Dear Moms. It's not just you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 91
From my Father corner, dealing with my AS has been difficult.
I grew up in a loving trusting environment, -work hard with pride, say what you mean, mean what you say, love, honor, trust, respect. It made our blood thicker than water.
But now, I recognize my Son's blood is thinned out on drugs. I cannot trust him. I cannot love him in a way that is enabling. I make business deals with him. It's so unnatural to me.
I grew up in a loving trusting environment, -work hard with pride, say what you mean, mean what you say, love, honor, trust, respect. It made our blood thicker than water.
But now, I recognize my Son's blood is thinned out on drugs. I cannot trust him. I cannot love him in a way that is enabling. I make business deals with him. It's so unnatural to me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
. I am exactly we're you are....it is heart breaking but that is the disease. It is so painful to be lied to. We teach them to have integrity and be honest and trustworthy. Drugs are strong Addiction Im pretty sure isn't the ultimate choice they made. I wish to God he never picked up. Now it has him..... Reading and gaining knowledge about addiction even though I thought I knew a great deal. There is nothing like when it is your child. I know it's hard I too have just started this path. Only since Jan this year. Your in my thoughts
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 104
My addict has never called his mom a ****.
To him, I'm just another disposable. His mother is forever.
When the mother believes him that the meth I found is from 1990, it obliterates any status I had with her. This makes me angry. I don't mean to take it out on the community.
With some people, girlfriends are disposable. My grief is not disposible. It does not mean less.
In my case, I wish that she was not right there to offer him a place to stay right after the meth discovery. And that he wasn't there still. I can't say I understand it. But it does not mean I care less or love less than you.
To him, I'm just another disposable. His mother is forever.
When the mother believes him that the meth I found is from 1990, it obliterates any status I had with her. This makes me angry. I don't mean to take it out on the community.
With some people, girlfriends are disposable. My grief is not disposible. It does not mean less.
In my case, I wish that she was not right there to offer him a place to stay right after the meth discovery. And that he wasn't there still. I can't say I understand it. But it does not mean I care less or love less than you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by MissUs2015 
My addict has never called his mom a ****.
To him, I'm just another disposable. His mother is forever.
When the mother believes him that the meth I found is from 1990, it obliterates any status I had with her. This makes me angry. I don't mean to take it out on the community.
With some people, girlfriends are disposable. My grief is not disposible. It does not mean less.
In my case, I wish that she was not right there to offer him a place to stay right after the meth discovery. And that he wasn't there still. I can't say I understand it. But it does not mean I care less or love less than you.
To him, I'm just another disposable. His mother is forever.
When the mother believes him that the meth I found is from 1990, it obliterates any status I had with her. This makes me angry. I don't mean to take it out on the community.
With some people, girlfriends are disposable. My grief is not disposible. It does not mean less.
In my case, I wish that she was not right there to offer him a place to stay right after the meth discovery. And that he wasn't there still. I can't say I understand it. But it does not mean I care less or love less than you.
I hear your pain. I am right there too. His Mum flat out doesn't believe me that he is using again despite all the evidence.
It's denial and there is nothing I can do about it.
Learning to let to go.
Sending hugs for your grief.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Also, I would like to say - I cannot imagine how hard it must be to be a parent to an addicted child (or adult child).
It must be truly awful.
I don't have any children, however I have been told that the bond you feel with your children is like nothing else and you just have this desire to protect them at all costs.
My heart goes out to all the parents.
Sending Love.
It must be truly awful.
I don't have any children, however I have been told that the bond you feel with your children is like nothing else and you just have this desire to protect them at all costs.
My heart goes out to all the parents.
Sending Love.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
I have the opposite problem. My son's girlfriend doesn't like me because I'm not very involved. I keep a safe distance for my own protection. She thinks I'm a horrible person. There is no way to make her understand the hell I've been through. I have bonding issues with the kids. I've already had 2 of his children taken from me by ex girlfriends never to see them again so I really have a hard time getting close to the 2 new grandchildren now. I do buy them the things they need and make sure they are okay. It's just emotionally hard for me to be close.
