Dear Moms. It's not just you.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 104
Dear Moms. It's not just you.
Dear Moms,
It isn't just you, or you and your addict (who you may not see as one) who suffers. It is me, too, who could have been his partner in our time. Our place. Just as it was yours with his father, once.
You and your friends have chosen to enable. Here is what I have seen. For real.
1) He went to prison for hurting a law enforcement officer. His children--Mommy's grandchildren--deal out of her house. Mommy told me personally that the LEO is faking injury to get worker's comp after her precious hit the LEO at 70 miles an hour while drunk. Her precious is 54 years old and came home to Mommy this week.
2) He assaulted Mommy. He also literally urinated on Daddy's grave. Mommy has him around to "help out." He is unemployed and unemployable. He is 53 years old.
3) He has no teeth due to meth abuse. He still lives with Mommy under pretense of "helping out." Other Mommies when they heard said things like "I am empowered and not responsible for his dental conditions." But you keep letting him live with you, Mommy. He is 51 years old.
4) His Mommy is dead. She however left a substantial trust fund. He calls my BF (probably STBX) regularly to say he wishes Mommy were alive so he could be living with her instead of, and in addition to, snorting Adderall he stole out of someone's medicine cabinet. He is 51.
5) His mommy is alive. I 9th stepped her the other day to get over my resentment. It helped. As he is living there, I wish She would see signs of him being a meth addict. She would rather he be her sweet little boy who can lift more now. I am powerless against her decisions. He is 50.
Moms of any age. You have a lot of power and it doesn't just affect you. As hard as it is on yourself, help him. Help us. Go away at least in that mommy way for one minute.
I'm just your kid's girlfriend. But it affects me too.
It isn't just you, or you and your addict (who you may not see as one) who suffers. It is me, too, who could have been his partner in our time. Our place. Just as it was yours with his father, once.
You and your friends have chosen to enable. Here is what I have seen. For real.
1) He went to prison for hurting a law enforcement officer. His children--Mommy's grandchildren--deal out of her house. Mommy told me personally that the LEO is faking injury to get worker's comp after her precious hit the LEO at 70 miles an hour while drunk. Her precious is 54 years old and came home to Mommy this week.
2) He assaulted Mommy. He also literally urinated on Daddy's grave. Mommy has him around to "help out." He is unemployed and unemployable. He is 53 years old.
3) He has no teeth due to meth abuse. He still lives with Mommy under pretense of "helping out." Other Mommies when they heard said things like "I am empowered and not responsible for his dental conditions." But you keep letting him live with you, Mommy. He is 51 years old.
4) His Mommy is dead. She however left a substantial trust fund. He calls my BF (probably STBX) regularly to say he wishes Mommy were alive so he could be living with her instead of, and in addition to, snorting Adderall he stole out of someone's medicine cabinet. He is 51.
5) His mommy is alive. I 9th stepped her the other day to get over my resentment. It helped. As he is living there, I wish She would see signs of him being a meth addict. She would rather he be her sweet little boy who can lift more now. I am powerless against her decisions. He is 50.
Moms of any age. You have a lot of power and it doesn't just affect you. As hard as it is on yourself, help him. Help us. Go away at least in that mommy way for one minute.
I'm just your kid's girlfriend. But it affects me too.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Everyone who loves an addict suffers when they stay on a bad path.
I am a mama of an addict who finally had to let go. Why did I hang on? I thought if my son had a loving home, a job (with my husband's business) and good diet, he just might choose to stay clean. I thought if I watched over him and made sure he went to meetings (not knowing he slipped out the back door again) and didn't bring drugs in the house (he did but hid them well), it would help. I believed him when he said he was sorry that he stole from us and would repay us and then did for a week or two before he stopped. I feared he would die if I turned him out and mentally buried him many times because he overdosed and only by the grace of God did someone call 911 in time to save him.
I thought a mother's love would be enough to save my son from hell, even if I had to walk into hell with him to haul him out.
I was wrong and finally had to let go because if his addiction didn't kill him, it would surely kill me and even my dying would not change a thing.
It's not my fault, it's not the fault of the girlfriends who wanted to believe that if I just let go he would be okay and didn't see it when I did let go and he wasn't okay.
It's not the girlfriend's fault, or his birth sister's who died of an overdose one Christmas day not too many years before.
