For Those with Less than 2 Weeks Sober Part 6
being me
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 252
Hey PB, you will definitely succeed! You made it a long time without drinking, and still want to stop. We have all been struggling. Keep quitting and keep posting. Your experience just re-affirms that being sober gets you more out of life than drinking.
I see a lot of people moving forward on this thread. Catwings, glad you found your way here! It is great to see smokers on this thread too. I tried for years and years to quit my pot habit before I even realized how much of a problem alcohol could take up in my life.
All your posts are inspiring, a lot of success here. I wouldn't be at day 29 if it weren't for this thread.
K
I see a lot of people moving forward on this thread. Catwings, glad you found your way here! It is great to see smokers on this thread too. I tried for years and years to quit my pot habit before I even realized how much of a problem alcohol could take up in my life.
All your posts are inspiring, a lot of success here. I wouldn't be at day 29 if it weren't for this thread.
K
Always we begin again
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 6
This is about the umpteenth time that I am on day 2. This time, I am just really really tired. Last night I was observing myself trying to convince myself that I deserve that drink, that it would be a "wasted evening" without the drink. Wow, that's ironic! I didn't realize it until I wrote it down. Boy, I can tell that this is just going to be a load of fun!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 235
Hello everyone. I'm going to join in on this thread. I had 44 days and slipped. That was about a month ago. The "alcoholic voice" got the best of me. I think I've finally gotten over the disappointment of failing and am ready to get back on board. I had a hard time feeling with the failure...but have since accepted it and am ready to simply look forward.
I'm a fool to think I can drink in MODERATION. I can't! Saturday night I went out with friends...took more shots than I can remember, blacked out, and was finally able to get out of bed around 430-500 Sunday. That is no way to live.
DAY ONE.
I'm a fool to think I can drink in MODERATION. I can't! Saturday night I went out with friends...took more shots than I can remember, blacked out, and was finally able to get out of bed around 430-500 Sunday. That is no way to live.
DAY ONE.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hi Paddington - You bet that you belong right here with us no matter what. Please start on over again. We are here for you. You can do this.
ksplash - You post the most awesome stuff. BTW - I think we are on day 36 today. I loose track too. I had to count up from our thirty days to figure it out, lol. I needed the reminder of reaching out on the phone when I'm in a tough spot. Boy is that one hard for me. I don't want to bother anybody, don'tcha know?
grrrr - Wow 29 days. I felt kind of strange my 29th day. It was like my alcoholism was a little worried that I was really staying sober or something.
I ended up going to two meetings that day, cuz I really wanted that 30th day. Had cravings, but they went away with less time then I thought they would. Doesn't mean they don't come back, but each day I think we get a little bit stronger enough to deal with them better.
Hi iamsomebody - Welcome to this thread. You've got some great company.
Many of us a card holding members of the upteenth time starting over club.
Lot's of great support. You must know the drill by now. Nope it isn't going to be fun, or easy. That first week is horrible. You can get through it. Keep reading, keep posting and take care of yourself. The most important thing today is just not picking up. Everything else going on can wait. It really can.
Welcome Lindsay - Glad to see you here. That word MODERATION just doesn't compute with me at all. Drinking or any other way in my life, I have a problem with it. Glad you decided to stop drinking. Good for you on day 1.
Take care.
ksplash - You post the most awesome stuff. BTW - I think we are on day 36 today. I loose track too. I had to count up from our thirty days to figure it out, lol. I needed the reminder of reaching out on the phone when I'm in a tough spot. Boy is that one hard for me. I don't want to bother anybody, don'tcha know?
grrrr - Wow 29 days. I felt kind of strange my 29th day. It was like my alcoholism was a little worried that I was really staying sober or something.
I ended up going to two meetings that day, cuz I really wanted that 30th day. Had cravings, but they went away with less time then I thought they would. Doesn't mean they don't come back, but each day I think we get a little bit stronger enough to deal with them better.
Hi iamsomebody - Welcome to this thread. You've got some great company.
Many of us a card holding members of the upteenth time starting over club.
Lot's of great support. You must know the drill by now. Nope it isn't going to be fun, or easy. That first week is horrible. You can get through it. Keep reading, keep posting and take care of yourself. The most important thing today is just not picking up. Everything else going on can wait. It really can.
