Pathwaytofree

Alcohol is the big persuader. It lies to us saying we'll feel so much better if we ingest it. It reminds us of that first "Ahhhhhhhh!" we had. It doesn't remind us of all the damage it does to ourselves and others.

I try to remind myself when I'm out with friends who just haven't figured out yet that no, I don't just want one. No, I don't want to try your drink that you made for me "with only a little bit of vodka", that it is poison to my body, mind and spirit.

Distorted Me

WOW!!! This is true wisdom. So dead-on. So well put. I love it! I'm going to paste this into a word file of sober wisdom that I keep. Thank you!

Pathwaytofree

It's a combination of my own experience and paraphrased I'm sure from other AA speakers I've heard. Everything I see now with regards to my alcoholism and my mental illness, I see in hindsight much more clearly.

I love that you keep a word file of "sober wisdom". That is so cool.

sean0621

I have in place several mechanisms to notice when I am getting out of balance and putting too much weight one aspect of my life. Continued practice of mindfullness meditation certainly is a big factor in this. Also keeping a feelings inventory and keeping track of it in Excel. I also journal regularly. These are all mechanisms I utilize to notice where I am on any given day. I try to do these things regularly

I notice my emotions and when i see something i try to look upon it with compassion and self kindness. I am not trying to control anything or distract myself in anyway, I just want to let it pass through me. I acknowledge it with kindness and compassion, I look at it and see it and I wish it a fond farewell and as i return to focusing on me breathing. I have learned not to hand over control to anger or to elation either, I allow myself to experience the emotion and be present in it, then when the moment has passed I try to let go and not get caught holding on if it is positive or pushing it away if it is negative. I tell myself it is OK to feel as well. But it is a feeling, it is not me and there is no need for me to mistake the two and follow it down the rabbit hole.


Truly I mean any positive support that has accountability and is perhaps someone that you can relate to. I have found that support group meetings for addiction have been the place where I met most of my support group. It was my foundation to try different things. I also did group therapy and I go to a Buddhist Temple. I still do all these activities as time permits. But I have met people while running races as well who were just as relate-able.




I do Buddhist Zazen for meditation. Zazen literally means meditation. I simply focus on counting half breaths. I can recommend a few books on practicing meditation, but I read a very good one recommended by my girlfriend that gives you an idea of what you are trying to get out of meditation. The Untethered Soul was the name of the book and it is short and relatively easy to understand.

Consistent practice, baby steps, never giving up, staying teachable and open minded. This is a lifelong process and if you commit to putting in work on yourself then there is no measure to how much you will grow and your reach is for the stars. Good luck on your journey. I hope to hear more from you!!

Pathwaytofree

These sound like very helpful, concrete ideas. I think I need to bring this up to my therapist. We work on mindfulness, but it's hard to explain--it's not concrete like this. I also need to work on the self-awareness of when I'm getting out of balance and obsessing about one thing in my life, or whatever.

This sounds really cool. And this was the exact opposite of what the people in my former AA group taught me, although I think my new group may be different in that respect. My new sponsor gets this. Can you give me a concrete example of what this looks like? Thanks. :-)

My previous therapist used to always say, "feel your feelings" but my previous AA home group used to say that focusing on our "feeeelllllliiiinnnggs (in a condescending tone of voice) was our selfish and egoic problem. It was super confusing for me. Anytime I tried to express a feeling to my previous sponsor, I coldly got this: "You're in ego, where's God?" or "You're in ego, you can't be of use to anyone now."

WOW this is so healthy!!! I remember my previous therapist used to tell me that feelings pass, don't try to run from them, go toward them, but I didn't understand what that looked like or how to put that into practice. My new p-doc says that "feelings lie" and he's much more empowering-like, how he suggests to deal with them. I just have to figure out how to put this into practice. Sometimes I need everything spelled out for me.

For a few nights on my new medication, I had racing mind chatter. I did try to focus on my breath and say a mantra word. It sort of helped, but the mind chatter was super strong so I think it only helped to a point. But I'm glad I thought to do that. I notice a big difference when I discipline myself to meditate.

This is a skill I don't have yet. How do you practice it? I think it's so automatic for me to go into fear the split second I have an emotion that I don't like.

For me as of late, it's been the trying to push away the negative, or not feeding into the negative.

