Originally Posted by
MissUs2015 
No mother gets to CHOOSE her children. But as a mother, they can CHOOSE to enable or not.
The choice to enable affects more than the addict, or you. It increases police presence wherever the addict is hanging out when he's not at home "helping out." It deteriorates the areas on public property that the "boys" have taken over like a "fort" -- guarding with hulking bodies and sometimes weapons.
They are your ADULT children. Your choice, if you chose it, would be to not enable them with their childhood home so they can terrorize their childhood haunts. Your loving choice might be to tell him it's rehab or get out. He might have a chance. Your addict may lose the privilege of saying he's just "helping out" at home, rather than being another lurking post-adolescent defending their childhood haunt with knives.
Mommy, you say I should just feel free to find someone else if I don't like the addict you raised. You have a more profound choice--your rejection is the one thing that might even save him, now.
WE have children. This is their place. Their time. It is mine, too, to reclaim. Whether or not we are together, whether or not you home your addict, I have no problem with calling the cops on anyone menacing anyone or dealing/doing drugs in my presence. The price of their behavior is not worth an iota of my serenity, let alone the taxes I just coughed up.
So, you're handling your resentments toward your MIL by lashing out online at the members here at SR? How is THAT healthy or productive?
To make such blanket, blame-filled statements is a pretty narrow minded way of handling this, in my opinion. No one here hurt you. NONE of the members here are deserving of your anger or acrimony. Not to mention that if you think that his mother can single handedly alter the course of his addiction you obviously have not spent very much time reading around these forums.
Not every parent IS an enabler but every parent IS tied to their child forever & none of us are so perfect that we should feel so comfortable judging the decisions others make.
Every wife CAN choose to leave, we are not shackled to our spouses. If you are unhappy with your life then it is up to YOU to make changes. How about the fact that he's a grown man with children of his own, capable of making his own decisions? He doesn't get the blame for his OWN ACTIONS?
This is an amazing place of healing & you could learn things that can change your life in dramatic ways, when you are ready. I hope you can take a step back from your anger to see all that this place has to offer. ((((hugs)))