Welcome Lindsay - Glad to see you here. That word MODERATION just doesn't compute with me at all. Drinking or any other way in my life, I have a problem with it. Glad you decided to stop drinking. Good for you on day 1.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 469
day 14 for me..was a very bad night. but I am still sober. Very determined this time. I have to make it. Wish I could do it all at once. but I can't do it mentally. anyway. almost to 15 day and so wanting that first red chip...tomorrow makes me half way to getting it....I can do it..i can i can i can
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: north yorkshire, england
Posts: 1,891
Well done on two weeks, im nearly there and it really helps to read about someone walking the road ahead of me, im keeping an eye on your progress hoping to get some tips, lol. Day 11 for me and I should have a good day ahead of me im going to my sisters graduation ceremony and although i should be proud and happy for her im just feeling a bit numb. Thats better than how i was feeling last night i was raging for absolutely no reason, just bouncin off the walls. How come when your emotions start coming back its always the rotten ones first?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
hi all
pam, i sure can relate to having a bad day...but still claiming it as a clean day. way to hang in there with sobriety. After the bad days come the good moments
I'm trying to let go of the bad moments, of course, and now i am trying to let go of the good moments. I'm trusting in myself more to let go of the last moment, and to open my mind to experience the present moment. that means noticing the good and the bad. that means letting go of the good and the bad. when I let go of the good, then the next moment may be another good.
don't know if that made sense at all.
if you've got nothing to do I've worked on a little something that i will include below and will make this a long post...so stop here if you don't need or want a long post!!!!!!!!!!!
it's a little writing based on a guided meditation that someone lead me through a couple weeks ago in which I experience my SELF of 20 years into the future. the first part starts out in the present day.
A look at my life today, and then 20 years into the future.
TODAY...
I'm in the middle of a dream, but don't know it. It's a happy dream of sorts. The dream seems to be coming to a possible conclusion and before the final details, your alarm goes off. You hear it and turn it off and get out of bed. The rush of madness begins. Another day. Lots to do. Brush teeth. Shower. Clothes. Coffee. Medications. The News. And midst these subplots, are the bigger plans of the day itself. What will come first? A little change will be needed here. Then your phone rings...you hang up and a dozen more things come into your mind. You begin your journey to WORK with your bag of stuff, and start your car, and drive, and approve the traffic report to begin your normal route.
Like the approach of a train, signaled by it's steady growth of power, all these things going on in your mind begin to rattle the windows of your soul. And to think it's only just begun; you've only been awake for 35 minutes and you're wound up tight already. But you know how to push the limits of this obsession with your life, and your multitasking parade of events. You have lived over the edge without any consequence, and heck you're not even close to the ledge. Then it occurs to you that it's only 6:25AM, and you know by 10:00 things will be in full tilt. Are you up for the challenge, up for the game?-- to process the input of the data of your life, and create an impressive output of productivity and outright “together-ness”? For a moment you feel a general tiredness. It has nothing to do with lack of sleep, but you take another drink of your cafeinated medicine and return it to the cup holder and enter the Left Lane of I-75 South.
20 YEARS LATER...
In the early morning you can ease up on your wants – those instant desires of self-ness that race out the morning gates in your brain as you rise. You take a deep breath in, accepting the pain of those desires and the anxiety of the wait. You now claim the life of the breath, and release it to the world with all the love of your soul.
The peace of morning quietness now comes into your Heart early. The winter's forced air of the furnace soothes your reality. Gratitude fills you, and constant wordless prayer emanates from your Heart. All the past, present, and future of your being lives and breathes, here now.
There is no rush and there is no waiting, because you are at exactly where you are at. You are spreading goodness now; and that is what you are about. You are love. This kind of love is a state of being, your state of being. It is a love that is not outward or inward. It is a love of “being”.
So this love, this nature of love, is now the Way. There are no conditions for it; it is. It is in your breath, your mind, your heart. It is spontaneous; it requires no plans. During pain or joy it always remains. It's existence never waits for another time, it doesn't wait until your vacation, or until your out of rush hour traffic, or until you “fall in love”. It just goes on. It always occurs with the breath.
pam, i sure can relate to having a bad day...but still claiming it as a clean day. way to hang in there with sobriety. After the bad days come the good moments
I'm trying to let go of the bad moments, of course, and now i am trying to let go of the good moments. I'm trusting in myself more to let go of the last moment, and to open my mind to experience the present moment. that means noticing the good and the bad. that means letting go of the good and the bad. when I let go of the good, then the next moment may be another good.
don't know if that made sense at all.
if you've got nothing to do I've worked on a little something that i will include below and will make this a long post...so stop here if you don't need or want a long post!!!!!!!!!!!
it's a little writing based on a guided meditation that someone lead me through a couple weeks ago in which I experience my SELF of 20 years into the future. the first part starts out in the present day.
A look at my life today, and then 20 years into the future.
TODAY...
I'm in the middle of a dream, but don't know it. It's a happy dream of sorts. The dream seems to be coming to a possible conclusion and before the final details, your alarm goes off. You hear it and turn it off and get out of bed. The rush of madness begins. Another day. Lots to do. Brush teeth. Shower. Clothes. Coffee. Medications. The News. And midst these subplots, are the bigger plans of the day itself. What will come first? A little change will be needed here. Then your phone rings...you hang up and a dozen more things come into your mind. You begin your journey to WORK with your bag of stuff, and start your car, and drive, and approve the traffic report to begin your normal route.
