Why do you think.....??
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Vale: I appreciate your words of wisdom and insight, gained by one (albeit a very intelligent one), who has walked alongside and seen the darkness of addiction.
Number one made me laugh, as that describes how at times I feel others see my family. Oh, the irony of it all! We poured our heart and soul into raising this kid in "such a way" as to never become one of those; said humbly, of course, as a mom of grown kids, having learned and realized that my family is not special and exempt from being touched by or becoming involved in destructive behaviors (wanting to be sure to add this disclaimer, so as not to give the impression that I still believe we are unique).
Darwinian, as in survival of the fittest? You make good points, and I agree that "this perennial rebirth of cruelty,ignorance,and arrogant stupidity.....is most disappointing."
The last two paragraphs - touching and comforting. Thanks for your thoughtful message.
Number one made me laugh, as that describes how at times I feel others see my family. Oh, the irony of it all! We poured our heart and soul into raising this kid in "such a way" as to never become one of those; said humbly, of course, as a mom of grown kids, having learned and realized that my family is not special and exempt from being touched by or becoming involved in destructive behaviors (wanting to be sure to add this disclaimer, so as not to give the impression that I still believe we are unique).
Darwinian, as in survival of the fittest? You make good points, and I agree that "this perennial rebirth of cruelty,ignorance,and arrogant stupidity.....is most disappointing."
The last two paragraphs - touching and comforting. Thanks for your thoughtful message.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Originally Posted by Anaya 
Vale: I appreciate your words of wisdom and insight, gained by one (albeit a very intelligent one), who has walked alongside and seen the darkness of addiction.
>>>>>you are welcome.the 'intelligent' part......could you email that to my wife?? In her mind that does not correlate to my forgetting to close the doggie door at night.....never ascribe to stupidity that which can be easily
explained by sloth?!?!?
Number one made me laugh, as that describes how at times I feel others see my family. Oh, the irony of it all! We poured our heart and soul into raising this kid in "such a way" as to never become one of those
>>>>>My experience in life suggests that those LEAST reliable in times of high
stress are the 'perfect' people who have not had the opportunities that high
stress events provide.They 'hide out' in their coddled places and possess neither the courage nor the resilience to prevail when they find themselves on the front lines (and trust me---it comes to EVERY life).
Darwinian, as in survival of the fittest? You make good points, and I agree that "this perennial rebirth of cruelty,ignorance,and arrogant stupidity.....is most disappointing."
>>>>>Actually,Darwin had more in mind the survival of the MOST ADAPTABLE.Something I find in abundance in the pages of SR.
The last two paragraphs - touching and comforting. Thanks for your thoughtful message.
>>>>>>You are very welcome.Thank YOU and your heartwarming posts
for showing me what an adaptable and persevering species I belong to.
.
>>>>>you are welcome.the 'intelligent' part......could you email that to my wife?? In her mind that does not correlate to my forgetting to close the doggie door at night.....never ascribe to stupidity that which can be easily
explained by sloth?!?!?
Number one made me laugh, as that describes how at times I feel others see my family. Oh, the irony of it all! We poured our heart and soul into raising this kid in "such a way" as to never become one of those
>>>>>My experience in life suggests that those LEAST reliable in times of high
stress are the 'perfect' people who have not had the opportunities that high
stress events provide.They 'hide out' in their coddled places and possess neither the courage nor the resilience to prevail when they find themselves on the front lines (and trust me---it comes to EVERY life).
Darwinian, as in survival of the fittest? You make good points, and I agree that "this perennial rebirth of cruelty,ignorance,and arrogant stupidity.....is most disappointing."
>>>>>Actually,Darwin had more in mind the survival of the MOST ADAPTABLE.Something I find in abundance in the pages of SR.
The last two paragraphs - touching and comforting. Thanks for your thoughtful message.
>>>>>>You are very welcome.Thank YOU and your heartwarming posts
for showing me what an adaptable and persevering species I belong to.
.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
Why do you think so many spend so much time here and then just leave without out ever returning to share their ESH?
Did they just move on and don't want to remember the painful times?
Is reading other people posts who are struggling to much to bare now?
I always wonder why. I am not judging them, I just hope someday many will return. I hope that I never stop learning from others and hope someday my ESH will be of value to someone else.
Did they just move on and don't want to remember the painful times?
Is reading other people posts who are struggling to much to bare now?
I always wonder why. I am not judging them, I just hope someday many will return. I hope that I never stop learning from others and hope someday my ESH will be of value to someone else.
I do not come here with "unclean hands" my self. I too have fought my battles with use/abuse of things(food, I am only 2/3 the person I once was 15 years ago, cocaine, had to stop once I became my best customer, and so on)
When I started reading & posting here I was dealing with a drinking issue. I found this place while looking for info on how to deal with the withdrawal symptoms, and how others dealt with and recovered from them along with how long the withdrawal lasted. I am forever in the debit of this forum for the help and insite it gave me. In my case, I saw that my drinking was starting to get out of hand. I was drinking more than i should, and using drink to drown out the problems in my life. I knew this was the wrong way to deal with my troubles and I need some help to change my behavior, and I did. I stopped drinking totally for a few weeks to give my self some time to clear my head, and deal with the my issues.
