Codependency And Beyond - Part 9
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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I was always horribly irresponsible with money. A guy I used to work with, said I had problems with "M&M's" - men and money
Since recovery, I have been SO much more responsible, which is why sinking further and further into debt is so hard....because I've been really good about not buying anything that's not essential (except cat treats).
Okay, math test grade is in - 98! I'm now going to take a nap with a huge smile on my face. THIS grade amazes me, as it was the hardest of all!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Since recovery, I have been SO much more responsible, which is why sinking further and further into debt is so hard....because I've been really good about not buying anything that's not essential (except cat treats).Okay, math test grade is in - 98! I'm now going to take a nap with a huge smile on my face. THIS grade amazes me, as it was the hardest of all!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
Okay, math test grade is in - 98! I'm now going to take a nap with a huge smile on my face. THIS grade amazes me, as it was the hardest of all!
Amy, I am so impressed...math was my nemesis...wow...
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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(((((((((((Amy)))))))) You are doing allsome!!!! I'm in school to and its hard stuff!!!
I have a question. I have been working on a friendship with the ex.. We had serious issues. He is in active sex addiction and my CoDie issues were in FULL swing. Anyway we have been apart for a few months. We both still care very much about each other but we also know that we are not healthy together right now. There is Major trust issues on both ends. Anyway I have been talking with someone for a while now. We are just friends. I have been very clear that I'm not even close to being ready for anything else. He is coming into town this weekend and wants to meet me. I know I will not be home when the ex calls..... I'm having a real issue with what I will tell him when he ask where I was. I don't want to hurt him......but I know that the fact that I spent time with a man would do just that. I'm not going to lie to him.... but I just don't know what to say? Do I have to say anything at all? I know I would be hurt if he spent time with a woman. In fact he has and was not honest about it till his mother told me... I guess I have no idea how to handle it in a healthy manner.
I have a question. I have been working on a friendship with the ex.. We had serious issues. He is in active sex addiction and my CoDie issues were in FULL swing. Anyway we have been apart for a few months. We both still care very much about each other but we also know that we are not healthy together right now. There is Major trust issues on both ends. Anyway I have been talking with someone for a while now. We are just friends. I have been very clear that I'm not even close to being ready for anything else. He is coming into town this weekend and wants to meet me. I know I will not be home when the ex calls..... I'm having a real issue with what I will tell him when he ask where I was. I don't want to hurt him......but I know that the fact that I spent time with a man would do just that. I'm not going to lie to him.... but I just don't know what to say? Do I have to say anything at all? I know I would be hurt if he spent time with a woman. In fact he has and was not honest about it till his mother told me... I guess I have no idea how to handle it in a healthy manner.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Should I just ask the ex how he would feel if I meet this other person?
I just don't know... In the past, I would make up a big story....... I just don't wanna do that anymore. I don't want to be that person anymore...
I just don't know... In the past, I would make up a big story....... I just don't wanna do that anymore. I don't want to be that person anymore...
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
(((Kendra)))
When I was much younger and dealing with sexual abuse....I didn't know I was a codie and my baggage around the abuse was more evident...my relationships were a disaster and all had the same pattern....I had no control and I was in a lot of pain...
Finally, I got myself into therapy and of course was told right off the bat: no relationships for at least a year or until I sorted myself out...
In the process of healing, I realized how I had given up my power, had no idea who I was and had some real issues about men....I saw that I did not know where my sickness ended and theirs began, and I knew I certainly could not be anywhere near someone sicker than I, friendship or not I was kidding myself if I thought I could..
I was not strong enough to have healthy boundaries around any of the guys in my life at that point in time...they were the ones the sick part of me attracted...It was kind of like addiction...I needed to get a new set of friends
If I were in your situation I would say nothing , since you are no longer in a relationship with this person...
My best advice is work your codie recovery....and keep the focus on you
When I was much younger and dealing with sexual abuse....I didn't know I was a codie and my baggage around the abuse was more evident...my relationships were a disaster and all had the same pattern....I had no control and I was in a lot of pain...
Finally, I got myself into therapy and of course was told right off the bat: no relationships for at least a year or until I sorted myself out...
In the process of healing, I realized how I had given up my power, had no idea who I was and had some real issues about men....I saw that I did not know where my sickness ended and theirs began, and I knew I certainly could not be anywhere near someone sicker than I, friendship or not I was kidding myself if I thought I could..
I was not strong enough to have healthy boundaries around any of the guys in my life at that point in time...they were the ones the sick part of me attracted...It was kind of like addiction...I needed to get a new set of friends
If I were in your situation I would say nothing , since you are no longer in a relationship with this person...
My best advice is work your codie recovery....and keep the focus on you
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
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Hello...
I lurk here from time to time and read the daily posting from The Language of Letting Go. Thank you for sharing that here.