I do need to give myself permission to feel. I was harshly emotionally beaten down whenever I tried to feel as a kid/preteen/teen, and then again in my former AA group. I need to figure out how to work on this.

I love this!!!! I never thought that the feeling is "not me". We're taught in AA that the ego/broken part of the mind is separate from our true self--sort of what Eckhart Tolle teaches. But it never really clicked to look at my FEELINGS as not being "me".

Following feelings down the rabbit hole is such a bad habit for me. I've noticed that without realizing it, I'm noticing sooner when my mind starts dragging me down the rabbit hole because that's where it's comfortable and wants me to go for some reason.

Do you mean like a 12 step group, or another type of support group?

What's your experience like at the Buddhist Temple? Do you meditate there?

Thanks for that recommendation! I will look into it. I'm glad you said it is short and easy to understand. Buddhism is fascinating to read about, but some books I found to be too difficult to understand.



Consistent practice, baby steps, never giving up, staying teachable and open minded. This is a lifelong process and if you commit to putting in work on yourself then there is no measure to how much you will grow and your reach is for the stars. Good luck on your journey. I hope to hear more from you!![/QUOTE]

sean0621

Years of practice, baby steps, taking things a day at a time and not giving up even when it seemed like it was not working. Mindfullness is a lot like lifting weights, but for the mind and spirit, instead of muscles. The more you do it, the more the mind gets used to allowing emotions to pass through you as they were meant to.
I did a little bit of 12 step AA but I went to a local 12 step alternative instead that was based on holostic lifetsyle and finding underlying causes for adiction. The group is named Racing for Recovery. I just happened to meet a few friends that I could really connect with there. That can happen at any group including AA though.
It was different the first time I tried a service. But I enjoyed it the moment I started. We meditate between 20 and 60 minutes during the services. usually 15 minutes of sitting meditation followed by 5 minutes of walking meditation. I tried it to get out of my comfort zone at the time. Glad I did so because it has been very positive in my recovery.

Pathwaytofree

That's a very helpful way of hearing it described. I find that I try the mindfulness techniques, but then give up or they don't stick long enough for them to become a habit.

I never heard of RfR. I read a bit online and it looks interesting. I am happy that is working well for you. :-)

That's nice it was a mix of sitting meditation and walking meditation. I don't think I could do a sitting meditation for 60 minutes. I've done walking meditations, and enjoy them a lot--even moreso than a sitting meditation.

Do you have any books you'd recommend on the subject of mindfulness or meditation?

sean0621

The Untethered Soul - This would be a beginners level understanding of simply opening the mind.

Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki - This is the most recommended book at the Buddhist Temple I attend. It is a good manual to meditation.

The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching by Thich Nhat Hahn - Thisis a difficult read, but the best and most in depth books on mindfullness I have ever read. Might be a book to read last. Or if you are a person that likes a challenge, read it first.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz - This was more of a practical way of living than a book on meditation. However I would definitely say it applies. It is the simplest book to understand or at least in my case this was true.

These are the books I have been exposed. There are many books on the subject. I have found that Zazen is the most effective form for me, and the Temple provided connection and some group accountability for me so that it did become a daily habit. Just choosing to do something positive for yourself is a good start. Making that choice to do positive things and make good choices is a great habit in and of itself. It certainly has helped me to break the spell of depression and mania in my life. I remain a person that coexists with bipolar disorder, but I am as balanced and happy as I have been since childhood. I worked very hard to achieve this and I started to really find that enjoying the journey and the long walk on the path was where all the good stuff was. Not at the end I was always trying and struggling to reach. I just had to stop and notice all the good around me and realize that it was there all along and will always be there even when i have my hardest days. Good luck to you!! Enjoy the journey!

Pathwaytofree

Hi Sean,

Thank you so much for not only your book recommendations, but for the brief description of how they were helpful. :-) I will add these to my reading list.

That's a good point about the temple giving you a manner to do this habit with other people, and for accountability. I had a "meditation buddy" but both of us would be good for a while and then flake.

It's hard to explain, but my depression keeps me from being able to push myself to do the positive things that I want to do. However, with the new medication I am on, I feel a little improvement in that respect.

That's a great way to view it.
I have to remind myself that meditation isn't a cure for it, but something that helps manage it.

The level of my depression and lack of much noticeable difference from SSRIs led me to not be able to work harder. But I am hopeful now I will be able to work harder.

