Welcome to SR, Red.
Nobody held on harder or longer than I did trying to save my addicted son from addiction. I was like that pathetic cartoon you see where the mother is being dragged as she hangs on to her child's ankle.
What saved my bacon was meetings, CoDA and Al-anon were my preferences. I learned that my son's addiction wasn't about me and that I needed to learn a healthier and happier way to live. Those meetings and SR helped me find a new path, and helped me find my sanity again and allowed me to live a very good life, finding the beauty and joy in each day...no matter what it brings.
Reaching out here is a very good start. You are among friends who truly understand and who will walk with you on this journey. You are no longer alone.
This thread below is helpful in learning how to let go, I brought it here so it would be easy for you to find.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...your-life.html (Letting Go ~The Journey for your Life)