I read something about a money order being issued on a scam, (I think it was Impurrfect).Anyway, I have some experience in that area, and you might be able to do something about it.
by Barbara Hurst
Guru bios
QUESTION: Can we place a stop payment on a Money Order? I said as long as the customer signs an affidavit, the bank should be covered. Am I right?
ANSWER: There are two distinct types of money orders: bank money orders and personal money orders. Personal money orders are money orders that bear the customer's signature. A personal money order is the equivalent of a one-shot checking account and a bank can allow a customer to place a stop payment on it.
The other kind is the bank money order. A bank money order is signed by the bank and is therefore a direct bank obligation. If the money order is signed by the bank and drawn on the bank, it is the legal equivalent of a cashier's check. If it's signed by the bank, but drawn on an account maintained by the bank at another institution,, it is the legal equivalent of a teller's check. A bank should generally NOT put stop payments on these items.
If you do issue personal money orders, it's always a good idea to have the money order filled out at the time of purchase, if possible, so that you have enough information for the stop.
Maybe this will help.
I lurk here from time to time and read the daily posting from The Language of Letting Go. Thank you for sharing that here.
I read something about a money order being issued on a scam, (I think it was Impurrfect).Anyway, I have some experience in that area, and you might be able to do something about it.
by Barbara Hurst
Guru bios
QUESTION: Can we place a stop payment on a Money Order? I said as long as the customer signs an affidavit, the bank should be covered. Am I right?
ANSWER: There are two distinct types of money orders: bank money orders and personal money orders. Personal money orders are money orders that bear the customer's signature. A personal money order is the equivalent of a one-shot checking account and a bank can allow a customer to place a stop payment on it.
The other kind is the bank money order. A bank money order is signed by the bank and is therefore a direct bank obligation. If the money order is signed by the bank and drawn on the bank, it is the legal equivalent of a cashier's check. If it's signed by the bank, but drawn on an account maintained by the bank at another institution,, it is the legal equivalent of a teller's check. A bank should generally NOT put stop payments on these items.
If you do issue personal money orders, it's always a good idea to have the money order filled out at the time of purchase, if possible, so that you have enough information for the stop.
Maybe this will help.
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Hi ((ANEWAUGUST)), and welcome to the codie thread...I am glad you finally posted!
I am sure that Amy will be glad for this information....
if you have further info to share with her, can you take it to PM? ..thanks; the only thing we ask of people here on the thread is to try and keep the posts codie based...I hope you come post again
I am sure that Amy will be glad for this information....
if you have further info to share with her, can you take it to PM? ..thanks; the only thing we ask of people here on the thread is to try and keep the posts codie based...I hope you come post again
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Thanks greatful for sharing with me. I too have been sexually abused and my last relationship I played apart of allowing myself to be re-victimized. It was very painful stuff and I'm also going to therapy. I like what you said about not knowing where your sickness stopped and theirs began. I can relate to this and my ex has a way of placing a lot blame on me...and yes I did have my part in the sick dance. However I'm also real good about taking other people's issues and making them my own as well. It goes back to being to enmeshed with someone. Even now I find myself considering his feelings more then my own.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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Welcome ((Anewaugust)) and thanks for the info. Jump in and join us!!
((Kendra)) I've realized that any time I have so much stress about "what do I say?" "will it hurt his/her feelings" that I am putting way too much emphasis on THEM and not enough on me and I have a bit more work to do....just my experience, and doesn't mean I don't still DO it, but I'm getting better and extracting myself from situations and/or relationships that cause that much drama.
How many times have I gotten in between my stepmom and whoever is yelling at her, because she won't stand up for herself? It hurts me, angers me, and I just couldn't stand by and do nothing, could I? Last night, Brit was yelling and screaming, stepmom came to me and said "do you hear her yelling at me?" and I simply said "she's yelling at you because you LET her yell at you and I really don't want to get involved tonight".
For that moment, MY feelings counted more. I do have more and more of those moments, but it is certainly not consistent...just something I'm working on. Putting others' feelings ahead of ours, I think, is a hard habit to break.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Kendra)) I've realized that any time I have so much stress about "what do I say?" "will it hurt his/her feelings" that I am putting way too much emphasis on THEM and not enough on me and I have a bit more work to do....just my experience, and doesn't mean I don't still DO it, but I'm getting better and extracting myself from situations and/or relationships that cause that much drama.
How many times have I gotten in between my stepmom and whoever is yelling at her, because she won't stand up for herself? It hurts me, angers me, and I just couldn't stand by and do nothing, could I? Last night, Brit was yelling and screaming, stepmom came to me and said "do you hear her yelling at me?" and I simply said "she's yelling at you because you LET her yell at you and I really don't want to get involved tonight".