Like the approach of a train, signaled by it's steady growth of power, all these things going on in your mind begin to rattle the windows of your soul. And to think it's only just begun; you've only been awake for 35 minutes and you're wound up tight already. But you know how to push the limits of this obsession with your life, and your multitasking parade of events. You have lived over the edge without any consequence, and heck you're not even close to the ledge. Then it occurs to you that it's only 6:25AM, and you know by 10:00 things will be in full tilt. Are you up for the challenge, up for the game?-- to process the input of the data of your life, and create an impressive output of productivity and outright “together-ness”? For a moment you feel a general tiredness. It has nothing to do with lack of sleep, but you take another drink of your cafeinated medicine and return it to the cup holder and enter the Left Lane of I-75 South.
20 YEARS LATER...
In the early morning you can ease up on your wants – those instant desires of self-ness that race out the morning gates in your brain as you rise. You take a deep breath in, accepting the pain of those desires and the anxiety of the wait. You now claim the life of the breath, and release it to the world with all the love of your soul.
The peace of morning quietness now comes into your Heart early. The winter's forced air of the furnace soothes your reality. Gratitude fills you, and constant wordless prayer emanates from your Heart. All the past, present, and future of your being lives and breathes, here now.
There is no rush and there is no waiting, because you are at exactly where you are at. You are spreading goodness now; and that is what you are about. You are love. This kind of love is a state of being, your state of being. It is a love that is not outward or inward. It is a love of “being”.
So this love, this nature of love, is now the Way. There are no conditions for it; it is. It is in your breath, your mind, your heart. It is spontaneous; it requires no plans. During pain or joy it always remains. It's existence never waits for another time, it doesn't wait until your vacation, or until your out of rush hour traffic, or until you “fall in love”. It just goes on. It always occurs with the breath.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 235
Day 3, feeling good. I was mistaken when I said yesterday was Day 1...I was so hungover on my REAL day one that the day almost didn't exist to me. Ugh.
I'm a new relationship, about a month young. I'm really into him, I just don't want it to interfere with my sobriety. He's not a drinker at all really. He'll drink here and there. He's a little older than me and has made comments about how he can go 6 months and not really care to drink at all. He has other interests, which is good. I haven't told him about my issues. I'm afraid to.
It's more a problem within myself. In the past, alcohol has always had a big part in my relationships...i guess to act as a social lubricant, especially early on. That's probably the main reason none have ever worked!
Regardless, not drinking today.
I'm a new relationship, about a month young. I'm really into him, I just don't want it to interfere with my sobriety. He's not a drinker at all really. He'll drink here and there. He's a little older than me and has made comments about how he can go 6 months and not really care to drink at all. He has other interests, which is good. I haven't told him about my issues. I'm afraid to.
It's more a problem within myself. In the past, alcohol has always had a big part in my relationships...i guess to act as a social lubricant, especially early on. That's probably the main reason none have ever worked!
Regardless, not drinking today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 469
Day 15 now, feeling pretty numb today, which I guess is a good thing, beats wanting my bottle or hopping in the car to get it which I would always do. I think I am getting a bit stronger everyday...atleast when it comes to the booze, but emotionally I am lost. For now, I am very happy to have 15 days of clean living, and I know today I will not drink.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Lindsay - Congratulations on day 3 and your commitment to stay sober for today. I second the commitment to no more hangovers, yeah!
Pam - Hooray for 15 days. It still seems to be all or nothing for my emotions too. Either flooded with them or numb. Either way I think it is better then all those alcohol producing emotions that I was crazy with for years. just enjoy your day and let yourself experience whatever is supposed to come your way for today. I'll do the same, ok?
allport - Good one -11 days. See, we are going through a bunch of stuff together. I think it is comforting to know I'm not alone with this roller coaster of emotions and feelings. I hope you really get to enjoy your sisters graduation today. I think it is wonderful that you will actually BE there completely present to experience it. Have a wonderful time.
ksplash - Thanks for sharing the meditation. I liked it a lot. Only problem with me is I can't get my head around 20 years from now. Some of us are sicker then others. Have a good day my sobriety buddy. Onward we go!:bounce
Pam - Hooray for 15 days. It still seems to be all or nothing for my emotions too. Either flooded with them or numb. Either way I think it is better then all those alcohol producing emotions that I was crazy with for years. just enjoy your day and let yourself experience whatever is supposed to come your way for today. I'll do the same, ok?
allport - Good one -11 days. See, we are going through a bunch of stuff together. I think it is comforting to know I'm not alone with this roller coaster of emotions and feelings. I hope you really get to enjoy your sisters graduation today. I think it is wonderful that you will actually BE there completely present to experience it. Have a wonderful time.
ksplash - Thanks for sharing the meditation. I liked it a lot. Only problem with me is I can't get my head around 20 years from now. Some of us are sicker then others. Have a good day my sobriety buddy. Onward we go!:bounce
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Brixton
Posts: 250
Hi everyone,
Thanks Grrrr and Mtnmagic for your encouragement and support - it's much appreciated!
