eddie z.

Here is part of the message I sent to Phinneas:

I did NOT want to go to prison (for embezzlement in my case)! I had never been arrested or anything and I was TERRIFIED of what was going to happen when I got caught. I didn't want to go to court or in front of the board. But I didn't want to go to 12-Step treatment either. I thought I had been there and done that. I even offered to give up my professional license rather than go. LOL.

The counselor talked to me for about 1 & 1/2 hours and convinced me that I REALLY did need help. He said I should have been in treatment "yesterday." So I surrendered. I literally signed my surrender which was my contract with my professional recovery network agreeing to go to treatment. With that signature, my life and attitude immediately begin to change.

Of course, I didn't know that was my "surrender" until later, but it's so clear looking back. After I agreed to go, I was so relieved and quickly became grateful that I had been caught. That counselor was the first person to start saving my life, well, second, if you count the pharmacist that turned me in. LOL. I feel a great debt to him.

Imagine

Thanks for sharing that Laurie. It's so wonderful and reasuring to know that God does not see anything our way, and none of us are useless. I made it thru my treatment that I was on for hep-c. I'm clear of the viruse, my diabetes is well under control. 7/9/05 I will be clean for 6 years. "NA makes a promise. That an addict, any addict, can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live. It kept that promise."
When I first came in the rooms I never believed that this promise would come true for me, but I did believe that one day I would get up the "NERVE" to take that fatal dose. I think my HP working thru the program for teaching me the true meaning of courage, doing something inspite of fear. I still get overwhelmed at the fact that I don't see useing as an option, and I do want to live.

eddie z.

Awesome! Awesome! And awesome! Congratulations, Jerome! And thanks again for sharing!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

godsonmyside

Jerome,
You are a vision of Hope.
Love you,
Todd J.

godsonmyside

Chapter 2

WHAT IS THE NARCOTICS
ANONYMOUS PROGRAM?

N.A. is a non-profit Fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs had become a major problem. We are recovering addicts who meet regularly to help each other stay clean. This is a program of complete abstinence from all drugs. There is only ONE requirement for membership, the desire to stop using. We suggest that you keep an open mind and give yourself a break. Our program is a set of principles written so simply that we can follow them in our daily lives. The most important thing about them is that THEY WORK.
There are no strings attached to N.A. We are not affiliated with any other organizations, we have no initiation fees or dues, no pledges to sign, no promises to make to anyone. We are not connected with any Political, religious or law enforcement groups, and are under no surveillance at any time. Anyone may join us, regardless of age, race, sexual identity, creed, religion or lack of religion.
We are not interested in what or how much you used or who your connections were, what you have done in the past, how much or how little you have, but only in what you want to do about your problem and how we can help. The newcomer is the most important person at any meeting, because we can only keep what we have by giving it away. We have learned from our group experience that those who keep coming to our meetings regularly stay clean.
Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who are learning to live without drugs. We are a non-profit society and have no dues or fees of any kind. Each of us has paid the price of membership. We have paid dearly with our pain for the right to recover.
We are addicts, surviving against all odds, who meet regularly together. We respond to honest sharing and listen to the stories of our members for the message of recovery. We realize that, at last, there is hope for us.
We make use of the tools that have worked for other recovering addicts who have learned to live without drugs in Narcotics Anonymous. The Twelve Steps are positive tools that make recovery possible. Our primary purpose is to stay clean and to carry the message to the addict who still suffers. We are united by our common problem of addiction. By meeting, talking with, and helping other addicts, we are able to stay clean. The newcomer is the most important person at any meeting because we can only keep what we have by giving it away.
Narcotics Anonymous has had many years of experience with literally hundreds of thousands of addicts. This mass of intensive first-hand experience in all phases of illness and recovery is of unparalleled therapeutic value. We are here to share freely with any addicts who want it.
Our message of recovery is based on our own experience. Before coming to the fellowship, we exhausted ourselves trying to "use" successfully, or trying to find out what was wrong with us. After coming to N.A., we found ourselves among a very special group of people who have suffered like us and found recovery. In their experiences, freely shared, we found hope for ourselves. If the Program worked for them, it would work for us.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. We have seen the Program work for any addict who honestly and sincerely wants to stop. We don't have to be clean when we get here, but after the first meeting, we suggest that newcomers keep coming back and come back clean. We don't have to wait for an overdose, or jail sentence, to get help from Narcotics Anonymous, nor is addiction a hopeless condition from which there is no recovery.
We meet addicts like ourselves who are clean. We watch and listen to them and realize that they have found a way to live and enjoy life without drugs. We don't have to settle for the limitations of the past. We can examine and re-examine all our old ideas and constantly improve on them or replace them with new ones. We are men and women who have discovered and admitted that we are powerless over our addiction. When we use, we lose.

eddie z.

I thought that what was "wrong with me" was depression and that if I found the right medication, I wouldn't "need" to use. Wrong! While I do suffer from depression, my addiction is a disease in its own right that must be treated as such. The NA Program is that treatment. And my antidepressants sure work better now that I'm not using, too! LOL.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

cj.

Before I made it through the doors of NA, I was beginning to suspect that I might have to live my life in constant pain and hardship. No matter what I did, I could not give up the drugs for any length of time. The cravings and compulsion would hit me right out of the blue by times, and before I knew it, I was off for another run. It was horrible. I really hated it when that happened!!

I was always mortified and embarassed by how easy it was to disregard all the promises I made to myself. I tried to use thoughts of my children to keep me from using. I tried to use thoughts of how sick I would get to keep me from using. I tried to use thoughts of having a future and a better life to keep me from using. Nothing worked for long.