It's the fault of whoever chose to pick up that first drug, whether it is alcohol, pot or abuse of painkillers....nobody starts out shooting heroin...when my son made the choice to use his first drug he made a choice that would destroy his life.
May God have mercy on all of us, the mama's, the dad's and family, the grandmothers and greatgrandmothers here who are raising the young children of addicted parents...and may God have mercy on the addicts and do for them what none of us can do. I pray every day and ask God to do just that for my son. I will add your boyfriend to my prayers.
Hugs from a mama who's been there
I am a mama of an addict who finally had to let go. Why did I hang on? I thought if my son had a loving home, a job (with my husband's business) and good diet, he just might choose to stay clean. I thought if I watched over him and made sure he went to meetings (not knowing he slipped out the back door again) and didn't bring drugs in the house (he did but hid them well), it would help. I believed him when he said he was sorry that he stole from us and would repay us and then did for a week or two before he stopped. I feared he would die if I turned him out and mentally buried him many times because he overdosed and only by the grace of God did someone call 911 in time to save him.
I thought a mother's love would be enough to save my son from hell, even if I had to walk into hell with him to haul him out.
I was wrong and finally had to let go because if his addiction didn't kill him, it would surely kill me and even my dying would not change a thing.
It's not my fault, it's not the fault of the girlfriends who wanted to believe that if I just let go he would be okay and didn't see it when I did let go and he wasn't okay.
It's not the girlfriend's fault, or his birth sister's who died of an overdose one Christmas day not too many years before.
It's the fault of whoever chose to pick up that first drug, whether it is alcohol, pot or abuse of painkillers....nobody starts out shooting heroin...when my son made the choice to use his first drug he made a choice that would destroy his life.
May God have mercy on all of us, the mama's, the dad's and family, the grandmothers and greatgrandmothers here who are raising the young children of addicted parents...and may God have mercy on the addicts and do for them what none of us can do. I pray every day and ask God to do just that for my son. I will add your boyfriend to my prayers.
Hugs from a mama who's been there
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
I can't tell you how many times I've made the hardest decision of my life leaving my son out there only to have a girlfriend rescue him. I've paid for plane tickets to send my son's kids to safety only to have his girlfriends take him in again and even have more children.
I've had family members step in and help in the wrong way.
I've had police ignore the fact that my son was drunk in public and let him go.
I think each one of us could write a letter to someone. There are many actors in this play and each one is in a different place. There is no blame. We are here to help each other grow and cope. It's doesn't matter what part we are playing. It's hard and painful and takes a lot of work to figure it all out.
I've had family members step in and help in the wrong way.
I've had police ignore the fact that my son was drunk in public and let him go.
I think each one of us could write a letter to someone. There are many actors in this play and each one is in a different place. There is no blame. We are here to help each other grow and cope. It's doesn't matter what part we are playing. It's hard and painful and takes a lot of work to figure it all out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Dear girlfriends.....
As a mother, I don't get to CHOOSE my children, they are who they are, and they are my CHILDREN. I did not cause them to be addicts, and I wish with all my heart they were not. I wish only to give them respite and pray for a miracle.
You HAVE a choice in partners. My son has SHOWN you who he is.....he is half a century old, not likely to change anytime soon. If you do not want an addict in your life, then feel free to find someone else. Make another choice.....I am no better able to change him than you are.
from Mommy.
As a mother, I don't get to CHOOSE my children, they are who they are, and they are my CHILDREN. I did not cause them to be addicts, and I wish with all my heart they were not. I wish only to give them respite and pray for a miracle.
You HAVE a choice in partners. My son has SHOWN you who he is.....he is half a century old, not likely to change anytime soon. If you do not want an addict in your life, then feel free to find someone else. Make another choice.....I am no better able to change him than you are.
from Mommy.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
In our family it took MIL and I a very long time to see that it wasn't her fault. It wasn't my fault. It was AHs fault and his alone. We shifted blame for a very long time and I don't know why.
Enabling is always bad. So keep that in mind before my next statement. No one can make an addict use. Stopping enabling is not about getting an addict clean. It is about an enabler putting an end to their own addiction... to people pleasing, to playing the martyr, to all the drama.
Often times the moment a mamma let's go and gets help for herself a girlfriend comes in to take her place. Then sometimes the girlfriend will let go and another will come in to take her place and the cycle continues. There is only one common denominator: the addict.
