(((((liveweyered Is Back))))))!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Hey, Zing!!!!!!
Friends.....I am fine. Really. Want to know why.......because I have honored the sacred and taken the high road. I have also not neglected to take care of myself and my plans, no matter which way things go. The project is solid, husband or no. Etc.
The one thing that I am really, really good at (tho' it may not have shown itself at SR) is doing my homework. You know how they say an attorney never asks a question that he doesn't all ready know the answer to. I am like that. I over-do and over-prepare my homework. And with my background, researching all the applicable statutes etc....well, I've done it and a few curiosities will keep me searching. My poor husband would have been so much better off listening to me than his attorney or cronies!
And....shhhhh....I am still an agnostic, but.....I am not smart enought to understand that "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction" but I can relate to the Dalai Llama because he speaks simply for those of us who are only able to understand that way. And His Holiness does teach of cause and effect.
So, when it comes to the areas, most especially of the sacred, such as marriage...I just won't violate or play around with such things.
At this moment my husband is a broken man, who called me weeping deeply, that his plans were not feasible. And then called me again to say that I would not get that much as a widow.
My only response to that can be un-attached compassion for a deeply suffering soul.
And to remain the reasonable person businesswoman who has some legal case studies to research etc. As well as a couple other pertinent areas. We met this morning and I was that calm reasonable businessperson, well-armed with the law. Attempted negotiations failed. As I would have expected them to.
Hey, all.....take note...this is ME functioning? Who knew? LMAO
Friends.....I am fine. Really. Want to know why.......because I have honored the sacred and taken the high road. I have also not neglected to take care of myself and my plans, no matter which way things go. The project is solid, husband or no. Etc.
The one thing that I am really, really good at (tho' it may not have shown itself at SR) is doing my homework. You know how they say an attorney never asks a question that he doesn't all ready know the answer to. I am like that. I over-do and over-prepare my homework. And with my background, researching all the applicable statutes etc....well, I've done it and a few curiosities will keep me searching. My poor husband would have been so much better off listening to me than his attorney or cronies!
And....shhhhh....I am still an agnostic, but.....I am not smart enought to understand that "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction" but I can relate to the Dalai Llama because he speaks simply for those of us who are only able to understand that way. And His Holiness does teach of cause and effect.
So, when it comes to the areas, most especially of the sacred, such as marriage...I just won't violate or play around with such things.
At this moment my husband is a broken man, who called me weeping deeply, that his plans were not feasible. And then called me again to say that I would not get that much as a widow.
My only response to that can be un-attached compassion for a deeply suffering soul.
And to remain the reasonable person businesswoman who has some legal case studies to research etc. As well as a couple other pertinent areas. We met this morning and I was that calm reasonable businessperson, well-armed with the law. Attempted negotiations failed. As I would have expected them to.
Hey, all.....take note...this is ME functioning? Who knew? LMAO
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by liveweyerd 
And another BTW........everything is all my fault because I won't grant him a divorce right now.
Been reading Thomas Moore....are you familiar Teach?
Been reading Thomas Moore....are you familiar Teach?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
No, it's not too touchy .....what do you want to know?
I was away for a month at a women's shelter. Now, I am home. He says he thinks separating will help RESTORE our marriage. He is lying. He just doesn't want it to look badly on him that I am in a shelter. I call his bluff. He leaves on his own accord on the 6th, after sleeping in the same bed and engaging in sexual intercourse and on the 7th I gave him what he asked for and AGREED with him (after discovering betrayals) and told him he could find another place to stay for a month. Then he told me he had papers for a separation (there is no legal separation in Florida), I invited him over to drop off the papers for me to look over this morning. There are no papers. My attempt to discuss property settlement was met with smug cockiness. SO, he says, it is cheaper for both of us to go by my attorney to settle things and I say, OKAY, again AGREEING, however I think I should be present at all meetings then. He phones attny. Attny will not represent both of us and the cost of representing him is beyond his ability to pay for.....so he calls me crying like a baby. Not over a lost marriage, but over being thwarted in his divorce plans that leave me in a lurch. It's indecent. Immoral. And don't get me started. And I never ever could have imagined that my husband could act this way.