I was just talking to my husband's friend about this the other day. We in society today in general tend to only focus on goals, end results, etc, and we miss out on the moment to moment of the process. We're always chasing another goal, and we miss out on enjoying life around us.

Thank you so much for your input, Sean. It's gratefully appreciated!

Pathwaytofree

I asked both the psychiatrist and psychologist for resources to learn self management. The psychiatrist didn't have any recommendations. He just said that there are tons of books out there on bipolar. That didn't help me, since anyone can write a book. I was hoping for a professional recommendation of a layperson's resource.

My therapist did find two websites for me, but one she felt was much too basic, and the second one she felt might upset me. I appreciated that. I asked her for book recommendations. She found one for me that she thought looked interesting.

I guess I'm surprised that there isn't more professional stuff out there. When my previous therapist diagnosed me with OCD, he found very helpful reading material for me on a science-based website.

I am very happy with my new pdoc, but am rather confused and disappointed that there isn't reading material available. I am staying off of Dr. Google, which is a miracle for someone like me, but I would like to read something to learn about it and how to manage it. This is all rather new for me.

tyler

I'm finding this thread very helpful. I have been diagnosed bi-polar for about 4 years, but have suffered the symptoms for at least 25 years before that. It was usually misdiagnosed as depression. When I was finally diagnosed correctly I found that many of the meds I had been on were actually counterproductive to bipolar!!

I have done a very poor job of actively participating in my recovery. Someone mentioned that they have to work on not blindly following their emotions and "letting life happen" rather than always trying to control it. This is a perfect description of my life. I had really never thought about this being part of being bi-polar.

I have struggled with marijuana and alcohol for most of my adult life. One of my biggest problems is that I am never satisfied with where I am in life. It is never good enough, or sometimes not even bad enough. I know how I am going to feel when I am high or drunk. While I don't really even like the feeling anymore, I still crave it because it is at least consistent.

I really have to work on just relaxing and accepting things. That doesn't mean I shouldn't make an effort to improve my life, I just have to accept the FACT that I, nor anyone else, are ever in COMPLETE control of their lives. Easier said than done, but I guess you can say that about most things.

I think this is a pretty central part of learning to deal with my bi-polar. I appreciate everyone who has shared in this thread!

Pathwaytofree

Same here, Tyler. I was misdiagnosed with depression/anxiety for about 25 years. My therapist said that there is a lot of overlap with symptoms so sometimes it's hard to tell. I also read that the meds for depression/anxiety are counterproductive to bipolar. It explains a lot.

Don't beat yourself up over "doing a very poor job of actively participating in your recovery." That's going to keep you stuck. Write a list of small things you have done well in your recovery, and focus on that.

Going with the flow and letting life happen isn't easy but it is possible. It takes practice. I do agree it's part of being bipolar. But it can change. I feel like I have the choice to respond emotionally, or respond with calm acceptance and logic.

I don't think it's uncommon for people with bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc to self medicate. But recovery IS possible. Try not to focus on how long you struggled with these substances, but what you want your future self to be like.

My 12 step work in AA helped with this. I learned acceptance.

I craved it because my brain kept taking me back to how I felt the first time I drank. But the mind lies.

Don't make it out to be more complicated than it really is. :-) I learned that it's a complete waste of brain energy to think about stuff that already happened, or things that are out of my control. It's like what The Serenity Prayer says.

Exactly. We can work on changing what IS in our control, and stop focusing on what ISN'T in our control. It takes practice but it is possible.

I agree with that. It's definitely helped me have more peace and calm in my life to not let my emotions rule me, and to let go of things beyond my control.

I also don't forget that I am not my bipolar. I am a person with bipolar, and that's it.

Thanks for your input, Tyler!

MindfulMan

I'm in a very strange place with my bipolar disorder.

I'm not complaining, it's a pretty good place.

When I got sober I got back on a cocktail of lamictal for mood stabilization as well as wellbutrin and a low dose of lexapro. I overshot a bit and stopped the lexapro and increased the lamictal to try and stabilize the mood. It reduced but didn't eliminate the hypomania.

In the last month I've tapered off of the lamictal. What's odd is that my mood has improved AND my negative hypomanic symptoms have abated (spending too much money, hypersexuality, irritability, feeling " brittle," sleeping less) while the more positive goal directed side of hypomania has increased slightly. I'm brimming with productivity, optimism and healthy ego, but without the scary symptoms that indicate mania.