It really hurts that his new girlfriend thinks I'm so horrible, but there is nothing I can do about it yet. Maybe in time if he stays sober. He'll have a year next month, but that's just not enough time for me yet. Maybe in another year I'll be able let my guard down a little bit. I've lost a lot of my "bounce back" through all these years. The young bounce back much easier after all hell breaks loose.
I don't blame her. I know how it must look through her eyes. She has seen me put my son in jail and report abuse against her child when she wanted to brush it under the rug. She must think I'm horribly cruel.
It really hurts that his new girlfriend thinks I'm so horrible, but there is nothing I can do about it yet. Maybe in time if he stays sober. He'll have a year next month, but that's just not enough time for me yet. Maybe in another year I'll be able let my guard down a little bit. I've lost a lot of my "bounce back" through all these years. The young bounce back much easier after all hell breaks loose.
I don't blame her. I know how it must look through her eyes. She has seen me put my son in jail and report abuse against her child when she wanted to brush it under the rug. She must think I'm horribly cruel.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by MissUs2015
Dear Moms,
It isn't just you, or you and your addict (who you may not see as one) who suffers. It is me, too, who could have been his partner in our time. Our place. Just as it was yours with his father, once.
You and your friends have chosen to enable. Here is what I have seen. For real.
1) He went to prison for hurting a law enforcement officer. His children--Mommy's grandchildren--deal out of her house. Mommy told me personally that the LEO is faking injury to get worker's comp after her precious hit the LEO at 70 miles an hour while drunk. Her precious is 54 years old and came home to Mommy this week.
2) He assaulted Mommy. He also literally urinated on Daddy's grave. Mommy has him around to "help out." He is unemployed and unemployable. He is 53 years old.
3) He has no teeth due to meth abuse. He still lives with Mommy under pretense of "helping out." Other Mommies when they heard said things like "I am empowered and not responsible for his dental conditions." But you keep letting him live with you, Mommy. He is 51 years old.
4) His Mommy is dead. She however left a substantial trust fund. He calls my BF (probably STBX) regularly to say he wishes Mommy were alive so he could be living with her instead of, and in addition to, snorting Adderall he stole out of someone's medicine cabinet. He is 51.
5) His mommy is alive. I 9th stepped her the other day to get over my resentment. It helped. As he is living there, I wish She would see signs of him being a meth addict. She would rather he be her sweet little boy who can lift more now. I am powerless against her decisions. He is 50.
Moms of any age. You have a lot of power and it doesn't just affect you. As hard as it is on yourself, help him. Help us. Go away at least in that mommy way for one minute.
I'm just your kid's girlfriend. But it affects me too.
It isn't just you, or you and your addict (who you may not see as one) who suffers. It is me, too, who could have been his partner in our time. Our place. Just as it was yours with his father, once.
You and your friends have chosen to enable. Here is what I have seen. For real.
1) He went to prison for hurting a law enforcement officer. His children--Mommy's grandchildren--deal out of her house. Mommy told me personally that the LEO is faking injury to get worker's comp after her precious hit the LEO at 70 miles an hour while drunk. Her precious is 54 years old and came home to Mommy this week.
2) He assaulted Mommy. He also literally urinated on Daddy's grave. Mommy has him around to "help out." He is unemployed and unemployable. He is 53 years old.
3) He has no teeth due to meth abuse. He still lives with Mommy under pretense of "helping out." Other Mommies when they heard said things like "I am empowered and not responsible for his dental conditions." But you keep letting him live with you, Mommy. He is 51 years old.
4) His Mommy is dead. She however left a substantial trust fund. He calls my BF (probably STBX) regularly to say he wishes Mommy were alive so he could be living with her instead of, and in addition to, snorting Adderall he stole out of someone's medicine cabinet. He is 51.
5) His mommy is alive. I 9th stepped her the other day to get over my resentment. It helped. As he is living there, I wish She would see signs of him being a meth addict. She would rather he be her sweet little boy who can lift more now. I am powerless against her decisions. He is 50.
Moms of any age. You have a lot of power and it doesn't just affect you. As hard as it is on yourself, help him. Help us. Go away at least in that mommy way for one minute.
I'm just your kid's girlfriend. But it affects me too.
What is it you are trying to accomplish, MissUs? How can we be of assistance?
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