Until I found others who were just like me!

They met in a small room and spoke quietly, with gratefullness in their voices, about the freedom they had found through a simple 12 Step program called Narcotics Anonymous. They shared their experiences and told me how they had found a way out of their hell. It was the hope that I needed to begin to believe that I could find a way out, too.

I paid such a huge price just to sit in a chair, I think I will keep it and look at it as a long term investment. My Life!!

Peace
cj

eddie z.

Thanks for sharing, cj!

Love and s,
Eddie

godsonmyside

I have pretty much replaced all my ideas, holding on to the ones I had was just like a reservation, they kept me sick.

Peace,
Todd J.

namommy

What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program?

A miracle. It is my salvation.

Imagine

"Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who are learning to live without drugs." Today, I'm very greatful for having to going thru what I did to develop the desire to learn this.

eddie z.

OK, Todd, where's the next installment?

Love and hugs,
Eddie

godsonmyside

When we discovered that we cannot live with or without drugs, we sought help through N.A. rather than prolong our suffering. The Program works a miracle in our lives. We become different people. The steps and abstinence give us a daily reprieve from our self-imposed life sentences. We become free to live.
We want the place where we recover to be a safe place, free from outside influences. For the protection of the fellowship, we insist that no drugs or paraphernalia be brought to any meeting.
We feel totally free to express ourselves within the fellowship, because no law enforcement agencies are involved. Our meetings have an atmosphere of empathy. In accordance with the principles of recovery, we try not to judge, stereotype or moralize with each other. We are not recruited and it doesn't cost anything. N.A. does not provide counseling or social services.
Our meetings are a process of identification, hope and sharing. The heart of N.A. beats when two addicts share their recovery. What we do becomes real for us when we share it. This happens on a larger scale in our regular meetings. A meeting is two or more addicts gathered together to help each other stay clean.
At the beginning of the meeting, we read N.A. literature which is available to anyone. Some meetings have speakers, topic discussions or both. Closed meetings are for addicts or those who think they might have a drug problem; open meetings welcome anyone wishing to experience our Fellowship. The atmosphere of recovery is protected by our Twelve Traditions. We are fully self-supporting through voluntary contributions from our members. Regardless of where the meeting takes place, we remain unaffiliated. Meetings provide us with a place to be with fellow addicts. All we need are two addicts, caring and sharing, to make a meeting.
We let new ideas flow into us. We ask questions. We share what we have learned about living without drugs. Though the principles of the Twelve Steps may seem strange to us at first, the most important thing about them is that they work. Our Program is, in fact, a way of life. We learn the value of such spiritual principles as surrender, humility and service from reading the N.A. literature, going to meetings, and working the steps. We find that our lives steadily improve, if we maintain abstinence from mind-altering, mood-changing chemicals and work the Twelve Steps to sustain our recovery. Living this Program gives us a relationship with a Power greater than ourselves, corrects defects, leads us to help others, and where there has been wrong, teaches us the spirit of forgiveness.
Many books have been written about the nature of addiction. This book concerns itself with the nature of recovery. If you are an addict and have found this book, please give yourself a break and read it.

godsonmyside

Here we go. and then we will be onto Why Are We Here!!
Peace,
Todd J.

eddie z.

It's taking me a long time to figure out what this means. I used to confuse meetings with "groups." I'm realizing what meetings are really about. That when an addict shares his experience, strength, and hope, we have the opportunity to identify with that addict and to take advantage of his experience. When I see what I have in common with others through their sharing, and I identify with them, I find hope for a new and better life!

Thanks, Todd!!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

namommy

I realized that I couldn't live with or without drugs long before I actually sought help through NA. I had been introduced to the program, but didn't think it was for me. (I honestly thought it was a cult). It wasnd't until I had gone just about everywhere else, and they didn't work, that I finally decided to give it a try. When I put an effort into it and actually SOUGHT help from NA,it worked.

This program has worked miracles in my life. I spoke at a meeting last night, and alot about the miracles of this program came out of my mouth. Talk about being a different person. It is truly a miracle when a Kensington Avenue ***** can change and become a respectable member of society. That in NA, a ***** CAN become a housewife.

Going to jail wasn't the worst for me. It gave me a break. Being out there and being imprisoned on the street. A captive of this disease, that was a harsh sentence.

I had to lose my freedom to realize that I never was free. I put my all into this program, and today, I am truly FREE.

Imagine

I remember when I gave myself a break and read the Basic Text for the first time. I read the Big Book first and I could really relate to Bill's story. But the Basic Text was easier to read for onething, and being wrote in my life time it was easier to understand. Learning how to live without drugs was onething, developing a desire to do so was something else altogether for me. Someone told me to stick around for 1 year, if I didnot feel better after not useing for 12 months than my misery would be refunded. After 3 1/2 years, I got my misery refunded in full. All that loneiness and not fitting in anywhere, the shame, quilt, fear,etc...was right back running my life. By the grace of God, I made it back in the rooms. It was with the help of the Basic Text, and the How and Why that I understand that my addiction is a living condition, and the principles in this books are the only treatment for it. Thanks for letting me share, I hope I made sense.

eddie z.

Boy, does THAT sound familiar! LOL.

Thanks for sharing, Laurie and Jerome!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

godsonmyside

Wow, Good Stuff here!! I'll post from Why Are We Here later tonight.

Peace,
Todd J.

cj.

BRING IT ON!!