IMO rock bottom is a myth. We all reach bottom, addict and family members, when we choose to stop digging. That's why so many people dig themselves into the grave even after all enablers are gone.
Some spouses say they don't want to break their vows. Well... I have very strong opinions about vows as well. Nowhere in the vows does it say you have to live in the same house or talk to each other.
If I allow a dragon to live in my house it is going to eat me alive, therefore I have a boundary of not going near dragons. Period. If you want to have a pet dragon that's great!!! Let me know how it works out for you.
End rant.
Enabling is always bad. So keep that in mind before my next statement. No one can make an addict use. Stopping enabling is not about getting an addict clean. It is about an enabler putting an end to their own addiction... to people pleasing, to playing the martyr, to all the drama.
Often times the moment a mamma let's go and gets help for herself a girlfriend comes in to take her place. Then sometimes the girlfriend will let go and another will come in to take her place and the cycle continues. There is only one common denominator: the addict.
IMO rock bottom is a myth. We all reach bottom, addict and family members, when we choose to stop digging. That's why so many people dig themselves into the grave even after all enablers are gone.
Some spouses say they don't want to break their vows. Well... I have very strong opinions about vows as well. Nowhere in the vows does it say you have to live in the same house or talk to each other.
If I allow a dragon to live in my house it is going to eat me alive, therefore I have a boundary of not going near dragons. Period. If you want to have a pet dragon that's great!!! Let me know how it works out for you.
End rant.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 37
To the Moms -
Excellent replies.... I am a mom.... Done all I can like all of you only to be disappointed by the police, court system, and others, who do not do what needs to be done. (Jail, etc.)
My son sees no reason to change, so I had to.
Wishing you all a peaceful nights sleep...
Excellent replies.... I am a mom.... Done all I can like all of you only to be disappointed by the police, court system, and others, who do not do what needs to be done. (Jail, etc.)
My son sees no reason to change, so I had to.
Wishing you all a peaceful nights sleep...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 104
No mother gets to CHOOSE her children. But as a mother, they can CHOOSE to enable or not.
The choice to enable affects more than the addict, or you. It increases police presence wherever the addict is hanging out when he's not at home "helping out." It deteriorates the areas on public property that the "boys" have taken over like a "fort" -- guarding with hulking bodies and sometimes weapons.
They are your ADULT children. Your choice, if you chose it, would be to not enable them with their childhood home so they can terrorize their childhood haunts. Your loving choice might be to tell him it's rehab or get out. He might have a chance. Your addict may lose the privilege of saying he's just "helping out" at home, rather than being another lurking post-adolescent defending their childhood haunt with knives.
Mommy, you say I should just feel free to find someone else if I don't like the addict you raised. You have a more profound choice--your rejection is the one thing that might even save him, now.
WE have children. This is their place. Their time. It is mine, too, to reclaim. Whether or not we are together, whether or not you home your addict, I have no problem with calling the cops on anyone menacing anyone or dealing/doing drugs in my presence. The price of their behavior is not worth an iota of my serenity, let alone the taxes I just coughed up.
The choice to enable affects more than the addict, or you. It increases police presence wherever the addict is hanging out when he's not at home "helping out." It deteriorates the areas on public property that the "boys" have taken over like a "fort" -- guarding with hulking bodies and sometimes weapons.
They are your ADULT children. Your choice, if you chose it, would be to not enable them with their childhood home so they can terrorize their childhood haunts. Your loving choice might be to tell him it's rehab or get out. He might have a chance. Your addict may lose the privilege of saying he's just "helping out" at home, rather than being another lurking post-adolescent defending their childhood haunt with knives.
Mommy, you say I should just feel free to find someone else if I don't like the addict you raised. You have a more profound choice--your rejection is the one thing that might even save him, now.
WE have children. This is their place. Their time. It is mine, too, to reclaim. Whether or not we are together, whether or not you home your addict, I have no problem with calling the cops on anyone menacing anyone or dealing/doing drugs in my presence. The price of their behavior is not worth an iota of my serenity, let alone the taxes I just coughed up.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,781
Originally Posted by MissUs2015 
No mother gets to CHOOSE her children. But as a mother, they can CHOOSE to enable or not.
