Originally Posted by Becca829
I have made it very clear that I will divorce if he goes back to that life and as much as I love him I will not live through that again.
Just looking for some support/advice.
Since you asked... and if you are serious about the part I quoted, if I were you, I'd go get some legal advice about how to begin legal separation proceedings. I'd start separating my finances or at the very least saving a stash of money in case I needed to make a move. I'd formulate a plan that worked for my (YOUR) life in case he slides back into his addiction. It doesn't mean you'd have to act on it, but knowing your options and being prepared will alleviate a lot of the anxiety.
We always want to believe they are going to see the light, kick the habit and do the right thing. Unfortunately, many times, that doesn't happen. Or it takes many years and many attempts before it "sticks"... and even then there is the knowledge that relapses can (and in many cases do) happen down the road. Only you can decide if that's an OK factor in your life.
I hope you have strong boundaries in place. Please trust your gut. We can get so caught up in our thoughts and feelings that we ignore our instincts, I did and it wasn't pretty. As you already know, living with an addict is a soul sucking existence. I truly hope you are as resolved as you say you are if he drops the ball here.
I know how much this sucks for you. I'm so very sorry you are experiencing it.
Wishing for you strength, clarity and peace while you figure out your next steps.