I think a bunch of things are going on. It's been over a year since I got sober, my weight has stabilized at 50 pounds lower, and I'm at a steady exercise level. My mood swings are generally around the depressive end and are also seasonal, worse in late fall/winter/early spring. Most importantly, things are going really well in therapy and in my getting my new career started.

I have made my usual appointment with my psychiatrist (the team changes every July, it's a teaching clinic), and will discuss.

I do have to say that for now, I feel that my medication need has been reduced without drinking and working my sobriety in therapy, and suspect that medication will need to be resumed around Thanksgiving (for years I cycled on antidepressants in the winter and off in the summer).

Still, interesting.

Anyone else have these kinds of experiences with medication and bipolar cycles where there are times that you need them more than others? I am under no illusion that my bipolar disorder is permanently "cured," but wondering if maximizing other strategies to manage mood may enable my dependence on medication to decrease in the form of lower dosages and SUPERVISED AND MINDFUL "med vacations."

Pathwaytofree

This is all still very new to me. I'm not even sure if I have BP I or BP II but I think it's BP II, but right now with depression.

I'm just curious, what made you decide to taper off of the lamictal? That's supposed to be an excellent medication for Bipolar. That or Lithium, although my understanding is that Lithium is best for Bipolar I.

I have trouble figuring out exactly and looking at my symptoms and moods, if that makes sense. I spent too long denying them, that I am still a bit detached from them. I'm trying to keep a diary, though.

What is "feeling brittle"? Do you keep a mood diary and discuss these things with your doctor?

That's excellent!

Those are all great positives.

That sounds like a good idea.

That's fantastic! Maybe they'll be able to give you something seasonally. Have you tried a light box?

I haven't had this experience but I am looking forward to reading your continued experience. Good luck!

MindfulMan

I am definitely Bipolar II. Also misdiagnosed for years, I read about it and it made sense. Took it to a new psychiatrist and they concurred.

My understanding from Dr. Google is that lithium is TRADITIONALLY the go-to first med, but that lithium is more effective as an antimanic agent. For "classic" Bipolar I, this is true. For Bipolar II where depression is the primary symptom (but there is some mood cycling) in some circles lamictal is the first-run med.

Lamictal can cause hair loss, and I lost a bunch of hair last fall. It may or may not have been due to the medication. Now that I'm stabilized, I thought I'd taper and see what happens. I felt better as it decreased, so I took it down to zero.

Remember this is for ME. I've spent years with this condition, and I know what it does to me, how it feels, and how I react to medication. I am in no way suggesting that anyone go off their medication because they are in a similar circumstance. If it resonates, talk to your doctor but DO NOT just stop taking your meds if you are bipolar. Note that I will be speaking with my psychiatrist about this on my next visit and will remain monitored.

I don't keep a mood diary, I suck at things like that. I do have a good memory and have years of data!

"Feeling brittle" is a way that I describe hypomania. I feel good, but it is a fragile kind of good, and that bad feelings are behind it. Right now I feel good, not "brittle." Actual good. Authentic and with depth and that I'm not about to break through to mania. If you've ever done cocaine, brittle feels a lot like a coke high...which is why I loved coke. I tended to chase the mania.

Pathwaytofree

That was sort of what happened to me. I was being treated by a psychiatrist for almost 10 years for unipolar depression and generalized anxiety disorder. Another psychiatrist diagnosed me with BP2 in about 20 minutes. I didn't accept it at the time. But now I do, with my new pdoc. I asked him out of curiousity why BP2 and it made complete sense with what he said. I was really impressed with how he made the diagnosis so quickly, where therapists and pdocs who knew me for years, missed it. Also, I was willing to accept it this time, unlike the first time. I had many misconceptions about BP back then.

That makes sense.

This sounds very much like my experience. Mostly depression with some hypomania. That's what I'm on. I just started. I like it so far. It's way different than the SSRIs I've tried. My energy is coming back finally, and it's not a manic energy like I'd get from too much coffee or something. I also feel much more level and I can focus a little better. My doctor did not want to put me on Lithium. We're taking it slow with Lamictal.

