Why do you think.....??
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow 
"Some peeps were not sick to begin with. They came from perfectly normal, healthy families, had no baggage or dysfunction of their own."
Not to be cynical, but I am not certain if any family is perfectly normal and healthy. None that I have met anyway. "Some" hide it better then others, but it still exists. JMO
Not to be cynical, but I am not certain if any family is perfectly normal and healthy. None that I have met anyway. "Some" hide it better then others, but it still exists. JMO
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
((((faithlove)))) I also believe we are to live our life however we decide it is ours. You have inspired me sharing your journey your not letting me down and I do not think badly of you. I wish you the best.
I am also trying again with my hubby have had a couple of rough patches but overall things have been good this time I am taking one day at a time.
I am also trying again with my hubby have had a couple of rough patches but overall things have been good this time I am taking one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 140
I've had some large gaps between posting here, but I have kept in somewhat regular contact with a few people via pm. I just got too busy to post regularly and keep up with everyone on the board. At some times I've taken breaks from posting because I had nothing new to say about my situation and I also felt that I was in absolutely no position to offer any advice to anyone else. I often feel really useless as far as helping anyone else here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
I am not as frequent a poster as I am a reader. This site is my lifeline to the pain, joy, strength and love that exists in this community. I appreciate those who are very active in sharing their journey. I am like Anaya, not as good with verbalization BUT I learn from EVERY post that is here on our forum.
Thank you everyone for continuing to share your ESH.
Love
Teresa
Thank you everyone for continuing to share your ESH.
Love
Teresa
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Wow, I feel guilty reading the post from LMN. I don't come back very often because I am so busy with the baby now; however, that should not stop me from popping in at least once every couple of weeks.
Although I'm not here often, I will be forever grateful for all those friends that helped me through such bad times. For that reason alone, I should be like Ann, although she is one of a kind, and be here for others like her.
Sorry, I'll try to do better.
Hugs, Devastated
Although I'm not here often, I will be forever grateful for all those friends that helped me through such bad times. For that reason alone, I should be like Ann, although she is one of a kind, and be here for others like her.
Sorry, I'll try to do better.
Hugs, Devastated
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by devastated
Wow, I feel guilty reading the post from LMN. I don't come back very often because I am so busy with the baby now; however, that should not stop me from popping in at least once every couple of weeks.
Although I'm not here often, I will be forever grateful for all those friends that helped me through such bad times. For that reason alone, I should be like Ann, although she is one of a kind, and be here for others like her.
Sorry, I'll try to do better.
Hugs, Devastated
Although I'm not here often, I will be forever grateful for all those friends that helped me through such bad times. For that reason alone, I should be like Ann, although she is one of a kind, and be here for others like her.
Sorry, I'll try to do better.
Hugs, Devastated
Also, there are lots of us codies who have no idea how to get the warden on the phone, know how to plan a prison wedding, never mind - the thread count on prison sheets. Oh and poor Ann is getting exhausted holding her "light" up - for us to follow. She isn't a spring chicken anymore, ya know??
(Ducking for cover now,
)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Also, there are lots of us codies who have no idea how to get the warden on the phone, know how to plan a prison wedding, never mind - the thread count on prison sheets.
gentle hugs
ke
PS - I hope the thread count is at least 600......less would be inhumane, wouldn't it?
One of these days I'll tell my strange but true jail story.......but that's for another thread.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
Also, there are lots of us codies who have no idea how to get the warden on the phone, know how to plan a prison wedding, never mind - the thread count on prison sheets. Oh and poor Ann is getting exhausted holding her "light" up - for us to follow. She isn't a spring chicken anymore, ya know??
Yeah "raising hand" How do you get a message through the chaplin? I have thought about trying that lol.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Don't you worry, LMN, I took well. You know like, "get off your bum and visit us more often.
Yes, I guess you're right there must be a few people out there that haven't had the privilege of having the warden's number on their speed dial. LOL OMG, and if they ever want to plan a prison wedding we are the people to contact because we know how to throw a prison gala affair. LOL
My goodness not to forget about the mailman that had the nerve to ask me who I knew in San Quentin. He delievered my mail, and of course the return address was SQ, but I especially loved the huge rubber stamp across the face and back of the envelope that said 'SAN QUENTIN PRISON!" So much for the plain brown wrapping! That poor guy never was the same after I told him it was my son. Too bad he asked, "so what is he in for?" I just couldn't resist when I said, "oh, he killed a mailman!"