For that moment, MY feelings counted more. I do have more and more of those moments, but it is certainly not consistent...just something I'm working on. Putting others' feelings ahead of ours, I think, is a hard habit to break.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Grateful,
I LOVED your story about your apartment. Dare to believe says so much. When fear gets in the way, there is no daring to believe. In order to recover, not just be sober, but to recover, I had to take a leap of faith. There have been times in my recovery when I questioned my path, but having faith and believing in unlimited possibilities has helped me so much.
Amy,
I am sorry about the scam, but it's great that you suspected as much. And, kudos for your super marks!
I LOVED your story about your apartment. Dare to believe says so much. When fear gets in the way, there is no daring to believe. In order to recover, not just be sober, but to recover, I had to take a leap of faith. There have been times in my recovery when I questioned my path, but having faith and believing in unlimited possibilities has helped me so much.
Amy,
I am sorry about the scam, but it's great that you suspected as much. And, kudos for your super marks!
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by CoDieNOmore
However I'm also real good about taking other people's issues and making them my own as well. It goes back to being to enmeshed with someone. Even now I find myself considering his feelings more then my own.
Kendra, good for you for being able to identify with those behaviors...I know it is hard...
For me, as long as I was connected in some way with someone else's unhealthy patterns, I could not heal because I was not whole or strong enough. to protect myself from, or triggered by, their unhealthy behaviors ...I had to distance myself.. and once healthy - I wanted to be around healthy people..
I had to put me first....
((Kendra)), I think you are doing great..
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Thanks greatful... I'm working on detaching from the situation. I'm very glad he lives 2 hours away. Real prof that that my HP does for me what I can't do for myself. He has gone back to meetings but again I do know that I have to work on myself and not worry about what he is or is not doing. Plus I have decided to not meet the guy I have been corresponding with. All the negative feelings it brought up just shows me that it's not healthy for me to meet him at this time.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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(((AMY))) So proud of you!!!
(((Grateful))) Thank you for always being here and being calm and wise. Sometimes I log on just to feel your "vibe". Since I am manic/depressive (Bi-polar), on my manic days I neeed calming and on my depressive days I need grounding. You provide both...thank you.
(((WElcome A new August)))
(((Codie)))Keep up the focus on you. It will pay off!
Tomorrow night my show goes up. I am stressed to the max with dress rehearsals and technical problems and late nights and no sleep, and a husband who is out of town so I have to pick up the slack during my busiest week of the year...and a son that I never know where he is...SO
I would appreciate peaceful thoughts and prayers. I know it will help get me through. I wish you could all come and see the show. I am so proud of these kids. Some of them NEVER get attention anywhere else. They are not great students or athletes...but here...I don't know...they shine...and they are so proud of themselves. It's heart warming,
Well..better go. Lots to do.
Loves and Hugs,
Annie
(((Grateful))) Thank you for always being here and being calm and wise. Sometimes I log on just to feel your "vibe". Since I am manic/depressive (Bi-polar), on my manic days I neeed calming and on my depressive days I need grounding. You provide both...thank you.
(((WElcome A new August)))
(((Codie)))Keep up the focus on you. It will pay off!
Tomorrow night my show goes up. I am stressed to the max with dress rehearsals and technical problems and late nights and no sleep, and a husband who is out of town so I have to pick up the slack during my busiest week of the year...and a son that I never know where he is...SO
I would appreciate peaceful thoughts and prayers. I know it will help get me through. I wish you could all come and see the show. I am so proud of these kids. Some of them NEVER get attention anywhere else. They are not great students or athletes...but here...I don't know...they shine...and they are so proud of themselves. It's heart warming,
Well..better go. Lots to do.
Loves and Hugs,
Annie
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
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(((Amy))) Wow, your amazing!!!! Good for you!!!! you smarty pants...
(((Grateful))) your apartment sounds wonderful, so happy for you!!!
Welcome ((Anewaugust))
(((Annie))) sending peaceful thoughts and prayers!!!
I think I am finally realizing deep in my heart that I really don't need to worry or be afraid anymore....I just need to turn my will and life over to God each day....and trust.
(((Lisa))(((Codie)) (((Anna)) (((Live))
(((Grateful))) your apartment sounds wonderful, so happy for you!!!
Welcome ((Anewaugust))
(((Annie))) sending peaceful thoughts and prayers!!!
I think I am finally realizing deep in my heart that I really don't need to worry or be afraid anymore....I just need to turn my will and life over to God each day....and trust.
(((Lisa))(((Codie)) (((Anna)) (((Live))
Leap of Faith Survivor
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You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Discipline
November 11
Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults.
Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences.
Discipline means learning to wait for what we want.
Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want.
Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors.
Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings.
