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6 month chip from AA - it can't be this easy?

Old 05-28-2013, 01:20 AM
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6 month chip from AA - it can't be this easy?

hello everyone...my husband received his 6 month clean and sober chip from aa last week. he was very emotional when he received it. in our kitchen he has the serenity prayer posted on the wall with tape...and then attached to it is the welcome keychain from aa and the 6 month chip. he attends the aa meetings on saturday....and now has started to attend the aftercare program offered by the outpatient rehab center he recently graduated from.

my husband is an alcoholic and a coke addict. he also was using xanax. as you know, he has been doing all of this for years....i just learned the ugly truth about the extent of his drug problem last summer.

i support his recovery....while i also focus on my own recovery which is my addiction to him and my codependency. my boundaries are firm...and we are taking it all one day at a time.

but what am i missing? i cant be this "easy." it seems like once he stopped drinking...the coke usage and other drugs stopped. i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. i cannot control his use at all...i get that. but isnt it suppose to be extremely difficult to stop using? he has made some serious life changes....no longer friends with people who use....yoga every morning...aa...all of that.

but i keep waiting for a relapse.....the na meetings i attend say that relapse it part of recovery.

it just seems like my husband made all these life changes.....and doesnt seem to have the cravings that i read about all the time...or repeated relapses.

and i KNOW that he did a lot of coke. he kept a job and was functional...but he did coke almost everyday. and now...nothing.

is it suppose to be like this during the recovery process? and then crap will hit the fan again after a period of sobriety?

keep in mind that my husband has been through hell and back before he decided to get clean....

he makes it seem like it was not that hard for him to quit coke...and i dont want to be fooled again. i read that it was one of the hardest to shake...and yet his drug tests keep coming up neg.

thoughts?
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Old 05-28-2013, 06:08 AM
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"One Day at a Time" applies to us as well, Miller05. I read so much worry and anxiety in your post. If he is going to relapse, there's nothing you can do to stop it and there's no point in worrying about it now. It seems like you don't believe him and yet from what I read, he is really working a program.

In my NarAnon group, we call what you are doing "future-tripping" and believe me, I do it almost every day right now. Try to keep the focus on your recovery. Love him, acknowledge his achievements, and step off the worry train.
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Old 05-28-2013, 06:25 AM
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(((((Miller05)))))

No it is not that easy, but right now your AH is riding the "Pink Cloud" so to you it 'looks easy.'

When that 'pink cloud' starts to fade, and the 'mush' and 'fog' start to clear, he will, if he really wants to remain sober and clean, start to get into the 'nitty gritty' of what the program of AA is all about, and that is not easy. Those 12 steps are real ass kickers. I speak from personal experience in both AA and Alanon. A lot of deep searching within one's self is required to clean up the wreckage of our past.

So, stay in TODAY, enjoy this 'new' AH, continue to work on you. Only time will tell if he will remain sober and clean.

Relapse is part of addiction not recovery.

Keep posting here and let us know how you are doing as we do care very very much.

Love and hugs,
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Old 05-28-2013, 06:28 AM
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None of us can understand the internal struggle of another person......not even someone we're very close to.

i support his recovery....while i also focus on my own recovery which is my addiction to him and my codependency. my boundaries are firm...and we are taking it all one day at a time.
I think that's a huge positive factor. I do believe that an addict has a better chance of success when the people around them (most specifically codependents) are working a program as well. Not because they are doing something to help him with his recovery but because they aren't doing the things that inadvertently support his addiction. In addition, there is a common language spoken when you both attend your own meetings.

keep in mind that my husband has been through hell and back before he decided to get clean....
Spiritual awakening.......

he makes it seem like it was not that hard for him to quit coke...and i dont want to be fooled again. i read that it was one of the hardest to shake...and yet his drug tests keep coming up neg.
Accept it for what it is. The "waiting for the other shoe to drop" is a form of projecting into the future. Enjoy the serenity today.....one day at a time. You are better equipped today to handle anything that may (or may not) happen in the future.

My son carried his 4 month chip with him through six more years of horrible, devastating, progressive active addiction. I understood that he truly valued those four months clean and sober. That little chip gave me hope in some pretty dark times.

I'm so glad to hear that your husband is working his program.....six months is a huge accomplishment for him! It sounds like he's working his program and you are working yours. Enjoy. Be happy. Stay in today. Keep taking care of you.

And thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. My son graduates from his six month program tomorrow. I needed to write those words above to myself today.....because I understand how you are feeling. I'm feeling that way too (not the "easy" part but definitely the wondering about relapse issue......very Codie thinking on my part!). I'll work on staying in today too!

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 05-28-2013, 09:59 PM
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Hi Miller, Congratulations on 6 months !

It sounds to me like you both have put in a lot of work. It also sounds like your still working on it. He is active in outpatient groups support, and NA support groups. That is still a lot !

I do know what you mean about that feeling asking is it really over now, has change happened. Lots of people make the choice and stop. Your husband has been doing all that is recommended. Proper professional treatment, changing his life to make drug use incompatible, and now using a support system.

National Institute of Drug Abuse says that IF people get proper treatment then 40-60% NEVER relapse. Yes, that means 40 60% will at some point, but that is just part of the chronic condition of addiction. Its not failure just a sign more treatment is needed, or a renewed commitment.

Enjoy this time. Hopefully it will just continue to get better as you go. Keep building a healthy life for yourself, and as a couple.
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