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Join Date: Nov 2016
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I'm sure you have seen me mention the narcissist I dated (knowing very little about it at the time).
I did the same thing you just did, I spent weeks researching it, reading, posted on a few forums (but didn't find that helpful on a forum for narcissism, the vibe was just off).
I don't know that much about sociopathy, just what I came across while researching narcissism, but I'm sure you know they are very similar.
I think it would be almost impossible to distinguish a full blown addict from either of those.
They both have a huge void they are trying to fill, their feelings, empathy and compassion are almost non-existent or non-existent, everything is self focused. They wear a mask.
At least with an addict you might get glimpses, or more time, of the "real" person, with narcs/sociopaths, there is no stable personality.
It's very sad as they are made from tragedy basically and for sensitive souls it doesn't have to be an all consuming one, or what we might make of that.
I'm think it's a good thing you did all that research and got answers. I like answers too. The sad thing is though, with addicts there can be hope, with a cluster b disorder, they won't ever change.
Did that make you feel more at peace with the whole thing HL?
I did the same thing you just did, I spent weeks researching it, reading, posted on a few forums (but didn't find that helpful on a forum for narcissism, the vibe was just off).
I don't know that much about sociopathy, just what I came across while researching narcissism, but I'm sure you know they are very similar.
I think it would be almost impossible to distinguish a full blown addict from either of those.
They both have a huge void they are trying to fill, their feelings, empathy and compassion are almost non-existent or non-existent, everything is self focused. They wear a mask.
At least with an addict you might get glimpses, or more time, of the "real" person, with narcs/sociopaths, there is no stable personality.
It's very sad as they are made from tragedy basically and for sensitive souls it doesn't have to be an all consuming one, or what we might make of that.
I'm think it's a good thing you did all that research and got answers. I like answers too. The sad thing is though, with addicts there can be hope, with a cluster b disorder, they won't ever change.
Did that make you feel more at peace with the whole thing HL?
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
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Yes I completely understand she has too much of my head space. So your comment is fair. Its been that way for many years.
There is a lot of mixed discussion online concerning narcissist sociopath, addiction & psychopathy. However as you read details of each there are similarities & differences. There is a lot of detailed clinical research on each.
From what I read sociopath fits her like a glove. Its all in the details. There are degrees of sociopath. There are what they call high functioning. They can work, have families, & live within the norms of society. She cant do any of that & to the best of my knowledge never has. Shes at the higher end of the scale.
I thought I was pretty much done learning anything new. This notion of her possibly being a sociopath was gnawing at me mostly because I didn't understand it. I needed to know.
Trail - I feel a very strange sense of calm & peace. But also a very real sense of fear.
There is a lot of mixed discussion online concerning narcissist sociopath, addiction & psychopathy. However as you read details of each there are similarities & differences. There is a lot of detailed clinical research on each.
From what I read sociopath fits her like a glove. Its all in the details. There are degrees of sociopath. There are what they call high functioning. They can work, have families, & live within the norms of society. She cant do any of that & to the best of my knowledge never has. Shes at the higher end of the scale.
I thought I was pretty much done learning anything new. This notion of her possibly being a sociopath was gnawing at me mostly because I didn't understand it. I needed to know.
Trail - I feel a very strange sense of calm & peace. But also a very real sense of fear.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 88
I completely understand the need for answers and the searching online to try and make sense of a person who affected us so profoundly in a way we cannot make sense of.
Now I’m out of the fog I find it almost crazy that I spent all those years looking for someone else’s answers than my own.
If I spent all that energy on myself how valuable that would have been. Very hard to do though and I realise that sometimes it just doesn’t matter what the reason is or why they are the way they are. I’m more concerned with why I was attracted in the first place.
A distraction from my own shortcomings and things I had to work on maybe? Focus all on the other damaging person instead of the myself who was inviting this damage in.
I look back to my situation and see that I spent more time researching and trying find a reason and energy on this man while realising that no one had ever spent that much time or effort figuring me out or even caring.
I knew then that I had to look at my self worth and confidence and what was driving me to seek , maybe subconsciously, damaged people incapable of commitment or healthy relationships.
Now I’m out of the fog I find it almost crazy that I spent all those years looking for someone else’s answers than my own.