The choice to enable affects more than the addict, or you. It increases police presence wherever the addict is hanging out when he's not at home "helping out." It deteriorates the areas on public property that the "boys" have taken over like a "fort" -- guarding with hulking bodies and sometimes weapons.
They are your ADULT children. Your choice, if you chose it, would be to not enable them with their childhood home so they can terrorize their childhood haunts. Your loving choice might be to tell him it's rehab or get out. He might have a chance. Your addict may lose the privilege of saying he's just "helping out" at home, rather than being another lurking post-adolescent defending their childhood haunt with knives.
Mommy, you say I should just feel free to find someone else if I don't like the addict you raised. You have a more profound choice--your rejection is the one thing that might even save him, now.
WE have children. This is their place. Their time. It is mine, too, to reclaim. Whether or not we are together, whether or not you home your addict, I have no problem with calling the cops on anyone menacing anyone or dealing/doing drugs in my presence. The price of their behavior is not worth an iota of my serenity, let alone the taxes I just coughed up.
The choice to enable affects more than the addict, or you. It increases police presence wherever the addict is hanging out when he's not at home "helping out." It deteriorates the areas on public property that the "boys" have taken over like a "fort" -- guarding with hulking bodies and sometimes weapons.
They are your ADULT children. Your choice, if you chose it, would be to not enable them with their childhood home so they can terrorize their childhood haunts. Your loving choice might be to tell him it's rehab or get out. He might have a chance. Your addict may lose the privilege of saying he's just "helping out" at home, rather than being another lurking post-adolescent defending their childhood haunt with knives.
Mommy, you say I should just feel free to find someone else if I don't like the addict you raised. You have a more profound choice--your rejection is the one thing that might even save him, now.
WE have children. This is their place. Their time. It is mine, too, to reclaim. Whether or not we are together, whether or not you home your addict, I have no problem with calling the cops on anyone menacing anyone or dealing/doing drugs in my presence. The price of their behavior is not worth an iota of my serenity, let alone the taxes I just coughed up.
To make such blanket, blame-filled statements is a pretty narrow minded way of handling this, in my opinion. No one here hurt you. NONE of the members here are deserving of your anger or acrimony. Not to mention that if you think that his mother can single handedly alter the course of his addiction you obviously have not spent very much time reading around these forums.
Not every parent IS an enabler but every parent IS tied to their child forever & none of us are so perfect that we should feel so comfortable judging the decisions others make.
Every wife CAN choose to leave, we are not shackled to our spouses. If you are unhappy with your life then it is up to YOU to make changes. How about the fact that he's a grown man with children of his own, capable of making his own decisions? He doesn't get the blame for his OWN ACTIONS?
This is an amazing place of healing & you could learn things that can change your life in dramatic ways, when you are ready. I hope you can take a step back from your anger to see all that this place has to offer. ((((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by MissUs2015
No mother gets to CHOOSE her children. But as a mother, they can CHOOSE to enable or not.
The choice to enable affects more than the addict, or you. It increases police presence wherever the addict is hanging out when he's not at home "helping out." It deteriorates the areas on public property that the "boys" have taken over like a "fort" -- guarding with hulking bodies and sometimes weapons.
They are your ADULT children. Your choice, if you chose it, would be to not enable them with their childhood home so they can terrorize their childhood haunts. Your loving choice might be to tell him it's rehab or get out. He might have a chance. Your addict may lose the privilege of saying he's just "helping out" at home, rather than being another lurking post-adolescent defending their childhood haunt with knives.
Mommy, you say I should just feel free to find someone else if I don't like the addict you raised. You have a more profound choice--your rejection is the one thing that might even save him, now.
WE have children. This is their place. Their time. It is mine, too, to reclaim. Whether or not we are together, whether or not you home your addict, I have no problem with calling the cops on anyone menacing anyone or dealing/doing drugs in my presence. The price of their behavior is not worth an iota of my serenity, let alone the taxes I just coughed up.
The choice to enable affects more than the addict, or you. It increases police presence wherever the addict is hanging out when he's not at home "helping out." It deteriorates the areas on public property that the "boys" have taken over like a "fort" -- guarding with hulking bodies and sometimes weapons.
They are your ADULT children. Your choice, if you chose it, would be to not enable them with their childhood home so they can terrorize their childhood haunts. Your loving choice might be to tell him it's rehab or get out. He might have a chance. Your addict may lose the privilege of saying he's just "helping out" at home, rather than being another lurking post-adolescent defending their childhood haunt with knives.