So, I am contesting the divorce in order to look out for my own interests. I all ready have my next project lined up.
And am arranging dates.
When some heard that I would be single,......well, let's say I am getting invitations.
One exbf wants to know if I will marry him. NO way. We are lucky to be friends.
But when the dust clears, I will accept an invitation from a man who has been interested in me for years to a cabin retreat and fine dining. Thus far, we have been above board friends and networkers, but I have accepted a week of dating.
When I am officially separated or divorced. I think the law says separated.
I tried everything to save my marriage. Anymore would be denial.
You ask. I tell.
I was away for a month at a women's shelter. Now, I am home. He says he thinks separating will help RESTORE our marriage. He is lying. He just doesn't want it to look badly on him that I am in a shelter. I call his bluff. He leaves on his own accord on the 6th, after sleeping in the same bed and engaging in sexual intercourse and on the 7th I gave him what he asked for and AGREED with him (after discovering betrayals) and told him he could find another place to stay for a month. Then he told me he had papers for a separation (there is no legal separation in Florida), I invited him over to drop off the papers for me to look over this morning. There are no papers. My attempt to discuss property settlement was met with smug cockiness. SO, he says, it is cheaper for both of us to go by my attorney to settle things and I say, OKAY, again AGREEING, however I think I should be present at all meetings then. He phones attny. Attny will not represent both of us and the cost of representing him is beyond his ability to pay for.....so he calls me crying like a baby. Not over a lost marriage, but over being thwarted in his divorce plans that leave me in a lurch. It's indecent. Immoral. And don't get me started. And I never ever could have imagined that my husband could act this way.
So, I am contesting the divorce in order to look out for my own interests. I all ready have my next project lined up.
And am arranging dates.
When some heard that I would be single,......well, let's say I am getting invitations.
One exbf wants to know if I will marry him. NO way. We are lucky to be friends.
But when the dust clears, I will accept an invitation from a man who has been interested in me for years to a cabin retreat and fine dining. Thus far, we have been above board friends and networkers, but I have accepted a week of dating.
When I am officially separated or divorced. I think the law says separated.
I tried everything to save my marriage. Anymore would be denial.
You ask. I tell.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ontario
Posts: 718
Ouch... Yes they do get angry and stay angry a long time, when we are in the safety of a womans shelther doesn't it. Just makes their blood boil. LOL
I understand why you are not jumping into divorce immediately. Your stress meter must be beyond the needle right now. Like a dodge charger, pedal to the metal. Yes I know where you live and you know i've lived there too. Oh hun.... It takes me back to things I thought forgotten that I experienced...to read your posts here.
I'm proud of you too. So proud... I know how hard it is to leave and go to that shelter. In my case I was a week before delivery with my third boy, half a day after a false labour and with my ex holding me three feet above the door by my neck, (thing I didn't pass the salt that night at dinner, still foggy, 20 yrs later.....I still see my feet dangling in the air, his buddies watching and doing absolutely nothing to stop him...my other youngins, two just four and three watching him do it from the corner at the end of the hallway. and I remember leaving with the shirt on my back.............Best thing I ever did.... back then.
Your courage always astounds me. Your intellect, hence not just running blindly and you doing your homework too, staying focused, thinking of tommorrow even if you don't know if you can make it through today.
Now you have some control over whats going on, and with backup, real back-up,
As much as they try they can't take that away from you.
You stick too your guns girl...There comes a time when therapy can't help anymore, I've never said that here before as I don't want to offend those for which therapy helps, and I won't go there, here .
I think I need that control. Yet I still seek help where I need it and you can too. The legal system seems to be the right answer for you.
Ohhhh. Giant long lasting hug to you girl. So glad your back. We're here
PS who the hell goes to a therapist on your birthday......
I understand why you are not jumping into divorce immediately. Your stress meter must be beyond the needle right now. Like a dodge charger, pedal to the metal. Yes I know where you live and you know i've lived there too. Oh hun.... It takes me back to things I thought forgotten that I experienced...to read your posts here.
