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Old 03-07-2008, 01:29 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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I'm so happy for you. You deserve all the happiness in the world.
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Old 03-07-2008, 02:10 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
To Life!
 
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Wooo wooooo!!!!
Bet you're looking beeeuuuuutiiiiiifullllll!!!!

So glad you're taking good care of yourself.
And that you've learned to love yourself more. What a wonderful gift to yourself!

Sounds like you had fun, too.
Keep it up! :eo58:

Shalom!
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Old 03-08-2008, 08:52 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
A picture's worth a 1000 words
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Originally Posted by liveweyerd View Post
T.... I did the spoil me thing that makes me feel the very best...had my nails done....long, french tipped with white flowers and lace airbrushed on.. I think it looks elegant and classy. I colored my hair, got it cut/shaped up and even drug out the curling iron for some bouncy tossles of loose curls. I look 10 years younger. And THAT feels really good.
I even put on a two piece and swam in the pool while in Gainesville!
Wouldn't have done that before.
Oh Tena that just sounds so magnificant!!!! I know you had every male within a 100 miles drooling!


you go girl!!!!

Love you,
Jenna

P.S. With that post you've also helped add inspiration for me to work toward a little self care of the physcial....which is pretty non-existent these days. I want to chop my hair off and donate it to Locks of Love as i did last time i chopped it (it's down to my waist again...which means always put up in a clip b/c it's too much to deal with)......and i'm desparetely wanting to get acrylic nails again, done up French-styled, airbrush much like you described!! And i've wanted to get my hair highlighted for years, but have yet to be able to make myself dish out the money. Well, it's nearly Spring....and i need to feel good about myself. So Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I now plan to go have my nails done tomorrow.
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Old 03-09-2008, 02:59 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Jenna;

Did you get them done??

L'Chaim!
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Old 03-11-2008, 07:03 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Cool!

See, the nails thing is a trick with me.

I go around looking like a bag lady most of the time, but when my nails are done, then I must dress at least normally to match them! LOL

The love I feel growing is in the compassion I have found in my heart for me.
so easy to give to others I love, but have never thought of myself as I would for them.

I have done nothing but rested the last two days, and they have been peaceful...there has/had been so much stress. Hubs and I just slept together (slept, napped, rested) this whole while...and I felt my heart knit back to whole between he and I. And yes, I used my benzos, aren't that what they are for?

We were in Gainesville for stepson's trial for dirty UA. He has been given one last chance with extra requirements added to his probation.
Because of my feud with his gf (my ex friend)...now he keeps to his own and we to ours.
Can I be so thankful she offended me so!!!! LOL And, apparently, I, her, tho' I don't know how, but who cares, I can think of nothing malevolent.

Teach, I had a guilt about the works I skipped while in World Lit, so I spent the weekend reading (an easier English version) of the Canterbury Tales. I wanted to tell you, as who else would know of what I speak?
But with my head full of virtues, as it is of that and sin, I feel I could meet at least some of my duties at home within.
Of couplets I have been amusing myself
Pray they last thro' the laundry piles from the sloth I've been in.
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Old 03-11-2008, 04:40 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Oh, Live;

I LOVED the Canterbury Tales!!!
Did you hear about the pope increasing the 7 deadly sins lately?
Yes, he did!!!
Now, there are nine! He added pollution and...get this one...
drug addiction!!!
Yea, he doesn't get that it's a disease.
It's a deadly sin, according to the pope. Condemed to one of the circles of Dante's hell.
Aren't they there already?

Imagine what the people in the Salons would have said about that!!!
Or Freud, as he snorted his cocaine!

*sigh*

Anyway, I've ready your rhymes, and I"m impressed.
The most I could ever do is the Haiku we used to do when an old member used to be here on the F&FSA, (naranon). :rof

Shalom!
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Old 03-11-2008, 05:25 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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speechless at the Pope!
My mind gets stuck just at pollution, as it could be defined a million ways!
And drug addiction? That's not possible with education and compassion.

My mind imitates any dialogue it hears, as long as it hears it, so I have been operating in rhyme all day.
I am glad I haven't spoken aloud to anyone, but carefully to hubs and that a short time!

I have been lonely today, with him unable to move at all, borrowing worries from the future, I guess.

But this I confess, I am GLAD that I have been an adventurous gal, whether success or scandal, near and far, foolhardy or wise, poor or oversupplied.

It will save me a wondering as I go along now.....I doubt he will ever wander a museum, stroll a park, celebrate a festival, or even dawdle through a shop.
Tho, we hope for a surgery for great relief. It's no time soon that we can convince them....they'd rather give him morphine and cause dementia!
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Old 03-11-2008, 05:59 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
Psalm 118:24
 
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hey home girl


hugs

Chris
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Old 03-11-2008, 06:13 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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hugs back.

I hear you are in the SNOW
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Old 03-11-2008, 06:25 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
Psalm 118:24
 
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nah, it's gone frogs are croaking

springs here
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Old 03-11-2008, 06:40 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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AWWWW, I want to come home....time to trek the woods, tho' it will be awhile before the morels pop up.

