had a great time. My ex husband watched my boys for me because they are not terribly great at restaurants (still kind of young) so we had a very relaxing time.

Monday nights at this place are 1/2 price bottles of wine and the place was PACKED! In days past I had gone to this place with my friends on Monday for the 1/2 priced bottles. I was not even tempted, was very happy with my lemonade and food. Yum. On Day 1 for me it's very easy to resist alcohol and I have no interest. I wish all days could be like this. Maybe power of positive thinking here?!

Off to watch some trash TV with my daughter ... tonight is a good night.

super71

Oz -

Funny boy...I AM going to go check out the whyquit website tonight...Thanks

traderjane

Good morning! I just want to say hi and how happy I am to have you all for support in this journey. Roll call! Here is everyone who posted over the last two pages (excluding people like Zebra and Bdiddy, who are part of another thread).

Livefierce
Lyddie
Irisheyes
HFA
Traderjane
Breakfree
KC1
Super71
OZboy
AlexVT
Wilde

I hope I did not miss anyone. I know we had many more members earlier in the month, so I hope some of those people will check in again. Even if you don't have a sobriety date in June, we can still keep the thread alive

I am off to work in a bit. Have a great Tuesday!!

BreakFree

Good Morning :)

I had been doing incredibly well and we set off for a party on the 3rd. I really didn't want to go. Not because I didn't like everyone there, but because I didn't feel like sitting/standing around while everyone was drinking and making small talk, you know? I have found that something that is really important for me is to KEEP BUSY. PHYSICALLY.

I packed all our stuff, including a cooler filled with lemonade and Polar Seltzers. On the way down, I shared with DH that the desire/urge is non-existant. How great I felt and how I truly didn't *want* to drink alcohol anymore. I said a little prayer (in my head) and we arrived at the party. Within minutes I was asked several times if I wanted an alcoholic drink. I declined several times. I really didn't want one. I was starting to feel surprised, actually. But then something happened...boredom set in! :( And without the actual urge, I accepted the next beer that was offered to me. It didn't taste good. I didn't like the way my head began to feel. So I drank a little less than half and handed it off to my husband. Shortly after, my friend was making drinks and asked if I wanted one. I ended up having an small plastic cup of lemonade and vodka. I did drink that one. And that was it. And it wasn't worth it. The whole thing seemed harmless enough, but terribly frustrating. Why had I done it? This is the question that has me stumped...WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

So I didn't think too much about it on Sunday, but then yesterday, everything was going SO BAD. We are financially STRAPPED, I'm overwhelmed by tasks and TO-DO lists, my children are both going through some pretty tough phases (behaviorally) and I feel like I'm questioning all of the decisions I have made with regards to them. We home school and that is really tough. Going against the grain isn't easy :( And when things aren't going well, it's so easy for me to feel like it's "all my fault" and I'm ruining them. I am trying SO HARD when it comes to them. So anyway...yesterday was our anniversary. We didn't do a thing. I worked from "son up to son down" and everything just felt like it sucked. So, at about 6:30p, when I didn't see ANYTHING looking up, I made a conscientious decision to buy a 6-pack of Mike's. They tasted like crap. They made me feel like crap. What a STUPID thing to do. I sat there, buzzed, thinking...well, add another crappy thing to the list of crappy things today. WTF?

BIG SIGH.

The thing I find in common with both events is that I'm in situations where I just don't know what to do. At the party, I was bored. At home, I was so completely frustrated and everything felt so out of control in my life. I just didnt' (and still don't) know what to do.

My problem isn't so much alcohol. My problem is ME. I don't know what to do with ME. Yes, alcohol is addicting. Yes, it's poison. Yes, I'm better off without it. Yes, I want to avoid it.

Giving up alcohol is easy...you just don't consume it! Problem solved.
But what about all the other problems? I wish they'd go away just as easily :(

BIG SIGH.

The problems aren't going away anytime soon. I've got to find a way to deal with them. Or at least not feel so overwhelmed/controlled by them because that's when I start to feel like it doesn't matter what I do. That nothing I do matters. (and when thinking rationally, I KNOW this is not true)

I made it 2 weeks without drinking any alcohol. For some this would be HUGE. For me, that was nothing because I've been doing that since the end of last summer (I'm no longer a daily/habitual drinker). It's going to take a lot more than 2 weeks for me to feel free from alcohol's grip :( I just wish that in the meantime, I felt some sort of motivation/encouragement. When life is constantly throwing you lemons, and you're tired of making lemonade, it's not very encouraging/motivating :(

So that's my story. Nothing too exciting. I've got (3) Mike's left and I'll either give them to my neighbor or dump them down the drain. Either way, I don't want them.

I hope everyone is still doing really well! So many of you are rockin' this! I'm still right behind you! :)

Love,

lyddie

Breakfree - (( HUGS ))

Traderjane - That's great that you told your ex and that he is supportive.

I had a very quiet weekend. Sleeping is still a bit off but I feel rested enough to go back to work today. This is my 4th day.

traderjane

(((Breakfree))) I get it. Usually when I end up drinking it's that things have run so amuck that I feel alcohol could not really make it worse, you know? I have 3 kids and one with special needs, who is a constant challenge, one with possible ADHD and behavioral issues at school, and a one relatively easy one (my daughter) who has had chronic health problems related to GI/colon issues that require monitoring, care and work. I can't imagine the stresses of homeschooling. I at least am able to turn over my kids to the public schools here and say basically, "Here they are. Help me educate them. I can't do it all alone." It's not perfect, but they are learning and developing.

I occasionally get that "f'ck it" attitude where I feel it doesn't matter if I drink a glass of wine or not. I need to work on that.

I'm right behind everyone, too. I know that alcohol is toxic, poisonous, and does not agree with me. It's pretty simple on paper, isn't it?

Hugs to everyone....