That said, and the reason that I stopped visiting here was the overall tone in the alcohol recovery forums. Each person is different, what works for me is not what works for you. I understand that many, if not most of the folks that post in the alcohol recovery area need to stop drinking forever. For me, I feel that is not the case. My problem was sitting alone at home drinking by my self. This was the one and only change I need to make. I never had any trouble when out with others at a bar or club. I think the difference is, in a social setting one has various cues has to how much you have had(empty bottles/glasses, seeing others lightly buzzed etc). While when at home sitting in a chair, one does not have the same cues to just how much you have had to drink. I found that on this site the "never drink again" mantra a bit to strict for me. I think all of us have had times when we "over do "something" be it food, work, drugs, or drink. We look back at the mistakes we have made, do our best to fix them and move on.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
I come and go depending upon what is going on in my own life. Since my loved ones are my brothers (instead of my significant other or my children), I think I probably check out because I can. They don't live with me and sometimes it feels good to just seperate myself from the harsh reality of it all. Also because I need to do so sometimes for my own sanity - to focus on other things and let it all go. Last year I got a position that involved a great deal of travel and I stopped spending copious amounts of time on the internet.
Usually when I come back I do share my ESH and whatever good news I have. It helps me tremendously to read of others ESH and I hope that sharing my own can help someone else, even just to give a bit of hope. I never forget SR even when I am away. I believe I will always be back.
Recently I read alot and don't post much but do try to say "Thanks" as a way of letting those posting know that someone is here, reading and caring about their struggles. If I don't reply it is because I don't know if I have anything to say that will help. I also respect that my own situation is not nearly as dire as many that have come here -the pain of having any loved one in addiction is severe but I'm not dealing with a husband, a child or even a parent.
And it's maybe somewhat like the gym - feels so very good to go but yet I go long periods without. When I return I always wonder what took me so long.
Usually when I come back I do share my ESH and whatever good news I have. It helps me tremendously to read of others ESH and I hope that sharing my own can help someone else, even just to give a bit of hope. I never forget SR even when I am away. I believe I will always be back.
Recently I read alot and don't post much but do try to say "Thanks" as a way of letting those posting know that someone is here, reading and caring about their struggles. If I don't reply it is because I don't know if I have anything to say that will help. I also respect that my own situation is not nearly as dire as many that have come here -the pain of having any loved one in addiction is severe but I'm not dealing with a husband, a child or even a parent.
And it's maybe somewhat like the gym - feels so very good to go but yet I go long periods without. When I return I always wonder what took me so long.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
I have been coming and going for several years. My lapse times usually are from a sense of not wanting to bore/burden others with the same old AS stories and my inability to totally let go which leads to embarrassment and feelings of "I can't help others. I can't even help myself". I think "enabler heal thyself". You've been at this long enough. But in true codie/mom form, there's always a new health issue, situation, etc. that entices me to continue my ways. Therefore, it makes me feel a little hypocritical to "help"
others to do what I don't do.
I read and reread the stickies for parents. It helps. I appreciate this forum so much. During better times, I occasionally can add a dash insight, but not often.
My son's health/addiction is horrible. When I think of all past actions, threats, etc., I am afraid. There it is. I am afraid. I am numb. I am unhealthy. I escape to a corner in my den after work and bury myself in a computer.
Anyway, that's why I have periods of lapse from the forum. But the good news is, I always come back! At least it's good for me.
others to do what I don't do.
I read and reread the stickies for parents. It helps. I appreciate this forum so much. During better times, I occasionally can add a dash insight, but not often.
My son's health/addiction is horrible. When I think of all past actions, threats, etc., I am afraid. There it is. I am afraid. I am numb. I am unhealthy. I escape to a corner in my den after work and bury myself in a computer.
Anyway, that's why I have periods of lapse from the forum. But the good news is, I always come back! At least it's good for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
I only joined in June 2012 but often consider that I don't reply to people's posts as often as the regular members do. I feel at times that I don't contribute enough to this forum. At the moment I am being completely selfish with my posts - all about me and my dramas - and not commenting reguarily enough to other members. I read everyone's posts - and of course all the replies to mine. I feel in awe and slightly intimidated by some members (English Garden; Vale; Anne; Lovemenot; Angie; Cynical One - to name a few) who reply often and with insightful, brilliant, wise, long replies. I feel at this stage I am not able to contribute as it would seem hypocritical as I have taken about 50 steps back recently.
Another thing that never fails to amaze me - is you darling regular posters seem to truly follow our lives - and truly care - and remember details of posts I might have written months ago - you are so dedicated and give so much back to all of us.
I seriously would not have managed this past year without you all here on SR.
I find I am a more vocal person - and sometimes just wish I could pick up the phone and speak to you all in person. The replies from you all to my recent posts about 'no contact' and 'Am I this weak' - are perfect. Brilliant. Non-judgemental and oh so kind. You all often have me in tears. I feel a deep connection to you all - yet live probably the other side of the world.
