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Having trouble letting go....

Old 02-22-2018, 10:49 AM
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Having trouble letting go....

My wife of over two years is addicted to heroine. I knew she was an addict but diddnt know the severity until two months ago. We got her into a rehab and about ten days later she came out. When she came out she hated me and wanted divorce. I was one of the reasons why she uses. I myself did drink but have been able to control it. I admit that I definitely plaid a part in her not wanting to be with me and doing this. We have a three year old son. While she was in rehab she kissed another man. I found a love letter. When she got out of rehab she went awol for three days and later admitted she had relapsed. While all this is going on she is in family court and canít have contact with her son unless supervised by me or her parents. She came up dirty on test and was forced to move out. She ends up moving in with this guy who she had admitted to me she relapsed with. She also has said since being there she kissed him(I know she did more) and thought about a realationship with him after there sober. He is also a heroine addict. She has been making some crazy choices. Iíve let her go and she now is in a methodone clinic and going to put patient. I want to let go so bad and Iíve been doing my best to. Itís hard cause I have to see her all the time so she can be with our son. Sheís been acting real nice to me and it sucks. Itís like how canít she see all sheís done. She definitely wants divorce and Iím coming to with that decision as well. Some days are good some are tough. Im upset how she has ended all this and how can you be so nice to me after doing all this. Idk what to do. I know I need to let go
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Old 02-22-2018, 11:13 AM
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Sorry man... that situation just sucks... but many like yourself have been there and are still live and doing great. I had a similar situation with my first wife yet it did not even involve substance abuse. Go seek counseling... do it for you and your son. You wife has moved on, and sometimes it is easier for them because they already had a lover during their addiction (her's was call heroine). 10 days in rehab is nothing, and there is no surprise she relapsed.

You need to take care of yourself... let the past go (easier said than done) and move forward. Learn from the pain, and the experience... make yourself a better person.
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Old 02-22-2018, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Spence7471 View Post
Sorry man... that situation just sucks... but many like yourself have been there and are still live and doing great. I had a similar situation with my first wife yet it did not even involve substance abuse. Go seek counseling... do it for you and your son. You wife has moved on, and sometimes it is easier for them because they already had a lover during their addiction (her's was call heroine). 10 days in rehab is nothing, and there is no surprise she relapsed.

You need to take care of yourself... let the past go (easier said than done) and move forward. Learn from the pain, and the experience... make yourself a better person.
I hear you on that. Itís a process. Iím doing it tho. Itís tough and there is resentment there still. I know the only way Iíll be able to let go is if I can forgive her and truly let go. Itís tough and it makes it harder having to see her all the time.
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Old 02-22-2018, 12:04 PM
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Red

I am sorry for your situation. Heroine addiction is extremely destructive.

My addict went from IV heroine use to methadone mostly in part as a smoke screen so she could get her daughter back. She had lost custody of her.

She has been on methadone for many years at a high daily dose. She is not working any type of recovery program. She mixes other drugs such as alcohol on a daily basis.

Methadone treatment for heroine addiction can be a good solution provided it is backed up by a solid plan & commitment to recovery.

However, without such a recovery commitment it can turn into substituting one dangerous drug for another. Today methadone abuse is rampant. Even without recovery, there are positive harm reduction factors which can be considered: no needle injections, quality control of the drug manufacturing, getting methadone at a clinic setting vs buying heroine from a drug dealer on the street.

I'm sure its difficult to see her frequently due to supervised visits for your son but try to stay focused on the fact that you are doing this for his safety.

Thanks
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Old 02-22-2018, 12:12 PM
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Welcome to SR, Red.

Nobody held on harder or longer than I did trying to save my addicted son from addiction. I was like that pathetic cartoon you see where the mother is being dragged as she hangs on to her child's ankle.

What saved my bacon was meetings, CoDA and Al-anon were my preferences. I learned that my son's addiction wasn't about me and that I needed to learn a healthier and happier way to live. Those meetings and SR helped me find a new path, and helped me find my sanity again and allowed me to live a very good life, finding the beauty and joy in each day...no matter what it brings.

Reaching out here is a very good start. You are among friends who truly understand and who will walk with you on this journey. You are no longer alone.

This thread below is helpful in learning how to let go, I brought it here so it would be easy for you to find.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...your-life.html (Letting Go ~The Journey for your Life)
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Old 02-22-2018, 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted by HardLessons View Post
Red

I am sorry for your situation. Heroine addiction is extremely destructive.

My addict went from IV heroine use to methadone mostly in part as a smoke screen so she could get her daughter back. She had lost custody of her.

She has been on methadone for many years at a high daily dose. She is not working any type of recovery program. She mixes other drugs such as alcohol on a daily basis.

Methadone treatment for heroine addiction can be a good solution provided it is backed up by a solid plan & commitment to recovery.

However, without such a recovery commitment it can turn into substituting one dangerous drug for another. Today methadone abuse is rampant. Even without recovery, there are positive harm reduction factors which can be considered: no needle injections, quality control of the drug manufacturing, getting methadone at a clinic setting vs buying heroine from a drug dealer on the street.

I'm sure its difficult to see her frequently due to supervised visits for your son but try to stay focused on the fact that you are doing this for his safety.

Thanks
I want to go for sole custody right now... I mean I have it until the court stuff is over but after that idk what will happen. She is staying with this guy who she admitted she used with and wants a realationship with after they get sober. Which I highly doubt two addicts together can become sober. Should I wait and see how she does or go for the sole custody
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