Mommy, you say I should just feel free to find someone else if I don't like the addict you raised. You have a more profound choice--your rejection is the one thing that might even save him, now.
WE have children. This is their place. Their time. It is mine, too, to reclaim. Whether or not we are together, whether or not you home your addict, I have no problem with calling the cops on anyone menacing anyone or dealing/doing drugs in my presence. The price of their behavior is not worth an iota of my serenity, let alone the taxes I just coughed up.
That's what addicts do, in spite of every negative consequence, they look for new and creative ways to fuel their addiction. Blaming anyone or anything but the addict and the disease is ignorant and intolerant.
I'm grateful to know many moms through Alanon who are struggling with these issues. I'm grateful to have shared their experience so that I can have compassion for those suffering from addiction, whether their own or someone else's.
I was filled with anger in the beginning. It has taken a lot of that recovery for me to process that and realize how much of it was anger at myself, for accepting unacceptable behavior for so long and allowing someone else's disease to wreak so much havoc in my life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
I did such a terrific job enabling my ex that his parents had no idea of the full extent of his issues until after I left. Once they got fed up with his behavior, he immediately went out and found a new enabler.
That's what addicts do, in spite of every negative consequence, they look for new and creative ways to fuel their addiction. Blaming anyone or anything but the addict and the disease is ignorant and intolerant.
I'm grateful to know many moms through Alanon who are struggling with these issues. I'm grateful to have shared their experience so that I can have compassion for those suffering from addiction, whether their own or someone else's.
I was filled with anger in the beginning. It has taken a lot of that recovery for me to process that and realize how much of it was anger at myself, for accepting unacceptable behavior for so long and allowing someone else's disease to wreak so much havoc in my life.
That's what addicts do, in spite of every negative consequence, they look for new and creative ways to fuel their addiction. Blaming anyone or anything but the addict and the disease is ignorant and intolerant.
I'm grateful to know many moms through Alanon who are struggling with these issues. I'm grateful to have shared their experience so that I can have compassion for those suffering from addiction, whether their own or someone else's.
I was filled with anger in the beginning. It has taken a lot of that recovery for me to process that and realize how much of it was anger at myself, for accepting unacceptable behavior for so long and allowing someone else's disease to wreak so much havoc in my life.
This whole thread has made me feel a little bit sad.
I was so angry and scared when I left my STBXAH a few weeks ago. His Mum and I had been close, however I never felt very comfortable with her for many reasons.
When I left I didn't call her and I was in massive fear that something would happen to him. I knew from how it was all handled before that no-one seemed to be in any real recover, there was no mention of Al Anon or anything like that.
Long story short I emailed her. This long email about what I had learned about addiction, why I thought he was still using etc.
I did not blame her, and my intention was good - I just really wanted her to educate herself about addiction.
However looking back I know it was very controlling and codependent of me. It was also probably very condescending, although I did not intend it to be that way.
I also included kindness and love in it.
However it was not well received.
I did speak to her on the phone after that, however she was very hostile and in denial. I sent one more email after that with an article I found about denial (I know, I know - me being totally unwell. I am cringing). After that she told me not to contact them again.
I apologised and I have respected that request.
I still think they are in denial and it still frustrates me that she refuses to educate herself about addiction, see what is there or be open. However none of that is within my control.
Not sure what the point of this story is other than to say I think we can all do and say crazy things when we are operating out of incense fear and pain and/or are not in our own recovery.
That was my experience anyway.
I regret how I reacted.
However I also know I did not mean harm. As I said I was in fear and anxiety and my response to that was to go OTT and to try to force people to see it my way.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Don't feel too bad Carmen. Your heart was in the right place. I've sent my ex's parents an entire forest worth of Alanon literature. It's sad to see them hurting so much, but if they're not ready to reach out for help then I can't change that.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Nothing the mamas do or don't do, nothing the girlfriends door don't do will change an addict who doesn't want to change. And if the addict really wants to change, nothing any of us does will stop them.
It's as simple as that, a hard lesson for all of us to learn and accept, but the hard truth nevertheless.
Don't blame anyone except the person who makes a decision to pick up drugs. Therein lies the problem, therein lies the solution when the willingness arises.
