New to Addiction / Husband is an addict
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 43
Originally Posted by AnonWife 
Trust is hard Erin. My husband is functional and he is still using. I can make a disconnect between understanding I cant trust him to be honest of he is using. If he feels he needs to lie to protect using he will. Its almost instinctual and its not about me because its a symptom of addiction. BUT I can trust him im unrelated things. So I try to be careful not to let my distrust and doubt creep into all areas because it only comes across as me changing, doubting him, distrusting him. And of course he feels it and will respond with more negative actions or words and then a circle.of this begins.
Have you thought about what he could do to back up and prove his efforts are sincere? Im sorry I cant remember did he tell you, or did you catch him? Is he willing to talk to you about his plan to use subs to get off H? Its bad to say but even if he went to a clinic and was prescribed subs there is still his choice to use them and an issue of trust again. It will be ongoing for a while.
My goal is to try and not break my relationship by inserting my own negativity into it. In m case I want to be supportive and encouraging, but also realistic for the sake of our daughter. Venting me feelings, or walking on the tradmill, yoga are things to help me balance my emotions so I can react to my husband based on fact of what I see ( like regardless of what you say dear, i see you have been drinking so I will just take our daughter to the grocery with me, but thanks for offering to watch her) otherwise I could scream at him Its not safe to leave her with you! But it wouldnt help either of us. So I need to balance my own emotions and still be watchful but not filled with anger because he is sick with addiction. Its real and he's still got denial. I see cracks its breaking even stating facts like I showed above reach him as I can tell from his responses. But my point was trust is hard even if your husband is trying. Slips are common and it may not derail his overall effort but keep the defenses up and keep your wits.
Have you thought about what he could do to back up and prove his efforts are sincere? Im sorry I cant remember did he tell you, or did you catch him? Is he willing to talk to you about his plan to use subs to get off H? Its bad to say but even if he went to a clinic and was prescribed subs there is still his choice to use them and an issue of trust again. It will be ongoing for a while.
My goal is to try and not break my relationship by inserting my own negativity into it. In m case I want to be supportive and encouraging, but also realistic for the sake of our daughter. Venting me feelings, or walking on the tradmill, yoga are things to help me balance my emotions so I can react to my husband based on fact of what I see ( like regardless of what you say dear, i see you have been drinking so I will just take our daughter to the grocery with me, but thanks for offering to watch her) otherwise I could scream at him Its not safe to leave her with you! But it wouldnt help either of us. So I need to balance my own emotions and still be watchful but not filled with anger because he is sick with addiction. Its real and he's still got denial. I see cracks its breaking even stating facts like I showed above reach him as I can tell from his responses. But my point was trust is hard even if your husband is trying. Slips are common and it may not derail his overall effort but keep the defenses up and keep your wits.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Kids deserve a peaceful and safe environment to grow up in.
If you need some space, I suggest you follow your gut and make some.
Why can't you encourage him from a distance and still protect your feelings
and your kid's peace?
Whatever you choose to do we support, but if his addiction is really hurting family life,
you can't control it so stepping back is not "unsupportive" in my view.
If you need some space, I suggest you follow your gut and make some.
Why can't you encourage him from a distance and still protect your feelings
and your kid's peace?
Whatever you choose to do we support, but if his addiction is really hurting family life,
you can't control it so stepping back is not "unsupportive" in my view.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
