Pathwaytofree

I need to stay off the internet with regards to reading stuff to learn about Bipolar, because in the past that sort of thing has been very detrimental to my OCD mind. I know nothing about it and I need to just leave this in my doctor's hands and not screw things up by reading stuff online. So I thought I would come on here and ask for positive insights, like things that can help.

What helps you manage your bipolar best? I want to write up a list to keep handy for when I feel badly and forget what to do. I'm curious about things like specific coping skills, self-care, etc. managing symptoms, etc. Thanks! I know most important is for me to stop thinking so much so you have specific techniques that help you do that, that'd be appreciated.

sean0621

What works for me is to try to create balance in my life. I try not to allow myself to obsess or get tunnel visioned on any one thing.

I do mindfullness meditation which helps me to notice my emotions and not follow certain emotions down a rabbit hole and become that emotion. I exercise outdoors as well, i love to run and it burns off a lot of energy in a positive way, plus being out in the sunshine and fresh air does wonders to fight depression. I speak to like minded people and I try not to isolate. I place equal focus on each aspect of my life too, ie I try to maintain a healthy balance between my job, my romantic relationships, friendships, need for time to relax, leading a healthy lifestyle and so on.

Different activities work for different people, but having balance and mindfullness meditation which literally helps keep me centered are two of the most useful things that have helped me experience life with a present minded focus and I have gained the ability to watch those highs and lows and just let them be high and low while I do my own thing and continue to experience life rather than my emotions.

Pathwaytofree

Thanks for the post, Sean. I easily fall into the habit of getting obsessive about something. I didn't have the self awareness of this, either, until a therapist pointed it out to me. How do you catch yourself, and what to do to deflect?
I do notice when I can discipline myself to doing meditation, it helps me a lot. I've been following my emotions down a rabbit hole since childhood--I hadn't even realized this was my default setting. But I'm getting better at noticing it and trying to distract. Is that what you do?

I used to love to exercise, and walk outdoors. I've been in a funk for a while, put I need to push myself to do this again. I never got into running, but I do love to walk.

Do you mean like a support group for bipolar or addiction? In person or online? Isolating is an easy trap I fall into. How do you avoid not isolating?

This is so important. I've never been able to do this in a good balanced way. You've given me good stuff to work on in therapy.

What kind of meditation do you do? I found that even just 10 minutes a day in the morning was helping me.

I have to work more on watching the highs/lows, as well as not feeding into them. I love this point: I do my own thing and continue to experience life rather than my emotions. How did you learn to do this?

Thanks for your reply. I want to get to where you're at. You've given me good goals to discuss in therapy. :-)

Astro

Sean, your entire post was one of the most helpful posts I've read in a long time, it spoke to me of the success achieved by the steps taken to reach it. Thank you!

I am not bipolar (or at least I've never been diagnosed as such) but all of what you shared is part of my daily recovery program from alcoholism and codependency. Sunlight and fresh air has always been huge for me, nothing fights my depression like walking, bicycling, hiking, camping, and making my way along a trout stream with a fly rod in my hand. Or, fellowship, service, and meetings are a sure remedy too. It truly is all about balance.

tomsteve

PW, if you want information on bi polar, i strongly encourage you to ask your therapist/psychologist/psychologist( i cant remember which one it was) what they recommend.

when i was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma, i didnt have a computer yet but got a lot of reading amterial from my doctor.
when i did get the net, dr google turned into a relationship i had to break off- lots of misinformation on melanoma out there.

least

What keeps me on an even keel is my medicine. It levels the playing field and makes my life better.

Distorted Me

Self awareness is the first and most important step for me followed by medication. Yet, self awareness is incredibly challenging for us for obvious reasons. I think medication of some kind, prescriptions, or supplements (use caution), or a combination both is a requirement for most if not all bipolar people. We have a chemical imbalance and likely have nervous systems that are faulty to some degree in how they deal with those chemicals. I think trying to reign in our emotional nature without medication is kind of futile.