Hey Ksplash, what a great post! Thanks for sharing that meditation. I got alot out of your post - thank you!
Congratulations Pam on reaching 2 weeks - brilliant!
Hi Iamsomebody - I feel the same way, this is my umpteenth time too!
Hi Lindsay - that's brilliant that you had 44 days, wow! I've never made it beyond 26 days.
Hey Allport - well done on your 11 days. You live in a great part of the country - I love north yorkshire!
And thanks for being here Carol - thanks for all your encouragement. It really helps me not to give up.
As for me, I'm still feeling very shipwrecked to tell the truth, but I'm clinging on to SR and AA so that I don't get washed away! Hanging in there!
Thanks Grrrr and Mtnmagic for your encouragement and support - it's much appreciated!
Hey Ksplash, what a great post! Thanks for sharing that meditation. I got alot out of your post - thank you!
Congratulations Pam on reaching 2 weeks - brilliant!
Hi Iamsomebody - I feel the same way, this is my umpteenth time too!
Hi Lindsay - that's brilliant that you had 44 days, wow! I've never made it beyond 26 days.
Hey Allport - well done on your 11 days. You live in a great part of the country - I love north yorkshire!
And thanks for being here Carol - thanks for all your encouragement. It really helps me not to give up.
As for me, I'm still feeling very shipwrecked to tell the truth, but I'm clinging on to SR and AA so that I don't get washed away! Hanging in there!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
We had a few hours of down time today....tweaking our
new SR upgrade. Sooo...if you could not get here
neither could I.
Congratulations to all of us as we move forward!
Sobriety Rocks and you help me keep mine going!
new SR upgrade. Sooo...if you could not get here
neither could I.
Congratulations to all of us as we move forward!
Sobriety Rocks and you help me keep mine going!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Brixton
Posts: 250
Hi everyone
Thanks Carol and Espresso for the encouragement.
I didn't drink yesterday. I feel as though I'm pulling out of the downward spin, and getting my recovery back on track.
Going to a meeting this evening straight after work, to help me stay safe. Just for today...
Have a good Wednesday everybody!
Thanks Carol and Espresso for the encouragement.
I didn't drink yesterday. I feel as though I'm pulling out of the downward spin, and getting my recovery back on track.
Going to a meeting this evening straight after work, to help me stay safe. Just for today...
Have a good Wednesday everybody!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: north yorkshire, england
Posts: 1,891
Day 12 today and feeling a little bit overwhelmed. I had a good day yesterday, celebrated my sisters university graduation she got a fantastic degree and she should have been ecstatic but she seemed a little bit down, its strange she seems to have everything, a fabulous daughter, a career, good looks and confidence but i dont think shes happy with her life, it goes to show that everyone has issues not only drinkers. We all went out for a meal and the others were drinking but i didnt have a problem with it, since i was already out and about i went to a meeting, it was good two birthday celebrations and a really good atmosphere but i still cant let people in i feel so uncomfortable in those rooms and i dont know why. x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
i still cant let people in i feel so uncomfortable in those rooms and i dont know why.
anyway it's really nice to have SR available as a recovery tool. I love this site. It provides me with a lot of help. Help in reading other people stories and daily sucesses and struggles--reading these posts slowly--and taking them in to digest and grow.
another nice part of SR is that it provides us the opportunity to write, and write, and write. and writing is good for my recovery. it is good for my soul. it is good at helping me know how I feel.
and right now i feel a little antsy, a little uncomfortable, and lazy. funny. I have no reason to feel this way. what i mean is things are just fine outside of me. these feelings are all coming from inside of me, from my life experience in the past, present, and future.
this uncomfortable-ness, this dis-ease is OK today. I am learning how to live with it when it occurs. learning how to act. Practicing to let go of the drama and of the reactions to things and thoughts that have ruled my life so often in the past. I am staying focused on my intention to live and be clean today and that means putting that ahead of "not feeling comfortable".
so thanks for the thinking and writing that you got me to writing about. I gotta get to my work area soon so in case something comes up.
It's good to be clean and sober. I intend to stay in today, and to work "recovery" into my consciousness throughout the day. I'm going to put everything I got into this day. why not? every thing that is life is right now anyway! so good by to laziness and grouchy-ness for this moment.
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