Addiction hurts every one of us. Please let's not hurt each other with blame and shame. Especially those who have tried to offer heartfelt answers to your original post. Ouch.
It's as simple as that, a hard lesson for all of us to learn and accept, but the hard truth nevertheless.
Don't blame anyone except the person who makes a decision to pick up drugs. Therein lies the problem, therein lies the solution when the willingness arises.
Addiction hurts every one of us. Please let's not hurt each other with blame and shame. Especially those who have tried to offer heartfelt answers to your original post. Ouch.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
Don't feel too bad Carmen. Your heart was in the right place. I've sent my ex's parents an entire forest worth of Alanon literature. It's sad to see them hurting so much, but if they're not ready to reach out for help then I can't change that.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Just for the record, I belonged to both CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) and Al-anon for over 10 years and still occasionally go to meetings.
I am adding this because I know that many of the mamas who posted here also have recovery through the same 12 step programs and other family oriented programs. Many of the finest mamas I know here, never attended a meeting but they learned about codependency and used many of the concepts from meetings to grow.
So no need to send us a forest worth of meeting lists. We share here trying to help others understand the mama's side of all this. I reiterate my original point, we all feel the pain when a loved one is addicted and it is not anyone's fault except the person who make the choice to pick up a drug.
I'm really sorry this thread took this direction, at the beginning I thought we could all share and learn from each other and comfort each other on the journey. It just might have been one of the most powerful threads I have seen here in a long time.
I am adding this because I know that many of the mamas who posted here also have recovery through the same 12 step programs and other family oriented programs. Many of the finest mamas I know here, never attended a meeting but they learned about codependency and used many of the concepts from meetings to grow.
So no need to send us a forest worth of meeting lists. We share here trying to help others understand the mama's side of all this. I reiterate my original point, we all feel the pain when a loved one is addicted and it is not anyone's fault except the person who make the choice to pick up a drug.
I'm really sorry this thread took this direction, at the beginning I thought we could all share and learn from each other and comfort each other on the journey. It just might have been one of the most powerful threads I have seen here in a long time.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by Ann
Just for the record, I belonged to both CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) and Al-anon for over 10 years and still occasionally go to meetings.
I am adding this because I know that many of the mamas who posted here also have recovery through the same 12 step programs and other family oriented programs. Many of the finest mamas I know here, never attended a meeting but they learned about codependency and used many of the concepts from meetings to grow.
So no need to send us a forest worth of meeting lists. We share here trying to help others understand the mama's side of all this. I reiterate my original point, we all feel the pain when a loved one is addicted and it is not anyone's fault except the person who make the choice to pick up a drug.
I'm really sorry this thread took this direction, at the beginning I thought we could all share and learn from each other and comfort each other on the journey. It just might have been one of the most powerful threads I have seen here in a long time.
I am adding this because I know that many of the mamas who posted here also have recovery through the same 12 step programs and other family oriented programs. Many of the finest mamas I know here, never attended a meeting but they learned about codependency and used many of the concepts from meetings to grow.
So no need to send us a forest worth of meeting lists. We share here trying to help others understand the mama's side of all this. I reiterate my original point, we all feel the pain when a loved one is addicted and it is not anyone's fault except the person who make the choice to pick up a drug.
I'm really sorry this thread took this direction, at the beginning I thought we could all share and learn from each other and comfort each other on the journey. It just might have been one of the most powerful threads I have seen here in a long time.
I totally agree, and I regretted sending my email to his mum.
However I don't think in this case that she had done any reading about it. She certainly wasn't open to talking about it if she had. And she wanted nothing to do with these forums. She said I should go to the Doctors as I was clearly upset.
As you say it's no one fault the addict uses except his own.
None of us can save them.
It's clear that everyone is on their own journey.
For me I have appreciated the wisdom I have gained from your posts and others.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My apologies too if I overreacted a little, there are addicts in recovery and those who are not, loved ones who are in recovery and those who are not.
In all cases, those who are (in recovery)see all this in a different light than those who are not. All any of us can do is share our light and hope that those who see it may use it to guide them to the same recovery path that we have found. It's their choice to make and not one of us can make it for them...as much as we wish we could.
In all cases, those who are (in recovery)see all this in a different light than those who are not. All any of us can do is share our light and hope that those who see it may use it to guide them to the same recovery path that we have found. It's their choice to make and not one of us can make it for them...as much as we wish we could.
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