I was only recently diagnosed bipolar last fall so this is all still very new to me. Everyday I discover something else about myself that is due to the bipolar disorder so I'm still trying to really get a handle on all of this. I've tried meditation in the past and found it very calming so I think I'll be going back to that soon. I think it really helps ground our brains and emotions and that's something we bipolars really can use.

Pathwaytofree

Hi Tomsteve,
You're absolutely right. I need to ask questions, instead of assuming they're just going to tell me what I need to know.

Yup I've made that mistake countless times with Dr. Google. The internet is a blessing and a curse. I'll ask for specific recommendations instead of asking "for a good website or book". There's too much misinformation out there.

Pathwaytofree

Thanks, least. A new doctor switched my meds recently and am hopeful this will be an improvement. I was on low dose SSRIs or SSNRIs for a long time, but none ever really worked that great for me. Plus, whenever I tried to increase the doses I felt spacey and over-medicated.

Pathwaytofree

Self awareness is something that working my 12 step program has helped me build quicker than therapy was taking me. I had a lot of self awareness to do... It is challenging, yes--because it's like all the ongoing thoughts are so automatic like a default system. I do find when I am disciplined to meditation, self awareness of my thoughts/actions/words increases.

That's interesting you brought up stuff about the nervous system. I've always found mind to seem off and I never knew why.

Yup it's all very new for me too. I thought my entire life I was dealing with unipolar depression and anxiety. A few years ago a new doctor tried to mention Bipolar 2, but I didn't agree with her and her reasoning (long story). I'm thankful I'm much more open now to hearing the truth that I couldn't face. Plus I had a lot of misconceptions about BP and a counselor friend told me that those were outdated and not the case anymore. So it makes more sense to me now.

It's been hard for me to look at myself because of all the denial when I act in ways that I don't like. One of things I said to my new doctor was, after I'd tell him certain things, I'd say "but that's not who I am". It didn't make sense. So I guess that's part of Bipolar.

I'm done stuffing down stuff and going into huge denial. Living untreated has been utterly exhausting. I thought about another habit I've had for a long time, something my mother did, too, and I've never thought to mention it before. I think again I was in denial. But now I am looking forward to bringing it up when I see the doctor again.

I forgot to mention that meditation doesn't work for me when I guess I'm in a "manic" state (what I thought used to be "anxiety"). I can't sit and do a quiet meditation because it makes the racing thoughts worse. However, guided meditations work for me then, because I can focus on the presenter's voice.

I do agree that meditation helps ground our brains. I always do feel that the mind chatter through out the day quiets down when I consistently meditate, even if for just a few minutes a day.

I agree I need my brain and emotions to be more grounded, but I'm not sure how else to do that just yet since this is all new to me.

Distorted Me

Thank you for your thoughts Pathway. This part in particular caught my attention. This state you're referring to sounds to me like a "mixed affective state" or mixed state for short. It's like being depressed but with energy, mostly negative, and a huge dose of ADHD all together. You're feeling negative overall but not lying in bed all day like normal depression. You have energy but it's bad energy, uncontrollable, and you can't figure out what to do with it. Your mind is going 100 mph thinking about 1000 different things and you can't concentrate on just one thing no matter how hard you try. Almost universally, bipolar refer to this as state as "hell" and I agree 100%.

I have ADHD so I confused it for bipolar mixed state for a long time. Last winter I went through five different bipolar meds and three of those put me into a terrible mixed state for days. There are many personal descriptions of mixed states online but they're so different from each other. It took me days and I finally stumbled across one that was almost exactly like what I was feeling and then I was certain that's what I was experiencing.

Your description of anxiety, racing thoughts, and not being able to sit still made me think of mixed states immediately. I can't say for sure that's what you're experiencing but I have a hunch it might be. My pdoc never described this to me so I had to figure it out on my own. Just thought I'd pass that along. I wish someone had done the same for me.

On a side note - have you noticed that bipolar people on this forum tend to type a lot more than the others? Kinda funny but speaks to our compulsive nature really. Thanks again for this thread. I was going to start one myself but don't have to now. I'm off to bed but I'll be back tomorrow with more thoughts.