Shoot, how'd I know he had no sense of humour.
Incidentally, my son and his wife were just here. Brought some laundry too! OMG, when do they ever grow up!!! I didn't say anything, he washed it, but then left so I dried it and folded. It was mostly his t-shirts and underwear. When he saw how I folded he proceeded to give me a lesson in the "3-fold" system. You know you have to fold the boxers and the t-shirts in 3 folds, so as not to have a crease in the center of the shirt or shorts! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING! Where did this guy come from anyway? He must have been a king in his last life! LOL
Ok, anyway, got to be running now. I have some time because baby isn't in school for two weeks. I'll be back, promise.
Hugs, Devastated
Yes, I guess you're right there must be a few people out there that haven't had the privilege of having the warden's number on their speed dial. LOL OMG, and if they ever want to plan a prison wedding we are the people to contact because we know how to throw a prison gala affair. LOL
My goodness not to forget about the mailman that had the nerve to ask me who I knew in San Quentin. He delievered my mail, and of course the return address was SQ, but I especially loved the huge rubber stamp across the face and back of the envelope that said 'SAN QUENTIN PRISON!" So much for the plain brown wrapping! That poor guy never was the same after I told him it was my son. Too bad he asked, "so what is he in for?" I just couldn't resist when I said, "oh, he killed a mailman!"
Shoot, how'd I know he had no sense of humour.
Incidentally, my son and his wife were just here. Brought some laundry too! OMG, when do they ever grow up!!! I didn't say anything, he washed it, but then left so I dried it and folded. It was mostly his t-shirts and underwear. When he saw how I folded he proceeded to give me a lesson in the "3-fold" system. You know you have to fold the boxers and the t-shirts in 3 folds, so as not to have a crease in the center of the shirt or shorts! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING! Where did this guy come from anyway? He must have been a king in his last life! LOL
Ok, anyway, got to be running now. I have some time because baby isn't in school for two weeks. I'll be back, promise.
Hugs, Devastated
Try an explain that one to Mr Dev!! lol
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
"Some peeps were not sick to begin with. They came from perfectly normal, healthy families, had no baggage or dysfunction of their own."
Not to be cynical, but I am not certain if any family is perfectly normal and healthy. None that I have met anyway. "Some" hide it better then others, but it still exists. JMO
Not to be cynical, but I am not certain if any family is perfectly normal and healthy. None that I have met anyway. "Some" hide it better then others, but it still exists. JMO
Point of order.....SOME of us ARE perfect in every way!!!!!
In point of fact,I tested my hypothesis this morning shortly
after awakening.
I attended to my business,but before flushing I took the
liberty of an olfactory examination of pertinent effluents
(more vulgarly refered to as stool or sh**)
JUST AS I EXPECTED.......no stink at all!
(My sh** doesn't stink)
....I await your correction/retraction.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by Vale
================================================== ====
Point of order.....SOME of us ARE perfect in every way!!!!!
In point of fact,I tested my hypothesis this morning shortly
after awakening.
I attended to my business,but before flushing I took the
liberty of an olfactory examination of pertinent effluents
(more vulgarly refered to as stool or sh**)
JUST AS I EXPECTED.......no stink at all!
(My sh** doesn't stink)
....I await your correction/retraction.
Point of order.....SOME of us ARE perfect in every way!!!!!
In point of fact,I tested my hypothesis this morning shortly
after awakening.
I attended to my business,but before flushing I took the
liberty of an olfactory examination of pertinent effluents
(more vulgarly refered to as stool or sh**)
JUST AS I EXPECTED.......no stink at all!
(My sh** doesn't stink)
....I await your correction/retraction.
(psssttt - perhaps you should cut back on the fiber intake...just sayin!))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by devastated
My goodness not to forget about the mailman that had the nerve to ask me who I knew in San Quentin. He delievered my mail, and of course the return address was SQ, but I especially loved the huge rubber stamp across the face and back of the envelope that said 'SAN QUENTIN PRISON!" So much for the plain brown wrapping! That poor guy never was the same after I told him it was my son. Too bad he asked, "so what is he in for?" I just couldn't resist when I said, "oh, he killed a mailman!"
Shoot, how'd I know he had no sense of humour.
Shoot, how'd I know he had no sense of humour.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by Vale
================================================== ====
Point of order.....SOME of us ARE perfect in every way!!!!!