I'm proud of you too. So proud... I know how hard it is to leave and go to that shelter. In my case I was a week before delivery with my third boy, half a day after a false labour and with my ex holding me three feet above the door by my neck, (thing I didn't pass the salt that night at dinner, still foggy, 20 yrs later.....I still see my feet dangling in the air, his buddies watching and doing absolutely nothing to stop him...my other youngins, two just four and three watching him do it from the corner at the end of the hallway. and I remember leaving with the shirt on my back.............Best thing I ever did.... back then.
Your courage always astounds me. Your intellect, hence not just running blindly and you doing your homework too, staying focused, thinking of tommorrow even if you don't know if you can make it through today.
Now you have some control over whats going on, and with backup, real back-up,
As much as they try they can't take that away from you.
You stick too your guns girl...There comes a time when therapy can't help anymore, I've never said that here before as I don't want to offend those for which therapy helps, and I won't go there, here .
I think I need that control. Yet I still seek help where I need it and you can too. The legal system seems to be the right answer for you.
Ohhhh. Giant long lasting hug to you girl. So glad your back. We're here
PS who the hell goes to a therapist on your birthday......
Last edited by GailJ; 02-08-2008 at 05:05 PM.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Ahhh, thank you for the hearty laugh about going to the counselor's on my birthday, Gail....Best chuckle I have had all day.
I quit therapy for a long time and have just begun again, this time it is helping.
I must defend my husband. He is not an abusive man. We were both in the full throes of panic and PTSD flashbacks when the argument ensued. I, having been abused in the past by another man, absolutely go nuts if I am touched in a hostile manner. What occurred was actually a mutual argument, but I freaked out on being pushed. And I was being provacative as was he.
However, I must agree with Zing that there is a character problem. This is totally out of character for my husband. But something has gone terribly and tragically wrong, one of them being the Violation of Probation of his son and his fear that his son will die in prison, the anniversary of his Beloved Mother's death and I fear a relapse to alcoholism that existed long before I met him and was unaware of the extent of. Also his dx of paranoia and Ptsd and etc.
Gail, thank you for saying I have courage. That is something I have aspired to.
I was single for 13 years and chose this man for his virtues and his willingness to work at a relationship as hard as I would. A rare thing.
I regret his destructiveness.....and frankly, think he will regret it even more.
I quit therapy for a long time and have just begun again, this time it is helping.
I must defend my husband. He is not an abusive man. We were both in the full throes of panic and PTSD flashbacks when the argument ensued. I, having been abused in the past by another man, absolutely go nuts if I am touched in a hostile manner. What occurred was actually a mutual argument, but I freaked out on being pushed. And I was being provacative as was he.
However, I must agree with Zing that there is a character problem. This is totally out of character for my husband. But something has gone terribly and tragically wrong, one of them being the Violation of Probation of his son and his fear that his son will die in prison, the anniversary of his Beloved Mother's death and I fear a relapse to alcoholism that existed long before I met him and was unaware of the extent of. Also his dx of paranoia and Ptsd and etc.
Gail, thank you for saying I have courage. That is something I have aspired to.
I was single for 13 years and chose this man for his virtues and his willingness to work at a relationship as hard as I would. A rare thing.
I regret his destructiveness.....and frankly, think he will regret it even more.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
As I am here by myself....I am working on the house.
I spent all of Monday cleaning every inch of the bedroom and bathroom. Changed comforter etc.
Would you believe I was SORE Tues morning!
Yesterday, he came over to paint outside and I cleaned out the gutters and trimmed tree branches that overhung the roof.....the ones I could reach anyway. Made fried chicken, which he stayed for. Was wearing sexy gown when he came over. Then, amazing....he took a nap here where it is quiet. I took a nap on the couch.
What can I say? I don't want a divorce. Don't believe in them except in desperate cases.
I think this can be mended. I made lifelong vows.....and want to stop the destruction.
So, yes, I did flaunt what he was missing and throwing away.
Today it is clean all the kitchen and the frig. That will be a full day!
I know that there are alot of things tearing at his emotions and as he says he is confused.
At the same time I am business like about what he will owe me $ wise, and financial problems are driving him crazy right now.
I want to help mend things before my new project starts which will be very soon.
Evenso, that might be the end of things.
But today the only thing I have to worry about is scrubbing down the kitchen and the frig.
So, I have not been on the puter the last two days as I can easily spend too much time here.
Am putting off errands. Maybe tomorrow.
