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Boyfriend in Rehab

Old 10-15-2012, 08:30 PM
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Question Boyfriend in Rehab

I have been reading posts on this forum for a year and a half now and figured its finally time to make my own post. My boyfriend of almost 2 years has been addicted to oxycotin and other opiates for 3 years or so. I found out about 6 months into our relationship and didnt really understand. I did a lot of research and realized how awful the stuff was and told him something has to change. For the rest of our relationship up til now it has been him trying to quit, failing, trying again, staying sober then failing, repeat, repeat. He finally was seeing a doctor that prescribed him suboxone and said he must stay on it for 2 months even though my bf wanted to taper down. while he was on suboxone his mom found it at his place and offered him rehab. like i said he had been trying to quit for a very long time and this was the perfect out so he was super excited about going!
hes now been there for 2 weeks and i miss him terribly but know that its exactly where he needs to be. he calls almost every day and i got to visit him yesterday, which was amazing. today was his first day of totally sobriety (after they tapered him off of the suboxone). What he is really struggling with (and I am myself) is the fact that he must stay sober for the rest of his life. by this i dont mean off of oxys or other opiates i mean the fact that he can never drink again. Since ive known him he's never been a big drinker, ive only ever seen him get drunk once in our 2 years together. My mom was an alcoholic (sober for 10 years now) so i understand alcoholism quite well as well and i just dont think he has ever struggled with it.. but maybe he has and was only not drinking because he was on drugs?
Im wondering if anyone else has had to deal with this problem? Maybe its for the best that he never drinks again cause he may associate it with the drugs but we were planning on going on vacation to hawaii or mexico when he got back as a relaxation trip for both of us and i just find it hard to comprehend that he cant ever have one drink. this may seem like a dumb question but is this how every addict must live their life?
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Old 10-15-2012, 08:48 PM
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Sometimes addiction will jump from one thing to another. For example, I've often heard of alcoholics replacing their alcohol abuse with gambling. It's a precautionary measure to make sure he doesn't start abusing alcohol or anything else.
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Old 10-16-2012, 04:03 AM
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Sweety, there is so much more to life than drinking and his very life may depend on him never having another drink. Alcohol is a drug and it will trigger the urge to go to his drug of choice.

Most recovering addicts I know, at one time thought they could have a couple of drinks...and they found out the hard way that this was not possible.

Most recovering alcoholics I know, at one time thought they could smoke a little pot...and they found out the hard way that this was not possible.

A life of sobriety can be a wonderful life, there are so many great things to do that have nothing to do with drinking, and you never have to worry about driving when you don't drink at all.

So the answer is no, he risks everything to have just one little drink. A drug is a drug is a drug, even if it wasn't the drug of choice the addictive behaviour and reaction is still there.

Good luck, I hope you can figure out how important this really is.

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Old 10-16-2012, 05:31 AM
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My husband's DOC is oxycodone but loves any type of opiate. He also drinks. He has almost been gone two weeks in rehab, I also told him that before he left that once he got home that meant he could never have another drink again. I don't know if he really gets that or not...I think this is how it has to be in order for him to live a sober life. It all ties in together...
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Old 10-16-2012, 06:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Ann View Post
Sweety, there is so much more to life than drinking and his very life may depend on him never having another drink. Alcohol is a drug and it will trigger the urge to go to his drug of choice.

Most recovering addicts I know, at one time thought they could have a couple of drinks...and they found out the hard way that this was not possible.

Most recovering alcoholics I know, at one time thought they could smoke a little pot...and they found out the hard way that this was not possible.

A life of sobriety can be a wonderful life, there are so many great things to do that have nothing to do with drinking, and you never have to worry about driving when you don't drink at all.

So the answer is no, he risks everything to have just one little drink. A drug is a drug is a drug, even if it wasn't the drug of choice the addictive behaviour and reaction is still there.

Good luck, I hope you can figure out how important this really is.

Hugs
Dear Courtenay: In November of 2009 my AS withdrew cold turkey from several years of opiate addiction. 4 days into being severely sick from withdrawals he was helped by a suboxone doctor. He stayed opiate free for the next YEAR and THREE MONTHS; on suboxone. He did 90 meetings in 90 days, got a GREAT sponsor, he excelled at his job (winning various employee awards) found a girl friend, worked out at a gym, started eating right, etc. etc. etc. The whole family was thrilled and thought we were "out-of-the-woods". Sometime in the summer of 2011, he decided that beer was "ok" as it was not his DOC.

Fast forward to 9/19/2012 - close to death on a ventilator in the ICU from a suicide attempt due to the chaos, degredation and hopelessness of being ensnared in the same addiction he once broke free of. The relapse began with the non-DOC = alcohol.

So no, alcohol is not ok for someone who cannot resist the euphoria that these substances promise & provide. It's a wonder that we are not all addicted, as powerful and pleasant as these things are. They are just so deadly.