In point of fact,I tested my hypothesis this morning shortly
after awakening.
I attended to my business,but before flushing I took the
liberty of an olfactory examination of pertinent effluents
(more vulgarly refered to as stool or sh**)
JUST AS I EXPECTED.......no stink at all!
(My sh** doesn't stink)
....I await your correction/retraction.
Point of order.....SOME of us ARE perfect in every way!!!!!
In point of fact,I tested my hypothesis this morning shortly
after awakening.
I attended to my business,but before flushing I took the
liberty of an olfactory examination of pertinent effluents
(more vulgarly refered to as stool or sh**)
JUST AS I EXPECTED.......no stink at all!
(My sh** doesn't stink)
....I await your correction/retraction.
And I'm a couple of States away!
Sorry to burst your bubble, sweetie!
Aren't you just so special?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
When I read some of the new comer's posts I can read that they want to know WHY?? WHAT DO I DO TO FIX THEM?? PLEASE JUST GIVE ME THE SHORTCUT ANSWERS??
When I first started with my EXAH many years ago I was the same - just tell me what to do to fix him, tell me what to say that will make him stop using, tell me how to save him, for my sake, for my family's sake. I have young children for God's sake HELP ME!!
It really took me going through this again with my AS to slowly come to the realization that there are no answers. It takes many of us (me) a long time to understand how we are codependant and a long time (me) to understand how to stop being codependant.
Many (me) do not want to be told there is nothing we can do - we can not fix them. So they (me) post and when they (me) did not get the answer they wanted to hear move on to another forum. Being in denial they (me) do not realize that there is much knowledge, truth, and support in this forum.
It is one of the best I have found and that is the reason I stay. I thought I was over this phase of my life and when my AS relapsed and brought another spiteful addict into my life I was thrown back to square one. WHAT IN THE H*** DO I DO?????
This forum has taught me so much about detaching with love, how being a codie does not help, or I do not love him more or less when I stop being a codie. It is OK to have a life and looking out for ME is not selfish.
My heart goes out to the ones just starting on this journey BUT there is so much more help out there today than when I started my path, if they really want the help.
And I think some leave because, as was stated before, it is just too painful to stay. They want this part of their life to be in the past with as few reminders as possible.
At first I also felt I did not have much too offer, but I now know I do, I have studied addiction, been in therapy, listen to other's stories. There is always a common plot with different players. Always something we can learn from one another.
The one thing I have finally come to terms with is we have zero control over anyone's actions but our own.
I was on one forum many years ago and one long time member would post to the newbies, just face facts, you have a loser for a kid. LOL! I do not see them as losers, maybe more as lost souls, or maybe this is their path the HP has for them, and us, lessons to be learned. Who knows, I for one don't, it is out of my control that's why I try daily to not worry and turn it over to my HP.
(((huggs and blessings for us all)))
When I first started with my EXAH many years ago I was the same - just tell me what to do to fix him, tell me what to say that will make him stop using, tell me how to save him, for my sake, for my family's sake. I have young children for God's sake HELP ME!!
It really took me going through this again with my AS to slowly come to the realization that there are no answers. It takes many of us (me) a long time to understand how we are codependant and a long time (me) to understand how to stop being codependant.
Many (me) do not want to be told there is nothing we can do - we can not fix them. So they (me) post and when they (me) did not get the answer they wanted to hear move on to another forum. Being in denial they (me) do not realize that there is much knowledge, truth, and support in this forum.
It is one of the best I have found and that is the reason I stay. I thought I was over this phase of my life and when my AS relapsed and brought another spiteful addict into my life I was thrown back to square one. WHAT IN THE H*** DO I DO?????
This forum has taught me so much about detaching with love, how being a codie does not help, or I do not love him more or less when I stop being a codie. It is OK to have a life and looking out for ME is not selfish.
My heart goes out to the ones just starting on this journey BUT there is so much more help out there today than when I started my path, if they really want the help.
And I think some leave because, as was stated before, it is just too painful to stay. They want this part of their life to be in the past with as few reminders as possible.
At first I also felt I did not have much too offer, but I now know I do, I have studied addiction, been in therapy, listen to other's stories. There is always a common plot with different players. Always something we can learn from one another.
The one thing I have finally come to terms with is we have zero control over anyone's actions but our own.