Oh wow. I didn't know that. Well I seriously want to feel better already so that's a chance I guess I'm willing to take.... So far no hair loss here. What was your doctor's opinion about your tapering down? Just curious. I heard that with BP 1, you're on Lithium for life. I wasn't sure if that was the case for BP 2.

I completely agree with this. I've spent way too many years either stopping SSRIs cold turkey, or tapering down because they weren't helping, etc. At least now I know that I wasn't being a stubborn patient; I truly did not feel better on the SSRIs but I guess it wasn't known yet that people with BP I or BP II do worse on SSRIs. I'm not sure. I'm a bit pissed with my former pdoc for knowing me all these years, and not catching it.

Yeah, I do too. But this time, I want to keep better track. I've been taking a few notes of pluses/minuses I've noticed so far on the Lamictal. My husband is a good resource, too, since he sees how I am from an outside perspective.

Ok I understand now. I've definitely been this way in the past, with no way of being able to describe it. I didn't understand or see what it was, while going through it, if that makes sense.

I feel good right now, too, and it's not a hyper sort of good. No, I never did drugs, and I don't judge those who do. I know I'm lucky that I didn't. I know it's not a comparison in the least, but I used to use caffeine to sort of get that fake high energy. I didn't need that much, either, to get it. I thought I was using the caffeine to counter act the fog that SSRIs put me in, but looking back, there was that plus more to it. The caffeine helped me hide the depression. It's hard to explain. I also used to get a high from drinking when I was in my 20s. I'd always chase that buzz. And it didn't take that many drinks to get there. I wanted the buzz more than I wanted the drunk, if that makes sense. Decades later, however, that turned into wanting wine because that acted more like a downer for me, to treat what I thought was anxiety. I was definitely self-medicating untreated BP 2. I'd also go on spending binges. Therapists knew this, yet no one mentioned BP. What a waste of years.

tyler

OK, here is my story. I am not looking for medical advice, but my pdoc leaves a lot of medication decisions to me, and I don't feel like I really have the correct knowledge to make some of these decisions, so I want to get some input from others.

I was diagnosed BP2 after many years of being told I had major depression. I'm sure I probably didn't present well as I have always had an issue of expressing my symptoms properly. After learning some about BP2 I think it is a proper diagnosis.

About 4 years ago I was given the diagnosis of BP2. Looking back it seems pretty obvious. I was put on Lamictal and for about 3 years it was a wonder drug. Things stabilized within days and stayed good for a long time.

However, last year the hypo-mania started to creep in and last fall I had a major episode when I spent about $8000 on various things (TV, Xbox, games, new audio system, drugs ( pot and alcohol, which have always been a major issue for me) and other frivolous spending). Around the first of the year I insisted on trying something different as I felt the Limictal just wasn't working anymore.

The pdoc put me on Trileptal, and while it definitely slowed down the hypo-mania, it made me feel pretty dead inside. He added Welbutran and that seemed to trigger the hypo-mania once again. We then switched over to Paxil and things seem to level out somewhat. Now I seem to be bouncing up and down. It is not quite the extremes that I have gone through in the past, but it seems to be more frequent. I just always feel either up or down, never in the middle, always hyper or depressed. It is getting exhausting. I am getting tired. I am afraid I will get too tired. I have a 17 year old son who doesn't live with me, but I still want to be there for. I am getting tired, I don't want to give up, but I am afraid. I'm probably just in one of those down places right now, but it still scares me.

Again, I'm not looking for medical advice, but maybe you have been in a similar situation and have some suggestions I can run by my pdoc. I will be seeing him in a couple of weeks. I meet with a therapist weekly, so any suggestions there would be helpful as well,

I've tried to kill myself before and think that that is how I will eventually go out, but I am not ready to go there yet, hopefully not never, but once you go there, it is hard to shake that feeling. I am not at that place right now and I don't want to go there, but it still creeps in the back of my head.

So, that is out there now. Just looking for some ideas. A lot of what has been shared here has been really helpful, hopefully there is some other good advice.

Thanks

Pathwaytofree

Hi Tyler,
I feel a lot more confident now with my changing pdocs. It sounds to me that you might want a pdoc who doesn't leave a lot of the medication decisions to you, and instead is clear in what he/she thinks would be best for you, given your symptoms. Perhaps you can discuss this with your therapist, who may know a pdoc who would be a better fit?

This was exactly my experience. My new pdoc was able to fish out my symptoms with just asking me the right questions.