Pathwaytofree

I understand what you're saying. I don't usually experience this but in the past I definitely have. I had thought it was "anxiety", (what I used to refer to as "excrutiating anxiety that made me feel like a crazy person"), but I'm starting to see that perhaps it was a "manic" state. I was never able to explain this to a therapist or doctor, because I was unaware of how to actually verbalize it. Unless I was asked specific questions, I couldn't explain it or describe it.

I used to think years ago I had ADHD or ADD and I remember buying a bunch of books on them. There were certain things about it that rang true, but other things that did not. I also remember a psychologist testing me for it. It was a rather simplistic test where all I had to do was focus on an "x" on the screen or something like that. I did fine on it and it didn't show ADD. That being said, I don't think the psychologist I saw back then was very good, although she was always very kind and I do feel she had my best interest at heart.

I really appreciate this. Someone PM'd me recently and I can't say enough how her pointing out my behavior in my posts really helped. I can't see what I can't see or know what to look out for. Right now, I am not experiencing that type of anxiety. But in the past--most definitely--especially during times of stress. Again, this is so eye opening, because I thought all these years, it was "anxiety". Had my pdoc asked me if I was experiencing anything like that, I would've been able to look at my behavior and thinking, and see it. I couldn't see it unless I was asked, if that makes sense. Or maybe I was still in denial.

LOL I type a lot, and I've unfortunately always been like this. I thought it was just an annoying quirk about me. I can't seem to figure out how to concise my thoughts, or describe something without including every detail. My parents are like that, too. I've only been on my new medication for a few days, but I already feel much more level headed, even while typing. Hopefully it'll help me learn how to be more concise, too.

tomsteve

dr google had me living to 100 or dead 5-8 years ago.

Pathwaytofree

Tomsteve that is so true!! It's terrible. My therapist used to joke "It's all www.you're-gonna-die.com". He's right! The worst is whenever I read the stories/comments about what complete strangers on the internet have gone through. I can't imagine how challenging it must be for doctors these days with everyone printing out stuff from "Dr. Google". Dr. Google needs to be fired!!

Pathwaytofree

I don't know if this matters or not, but it seems I have Bipolar 2 and not Bipolar 1. That being said, I feel a difference already from the medication.

Distorted Me

Bipolar 2 here also. I've had like 2 nervous breakdowns since age 13 but never been hospitalized. Quitting drinking and was the best thing I could do for it but it's going to take months, at minimum, to get a handle on the real highs and lows. For those of us with mental illnesses or issues, alcohol is like pouring gasoline on the fire. I say it a lot but it's true.

Pathwaytofree

I'm so happy for you that quitting drinking helped you so much. :-) You're right about what you said about alcohol. I even see it sometimes with sugar. I was worse when I drank, but it's been many years and so it wasn't the be all end all for me. I still need more of a solution. But having these diagnosis is another reason for me to not listen to that little voice that pops up every now and then that says it's ok to drink.

MindfulMan

ESPECIALLY Bipolar Disorder.

We self medicate until we find the real meds. You think self medicating with alcohol is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline...
cocaine is like napalm.

Distorted Me

Hell yes! I had a sex/porn and cocaine combo addiction for awhile. The coke would make me sex crazy but ruin my "ability" if you will even with Viagra. Anytime I did coke, I would get completely fixated on sex and it got to the point that I would intensely crave cocaine anytime I looked at or even thought about porn. I had to break that connection to break free from coke but it worked. I can finally look at porn and not crave coke, though I do limit my porn intake too.
I think that either the Pramipexole or Bupropion I take was blocking some of the euphoric effects of the blow. It's like I could get almost there, but I knew it had a ceiling, not like years ago when I wasn't on either. Who knows? I'm glad I'm off all of that **** now. Like I tell my wife, I don't really miss it because I've done more than my fair share of everything already.

Distorted Me

Thank you. My BP diagnosis was a huge part, not all, of my decision to get sober also. I knew it was only hurting and making things much worse. I'm a handful to begin with so I don't need any help being crazy and all up and down.
Alcohol is truly evil I always say. It traps you in that vicious cycle thinking it's helping in some way, when it's actually doing most, if not all, of the harm. That is pure evil in my book. And you don't see this until you get away from it for a little while, which is the hardest thing to do.