I spent all of Monday cleaning every inch of the bedroom and bathroom. Changed comforter etc.
Would you believe I was SORE Tues morning!
Yesterday, he came over to paint outside and I cleaned out the gutters and trimmed tree branches that overhung the roof.....the ones I could reach anyway. Made fried chicken, which he stayed for. Was wearing sexy gown when he came over. Then, amazing....he took a nap here where it is quiet. I took a nap on the couch.
What can I say? I don't want a divorce. Don't believe in them except in desperate cases.
I think this can be mended. I made lifelong vows.....and want to stop the destruction.
So, yes, I did flaunt what he was missing and throwing away.
Today it is clean all the kitchen and the frig. That will be a full day!
I know that there are alot of things tearing at his emotions and as he says he is confused.
At the same time I am business like about what he will owe me $ wise, and financial problems are driving him crazy right now.
I want to help mend things before my new project starts which will be very soon.
Evenso, that might be the end of things.
But today the only thing I have to worry about is scrubbing down the kitchen and the frig.
So, I have not been on the puter the last two days as I can easily spend too much time here.
Am putting off errands. Maybe tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: on to bigger & better things
Posts: 4,122
Live....glad to hear you are staying busy......My house needs a good deep down too, wanna come hang out for a few days when you're done with yours??? :rof
Still got ya'll in my prayers hon.
Still got ya'll in my prayers hon.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I just read some sweet things said about me on Jenna's journal and I was so touched. Thank you!
Alot of tumult, struggle and pain...but I have dug and I have dug deep and stood by what I believe in, who I am and what I am. And pretty much done it alone. I am proud of that.
I have learned to love deeper and better and grown in compassion.
I am pleased to say...that even tho' hubs came back home over a week ago,...he asked if we could try to see if we could work things out.
I said No. But that we could honor our lifetime vows and commitments that unite us in marriage.
Yesterday that commitment was reaffirmed in mutual understanding.
We have arranged marriage counseling.
The drinking stopped the day he came home.
He has, on his own, without even telling me until this morning,....been reading and re-reading an article I had printed out written by divorce attorneys about all the reasons and ways to save a marriage.
I am grateful.
hugs to you all!
Alot of tumult, struggle and pain...but I have dug and I have dug deep and stood by what I believe in, who I am and what I am. And pretty much done it alone. I am proud of that.
I have learned to love deeper and better and grown in compassion.
I am pleased to say...that even tho' hubs came back home over a week ago,...he asked if we could try to see if we could work things out.
I said No. But that we could honor our lifetime vows and commitments that unite us in marriage.
Yesterday that commitment was reaffirmed in mutual understanding.
We have arranged marriage counseling.
The drinking stopped the day he came home.
He has, on his own, without even telling me until this morning,....been reading and re-reading an article I had printed out written by divorce attorneys about all the reasons and ways to save a marriage.
I am grateful.
hugs to you all!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Teach, do you know I hear you all the time?
"There is no prize for suffering"....you have given me one of my mantras.
So I wanted to add that in what I have been doing, I have had to learn to love myself more, believe in myself more and extend far more generous compassion towards myself.
The right anti-depressants effects in that cannot be discounted....but I did the spoil me thing that makes me feel the very best...had my nails done....long, french tipped with white flowers and lace airbrushed on.. I think it looks elegant and classy. I colored my hair, got it cut/shaped up and even drug out the curling iron for some bouncy tossles of loose curls. I look 10 years younger. And THAT feels really good.
I even put on a two piece and swam in the pool while in Gainesville!
Wouldn't have done that before.
"There is no prize for suffering"....you have given me one of my mantras.
So I wanted to add that in what I have been doing, I have had to learn to love myself more, believe in myself more and extend far more generous compassion towards myself.
The right anti-depressants effects in that cannot be discounted....but I did the spoil me thing that makes me feel the very best...had my nails done....long, french tipped with white flowers and lace airbrushed on.. I think it looks elegant and classy. I colored my hair, got it cut/shaped up and even drug out the curling iron for some bouncy tossles of loose curls. I look 10 years younger. And THAT feels really good.
I even put on a two piece and swam in the pool while in Gainesville!
Wouldn't have done that before.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