That's fantastic!

That's too bad. What did your pdoc think?

That sounds very frustrating. I wonder what your pdoc would say to this?

Tyler, I know exactly how you feel. This was me for my entire life. I thought I was just going from the extreme of depression to the extreme of anxiety. I think a very astute therapist from a few years ago realized that perhaps this was bipolar vs depression/anxiety. What I like so far about the Lamictal for me personally, is I'm finally starting to feel more level. You shouldn't have to experience up or down, hyper or depressed on the meds you are on. Please mention this to your therapist and pdoc. Sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to get the right meds. It sounds like you may need an adjustment. Once you're on the right meds, you'll feel more like you did those three years on Lamictal.

Tyler, please reach out to your therapist or pdoc about this. You need to know if this is something you should be seen for right away, or if there are coping skills/self management techniques you can use to help between appointments. I know the tired you're speaking of. It's not a good place. You need to reach out to your health care support system for help to get out of it.

I would strongly encourage you to share all of what you've written here with your therapist, and ask for concrete suggestions of what to do going forward. I would also suggest calling your pdoc and letting him/her know how you're feeling right now.

I think it's the illness speaking there. My hunch is once you're on the right meds and learn how to manage the illness when suicidal stuff comes up, you will feel better.

I am reading a book now called "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide". I also have "The Bipolar II Disorder Workbook: Managing Recurring Depression, Hypomania, and Anxiety". Another that looked good was Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder: A 4-Step Plan for You and Your Loved Ones to Manage the Illness and Create Lasting Stability. I want to learn concrete ways to manage this illness.

The first book is dense but I've been flipping to the chapters on the topics I most want to read about now. There is one about how to manage suicidal thoughts when they crop up.

I'm planning on writing some sort of list to put on mirror of what to do when I feel extremely depressed or hypomanic/anxious/irritable. When I stay in my head, that's the worst thing I can do.

Tyler do you exercise? I know that's extremely important for BP.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Thanks[/QUOTE]

MindfulMan

First of all, suicide is not inevitable, it's not something you "catch." Suicidal ideation IS an extremely common symptom of bipolar disorder. Please mention these thoughts to your doc if you haven't already.

Medication for bipolar disorder is tricky, and I've found that it changes over time. Things that were effective are no longer so, and vice versa. I've been told that Lamictal is NOT a good anti-manic medication, but it's the best at treating bipolar depression (which, as you know, feels different from unipolar depression).

I had some manic break through last fall, the doctor wanted to put me on Abilify, an antipsychotic that's sometimes used as an add-on against mania. It didn't feel right, so I only took it once and then stopped. Asked my full time pdoc if we could try dropping the cylexa and decreasing the Wellbutrin (we had increased it at my request with my outpatient psychiatrist who told me to keep an eye on it anyway). I still had minor symptoms of hypopmania (hypersexuality, spending, irritability) but they were manageable....I also know to call if things accelerate.

As an aside I saw a neurologist for balance issues and she asked how long I had taken the Abilify, and was glad that I hadn't, as even "safe" antipsychotic meds can trigger movement disorders. To me they just aren't worth the risk, as I don't break through to full mania, at least not yet.

Keep on working with your psychiatrist, you'll find the right med combo!

Hair loss on lamictal is very uncommon, btw, and in my case may have been caused by a number of things. I will probably return to it in the fall, as my depression cycles are far worse in the winter. And, like you, when it worked for me it worked miraculously well.

Pathwaytofree

Can you explain how bipolar depression feels different than unipolar depression? I'm curious if what I've had all along was bipolar depression. I don't know how they're different.

That's interesting you seem to be working together with your pdoc as a team. I'm pretty sure my mania is usually hypomania, but I'm not sure. I didn't know I'm supposed to call if I feel hypomanic.

Do you keep a mood chart??

What does full mania look like compared with hypomania?

I will. I am confident in his ability to treat me and get out of me what I have trouble verbalizing.

Stress can cause hair loss or health issues. That being said, I had an uncommon side effect happen to me on Cymbalta, so anything's possible.

Mine is also worse in the winter. Can people with bipolar use a light box, or will that cause mania?

Well perhaps I spoke too soon. I'm not sure I'm still feeling miraculously well. I have to track things and look at the big picture, according to my therapist. I am super appreciative that she told me that, because I tend to get lost in details.