DoubleBarrel

I understand the feeling. Having your illusion of safety ripped away suddenly by a traumatic event, seeing how fragile that your life is, how small and insignificant you are in the universe, and grasping the inevitability of your own death, never feeling safe afterwards...

Yes, I have been there, and it is a sign that you probably have some PTSD to deal with.

What I learned is that you can numb everything with booze and drugs, but the anxiety will not get better, and you will not heal.

You can get over this. There are ways to view the world and accept your place in it instead of fighting mortality and that ominous feeling that hovers. But you have to get sober first. There is a real chance that the drugs and alcohol are keeping you locked in a cycle of reliving the trauma.

Keep coming back here and posting. It's good to get it out. You are not alone.

Morning Glory

I'm sorry you are going through this Kabukicho.

I had PTSD before they used a word for it. I suffered for 10 years.
It was torture and I will never forget it. I remember reading a story about a Nanny who killed a mother's child. The mother said something that I really related to. She said "Now that this has happened, anything can happen". That's how it feels with PTSD. Your whole sense of safety is taken from you. You have to learn to cope with a new emotional reality.

I read that 25% of people will get PTSD after a traumatic event.

This is a good article that explains it. Untitled Document

cleaninLI

Kabu, you can see that many of us have been thru traumatic experiences and understand.

You asked how some people can just go on as if nothing ever happened and why some of us can't?

I've asked myself that question time and time again. Unfortunately, I have never been able to figure that out. I do know that the severity of the traumatic event doesn't always determine the severity of the PTSD a person suffers. I believe it's when the person who is exposed to the trauma feels that their life as they know it has been threatened. Anything can cause it....something as horrific as being in an earthquake like you......to living with an addict partner who constantly lies to you or gaslights you...or emotionally abuses you.

I was raped at 13. After that happened, I felt so very different....I became depressed, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Couldn't find happiness in my life anymore. I stopped hanging out with friends and I didn't want to go to school....my grades suffered. It's like my life as I knew it....my beliefs about what life meant....what growing up meant changed. My faith and trust were gone...I couldn't figure out who I was anymore or what I wanted....my whole world (my innocent childhood was destroyed) snapped like someone had taken it and bent it like a twig...and just snapped in two.

Now, just recently I underwent another traumatic experience. I was arrested and put in jail. Someone might think, "going to jail isn't a traumatic experience." Well, it was for me! I never thought in a million years I would be put behind bars....but, more than that I think it triggered my previous traumatic experience and exasperated it....because I was locked inside a dark bathroom when I was raped and I couldn't get out. It was a total loss of control. It was putting my personal control into another persons hands.

I can see that alpha is so right, that we have to work thru the trauma and pain in order to heal. Trying to avoid the trauma, or numb the pain....works for a while...until it doesn't anymore. At some point we are going to have to come to terms with it and face it. It's the only way to heal.

I hope you can find someone you can trust...I know this isn't easy!

todd6138

I can't really relate to tragedy like that but I numb myself with alcohol. The only thing I have learned is that it only delays the inevetable; dealing with what is bothering you. I hope that you can get some help and deal with these issues you seem like a great person

spryte

I just wanted to share that I had a family friend who was in Phuket during the tsunami and it was very traumatic for her. She was on the beach and had to run from the wave. She had to run in her bare feet, did not have time to get her shoes, and she had to jump and climb over fences and cut herself up really bad. That terrifying experience combined with witnessing the death and destruction around her was destabilizing for her. She did eventually get over it though. She did not have any substance abuse issues, and I really feel for you that you do. I'm sure that made her load lighter.

I have a mental health issue and a substance abuse issue and it can be confusing and overwhelming: is it the chicken or the egg? What can I do to SOLVE this? And there is a shortage of good 'dual diagnosis' counselors.

For me, I found it essential to get sober first. And then work on the other stuff. That was what worked for me, in terms of prioritizing things, but everyone is different.

I'm glad you are reaching out and sharing. You're not alone.

SoberCAH

As someone who was addicted to alcohol and benzodiazapenes for many, many years, I can't think of a better title for this thread than "Time to End This Nonsense."

I hope that you get clean and sober and that you hang around.