pravchaw

Thank you my friends - your support is very much appreciated. It is a very small step - but at least he has stopped digging the hole into which his life has disappeared. I am aware that he has a long way ahead of him. I am glad he is in a evidenced based facility. After his rehab, they will refer him for psychotherapy so he can start to address the underlying trauma which causes him to use. As you know, risk of relapse is high. Over the next few weeks it will become clear how badly he wants to recover. I will keep you updated.

needingabreak

Thanks for the update. Wonderful news. Now time for you to give a breath of relief and do something relaxing and soothing for your soul! It is amazing the amount of stress this can put on us.

BlueChair

My husband is doing the same kind of treatment. He had to go to inpatient rehab and I dont think he would have been able to stop using if he hadnt, because he was too sick at first. I dont think your son is like my husband was though. I think he is going to have psychotherapy continue one he comes home as his aftercare. He told me it was hard for him to talk about things at first, and he is a very private person. The doctors seem to know how to draw things out, and its been good for him. I hope your son gets as much out of it, and gets his life back. and also wanted to tell you that I like what you have in your blog.

cleaninLI

Pravchaw I know you've waited a long time for this and I'm so happy he's taken this first step. I realize there are no guarantees but at least he's made that decision to work on himself. He's moving in the right direction. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

pravchaw

I and my wife went to the detox centre this evening to meet my son. He seemed to be in better spirits, says he is bored and eager to start the day program on Monday and come home. We are still unsure if he is serious about recovery or not. I don't see any halo over his head. I just hope I don't have to kick him out again.

Ilovemysonjj

One day at a time Pravchaw. Give your son over to HP, it brings you peace and believe me, nothing else will.

GardenMama

And you may want to think seriously about whether your home is the best place for him...that very issue is what brought me to SR. I am not assuming you have decided, just thinking that while he is in detox, you can make some clear-headed decisions about what is best for all of you. Take good care, so glad he is there.

pravchaw

GM, that is something I have been struggling with too. However for now he is coming back from detox tomorrow and starting his first day in the day program. I am feeling a little nervous. As long as he is willing to keep his end of the bargain, I will keep mine. I promised him that I will support him in his recovery efforts. If he relapses he is on his own.

needingabreak

Been wondering how you have been doing. Hope he is doing better and continues with the day program. Hopefully you will see amazing changes. I am not thrilled my son is back living with us but we too said we would help him while he gets back on his feet. So far he is doing well and starts a part time job next week while waiting to get a full time job he has applied for. Wishing you the best for tomorrow.

pravchaw

Thanks for asking. He was home when I came back from work indulging in his other addiction 'the internet". He said he attended his 1st day of the day program. He was not very talkative so I have left him alone. I have given him 2 months rent free accommodation provided he respects our boundaries. After that he must move out or pay rent. If he decides to go back to college I will cover his tuition as long as he passes.

Ann

This all sounds pretty good to me, Pravchaw. Take a deep breath and remember it's all one day at a time.

I'm glad your boy has upheld his end of the bargain and pray he will stay on a good path.

Hugs

needingabreak

I am so happy to hear such good news! My son is not one to talk much either and it is like pulling teeth sometimes to get any information out of him but he is better than before he went to rehab. I think your boundaries are excellent and hope he decides to return to school. Either way it sounds like great progress to me! BTW I hate video games and think they are the worst creation ever. Kids and adults waste hours escaping with them. My son was one of them.

pravchaw

Our thanksgiving long weekend has started. I am thankful for son's sobriety which is now one week old.

allforcnm

Such GREAT news. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.

lizwig

I'm happy you can share this holiday together. Your son has much to be grateful for this year....mainly the world's most patient and loving Father! I hope you all have a wonderful long weekend!

GardenMama

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, Pravchaw! You have made some great boundaries and done some hard work on yourself this year. I agree, your son is blessed to have such a loving father. I love Thanksgiving because gratitude is one of my core values, it is something that has kept me steady in dark times--we can always be grateful for something, right? I hope you have a lovely weekend with your family.

pravchaw

Thanks very much my friends. If you have some tips on dealing with young adults in early sobriety - I would appreciate it. Its been 2 weeks now since he moved back (5 days in in patient detox) and now has a week of outpatient, 2 more weeks to go. He has settled back into his previous habit of hours of video gaming and internet and not helping around the house and general laziness. This really irritates me as there are so many things which needs to be done around the house but I guess I need to give him a few weeks to get his act together. He has been home bound (except for his day program). Yesterday he was talking about going back to university. He is looking a lot better his eyes are clear and seems to have regained a spring in his steps.

needingabreak

Yes Pravchaw, we had the exact same thing happen with my son (29 going on 20 thank you very much). We had to have a stern talk with him. Basically we said he cannot spend a lot of time playing video games, we expect him to clean up after himself and help out around the house. Somethings he has been great about, other not so much. I personally feel video games are a waste and just another means of escape. Can you give him a limit of time he can play? I dont care how old they are, if they are under our roof they live by our rules and asking him to clean up and do some chores is certainly not asking a lot. My son stays pretty close to home as well only having his GF, one good friend and his family to hang out with. I know it can be boring but time on their hands is an addicts worst friend. I think it is great he is thinking of going to school and he has this sobriety behind him already. My son just got a job. Can you son get a job, if even part time? Your son may be glad to have his time filled with something to do if you have any projects he could do around the house. Hope things turn around. I found if we were not on top of things he could easily go right back to sleeping late and playing video games all day. We just wont allow it and told him if he didn't like it he was free to leave.

bluebelle

Maybe put a timeline on the laying around part? With my adult non-addict step daughter, we had to make a contract. She would empty the dishwasher once in awhile, wash her clothes . . . If not, we had a certain date when we kicked her out of the house. We tried that twice, and kicked her out twice. With her, being home put her back in a mode where she did nothing. She had to struggle on her own after that--sleeping in her car a few nights, etc. what were your requirements for him moving back home? My daughter hated it, but we wrote up all the requirements and we signed it along with her. The contract included the day she would move out if she did not follow the contract. It was the only way for us to stay sane. We couldn't have a full grown adult laying around, making messes, and not contributing to the household, at all.

Now, she lives in her own house, cleans up after herself, and works hard at her job. I think she just needed to be kicked out of the nest.

Done_With_It

What about setting up like a contract? Such as if you are to live here this is what I expect, i.e. take out garbage, dishes, or whatever.

I found with myself,esp. in early recover, but still to this day, I need lists, and some kind of structure. If I don't have that it's kind of like there's so much going on in my head and I get overwhelmed, and the easiest way for me to deal with it, is to get on the internet, or facebook, or something mindless, I forget about what I need to do and the stress goes away, for a few minutes anyway. lol.
But when I write down, make a plan of what needs to be done, I am productive.
Sometimes I've learned people do stupid things because it's what they know, what seems like common sense to some is foreign to others.
Just my thoughts, hopefully it makes sense.