Read the following story posted by Serenityqueen on this website. It is utterly chilling:

"Hello,

Have we met before? If not, let me tell you a little about myself. I donít share myself with just anyone. I pick only a chosen few who will appreciate me, and then, only if the timing is perfect. I have chosen you. For people like you are very special to me because it is your kind who are receptive to my many talents. Youíll be very anxious to know me better, and as soon as we touch, the physical attraction between us soars. Weíll continue our encounter, with me leading you down a path of pure physical ecstasy. Youíll feel no shame at having gone ďall the wayí on our first date. All youíll feel is exhilaration. And youíll beg for more.
At first, our attraction will be purely physical. But you must realize that this is a very important phase of our relationship. Be confident that it will grow into something much deeper. I am. As we get to know each other better, your interest will become emotional as well as physical. Youíll learn to come to me with your problems, for not only will I help you with them, but I will somehow take away their deep pain. Iíll give you the best I have and Iíll be patient. Iíll know, in time that you will give yourself totally to me.
When youíre with me, youíll feel warm and secure. I will ease your mind, soothe away your troubles, and fill your soul with pleasure for with me, youíll feel as if you can conquer the world, as if you have a special key to happiness. Youíll enjoy living again. Iíll be the answer to your unspoken prayers. Youíll soon wonder how you ever lived without me.
As our relationship grows, youíll start to exclude others from your life . . but thatís o.k. You know that I can give you all you need. Iíll be your lover, best friend and confidante. I will always be available when you need me. This I will prove to you time and time again, and youíll realize that you donít need others Ė when you have someone like me, all others seem inadequate.
So weíll see more and more of each other and decide that it is really impractical not to live together, so weíll make that move. Our life together will encompass many beautiful experiences. Weíll do it all together, swim in the ocean, picnic on the beach, fly kites and whenever you feel the urge, weíll make love. Our relationship will be devoid of fights and arguments. I give myself completely to you, knowing Iíll receive the same in return.
Youíll soon realize that youíve dedicated your life to me. It will happen before you know it. It sort of takes you by surprise, and youíll wonder if maybe you should spend some time alone, away from me. After all, people say everyone needs some time alone, even it theyíre in love. And face it; you are irresistibly in love with me. So you vow to take some time alone, even though you donít want to. Youíll start out to spend the day in solitary adventure, doing something youíve always wanted to do. After only a few hours, though, youíll find that youíre not really enjoying yourself and realize that you miss me more than you ever thought you could. Youíll feel a terrible empty voice without me and think about coming back home. It makes you a little angry that you didnít keep the promise to yourself, but you rationalize that you donít have to come home, rather you just want to. The whole way home you tell yourself that if you really wanted to spend the day alone, you could. You just didnít want to.
When you walk through that door, it will fill my heart with pleasure, for Iíd be hoping that you wouldnít spend the whole day away from me.
Youíll come running to me, and Iíll take you in my arms and hold you so tightly that it becomes a bit painful, but you wonít mind. Though you wonít see my face as I embrace you, Iíll have a very satisfied smile. For itís the moment I have been waiting for. Iíve got you where I want you. You now have no choice. You cannot live without me and Iíll love it!
It is precisely at this point that you cease to be my lover, and you become my victim. You see, my ultimate goal is to murder you, and I have begun to do just that. But my methods are slow. I can do it slowly because you wonít be able to leave me even though you know I am killing you. Thatís the joy of it, the beauty of it! You will make a choice to die, and youíll let me do it.
Do you recognize me yet? You should . . . for you see, this relationship has already taken place between you and I. We are intimately acquainted, and now, I am patiently waiting for you to come back to me. I will follow you and wait for you whenever you go. I can wait forever. You see, I am your drug of choice.

Author Unknown"
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Old 10-16-2012, 06:56 AM
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My AH's DOC is oxycontin.

My AH hates drinking! I've never seen him drink socially and he hates it when I do (too bad for him though.....I don't drink often....maybe twice a year). Anyway, apparently, my AH's drink of choice is Yagermeister (sp?). Yes, I've found bottles stashed in our deep freezer, in crevices in our storage room, under bags of mulch in our yard (someone must have put those there b/c they're not his......Right, they passed up the garbage cans on our curb to dispose of their empty bottles under our bags of mulch....), in my truck, etc. I hate that drink, btw.

I've also had the pleasure of accompanying my AH who admittedly likes opiates but truly does hate alcohol to the hospital because he was so drunk, we thought he overdosed on something else.

What I'm trying to say is that addicts are addicts for the rest of their lives. It is a constant battle for them. My AH probably thought he could "control" the alcohol b/c he despises it so much; he couldn't.

Why would you all want to chance his recovery, his life, for a cocktail? Are you all having trouble getting past the fact that he's basically being told "No" on something? Or do you think your BF is different and he can handle just one drink?

This is his decision but I think that if he's really serious about recovery, he'll move mountains to stay sober and won't let just one drink be a stumbling block for him.

Here's a cheesy saying that might apply- If you give the devil an inch, he'll be your ruler.

Good luck with everything and I hope you two have a fabulous vacation!
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Old 10-16-2012, 08:32 AM
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My husband"s DOC is opiates too. He is working on his "recovery" as well. He continues to struggle with being "told" he can not drink as drinking was never a problem for him either. He was not had a drink since May, says he chooses not to drink and wont, but he can if he chooses to. Like a teenager, he doesn't want to be told he CAN'T. (He goes out to play pool or watch football with his NA buddies and does not drink..for now).

I see big problems coming his way. He obviously has not really understood Step 1! But they are HIS problems and have nothing to with me! Some people just need to learn the hard way, I am one of those people and maybe he is too.
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