I was on one forum many years ago and one long time member would post to the newbies, just face facts, you have a loser for a kid. LOL! I do not see them as losers, maybe more as lost souls, or maybe this is their path the HP has for them, and us, lessons to be learned. Who knows, I for one don't, it is out of my control that's why I try daily to not worry and turn it over to my HP.
(((huggs and blessings for us all)))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Vale - always enjoy your posts and your sense of humor. 
helpme33 - you make some good points. Also, as far as what you say in the quoted section below, turning over to my HP has helped me immensely. As far as buying into and defining my son as what some may consider a "loser" and writing him off as a menace to society, I usually try to not engage in that thinking and instead pray for him, as many others I know have done over the years. He has lots of help available if he chooses to go that path.
helpme33 - you make some good points. Also, as far as what you say in the quoted section below, turning over to my HP has helped me immensely. As far as buying into and defining my son as what some may consider a "loser" and writing him off as a menace to society, I usually try to not engage in that thinking and instead pray for him, as many others I know have done over the years. He has lots of help available if he chooses to go that path.
Originally Posted by helpme33
I was on one forum many years ago and one long time member would post to the newbies, just face facts, you have a loser for a kid. LOL! I do not see them as losers, maybe more as lost souls, or maybe this is their path the HP has for them, and us, lessons to be learned. Who knows, I for one don't, it is out of my control that's why I try daily to not worry and turn it over to my HP.
(((huggs and blessings for us all)))
(((huggs and blessings for us all)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Originally Posted by Anaya
Vale - always enjoy your posts and your sense of humor.
helpme33 - you make some good points. Also, as far as what you say in the quoted section below, turning over to my HP has helped me immensely. As far as buying into and defining my son as what some may consider a "loser" and writing him off as a menace to society, I usually try to not engage in that thinking and instead pray for him, as many others I know have done over the years. He has lots of help available if he chooses to go that path.
helpme33 - you make some good points. Also, as far as what you say in the quoted section below, turning over to my HP has helped me immensely. As far as buying into and defining my son as what some may consider a "loser" and writing him off as a menace to society, I usually try to not engage in that thinking and instead pray for him, as many others I know have done over the years. He has lots of help available if he chooses to go that path.
An inoperative line of diseased thinking inevitably raises it's head in any
open forum,generally in two distinct flavors or sub-genres...to whit:
1) Face it,your kid/spouse/BF/GF is a loser----hence by indirect
inference,YOU are a loser for having sired,married,become voluntarily
connected with said 'loser'.("Apple doesn't fall far...")
2) We need to 'cull the herd' or weed....(get rid of the 'losers' in a violent
and permanent way).Weak minded adherents to this philosophy find
special fondness for goose-stepping,as well as murdering-in-masse
those 'deemed' inferior.Pushed to the extreme,option 2 requires us to
fill the command seat of B-17's with children (21 yr olds) from Kansas,
as well as expend tens of millions of lives to snuff out this evil.
The only 'revenge' I ever wanted on the addict I crossed paths with was
to have those who attacked her so viciously ---- experience the wondrous
ease of "just saying no" to a deeply entrenched hard opiate addiction.I would
exempt only her children.To all the rest I would prescribe a long and wondrous
"honeymoon" of hard addicting opiates----followed by 'cold turkey'.
Then tell me how easy it is to get off it.Call them 'losers' as they rip the
veneer off the walls and try to sell it to strangers at the corner 7-11.
People talk a tough (Darwinian)game,especially when they are young.
Life has a way of separating the wheat from the chaff---and this perennial
rebirth of cruelty,ignorance,and arrogant stupidity.....is most disappointing.
All thinking people have a duty to fight it(or hold their heads in shame as
they shirk their duty).Trust me,99% of these "phony tough" would soil
themselves on first contact.....drop their weapon....and RUN.Empathy is a
high-order trait.One earned over thousands of years and at a cost of
hundreds of millions of lives.It is (in a word) our humanity.
We are a social species.Your son is not a "loser".Do not 'buy into' it.
He made a poor decision of the 'latch' category (easy to get in,hard to get out).
Society (or the salvation army)will light a path out of this nightmare
when he is ready.But woe be unto those who would 'deem' him irredeemable.Far be
it from me to read God's mind......but I would rather think that sort of thing
would be just the ticket to a world of vengeful hurt,bad karma,and the
wrath of a pissed off deity whose turf is best not infringed upon.
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