Discipline is the day-to-day performing of tasks, whether these be recovery behaviors or washing the dishes.
Discipline involves trusting that our goals will be reached though we can not see them.
Discipline can be grueling. We may feel afraid, confused, uncertain. Later, we will see the purpose. But this clarity of sight usually does not come during the time of discipline. We may not believe we are moving forward.
But we are.
The task at hand during times of discipline is simple: listen, trust, and obey.
Higher Power, help me learn to surrender to discipline. Help me be grateful that you care enough about me to allow these times of discipline and learning in my life. Help me know that as a result of discipline and learning, something important will have been worked out in me.
Discipline
November 11
Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults.
Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences.
Discipline means learning to wait for what we want.
Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want.
Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors.
Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings.
Discipline is the day-to-day performing of tasks, whether these be recovery behaviors or washing the dishes.
Discipline involves trusting that our goals will be reached though we can not see them.
Discipline can be grueling. We may feel afraid, confused, uncertain. Later, we will see the purpose. But this clarity of sight usually does not come during the time of discipline. We may not believe we are moving forward.
But we are.
The task at hand during times of discipline is simple: listen, trust, and obey.
Higher Power, help me learn to surrender to discipline. Help me be grateful that you care enough about me to allow these times of discipline and learning in my life. Help me know that as a result of discipline and learning, something important will have been worked out in me.
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Annie, thank you so much for your kind words
Ever since you mentioned your concert, I have been very interested...I am excited for you and the children because of course it will be great, any wonderful hitches included...I wish I could be there....children's performances always make me cry...total reflex....happy tears....what wonderful work you are doing...
((Kendra)), that is wonderful. you have accomplished so much...
It is a beautiful day here. I wanted to go down to the cenotaph in Ottawa for Remembrance Day..the crowds are getting bigger every year, which is a good thing But it means getting there around 9 and waiting until 11 if you want to "see" anything but the back of someones's head..
Prince Charles and Camilla are here so it will be impossible and so I watched it on TV..
There was a young woman who walked side by side with Charles up to the cenotaph to place two wreaths..and I thought, what a moment for her...
Ever since you mentioned your concert, I have been very interested...I am excited for you and the children because of course it will be great, any wonderful hitches included...I wish I could be there....children's performances always make me cry...total reflex....happy tears....what wonderful work you are doing...
((Kendra)), that is wonderful. you have accomplished so much...
It is a beautiful day here. I wanted to go down to the cenotaph in Ottawa for Remembrance Day..the crowds are getting bigger every year, which is a good thing
But it means getting there around 9 and waiting until 11 if you want to "see" anything but the back of someones's head..Prince Charles and Camilla are here so it will be impossible and so I watched it on TV..
There was a young woman who walked side by side with Charles up to the cenotaph to place two wreaths..and I thought, what a moment for her...
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
wow, I got so behind on the thread!! Lets see, Amy your rock girl!!!!! Annie, Itoo would be crying if I were there, have a wonderful time! Hugs for the rest of you!!
The slumber party was a success=) She and I have lots in common, and she and the room mate hit it off so a nice time was had by all.
I am having 12 step weirdness. I tried to do the steps and couldn't quite figure them out. I got a sponsor who didn't know much about them either. We met monday at 430 and it threw my evening timing off badly, so I didn't make it to the meeting that night, and she called last night and was worried and upset uhg.
I get more from you all. I read. I like meetings when the fit in to my schedule. So now I have to find a polite way of telling her I am not interested at the moment, which of course will make her fear I am going back out haha, eeesh.
ok, off to read and try and catch up on these crazy forums!
The slumber party was a success=) She and I have lots in common, and she and the room mate hit it off so a nice time was had by all.
I am having 12 step weirdness. I tried to do the steps and couldn't quite figure them out. I got a sponsor who didn't know much about them either. We met monday at 430 and it threw my evening timing off badly, so I didn't make it to the meeting that night, and she called last night and was worried and upset uhg.
I get more from you all. I read. I like meetings when the fit in to my schedule. So now I have to find a polite way of telling her I am not interested at the moment, which of course will make her fear I am going back out haha, eeesh.
ok, off to read and try and catch up on these crazy forums!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Thank you all for the warm welcome.
The topic of discipline came up at my AA meeting today.
This has been something I need to work on in all areas of my life. I tend to be all or nothing at times. I am overly disciplined, or will nilly about things.
I grew up with alot of strict discipline to the extent that it was so structured, I went the opposite way when I was out of the house.
Great reading....thanks.
The topic of discipline came up at my AA meeting today.
This has been something I need to work on in all areas of my life. I tend to be all or nothing at times. I am overly disciplined, or will nilly about things.
I grew up with alot of strict discipline to the extent that it was so structured, I went the opposite way when I was out of the house.
Great reading....thanks.
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