Do any of you wonder what the others all look like? Isn't it funny but I have a preconceived idea in my head of what you all look like. So when I read a post from a member - I actually have an image of that member in my head. Would be fascinating to know how accurate we would be....
Another thing that never fails to amaze me - is you darling regular posters seem to truly follow our lives - and truly care - and remember details of posts I might have written months ago - you are so dedicated and give so much back to all of us.
I seriously would not have managed this past year without you all here on SR.
I find I am a more vocal person - and sometimes just wish I could pick up the phone and speak to you all in person. The replies from you all to my recent posts about 'no contact' and 'Am I this weak' - are perfect. Brilliant. Non-judgemental and oh so kind. You all often have me in tears. I feel a deep connection to you all - yet live probably the other side of the world.
Do any of you wonder what the others all look like? Isn't it funny but I have a preconceived idea in my head of what you all look like. So when I read a post from a member - I actually have an image of that member in my head. Would be fascinating to know how accurate we would be....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Over here.
Posts: 369
i feel the same, lara. do the same. i've been reading your struggles faithfully. i also feel selfish but not at all qualified to advise anyone. i, too, feel i have taken 50 steps back. or at least i've been exhausting myself running in place.
i also picture other members and wonder what other people's pictures of me must look like. i wonder if we'd all be surprised. i wonder if i'd ever have the courage to show myself. i wonder then if suddenly i would learn that i've been exchanging stories with a "real-life" friend and never knew it. i think it's natural to form images of the lives of people we are reading about and talking with.
i hope you are doing okay, lara...and i hope you are taking care of yourself. i feel a kinship here that i can't explain and i see other posters talk about similar feelings so i know it's understood. so appreciative of this forum and so glad i stumbled upon it no matter how or why.
i also picture other members and wonder what other people's pictures of me must look like. i wonder if we'd all be surprised. i wonder if i'd ever have the courage to show myself. i wonder then if suddenly i would learn that i've been exchanging stories with a "real-life" friend and never knew it. i think it's natural to form images of the lives of people we are reading about and talking with.
i hope you are doing okay, lara...and i hope you are taking care of yourself. i feel a kinship here that i can't explain and i see other posters talk about similar feelings so i know it's understood. so appreciative of this forum and so glad i stumbled upon it no matter how or why.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I understand the hypocritical feeling very well. It so much easier to see other people's strengths and personal worth then to see our own so I try to support that. In some ways, I am encouraging myself by encouraging others.
For me, I am still, in many ways, in the same place I was when I joined in late March. I know I have learned a lot and sometimes feel stronger and have made some progress. Yet, other times, I feel like I am back at square one.
The one thing I do know is....there is another side over the bridge. I know I want to be on that side and I will not stop until I get there. I may make many mistakes or be a slow "traveler" getting there but I will get there!!!!!
When I first joined SR, I didn't even know that place existed so for that I am eternally thankful for those who keep the light shining bright and be patience as I often stumble my way on the path you have shown me.
For me, I am still, in many ways, in the same place I was when I joined in late March. I know I have learned a lot and sometimes feel stronger and have made some progress. Yet, other times, I feel like I am back at square one.
The one thing I do know is....there is another side over the bridge. I know I want to be on that side and I will not stop until I get there. I may make many mistakes or be a slow "traveler" getting there but I will get there!!!!!
When I first joined SR, I didn't even know that place existed so for that I am eternally thankful for those who keep the light shining bright and be patience as I often stumble my way on the path you have shown me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 311
Ditto- LMN. I give my ESH to help others in crisis but I can only do that if I am not in crisis. It's cyclical and may seem hypocritical. But I think on this forum it is not hypocritical. It is just human. And hopefully one day we will find some middle ground between our intentions and our actions. This is all I can do while I am trying to let go of guilt and shame. Those worthless feelings.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
black&blue,
You hit the nail on the head.It is NOT
hypocritical to fall short.Falling short is
the human condition.The only posts on
SR that raise my eyebrows are the ones
implying any of this is easy-----
You hit the nail on the head.It is NOT
hypocritical to fall short.Falling short is
the human condition.The only posts on
SR that raise my eyebrows are the ones
implying any of this is easy-----
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
Originally Posted by mstrust
i hope you are doing okay, lara...and i hope you are taking care of yourself. i feel a kinship here that i can't explain and i see other posters talk about similar feelings so i know it's understood. so appreciative of this forum and so glad i stumbled upon it no matter how or why.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
Originally Posted by jalapenolover
I left because my son died. it's been very painful but I hop on periodically to see how others are doing and I will post to a few here n there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
The one thing I do know is....there is another side over the bridge. I know I want to be on that side and I will not stop until I get there. I may make many mistakes or be a slow "traveler" getting there but I will get there!!!!!
Five years ago, I could never have imagined I would have had the strength to make it through the trials. I now have a sense of peace that I hang onto and pray will continue.
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