It has been dropping into the 40's here! At night! Twice!

I get excited, it's like having a SEASON (that doesn't mean tourist)
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Old 03-11-2008, 06:44 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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maybe, I should send you some
couple more weeks

Got a new patch on the Kaskaskia river bottom a friend was telling me about

yummy !!
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Old 03-23-2008, 04:20 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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I told my folks about that! Dad says he has a new spot, doesn't matter his friends will bring him plenty.

Hubs left again.
Today, after I listened to his bad attitude, I am glad I am alone today....will buy chocolate on sale tomorrow...all for me, hoooo-Rah

Pray I find a job quick, worried about eviction.

The job I was offered, I found out, included the casting couch...NO THANKS
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Old 04-07-2008, 09:44 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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what does that mean that the job included the casting couch?

No Teach...unfortunately I've been inpatient too much to have gotten my nails done yet, but trust me....i still haven't forgotten!
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Old 04-07-2008, 09:55 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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welcome back, live! WAS WONDERING ABOUT YOU .....
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Old 04-13-2008, 07:17 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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Jenna....lovers to put it point blank.

Hubs has been hogging the computer from morning until night!

Boy do I have a messy house, looks like tornado debris. I meant to be cleaning and re-arranging but all the stuff that has to be sorted! And hubs brought in a bag of photos today where I had just taken a small breakfast table out in order to put my paper pile there to be organized, some of the photos had gotten wet, so a huge part of the floor is covered with decades of photos.

I am trying so hard to breed bettas, three near misses and 4 females died. I should buy from professionals online but so far I can only find one in California, the others are in Thailand and the shipping is crazy! But I have about had it with the commercial chain pet stores. And with this, I am studying Greek mythology because the next ones will be named after Greek gods/goddesses. Did you all know that the Romans renamed the Greek gods and our planets bear their names? For instance, Hera, the goddess of love and marriage was renamed Junio, thus June the popular month for getting married!

I want to start writing again, a collection called campfire tales. This came about because hubs and went strolling through the shallow part of Lake Jackson gathering live aquarium plants and we spotted some tadpoles which took me back to wonderful stories of my Grandmother and how she would give us a glass jar to go catch tadpoles. and etc.
I have been annoyed because I wanted to write it right away while it was fresh and it felt like I was there again, and it grows staler each day.

Stepson has gone back to Gainesville! And hubs has vowed not to call him, if he calls..he will answer....it was this drama as Jenna so shrewdly observed that was unsettling me and really the basic problem in the marriage. And, as addiction does, the dramas got worse and worse. I could hold a boundary, have and did, but my hubs was way too involved and it was ruling our days.
Last week he phoned late at night and I answered his dad's phone....He said there was an emergency, I asked and he just said I needed to go wake dad up, I said I am not going to do that and he yelled you won't let me speak to my own father, I said that's right so....are in jail or in the hospital? He said no, but maybe ought to be in hospital, I said so go to the ER and hung up on him. I all ready knew what it was about...his gf called and they were in a big fight and she told him he needed to call his mom, he couldn't stay there anymore. See, I don't want this in my life daily. No way he could stay here...while I was at the shelter he forged $600 worth of checks and dad covered for him and believe me hubs and I got in such a huge argument over that we separated again. Hubs had tried to hide it from me. And here we are so very broke! And then hubs gave him $40 last week and at first lied about it. My hubs gets furious, says he is honest and has never been told he was a liar so much in his life, I said so stop lying because I don't trust you now. I also argued that half that money was mine and I wanted $300. OKAY, I was screaming. Because I had told stepson at the very beginning that I liked him very much but if he ever stole one single thing from me, I would turn him in for theft. And I meant it. I was so mad that as hubs was leaving I pushed him, that is not like me and I felt so desperately sorry that is probably what kept me from turning him in for fraud, also that I knew it would end the marriage if I did that. He made some other confessions and wants to just put it in the past, I am afraid it is not that easy for me to do that.
But we are getting along so very much better since stepson left. He is probably headed back for prison, and it would be for the best.
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Old 04-14-2008, 12:22 AM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Tena, I'm so sorry for asking about that. I should have known. I'm sorry to hear about all the troubles, but I'm really glad to hear that step-son is gone, hubs is back and things are starting to look up. I pray it all continues. Know you are in my thoughts daily.

Love and Hugs,
Jenna
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Old 04-14-2008, 04:38 AM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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(((Tena)))
Living with the chaos of addiction is a tremendous strain.
I know what it's like when you try to keep your boundaries, but, your husband won't. That's exactly what happened with my ex and I. After all too many years of it, I got a divorce. I coulnd't trust my husband at all. It's a horrible feeling and a horrible life. I'm sorry you had to go through it.

Shalom!
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Old 04-14-2008, 07:53 AM
  # 59 (permalink)  
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I love you all!

Things are better.....wading thro' the Lake etc, taking turns reading mythology to each other.