If I spent all that energy on myself how valuable that would have been. Very hard to do though and I realise that sometimes it just doesn’t matter what the reason is or why they are the way they are. I’m more concerned with why I was attracted in the first place.
A distraction from my own shortcomings and things I had to work on maybe? Focus all on the other damaging person instead of the myself who was inviting this damage in.
I look back to my situation and see that I spent more time researching and trying find a reason and energy on this man while realising that no one had ever spent that much time or effort figuring me out or even caring.
I knew then that I had to look at my self worth and confidence and what was driving me to seek , maybe subconsciously, damaged people incapable of commitment or healthy relationships.
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HL, i caution you against elevating her status to some type of Marvel Comics Anti-Hero, with amazing superhuman powers.
she may be a sociopath, but she's hardly a genius mastermind. she's just a user and abuser. conniving and manipulative, out to get what she can get however she can get it. with an allegiance to self and her addiction.
if you took a bus or subway recently, there were probably no less than 3 or 4 others just like that on board. not all are out to destroy the planet! most are just trying to get by like the rest of us schmucks, they just don't give a rip about said schmucks.
i have to agree with others that you let this chick rent way too much space in your head and instead of these memories diminishing over time, you continue you to assign more things, more power to her, keeping her very close, keeping open channels, waiting i suspect for the next phone call.
now you have to ask yourself.....WHY.
she may be a sociopath, but she's hardly a genius mastermind. she's just a user and abuser. conniving and manipulative, out to get what she can get however she can get it. with an allegiance to self and her addiction.
if you took a bus or subway recently, there were probably no less than 3 or 4 others just like that on board. not all are out to destroy the planet! most are just trying to get by like the rest of us schmucks, they just don't give a rip about said schmucks.
i have to agree with others that you let this chick rent way too much space in your head and instead of these memories diminishing over time, you continue you to assign more things, more power to her, keeping her very close, keeping open channels, waiting i suspect for the next phone call.
now you have to ask yourself.....WHY.
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At some point, you need to ask yourself a fundamental question: is she the sort of person you want to have in your life.
Life's short, you know. We've only got so much time, and who we choose to spend it with can make the difference between a fulfilled life and a frustrated one.
I'm not going to tell you what I think you should do regarding this woman. But I do hope you get in touch with your values and your moral compass. If you can do that, and be honest with yourself, then chances are good that you're going to be OK.
Life's short, you know. We've only got so much time, and who we choose to spend it with can make the difference between a fulfilled life and a frustrated one.
I'm not going to tell you what I think you should do regarding this woman. But I do hope you get in touch with your values and your moral compass. If you can do that, and be honest with yourself, then chances are good that you're going to be OK.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Originally Posted by HardLessons 
Trail - I feel a very strange sense of calm & peace. But also a very real sense of fear.
I really agree with Anvil's comment about the Marvel Comics Anti-Hero, I don't think you probably think that way but that was the problem I had with forums about narcissism/sociopathy. People tended to classify them as some kind of evil masterminds with this hidden agenda. I see it more as just a way of "being".
When you read stories from psychopaths, it's very disturbing. They know they are wearing a mask and it's how they get by, they are cold hearted.
Anyway, where does the fear come from? Fear for her, fear for yourself having been so close to the fire (and possibly not really realizing it at the time)?
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Join Date: Jun 2017
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Thank you all for your comments & concerns
Trying to properly deal with an addict is one thing but a sociopath is something totally different. I honestly no longer look at her in the same light. A switch has flipped off inside me.
I have taken steps to totally remove myself from this situation. I will not be dealing with her anymore for anything. My story with her ends here. Im not going to be stalked by some type of real lunatic.
I was given advice to not post anymore updates concerning this situation online.
Thank you for all your help & guidance.
Trying to properly deal with an addict is one thing but a sociopath is something totally different. I honestly no longer look at her in the same light. A switch has flipped off inside me.
I have taken steps to totally remove myself from this situation. I will not be dealing with her anymore for anything. My story with her ends here. Im not going to be stalked by some type of real lunatic.
I was given advice to not post anymore updates concerning this situation online.
Thank you for all your help & guidance.
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