And me wanting to write...that's a very good sign!
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Old 04-21-2008, 09:04 PM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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WOW! I had a video of my new grandson crawling in my email.
Called and had the longest chat ever with the 6 year old. He is such a happy child!
He was talking about guitar lessons and I asked him what kind of music he liked and he whispered the secret to me that he was going to have AC/DC on his birthday cake! THAT caught me by surprise and inside I am bursting out laughing, that would be my sister's influence. Recently his class was acting up and they were all required to write about it. He made up an imaginative story about maybe this or maybe this or maybe this. One of them being that maybe their bones were wiggly or maybe the angels flew away, several theories. It was such a hit with his teacher that she took it to the principal and it got passed around, and daughter mailed me a copy. Hubs says it ought to be framed. He gets to go to alot of children's museums and such and he was telling me about the tarantula he saw. I got to joke with him about some people had them as pets but I bet his mother wouldn't touch one. (We know that she is afraid of spiders) and he was quite in agreement that there would be no way mom would touch it. He told me about their tulips and what colors they were. And the brussels sprouts that they had planted and what a good driver he was on his kiddy 4 wheeler. How many teeth he lost and where. And he loves playing with his little brother and gave me a report on him being able to pull up to things and stand, even without his hands for a wee bit of time.
He is so full of life! I so want to visit, he says maybe by summertime I can save up enough money or maybe they can come here. I explain to him that we do not have a big house like he does or all the games and technology but we have lots of books. He says he can bring the Oiu ? (weeee) and teach me.
Then I had an entirely wonderful conversation with daughter. She taught me that the correct words were tectonic plates, as we discussed the midwest earthquake. She said that at first it sounded like a loud freight train. And about helicopters with huge blades that cut back trees around the power lines. We discussed eagerly many things. And we do sometimes discuss past issues. One time my sis bought her an entirely inappropriate dress when she was 14. She brought up that her cousin, sis's daughter's myspace is entirely too risque. And I told her, that yes, I had been really upset about that dress and she says, you know, I have thought about that and I would not allow my daughter to wear it. But regarding sis that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That cracked me up. And it is SO affirming to me that she is a competent and very intelligent young woman and has basically chosen the values she was taught..with improvements.
And the fact that we can get along so well and talk openly and about our families dynamics. I was never able to talk with my mother. So I am proud of our openess and honesty, that changed a link in the family dynamics history and future.
So homesick. I want to go home, back to the midwest and amongst my family in my role of mema (grandma) and take part in the extended family system we both believe in...as Mayo Angela says...it takes a community to raise a child. I want my place in it! His other grandmothers are near and great grandmothers as well.
But with the economy and forecast, it looks as we will be staying here for awhile. Longer than we want to.
I am proud of hubs today too! He is learning a whole new way of relating to his crack addicted son. I have modeled boundaries and recently have read some of the stickies about addiction to him and he is able to immediately put them into practice. I am a slow learner, quick on the concept, slow on application. I had to giggle when stepson called this evening. Dad had talked to him entirely differently last time, changed the dance steps....and it was so predictable that it threw him off and he had to call back the next day to find out but not ask what is up with Dad, this isn't my Dad. Yes, it is...but Dad has detached. Dad expects a huge crisis tomorrow as he is certainly going back to prison this time. But we will deal with it and not interfere in his choices or passages or even discuss them anymore. Because we cannot and should not be attempting to change him, it is his life and way past time that it be put back to him where it belongs.
And that gives him a chance to experience the consequences that we all hope will lead him to choose recovery. To be honest, we have tried to prepare that he may die...either on the streets full blown out of control or in prison from fighting. Dad tells him he loves him. He needs to be locked up, I wish it were in a state mental facility. He has been stabbed so many times all ready. And permanently brain damaged causing seizures from prize fighting in prison. We are hoping he will be put in some kind of medical facility, but I do doubt it. The system. He goes back to prison to finish his initial sentence which will take 5 years.

Anyway, so homesick. Daughter was telling me about a red fox family that had a den within 10 feet of their home and that the mother is a great mouser feeding the young ones and that the mother has become accustomed to them and will turn her back on them and take a nap in the yard. Father fox has returned and there are two babies, she tells me about the little furballs...and the yearning to share in it, to go home is so great.
Spotted an adult bald eagle. And now has to stop in the rural road to allow the wild turkies to cross the road. And the geese have returned. Hunting for morels last weekend, but they need a couple more sunny days.
I would be digging up wildflowers like crazy from deep forests.
Laughing again at the saying Lord willing and the crick don't rise. Well the creek has overflowed....from Illinois and Indiana and Missouri that I know of. Dad says that it is over 7 inches above normal and no one has been able to plant their fields. Dayna has had to drive the long roundabout way to work and still plow through some water and Arty was stranded.
Beautiful, hilly backwoods country. With rock formations and boulders larger than houses from glacial movement. Ponds and creeks. And special spots of forest that has not been denuded and with all sorts of plants and animals. The call of the owls at night. Old barns.
Covered wooden bridges.
Yes, I want to go home.
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